RODEO MAN

by Margaret Watson

  He was already far ahead of her. Gripping her heavy bag, she struggled to catch up to him before he could say anything to Cassie.

  * * *

  Chapter 10

  «^»

  Grady stepped out into the sunlight, squinting against the brightness of the summer day. Becca's truck stood empty, so her daughter was somewhere on the ranch.

  His daughter, too, he reminded himself. The surge of emotion that had propelled him out of the barn faded, replaced by the uncertainty, fear and confusion that had overwhelmed him for the past few days. Did he want to meet this child right now? Or should he just turn around and walk the other way?

  As he wavered, he heard joyous, high-pitched laughter coming from his left. Almost against his will, he walked slowly around the corner of the barn. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the child on the horse in the corral in front of him.

  He stared, fascinated, as Cassie clung to the reins of a paint pony as Tucker led the horse around the corral. He recognized the horse as Pete, a young gelding that Tucker had been training. And he remembered that Cassie had asked him about Pete when he'd seen her the other night.

  He heard rather than saw Becca come up beside him. For some reason he couldn't tear his gaze away from the child perched on the horse in the corral. But when Becca drew in a shocked breath, he turned to look at her.

  Her face was white and her eyes huge as she stared at her daughter on the horse. And Grady knew that in moments she was going to yell at Tucker to get Cassie off the horse.

  "What's the matter?" he asked to forestall her.

  "She's never been on a horse before," Becca answered, her gaze glued on her daughter. "I don't want her to get hurt."

  "Tucker won't let her get hurt. He taught all his own kids to ride when they were much younger than Cassie."

  "But…"

  Becca bit her lip, and he wondered why she was so upset. "What's the matter, Becca?" he asked. "Don't all kids around here learn how to ride a horse before they're Cassie's age?"

  "If they live on a ranch, they do." Her voice was sharp. "But we live in town, and we don't have anywhere to keep a horse."

  "Tucker's not giving her the horse," he answered, wondering why she was so agitated. "He's just letting her sit on him."

  Becca didn't reply, and Grady watched her stare at her daughter and Pete. He didn't understand her obvious unhappiness. "She loves it," he argued. "Can't you see how much she's enjoying it?"

  "I know." Becca's voice was almost too low to hear. "That's what I'm worried about."

  "What do you mean?"

  She didn't say anything for a long time, then she sighed. "All Cassie has ever wanted was a horse. And to be in the rodeo." She glanced over at him, then looked back toward her daughter. "We didn't have much money for a long time, so getting her a horse was out of the question. Now we could probably afford a horse, but I didn't want to encourage Cassie to think about the rodeo."

  He'd tried to shield his heart, but her comment still stung. "Afraid she'd turn out like her old man?" he asked, his voice sharp.

  Becca didn't look at him. "Yes," she said quietly. "That's exactly what I was afraid of. Cassie is so much like you that sometimes she scares me. She's just as single-minded, just as determined as you always were. I didn't want her focusing on a horse and the rodeo before she'd had a chance to try other things, to develop other interests."

  "I don't think I turned out to be a complete failure, even though I did focus on just one thing." His voice was tight to hide his pain.

  She turned to look at him then. "That's not what I meant at all, Grady. The boy I fell in love with wasn't a failure in anything. But you had blinders on when it came to your rodeo career. I think it made you miss a lot of wonderful other things in life. I don't want that to happen to Cassie."

  "Yeah, I did miss a lot. Like the first eight years of my daughter's life," he said bitterly. He watched Cassie reach out and pat Pete's neck, then sit up and grin again, and suddenly his heart ached for all he'd missed. "But you can't force children into a mold you want them to fit. You have to let them be their own person."

  She continued to watch him instead of her daughter, and he began to squirm inside at her knowing gaze. "Is that why you were so obsessed with the rodeo, Grady?" she said quietly. "Because your father was so insistent that you forget about it and work the ranch?"

  "That's ancient history," he snapped, turning his attention back to Cassie. "I joined the rodeo circuit because I was good at it."

  "And if Cassie turns out to be good at it, she'll have her chance, too. I just want her to know that she has other choices."

