"Good night, Grady."
He kissed her again. "I'm not going to tell you to sleep tight. I want you to think about me, sleeping here by myself." His mouth brushed hers once more, making her shiver. "I'm beginning to hope that it takes the sheriff a little time to catch your stalker."
She slipped out the door and paused to look into Cassie's room. Her daughter was sound asleep. It didn't look like she'd moved since she'd lain down in bed.
As she settled in her own bed, she thought about Grady's last words, and a chill swept away the memory of their passion. Rediscovering the magic they'd had together, intoxicated with her love for Grady, she'd forgotten the reason they were at the Flying W in the first place. Alone with Grady, with only the night and the darkness for company, it had been easy to pretend that there were no problems to solve, no barriers between them.
But their problems couldn't be ignored or forgotten. Rolling over on her side, she thought about the closeness she'd felt to Grady tonight, the sharing that had seemed to bind them together, even before they'd made love. But the shadows of their problems hovered over the memory, a dark presence that seemed to grow bigger as she watched.
Had they just created more problems by making love tonight? Had they made a huge mistake by allowing their bodies to promise what their hearts could not? Becca hoped not, but she was afraid they had made a terrible error in judgment.
* * *
After lying awake most of the night, Becca came downstairs late the next morning. Cassie was already in the kitchen, chattering to Mrs. Waters about what she wanted to do that day. When she heard her mother enter the room, Cassie turned around.
"Hi, Mom."
"Good morning, sweetheart. Did you have a good sleep?"
"Uh-huh. Mr. Farrell said we could have another riding lesson today. He's out checking on the cows. Someone came and told him there was a problem with some of the cows, but he said he'd be right back."
"Great," Becca managed to say. The housekeeper handed her a cup of coffee, and she said fervently, "Thank you, Mrs. Waters." The older woman headed up the stairs, and Becca took a gulp of the hot, strong brew and sat down at the table.
"I'm going to help Mr. Farrell with the horses again today. He said after we clean the stalls, we could exercise some of them. That means letting them out into a pasture. But Pete gets to stay in the barn, 'cause we need him for my lesson later."
Becca smiled at Cassie and put her arm around her, drawing her close. "I'm glad you're having a good time here at the Flying W, sweetheart, but we're going to have to go home soon."
Cassie's smile disappeared. "I don't want to go home. I want to stay here and help Mr. Farrell and have riding lessons.
"Even if we stayed here, Mr. Farrell couldn't spend all day with you. He has to take care of the ranch and make sure everything is working."
"I could help him. I could keep him company."
Becca gave her daughter another hug. "I'm sure he likes having you with him, but sometimes adults have to do a job and they can't have children with them. Sometimes the job is dangerous, or just hard, and they have to concentrate on what they're doing. But you can still have riding lessons, honey. I'll bring you out here regularly, and Mr. Farrell will teach you how to ride a horse. We've already decided that."
Cassie's lower lip quivered, and she said, "I don't want to go home. I want to stay here."
Before Becca could say anything, she dashed out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Becca watched her go, then turned around to see Grady watching from the back door.
"What was that all about?"
"I told her we were going to have to go home, and she wants to stay here."
Grady scowled and threw himself into a chair. "She's a smart kid. I don't want either of you going anywhere."
"I appreciate your hospitality, Grady, but we need to go home." She looked down at her hands in her lap and tried to keep color from flooding her face. "After last night we can't stay."
"I thought last night was pretty wonderful."
At that she looked up at him. His face had softened, and she saw the memory of passion in his eyes. "It was wonderful," she said softly. "And that's why we need to leave. As wonderful as it was, it didn't solve any of our problems."
A spark of anger lit his eyes. "It sure as hell solved a few of mine," he said.
She flushed. "That's not what I meant and you know it. I can't think when you kiss me or touch me. And I need to be able to think about what we're going to do."
"You always did think too much, Becca."
"And you didn't ever think enough," she snapped back at him. "You always acted on impulse."
"Last night was impulsive, but it felt pretty damn good."
The anger drained away from her, and she was merely tired. "Last night I wanted to make love to you. Last night I needed you. I still need you, but I have to be able to think about what we're going to do. I can't let lust control me."
"So you want to run away?"
"Can you think of another solution?"
"You can stick around and we'll work it out."
"How much talking will get done if I stay here, Grady? Both of us know exactly what will happen."
"Maybe that's not such a bad thing, Becca."
Before he could say anything else, Ron Perkins called in to him. "You coming, Grady?"
"Yeah, Ron, hold on. Get the cattle into the corral, and I'll be right there." He closed his eyes. "I forgot when I walked in and saw Cassie running up the stairs. You can't leave now. We have a problem here."
She remembered that Cassie had said something about Grady checking the cows, and fear trickled up her spine. "What's wrong?"
"A bunch of the cattle in the near pasture ran into the barbed-wire fence during the night. A few of them are cut up pretty badly."
"How did that happen?"
His face darkened. "They were herded into that fence. There were too many of them with injuries for it to be an accident. Every once in a while we have a cow that gets tangled up in the fence, but never fifteen or twenty at a time."
