by Linda Ford
Jenny blinked. “Pa?”
Chapter Twelve
Her pa? He’d come? Burke immediately straightened and stepped back from the fence, wondering if the man had seen how he leaned close to Jenny, wanting to breathe the scent of wild grasses and prairie wind she carried with her like she’d found a way to bottle them into a perfume. “What’s he doing here?”
“I can’t imagine. He must have left Ted in charge of the store.”
Ah, the elusive Ted. Perhaps he’d asked Mr. Archibald to check on Jenny. Only one way to find out. “You going to introduce us?” He headed toward the pair as Mr. Zach lifted down bags. More bags. He hated seeing them land on the veranda. It meant more upset, and even worse, facing the inevitable—a nanny so Jenny could leave.
It’s what he wanted. So he told himself time after time but Lucky’s words had built a sturdy home in his heart and would not be ignored. “She sings with the prairie.”
As if she was part of it. So long as a person didn’t fight the land, they might survive.
Not that any of this made a difference. They’d both chosen a path diverging from this point.
Jenny fell in at his side.
Her father saw them and jogged over to hug Jenny. “Daughter, you are looking well.” He examined her closely, no doubt to assure himself she was well in every way.
She hugged him back then turned to Burke. “Pa, this is Meggie’s guardian, Burke Edwards.”
Mr. Archibald shook his hand and gave him a hard, direct look.
Burke met the man’s gaze without flinching. He had nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of. But he guarded his heart lest the man guess at his true feelings for his daughter. “Welcome. Come in.”
Mr. Archibald waved toward the waiting woman. “Miss Morgan has agreed to come as your nanny. With your approval, of course.”
Burke instantly didn’t approve. The woman was older, which was good, but she looked as if life carried a dreadful odor. He couldn’t imagine letting someone with such a sour expression care for Meggie. How soon before his little niece developed the same attitude? “Let’s go inside and talk.” He held the door and ushered them in.
Paquette sat on her chair, her arms across her chest, glowering at them. She’d been most cheerful these past few days despite Jenny’s insistence she could not stay as Paquette wanted.
“Could we have tea?” he asked Paquette.
She only scowled deeper.
“I’ll make it,” Jenny said.
He wanted to refuse but Paquette in such a mood would not be reasoned with. He asked about the trip and listened to the comments while a whirlwind of protests filled his mind. He didn’t want another nanny.
“Mr. Edwards—” Jenny’s father addressed him.
“Please, call me Burke.”
“I hope you find Miss Morgan satisfactory because I have come to take my daughter home.”
Pain ripped through him. He pushed it away and nodded, his tongue as useless as a hunk of wood. Was this not what he wanted? Had wanted from the first time he set eyes on her? For her to go back to the safety and security of the east?
No. His heart cried. No. No. A thousand times no.
He could not look at Jenny. Could not let her see how he felt.
“I’m sure if you’ve checked her out, she’ll be more than satisfactory.” He directed his words to Jenny’s father.
Paquette began to mumble and sway.
The tension in the room grew. Burke suspected it was exactly what Paquette hoped would happen. Despite his resolve, he glanced at Jenny. His heart lurched at the hunger he saw. Then she glanced at Paquette, and when her gaze returned to him he saw only concern for Paquette and knew he’d been mistaken in thinking there had been anything more.
The kettle whistled, and she hurried to the stove to pour the water. She cut each of them a piece of cake she’d made earlier and served it on individual plates then poured tea, all the while ignoring Paquette’s dark looks.
Meg fussed in the other room.
“I’ll get her.”
Burke could practically feel her relief as she slipped away, leaving him to listen to a litany of Miss Morgan’s qualifications. He could certainly find no fault with her experience. But she lacked the joy of life Jenny revealed.
How would he ever get used to its absence?
Jenny scooped Meggie into her arms and held her close. Meggie, only half awake, didn’t mind and snuffled against her chest.
“Oh, Meggie, what am I going to do? I don’t want to leave you with a stranger.” She shuddered back a sob. “I don’t want to leave you at all.” Any more than she wanted to leave this place. Or the man who owned it. She wanted to be part of this great adventure of building a home and a future in this raw, new land.
Meggie squirmed.
“You’re ready to be up, aren’t you? Well, let’s go. We have company.” She returned to the kitchen. Meggie saw the strangers and ducked her head against Jenny’s shoulder. “This shy young lady is Meggie. Meggie, can you say hello to Miss Morgan and my father?”
Meggie turned her head enough to peak out at them. “’Lo.” She saw Burke and reached for him. She sat proudly on his lap and stole glances at the two strangers. She’d met Pa a few times but had obviously forgotten him.
Jenny hovered in the background, not wanting to sit at the table. Somehow sharing tea with Pa and the new nanny made the woman’s presence far too real.
And the reality of Jenny’s situation far too final.
Pa agreed Meggie should have a few days to get used to Miss Morgan. Some very uncharitable corner of Jenny’s mind hoped there would be a serious flaw in Miss Morgan’s character or references or even her presence, like perhaps a bad smell or an impossible accent that would make it unsuitable for her to stay. She laughed at an accent being a problem, seeing as Paquette’s speech was often a challenge to understand, especially when she was riled about something and since Miss Morgan’s arrival, she’d been plenty riled. Jenny acknowledged another uncharitable thought. It felt good to have Paquette defensive on her behalf.
