Becca slid down the couch, moving closer to him and taking his hand. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, Grady."
He turned to look at her. "I want to tell you, Becca. No one else knows the whole story, but I want to tell you."
She intertwined their fingers and pressed her palm to his. For a moment he allowed himself to imagine that he could feel her concern seeping through their connected hands. When he looked at her eyes, he saw that their soft gray depths were full of pain. For him, he realized, and he looked away before he could say or do something stupid.
"It had been a good year for me," he began, remembering the accolades, the applause that had followed him around the circuit. "I was way ahead of my closest competitor in points for the bull-riding championship. I had the devil's own luck when it came to the draws for my rides. I always got the right bull, the one that would give me the best ride. Maybe I was getting arrogant, or careless."
The thought had haunted him for five years. Had he made a stupid mistake, one that had cost him his career? He didn't remember that he had, but he hadn't remembered a lot that had happened right around the accident. "I'd had a good ride, stayed on my eight seconds. But when I tried to jump off, my leg got caught in the rope that wrapped around the bull's belly." He turned to look at her. "I put that rope on the bull. To this day I don't remember whether I did something wrong or not. But my leg was caught, and by the time they got the bull under control, my leg was ruined. I spent a long time in the hospital, and longer trying to rehabilitate it, but finally I realized that I was through with the rodeo. I'd never be able to ride bulls again."
"Oh, Grady, I'm so sorry." Her voice was barely more than a whisper in the quiet room. Her hand trembled in his.
He pushed away the urge to turn to her, to accept her comfort, staring instead at the wall on the other side of the room. "I drifted for a long time after that. I'd spent enough time working my father's ranch that I had no trouble getting a job as a ranch hand. And there was never anything I wanted, so I managed to save a lot of money. But nothing could take the place of the rodeo. I was empty inside, and there was nothing I cared about. Then I got into the poker game with Sy, and the rest is history."
"You seem to be doing a good job with the Flying W." She squeezed his hand. "I think you'll be a wonderful rancher."
He stood up at that and shoved his hands into his pockets. But he couldn't shake the feeling of her hand clinging to his. "That's the whole point, Becca. I'm not sure that I will. Sure, it's fine now. I'm enjoying myself and I feel like I'm doing something useful. But will I be happy with this ranch three years down the line? I fell into this job, like I fell into all the others, but I don't know if it's what I want to do, or what I'm settling for."
"No one knows that about themselves when they start a job," she said. "All you can do is give it time."
"But time is something I don't have, is it?" he asked.
"What do you mean?"
"I have to make a decision about Cassie. Am I going to be a part of her life, or do you go on without me?"
"You don't have to own the Flying W ranch in order to be a father to her. All you have to do is give her part of yourself."
He sat back down beside her. "She doesn't need a drifter for a father. She needs someone who can provide a stable life for her, someone who'll be there when she needs him."
As Becca studied him, he could see the disappointment deep in her eyes. "She doesn't need someone who's perfect, Grady. All she needs is someone who'll love her."
"Tell me about her," he said abruptly. "How did you manage to go to school and take care of a child at the same time? What did you do?"
Becca looked at Grady and saw the need to know about his daughter in his eyes. She looked down at her hands, gripped together in her lap. He hadn't been able to make any kind of a commitment to them. He hadn't been able to promise that he would be there for Cassie. But he wanted to know about her, and she owed him that, at least. He had shared a part of himself that she was very sure he always kept hidden. And, she realized, she wanted to share this with him.
Taking a deep breath, she bit her lip and looked over at the massive stone fireplace. She wasn't sure where to begin. She didn't want to hurt Grady or make him feel guilty, but he had a right to know what had happened.
"I found out I was pregnant about a week after the last time we talked on the phone. I was scared to death. I was supposed to leave for college later that week, and suddenly my world was turned upside down."
Swallowing, she turned to look at him. "I called your father, Grady. I didn't tell him why I needed to know, but I asked him where you were. He had no idea. No one else on the ranch did, either. So I told my parents I was pregnant."