  "You're going to end up doing the same thing my father did to me." He stared at Cassie, not seeing her but seeing a much younger version of himself, clinging just as desperately to the back of a horse. "If you keep her from riding, it will become the one thing she has to do. It will become so important to her that she'll be willing to sacrifice everything to do it."

  He could almost feel Becca pale beside him. "I'm not like your father at all," she said, her voice low.

  "Of course you're not." He glanced down at her and saw the hurt in her eyes and immediately regretted his words. "I didn't mean that you were. But you're making a mistake if you try to prevent her from riding and keep her away from horses."

  "You've talked to her one time and now you're an expert on what's best for her?" she asked, her sharp tone unsuccessful at hiding the hurt beneath her words.

  "I don't know anything about my daughter," he answered, trying to keep the pain out of his own voice. "But I do know myself. It's one of the few things I'm an expert on. And I know how I reacted when my father tried to keep me away from the rodeo. Give her a chance to let horses be a part of her life, and they won't become the obsession of her life."

  Without waiting for an answer, he strode up to the corral fence and leaned against it, watching the child and the horse. She sat in the saddle with a natural ease, and already had picked up how to use the reins. For a moment pride filled him as he watched the child in front of him. Then his mouth tightened. She was his daughter, but he was a stranger to her. He was merely the owner of this ranch, someone she'd seen once in her mother's kitchen.

  And Becca was trying to erase all traces of him in his daughter. He hadn't thought he could feel more pain, but his heart proved him wrong. Becca didn't want Cassie to be interested in horses or the rodeo because that would make her too much like him. As he leaned against the fence and watched the child delight in the horse, something inside him rose up in rebellion. Before he realized what he was doing, he was across the fence and striding up to Tucker and Cassie.

  "Hi, boss." Tucker sounded nervous. "Cassie here wanted to see Pete, and I didn't think it would hurt anything for her to take a little ride on him."

  "It doesn't hurt a thing." He reached out and scratched the horse's nose as he took the lead rope from Tucker. "I've got a few minutes free, and I know you have a lot you wanted to get done today," he said. "Why don't you let me take over the lesson?"

  Tucker watched him for a moment, then a knowing look filled his face. "Sure, boss. You go right ahead." He winked at Grady. "Doesn't hurt if the little gal's mom sees how good you are with kids, right?" he whispered.

  "It's nothing like that," Grady said, too sharply.

  "If you say so." Tucker walked off, whistling, a huge grin on his face. Out of the corner of his eye, Grady could see that he'd stopped next to Becca to talk. He forced his gaze away as he turned to the child on the horse.

  "Tucker had some errands he had to do," Grady said to her, wondering how he was supposed to address her.

  Immediately disappointment filled her face. "That means I have to go, right?"

  He shook his head, moved by her willingness to get off the horse in spite of her obvious yearning to keep riding. "I told Tucker I'd take his place. That is, if you don't mind."

  She shook her head and sent her braids flying around her face. "I'd like it if you
taught me." She hesitated, then said shyly, "Is it true that you were a big rodeo star?"

  "Did your mom tell you that?"

  She shook her head again. "No, my friend Sally told me. She heard her mom and dad talking about you, and she knows I want to be in the rodeo, so she told me. Were you?"

  He hesitated, then decided he had to tell her the truth. "Yeah, I was a rodeo man."

  "What did you do?" Her voice was breathless.

  "I was a bull rider and a roper."

  "Did you win lots of medals?"

  "I won my share."

  "Could I see them sometime?" she begged.

  Grady stole a glance over at Becca. She stood talking with Tucker, but she was watching him and Cassie. "That depends on your mom. We probably need to ask her."

  "She'll say yes," Cassie answered with confidence. "How can you be sure?" In spite of himself, Grady was fascinated.

  "Cause she always tells me that if I want something, and it's not unreasonable and not bad for me, she'll try to get it for me."

  "What's unreasonable?" he couldn't stop himself from asking.

  Her eyes clouded. "A horse. We can't afford one, and even if we could we don't have a place to keep it." Becca and her daughter had clearly had that conversation more than once.