But Miss Morgan was the epitome of an ideal nanny. She established a routine, spent time playing games with Meggie and taught her better table manners than most of the others at the ranch exhibited. Jenny hid her amusement at the way the men sat up straighter and used their utensils better when Miss Morgan joined them. Often she chose to feed Meggie before the men came in because it better suited her schedule. Once Paquette realized this, she made certain most of the meals were delayed until after Meggie and Miss Morgan had eaten.
But it must end soon. Pa could not be away long. Jenny had shown him some of her favorite places. He spent much time with Burke and the other men, had even gone away on a three-day trip to check on the cattle.
But she still had things she longed to show him. “Pa, would you like to go for a walk?”
“Love to, daughter.” He’d been working on an unfinished window frame. “Trying to make myself useful while I’m here.” He put his tools aside.
She glanced around. No longer did she notice all the things that needed completing—the rails on the veranda that Miss Morgan had commented on: “T’would be much safer for Meggie if they were put up.” But seeing the place through Pa’s eyes, she grew aware of its defects. “Burke lost interest when his marriage fell through.”
She’d told Pa in a letter about poor Flora.
“Where to this sunny afternoon?” He pulled his hat down more firmly against the wind.
“Let’s just walk.” She’d caught up on family news and events around Center City. She’d heard all about Ted’s wonderful forward-thinking suggestions for the store. Today she just wanted to enjoy the prairie. They walked two or three miles from the ranch. “This is such beautiful country, don’t you think?”
He smiled his gentle smile. “Seems a lonely place.”
“Pa, it’s teeming with life. Look.” She knelt to part a few blades of grass and revealed tiny white phlox. “You just have
to learn to look.”
Pa squatted beside her. “I guess you’ve learned where to look.”
She heard something in his voice, perhaps a suggestion of admiration, and turned to study his face. But he lifted his face to glance toward the horizon. “It’s a big land.”
The wind caught his hat and tossed it to the ground, bowling it along. Jenny laughed and chased after it. She caught it and handed it back.
“Windy, too,” Pa said.
“I know. Doesn’t it make you want to become a kite and sail in the wind?”
Pa chuckled and pulled her against his side. “I have to admit it doesn’t.”
She turned away to pretend interest in something in the distance. Of course Pa didn’t understand. He would think her enthusiasm for a place she must leave behind inappropriate. Another sign of her wayward wildness.
“Come, I have something else to show you.” She led him toward the corrals.
“Is it a surprise or can you tell me where you’re taking me?”
“I want to show you my special friend.”
“Oh.”
She knew without looking his eyebrows would have almost disappeared under his hat and she laughed. “It’s a horse. See.” She pointed toward Ebony’s pen. “You stay here until I make sure he’ll let you close. Everyone else thinks he’s wild.”
“Jenny, are you being foolhardy here?”
“No, Pa. I’m not. Ebony is my friend.” She stepped closer, murmuring to the horse who eyed Pa a moment, then decided he was harmless and trotted over to greet Jenny. She stroked his muzzle and scratched his ears. “I’m going to miss you, big guy. I hoped I’d be here long enough to persuade you to let the men ride you.”
Ebony snorted and Jenny realized Pa had moved closer.
“He’s a beauty, for sure. Is he broke?”
“Not yet. He won’t let anyone but me get close to him. Though he isn’t too nervous with you this close.” But as she spoke, Ebony snorted and raced away, bucking and acting like he meant to destroy every man-made object he could reach.
“I’m surprised Burke let you near him. He’s wild.”
She reluctantly turned from the horse to face Pa. “He didn’t know I was coming out here until it was too late to say anything.”
“Jenny, you’re bound to get yourself into trouble with your disregard for caution.”
“Pa, I know. I try and guard my thoughts and actions. But Ebony was an honest mistake. I had no idea he was so wild. He isn’t around me.”
“Sometimes horses have been mistreated by men and will let a woman handle them.”
“I suppose that might be the reason.” So many questions and doubts filled her mind. “Pa, why do I find submission so difficult? Sometimes I think God must have made a mistake when He created me. I should have been born a man so I could do something like build a ranch in this new land or…” She couldn’t finish. Didn’t even know what she wanted to say. Except the life she would return to seemed constricting. Rules were fine. She knew they served a good purpose. But she craved so much more than being a proper lady. She’d found it here on the ranch, in the midst of the raw prairie, but it would be denied her.
Pa gripped her shoulder. “Daughter, God makes no mistakes. He certainly didn’t make one when He created you. ‘You are fearfully and wonderfully made,’ as it says in Psalm one hundred and thirty-nine, verse fourteen.”
She waggled her head. She couldn’t argue with what God’s word said, yet so often it felt like she didn’t belong in her life.
“Jenny, you must learn to accept God’s will in your life. Once you do, you will find peace and contentment.”
“I know.” She would obey her parents, and thus obey God, only she didn’t find peace and contentment, she just found emptiness. “I know.” Peace would surely come once she was back home actually doing what she had promised.