When she didn't say anything more, Grady took her hand. His touch was comforting, and she curled her fingers around his. "They weren't too pleased, I'm sure."
"That's an understatement." Thinking of their fight, the ugly things that had been said, could still make her cry. "They gave me an ultimatum. I would have to have an abortion or give the baby up for adoption if I wanted them to continue to pay for my schooling.
"I refused, of course. I went back to school anyway, and managed to patch together enough scholarships, loans and jobs to pay my way. I'd always wanted to be a vet, and knowing I would have a child to support made me even more determined. By the time Cassie was born in May, I had been accepted to veterinary school. The next year, I lived in a boardinghouse. The woman who owned the house took care of Cassie while I went to school, and I did chores around the house to pay for that and for our room."
She looked down at their joined hands, remembering all the evenings when she'd been too tired to do anything more than play with Cassie. And she remembered the despair of the nights, sleep eluding her, wondering if going to vet school had been the right path to take.
"When I got out of vet school, I had a mountain of debt, but I also had a way to support myself and Cassie. We came here to Cameron because Laura was moving back here. She was getting married, and she watched Cassie for me while I worked. It was a good arrangement for both of us. And now that her husband has left her, she needs the money even more."
"I knew I'd heard of Cameron before. Laura was a friend of yours from college, wasn't she?"
"We were roommates our freshman year. So yes, you probably heard me talking about her." She looked back up at him and shrugged. "End of story. After the first year, my partners asked me if I wanted to buy into the practice. I did, even though it'll take me longer to pay off my college debts. So now I never have to worry that I'll be without a job. Cassie and I both like Cameron. We're here to stay."
"What about your parents?"
"What about them?"
"Did you ever patch things up with them?"
"Eventually. My mother couldn't resist the fact that she had a granddaughter. So after a few years, they came to see me. We go back to see them in Trinity every once in a while. But our lives are here in Cameron."
"I'm sorry, Becca," he said, softly, and his voice warmed her. "It sounds as though you've had a rough time of it."
"The past is the past," she said firmly. "We're happy now, and that's what matters. I did what I had to do, and I'm glad that everything worked out."
"I thought I knew you," he murmured, "but I guess I didn't know you at all. I've been carrying around a picture of you in my head for the past nine years that now seems completely wrong. But I think I like the strong, competent Becca better than the child I remember."
His words filled her with pleasure. "I had to grow up, Grady. I had no choice. And I had to be strong, because there was no one to count on but myself. It's amazing what you can do when you're doing it for your child."
"I tried to forget you. I refused to think about you, but my mind wouldn't let me forget. I dreamed about you every night. And after I was hurt, I imagined you talking to me. That got me through the worst of the surgeries, and the rehabilitation."
Her heart cried for the pain s
he knew he had endured. "I wish I could have been there for you, Grady." She touched his face, and he covered her hand with his. He felt warm and vital and alive, and she longed to move closer to him.
"Sometimes I dreamed that you were there. You'd be standing at the end of my bed, telling me to get off my lazy butt. I always seemed to do better in physical therapy the day after those dreams."
She smiled at him, seeing the vulnerability in his eyes. "And sometimes, when Cassie was small, I'd dream that you would walk in the door and sweep both of us up in your arms. Everything would be all right then, because you were there."
"We've both grown up, Becca, but I still dream about you. In my arms, in my bed." His gaze locked on hers, and her breath hitched in her throat.
Her heart tripped and sped up, and she couldn't look away. "I dream about you, too, Grady." Her voice was so low it was almost a whisper. "I always have."
"Becca…" He leaned forward and brushed his mouth over hers. The contact was brief, a mere sweep of his lips over hers. But she tasted his need, his yearning for her, and she was lost. She could resist the charming Grady, she could resist the smooth, handsome Grady, but she had no defenses against his vulnerability. He'd kept it hidden too long, buried it beneath layers of charm and cockiness. But now it was there, in his eyes, as he leaned back and looked at her.