  "And what's bad for you?"

  She grinned at him, and her cheeks dimpled. Just like his, he realized with a pang. "Too much candy. Staying up late. And too much TV."

  "Maybe you're right," he said gravely. "Seeing my rodeo medals doesn't seem to fall into the category of unreasonable or bad for you. But we still have to ask your mom."

  "Okay." She squirmed in the saddle. "But we don't have to ask her now, do we?" She sounded worried.

  Suddenly Grady grinned at her, enjoying her enthusiasm, relishing her eagerness. "Naw, not right now. We're in the middle of a riding lesson. That's more important than a bunch of rodeo medals."

  Cassie grinned back at him, then sat up straighter in the saddle. "I want to go faster now. Can you show me how to go faster?"

  * * *

  Becca stood next to the fence and watched her daughter ride around the corral on the paint pony. Grady held the lead rope as he told Cassie what to do. He was amazingly patient, never once raising his voice or scolding Cassie when she did something wrong. But she rarely did anything wrong. Even Becca could see how quickly Cassie was learning.

  And how much she loved riding the horse.

  Becca didn't want to think about what Grady had said. Surely she hadn't been so mean-spirited that she'd forbidden Cassie riding lessons because it would remind her of Grady. She was merely trying to protect her daughter, not stop her from doing something she craved. She wanted Cassie to have a well-balanced life. She hadn't let Cassie learn to ride because they had been short on money for a long time. She'd had too many school loans to pay back to even think about luxuries such as a horse or riding lessons.

  But all her protests seemed weak and useless, and her heart knew the truth. The real reason she'd been reluctant to allow Cassie to learn how to ride had more to do with Grady than with anything else. And now she was ashamed of herself, ashamed that she'd forbidden her daughter this pleasure because it reminded her of Grady. She'd arrange for Cassie to take riding lessons as soon as possible.

  After what seemed like a very long time, Grady stepped closer to the horse and gently lifted Cassie out of the saddle. Becca thought his hands lingered for an extra moment on the child's waist as he deposited her on the ground, then he stepped quickly away from her. Becca couldn't hear what he said to Cassie, but the girl nodded her head, a grin splitting her face.

  As she scampered under the fence and back to her mother, Grady wrapped the horse's reins around the top rail and followed her more slowly. Cassie dashed up to her mother, breathless with excitement.

  "Did you see me riding Pete, Mom? Did you?"

  "I sure did. You looked like you were having fun." Becca smoothed a few wisps of hair away from her daughter's face.

  "The most fun ever," Cassie said fervently. "And Mr. Farrell said I can ride on Pete again the next time I come out here with you. When are you coming back? Can I come with you? Please?"

  Grady had reached them, and he stood a few steps behind Cassie as he listened to their conversation, his face impassive.

  "I think that's something I need to discuss with Mr. Farrell," Becca said gently to her daughter. "Why don't you hop into the truck, sweetheart?"

  Cassie turned to Grady. "Thank you very much, Mr. Farrell," she said earnestly. "Thank you for letting me ride Pete, and for giving me a lesson." Then she turned and ran to the truck.

  Becca didn't speak for a moment, and neither did Grady. Finally he said, "She has a gift, Becca. Don't forbid her to use it."

  "I know." She couldn't look at him. "I saw how she looked when she was riding that horse. I saw how well she did." She hesitated, then added in a low voice, "And I saw the joy on her face. I'll make sure she gets riding lessons."

  "Bring her out here. Tucker and I will teach her how to ride."

  Becca's gaze flew to Grady's face. "I couldn't take your time like that."

  His face flickered with an emotion she couldn't identify, then he looked away. "She's my daughter," he said, his voice flat "I wasn't allowed to give her anything for eight years. Let me give her this."

  "So you've made a decision? You intend to be a part of her life?"

  His gaze wandered to the truck, where Cassie sat staring at Pete in the corral. "I'm not sure if that would be a good thing," he finally said. "You're right to be cautious. Maybe I wouldn't be good for her. Maybe she's better off without knowing who I am. She's done fine without me for the last eight years."