"Was it an animal?" she asked, wondering if a coyote or some other wild animal had gotten into the pasture.
"Only a two-legged one," he answered grimly. "There was some mud on one side of the fence because we'd been irrigating. He left behind a set of footprints."
Fear and shame swept over her. "Did someone do this because I'm staying here?"
"I'd say it was because of me, and my connection to you. Sy hates me, and having you stay at the ranch would be poison to him."
"There's another possibility," she said, watching him to gauge his reaction.
Anger flushed across his face. "Don't tell me Ron did this. I refuse to believe it."
"You don't know everything there is to know about Ron," she began.
"I know damn close to it. Ron and I have been friends for years."
"I know. He was such a good friend of yours that when I came looking for you nine years ago, he wouldn't tell me where to find you." The words burst out, and she made no effort to stop them. It was past time Grady was told the truth. "I was pregnant at the time, clearly pregnant. He thought I was a rodeo groupie and told me to get lost. I tried to tell him who I was, but he wouldn't listen."
Shock filled Grady's eyes. "What?" he whispered.
"He hates me, Grady. He's been afraid I would tell you what happened, and that you'd fire him. I think he's hoping to scare me away from Cameron before I tell you what happened. He knows that Cassie is your daughter, because he saw me when I was pregnant with her. And he's afraid you'll blame him for not telling you." She held her breath, waiting for his reaction.
"My God. He's known all along?"
"He probably didn't put it together until he saw me again here on the ranch. But I'm sure at that point he knew he'd made a huge mistake."
He sat in front of her, looking stunned. After a long time he slowly shook his head. "It still doesn't make sense, Becca. Why would Ron be afraid I would f
ire him for a mistake he made nine years ago?"
"Maybe he wasn't thinking logically. I've heard through the grapevine that he's a gambler. Maybe he has a lot of debt and can't afford to lose his job."
He shook his head. "I still don't think it was Ron. My money's on Sy, and I'm going to call the sheriff and tell him to keep an eye out for him."
"That's probably a good idea, but no one in Cameron has seen Sy since the rodeo. Why would he take a chance on coming back, and especially coming here to the ranch? He has to know there are a lot of people on the ranch who know him."
"He also knows the ranch. If anyone would know how to sneak on and off the property without being seen, it would be Sy."
"Maybe the person who injured your cattle didn't have to sneak onto the ranch. Maybe he was already here."
Grady stood abruptly. "I'm going to talk to Ron. I have to admit, what you've told me puts him in another light. But I still don't think it was him. Ron's too straightforward to be a stalker."
He ran his hand through his hair and glanced in the direction of the corral. "In the meantime do you have what you need to sew up a bunch of the cattle? Some of the cuts from the barbed wire are pretty nasty."
"I should have everything I need in the truck. Let me check, then I'll call the clinic and let them know what I'm doing."
Becca pushed away from the table, slipping into her professional mode. Whatever had happened last night between her and Grady, whatever she was going to do about it today, would have to wait. She had patients to care for, and that was all she could afford to think about right now.
* * *
As Grady held the rope on the head of the last steer and watched Becca suturing him up, he wiped the sweat out of his eyes with his forearm and wondered how she managed. He'd seen her wince more than a few times that morning as one steer after another had bumped her bruised thigh. The sun blazed down on them from a clear sky, its heat baking the earth and turning the ranch into an oven. She'd taken a couple of water breaks, but otherwise she worked steadily, without missing a beat.
She had to be tired. Hell, he was beat. Neither of them had slept more than a couple of hours last night. But she showed no signs of fatigue, working just as carefully and diligently on this final patient as she had on the first steer.
His admiration for her skyrocketed at the same time as his frustration with her stubbornness escalated. She still intended to leave today and move back into her own house.
Finally she stepped back and reached for the syringe full of antibiotic. Injecting it into the steer's rump, she watched as Ron led the animal into the barn, leaving her alone with Grady.
"I'll check on all of them later today." She picked up the instruments she'd used and dropped them into a pan of disinfectant, then straightened up. "Do you want me to take Cassie to Laura's? You probably have a lot of work to catch up on."
"No. I want her here with me, where I can keep an eye on her. The stalking is escalating, Becca. You realize that, don't you?"
She nodded wearily. "Yes, I know. And I would feel better if she was with you today. But you must have a lot to do. You can't spend the day with Cassie."
"I can be creative. She can ride with me in the truck." He shrugged. "We'll figure out a system."
"I'll probably be late getting back here tonight. I still have to see all of my appointments, and I'm getting a late start."
"Are your other clients going to be angry that you're late?"
She managed to smile at him. "They all know about emergencies. And they know that when the emergency is at their ranch, I'll take care of them while everyone else waits. No one will give me a hard time."
"Stay here tonight."
She hesitated. "I don't know, Grady. I think it would be better if we left."
"If you're running late, it could be dark before you get back to your house. I don't want you going home in the dark."
He could see that the idea didn't appeal to her, either. "I'll see what time I get back."