If she said no, she knew he'd stand back and watch her walk up the stairs to her own bed. Alone. But she didn't want to say no. She needed him, every bit as much as he needed her. Maybe they would never have a happy ending. She was willing to take that chance. Because on this evening when they'd revealed parts of themselves that they'd always kept hidden, she wanted him, too.
"Grady." She touched his cheek, letting her hand linger, allowing her fingers to remember the faint roughness of his beard and trace the cleft in his cheek.
He stood and watched her, his blue eyes dark and hot. "Go upstairs, Becca. Now."
Slowly she shook her head. "I'm not going anywhere tonight, Grady. I'm not running away again. I've done all the running I intend to do in my life. From now on, I'm going to go after what I want."
"And what do you want tonight?"
She swallowed once, hard, then stepped over the edge of the cliff. "I want you, Grady. You're all I've ever wanted."
He stared at her for a long moment, then pulled her into his arms. "I can't promise you anything," he warned.
"I know." Her heart contracted, but she didn't move away from him. She would just have to hope that everything would work out. This was what she had dreamed about for the past nine years, and yearned for since he'd come to Cameron. She had never stopped loving Grady, and she was finally willing to admit it. "I want you anyway."
Then his mouth was fused to hers, and there was no room for doubt, no room for regret. There was only Grady, and the desire that roared to life inside her.
She twined herself around him, and he threaded his fingers into her hair, holding her mouth against his. She tasted the desperate need burning away the edge of his control and felt herself respond to it. Her body quivered with desire, with the memory of the passion that had always flared between them with the slightest touch.
"I dreamed about your hair," he murmured against her mouth. "I dreamed of the way it used to wrap around us, holding us together. I used to wake up at night, hard and aching, the scent of your hair all around me."
"I cried when I had to cut it. I always thought of you when I brushed it."
He slid his fingers through her hair again, until he reached the back of her neck. When he brushed his hand along the sensitive skin there, she trembled in his arms.
"There won't be any interruptions tonight," he warned her. "If you want me to stop, tell me now."
"I don't want you to stop. I want to make love with you, Grady."
His hands tightened on her again, then without warning, he swept her up into his arms and moved toward the stairs. As they headed up into the darkness, she reached over and nibbled on his ear.
She felt the hitch in his breath as she gently sucked on his lobe. Then he walked into the bedroom next to hers and kicked the door shut behind them.
Grady eased her down onto the bed, then stood and watched her as he swiftly removed his clothes. His body was hard and muscled, but she frowned when she saw the scars that hadn't been there nine years earlier. A long, thin white line traveled down his ribs and around to his back. A smaller, circular scar stood out on his flat abdomen. And as he pulled his jeans down his legs, she saw the scars around his knee.
White lines, some thick, some thin, zigzagged around his left knee. Two of them trailed up his thigh, and one down onto his calf. When she looked up at him, horrified, she found him watching her with a grim expression on his face.
"Gruesome, aren't they?"
"They're awful, Grady." Bending down, she kissed the largest scar, letting her mouth linger on the ravaged knee. "I can't even begin to imagine how painful it must have been for you."
He shuddered as her mouth moved higher than his knee. "It doesn't hurt right now, believe me." He pulled off his briefs, then reached down to bring her up to him. His erection burned into her abdomen, even through her clothes.
When she reached up to unbutton her blouse, he gently pushed her hand away. "Let me," he breathed.
As he peeled away her blouse, he trailed kisses down over her collarbone to the edge of her lacy bra. When he reached between them to unhook her bra, she felt his hand trembling where it brushed against her.
Easing the bra down her arms, he tossed it onto the floor as he stared at her. "You're more beautiful than I remembered," he said, reaching out to cup her breasts in his hands.
She moaned and moved closer, and he brushed his thumbs over her nipples. When she gasped, he took her mouth again.