  Her heart ached for him. "Grady. I don't think that's true at all. I think you would be a wonderful father."

  "Based on what?" His gaze skewered her. "My experiences with my own father? I learned a hell of a lot from him, but I'm not sure you'd want me to pass those lessons on to Cassie."

  "Based on the kind of person you are. Your father has nothing to do with it."

  "The hell he doesn't. I have no idea how to be a father, Becca. None at all. And I'm not sure I'm willing to take the chance on screwing up with Cassie." His face softened. "She seems like a great kid. You've done a good job with her."

  Becca's throat swelled at the words of praise. "Thank you, Grady. And thank you for offering to give her riding lessons." She hesitated. "I think Cassie would love that. And I guess it's a good way for the two of you to get to know each other."

  He nodded once. "Fine. We'll figure out a schedule."

  Becca watched him as his gaze lingered on the truck, feeling the distance that yawned between them. It was far more than the few feet that stood between them. Grady was still angry at her, and he had every right to be. Would he ever be able to put that anger aside? And even if he did, was the relationship they'd been slowly rebuilding now hopelessly smashed?

  She studied the red dust that swirled beneath her feet, unwilling let him see the regret she knew was reflected in her eyes. It was her own fault, she told herself, and she could blame no one but herself.

  "I'll be back this afternoon to take another look at the cow," she finally said, trying to sound businesslike.

  "Fine. I'll make sure someone keeps an eye on her during the day."

  Becca shifted the bag in her hand, knowing she should leave, and afraid to actually get in her truck and drive away. She didn't want this anger to lie between them, to define their relationship from now on. Her treacherous body reminded her of what Grady had tasted like, what he had felt like, and her pulse quickened as she watched him.

  "Are you going to compete in the Fourth of July rodeo in town next week?" she asked suddenly.

  He turned to look at her, his face hardening into an unreadable mask. "No. My rodeo days are a thing of the past."

  Beneath the hardness in his eyes was a glimpse of anguish. "I never asked why you stopped competing in the rodeo," she
asked in a soft voice.

  For a long time she didn't think he was going to answer her. Finally he looked away and said, "There was an accident. I had no choice."

  "I'm sorry, Grady. That must have been painful."

  At that he looked at her. "You have no idea what it was like." His eyes were chips of hard, glittering blue glass, and his face was absolutely expressionless.

  She held her breath while she considered her request. Then, in a rush, she said, "Would you like to go and watch with Cassie and I? The Fourth of July rodeo is really our annual town party. Just about everyone from town and the surrounding ranches takes the day off to be there."

  She could see his refusal on his face, could almost see him forming the words in his mind. Then his gaze wandered over to the truck and Cassie. Compressing his lips, he nodded once. "All right. I'll go with you."

  With one more glance at Cassie and the truck, he burned and walked away. Becca watched him leave, his long legs striding quickly over the dusty ground. He didn't look back, and she waited until he disappeared around the corner of the barn before she picked up her bag and moved to the truck.

  All the way back to town she listened to Cassie chatter about the riding lesson and Pete, the perfect horse. She had done the right thing, she realized, by telling Grady that he could give Cassie lessons. She had waited far too long to allow her daughter to do something she clearly loved.

  As she drove toward home, another question haunted her. By waiting so long to tell Grady about Cassie, had she destroyed any hope of mending the rift between them?

  * * *

  The morning of the rodeo dawned clear and hot. Cassie was out of bed hours earlier than usual. As Becca fixed her breakfast, she wondered if Grady was really going to go to the rodeo with them. She hadn't heard a word from Grady since the day they'd been at the ranch to take care of the cow with milk fever. When she'd returned later that afternoon to check the cow again, only Tucker was waiting for her. And she hadn't been called out to the Flying W since then.

  Her heart ached for the fragile, tenuous relationship that had started to build between her and Grady, now smashed and in too many pieces to be easily put back together. Humpty Dumpty had nothing on them, she thought sadly. If only she had told Grady about Cassie the first time she saw him out at the Flying W. If only Ron Perkins had told her whereto find Grady when she'd been pregnant with Cassie. If only she'd been able to find Grady herself. If only, if only…