He stayed in the corral and watched as she stowed the dirty instruments in the back of the truck, then picked up the phone to call in to the clinic. After a few minutes, she got in the truck and drove off with a wave of her hand.
Battling the odd feeling of loneliness, he vaulted over the fence and headed up to the house. Mrs. Waters had promised to keep Cassie entertained while her mother sutured the cattle, and he was sure the girl would be ready to go. Imagining the greeting she would give him when he asked her if she wanted her riding lesson now, he walked a little faster, then ran up the steps and into the house.
* * *
For the second night in a row, Grady listened to the bedtime ritual between Cassie and Becca. He ached to be in the bedroom with them, wondered what went on between mother and daughter before bed, but stayed firmly in the chair in the living room. There were some things it was better not to know.
Again he waited for Becca to come out of Cassie's room, and wondered if she would come down the stairs. He bet that she would. Becca didn't lack courage. She wouldn't run off and hide in the bedroom. She would come down and confront him.
He found himself holding his breath, waiting to hear her footsteps on the stairs. When she did start down the stairs, he hurriedly picked up a piece of the newspaper that he'd tossed to the floor earlier.
"I'm glad you decided to stay," he said as she entered the room. He casually folded the paper and laid it on the floor, as if he'd been reading it the whole time she was upstairs. "I think you're safer here."
"We're going back home tomorrow." She watched him steadily. "Unless you can give me a reason to stay."
He pretended not to understand. "I think you have a very good reason to stay. I don't think you should be alone in your house until this guy is caught."
"That's not what I meant, Grady, and I think you know it." She sat down in a chair, facing him. "You've made quite an impression on Cassie."
"She's a good kid."
"She's a wonderful child. And she clearly adores you."
"I'm the source of the horses." He tried to make it into a joke.
"It's more than the horses, Grady. It's you she loves. Oh, the horses are a nice side benefit, but she told me all about your day today, all the things you did together. She didn't understand, but I could read between the lines. She wasn't out of your sight all day, was she?"
"It worked out fine." He shrugged. "I didn't go out of my way."
"I think you did," she said quietly. "And I know I promised not to push you, but you have to make a decision pretty soon. What's it going to be, Grady? Do you want to be a part of her life? Do you want to be a part of mine?"
"Why can't we let it go on this way for a while?" he asked, scrambling for an answer. The last thing he wanted was to lose Becca again, or Cassie. But he couldn't bring himself to say the words. "Give it some time."
"So you want an occasional roll in the hay? You want time with Cassie when it's convenient for you?"
He winced. "That's not what I said, Becca."
"That's what you're implying." He saw the ripple of muscles in her throat when she swallowed twice, then she looked away. "A few days ago I might even have agreed with that. That might have been enough. But it's not anymore."
When she looked back at him, he saw the moisture glazing her eyes. "I love you, Grady. And so does Cassie. Even though she doesn't know you're her father, she loves you. I can't settle for crumbs from you, and I won't let Cassie settle, either."
"Becca, don't you see that you're asking for more than I can give?"
"How do you know you can't give it?" she challenged. "Have you ever tried before?"
"What if I screwed up somehow? What if you got hurt, or Cassie did? I would never forgive myself."
"That's what life is all about. It's about making mistakes, about getting up and trying again. Nobody said it would be perfect. No one said that a relationship didn't have any bumps. You work them out as you come to them."
"I just need a litt
le time," he said, desperate to stop her from leaving.
"How much time, Grady?" she asked softly.
Slowly he shook his head. "I don't know. I don't know how long it'll take."
Becca shook her head. "That would be fine if we only had to think about the two of us. We could work things out as slowly as we wanted. But we have more to worry about than just you and I. Cassie needs to know the truth, and she needs to know what she can expect from you. She deserves more, and to tell you the truth, so do I."
She took a deep, trembling breath. "It has to be all-or-nothing, Grady. My heart won't settle for anything less."
"Are you going to tell Cassie the truth, then?" He held his breath as he waited for her answer.
"Do you want me to?"
Slowly he nodded. "Yeah, I want her to know."
"What else do you want me to tell her?"
That sounded a lot like a goodbye. "That she can come out here whenever she wants."
"Is that all?"
"What else do you want me to say, Becca?"
She rose from the chair. "Nothing, Grady. I guess there's nothing more to say." As she walked toward the stairs, she said, "We'll leave tomorrow morning. I don't want to wake Cassie up tonight."
He listened to the sound of her footsteps moving slowly up the stairs and wanted to call her back. He wanted to tell her that they would get married and live happily ever after. But he couldn't do it. Because he knew, for him, there would be no happily-ever-after. He'd never been happy in one place in his life, and he didn't know if he could be. And if he couldn't guarantee Becca and Cassie that he wouldn't hurt them, he would walk away from them and not look back.
But as he heard the door of her room closing, quietly and with a very final click, he wondered if he'd made a horrible mistake.
* * *
Becca looked around her kitchen the following evening and wondered when it had become such a lonely place to her. Had it been when she'd found the note three nights ago? Or had it been this evening, when she'd walked away from Grady and the ranch?
RODEO MAN Page 20