Suddenly neither of them could wait another moment He fumbled with the button on her jeans, and she tried to help him push the button through the hole. She needed to feel him inside her, to become one with Grady. The sound of the zipper echoed in the quiet room, and Grady shoved at the material of her jeans, pushing them to the floor. As she stepped out of the restrictive denim, they fell onto the bed together, clinging tightly to each other.
He slid his hand between her thighs, touching her gently, and she arched up to meet him. He bent over her, kissing her again, and she wrapped her arms around him, trying to pull him closer. As she savored the dark, male taste of him, she heard him fumbling in the drawer beside the bed. Then the sound of a foil packet being ripped open resonated through the quiet bedroom, and he paused for a moment before he kissed her again.
When he moved between her thighs, she rose eagerly to meet him. As their bodies joined, she wrapped her arms and legs around him and held on tightly. She thought she heard him breathe "Becca, love," then the world exploded into dizzying sensation.
She floated for a long time, holding on to Grady, letting herself revel in the sensation of his weight pressing her into the bed. Finally he nuzzled her ear and murmured, "I promise we'll do better next time."
It took a massive effort to open her eyes and look at him. "I thought we did pretty well just now."
"I didn't love you nearly as thoroughly as I intended. I plan to spend a lot of time getting to know you again."
"Mmm," she murmured as he slid to the side and gathered her against him. "I like the sound of that."
"In fact, I think I'm going to begin right away." He propped himself up on one elbow next to her, and she opened her eyes to find him smiling down at her. It was a smile she hadn't seen in his eyes for a long time, tender and completely open. It was the way she remembered Grady smiling, long ago, when they were alone.
"Can I play this game, too?"
"I hope you will." Leaning forward to kiss her, he let his hand drift down her side and over her hip. When he reached her thigh, she couldn't stop the tiny flinch.
She felt him tense, then deliberately draw away from her. "What's wrong?"
She shook her he
ad, trying to pull him closer again. "Nothing, really. My leg just hurts a little."
He moved so that he could see her thigh, and she closed her eyes. She knew what her thigh looked like. And it wasn't pretty.
"My God, Becca. Is this what happened today? Why didn't you tell me? Did I hurt you?"
She shifted over and fitted herself to him again, shielding her thigh from his view. "Did I act like you hurt me?"
But he wouldn't be distracted. "Why didn't you tell me to stop? My God, I was all over you like a rutting bull. I didn't even think about the fact that you were hurt."
"Neither did I, Grady." She took his face in her hands. "I didn't even notice until just now, so stop it. I'm not a delicate, shrinking violet that you have to worry about crushing. It's all right. I'm fine. And my leg will be back to normal in a couple of days."
"I'll be more careful," he promised, bending to kiss her again.
Desire bloomed in her again, stronger and more powerful than just moments ago, and she answered his kiss with one of her own. "I'd like to see you try," she told him.
* * *
Chapter 15
«^»
Sometime during the night, Becca forced herself to move away from Grady and climb out of his bed. He immediately rolled over and reached for her. "Becca?"
"I have to go back to my room," she whispered, bending over to kiss him one more time, not daring to linger. "Cassie might come looking for me."
At the mention of their daughter, she felt him stiffen. "I'd forgotten about her."
Becca couldn't stop the tiny spear of pain that lanced through her at his words. But then he rolled out of the other side of the bed and reached for his briefs. "I'm sorry, Becca. I shouldn't have rushed you up here, into my bed, without thinking about Cassie."
The pain dissipated, and warmth slowly spread through her. "It's okay, Grady. I did think about her. Cassie sleeps like the dead. She wasn't likely to wake up. But she does sometimes wander toward morning, and that's why I have to go."
She threw on her clothes and started to leave, but he came around the bed and took her into his arms once more. "I wish we could wake up together, but I understand." His kiss was tender and lingering, and when he finally lifted his head, she saw the desire rekindled in his eyes. "You'd better go now, or I won't be responsible for what happens."
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