Burke stood back, unnoticed as Jenny led her father toward Ebony’s pen. He’d tried to get near the critter. He’d seen the men at various times venture close. But only Jenny had been able to gentle the gelding.
Lucky sidled up to him. “If she can tame Ebony, is there any doubt she could tame the land or at least become a part of it?”
“Sing with it, you mean?”
“Something like that.”
“I don’t know. And it doesn’t matter. Her pa has plans for her.”
“The man seems reasonable enough. Might be willing to change those plans if he saw something better for her.” Lucky sauntered away, leaving Burke struggling with his dreams—dreams he’d buried when Flora ended up in the asylum, but dreams that hadn’t died. They’d been part of his plans from the beginning—a family to carry on what he carved out of this land, a woman to share the journey.
Would they ever die?
Did they need to?
He turned into the interior of the barn and perched on the edge of the empty manger. Did God care about what he wanted? Did He take any interest in helping a man find his dream? Win the heart of a woman?
He shook his head. Seemed like such a petty thing to bother God with. After all, He must be busy with more important things like running the universe and helping seriously ill people.
He had no doubt God had a hand in helping him find Paquette. Several times since then he’d made little requests, almost fearfully. God had not sent angels or done anything spectacular, but always Burke had found the answer after he prayed. Was it coincidence? Or the result of asking?
Jenny fully believed God was concerned with the details of a person’s life. He half believed it. Wanted to believe it fully.
But if he did, what would stop him from asking God to allow Jenny to decide to stay? His heart tightened as if squeezed by a miserly fist. Mama cat rubbed against him and he stroked her mindlessly.
He couldn’t ask because he feared the answer. Acknowledging love carried an inherent risk. Always there was a danger of losing the loved one. Not necessarily the same way Flora had been lost. But he’d lost his parents. He’d lost Lena. Life carried a risk.
Yes, life carried a risk. And he didn’t intend to avoid life because of that. In fact, he welcomed the challenges and risks. It made life worth living.
Why should love be any different? Certainly it was worth whatever risks it came with.
He loved Jenny. With a love as high as the Dakota sky, as wide as the Dakota horizon and as deep as the soil beneath his feet. He had never loved anyone more. Certainly the emotion he felt for Flora was more convenience than this passion wrapping about his heart and binding it with bands of steel.
But what was he to do about it?
Lucky said he thought Mr. Archibald seemed a reasonable man. But would he consider a request from Burke for Jenny’s hand a reasonable thing?
His heart overflowing with hope and love, he bowed his head. “Lord God, You are so big, so powerful that it boggles my mind that You would bother with my little problems.”
Mama cat meowed and pushed against him, perhaps thinking Burke talked to her. He gently nudged her aside.
“But it seems You’re big enough, powerful enough to have time for each of us. So I come to You with one request. Help me find favor with Jenny’s pa. Help him see that she belongs out here with me.”
That evening after everyone had gone to bed, Jenny pulled out her Bible and looked up the verse Pa had quoted. She read the Psalm. The last two verses seemed to grab her by the chin and pull her attention to them.
“Search me, O God; and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
The words went round and round in her head until they settled down solidly, forcing her to acknowledge them.
Her love of the prairie did not come from wickedness in her heart. Nor did her love for Burke. Perhaps, if God had made no mistakes in creating her with a heart that sought adventure and new things, He had done so for the express purpose of preparing her to share in such a life as this.
&n
bsp; But would Burke withdraw the interest he could not hide if he knew the whole truth about her?
She must find out. She would tell Burke everything, then if he didn’t turn away in disgust, she would tell Pa she couldn’t honestly marry Ted with her heart yearning after Burke.
She prayed a long time before she fell asleep, asking for guidance and direction in her plan.
Chapter Thirteen
Jenny’s heart beat erratically throughout breakfast the next morning as she considered her plan. She’d never confessed the results of her foolhardiness to anyone. Ma and Pa knew, of course. But not even her sisters knew the events of that dreadful day.
She silently prayed throughout the meal and afterwards as she helped clean the kitchen. Lord, give me strength to be honest.
Pa returned to fixing things around the house. Miss Morgan sat at the table playing with Meggie. Paquette disappeared to her room. Jenny had no excuse for delay. Didn’t want one. She wanted to get it over with and live with the consequences. If Burke turned away in disgust…
During the long night of soul searching she had come to several conclusions. Although certain of her decisions, she did not anticipate her parents’ reactions and she grabbed at her stomach as if she could stop the feeling that her entire insides dropped out the bottom. If Burke rejected her after her story, she would have no choice but to return with Pa. Though she would not marry Ted. She would tell Pa she’d sooner be a spinster than marry out of duty. Surely Pa would understand.
Her hope was a fervent plea. Pa would expect her to obey. But she could not. Her heart would never belong to Ted.
“I’m stepping out for a few minutes,” she informed Miss Morgan.
“Me come.” Meggie started to scramble from the bench.
Miss Morgan caught her but before she could say anything, Jenny bent over and touched Meggie’s chin. “Not this time, sweetie. You stay here and play.” This was not a time for little girls to be present.
