Kara and I shopped for hours, trying to find the perfect dress for her. What we found was the most amazing dress for me. It worked out because the one I had purchased prior would look so much better on her anyway. Win, win.
We ended up in a quaint little Mexican restaurant outside of the boutique.
"You’re lucky I like your taste. I still can't believe you forgot to bring it up before today."
"My mind has been so busy with everything else lately. It’s not like I don't have an excuse, come on. My life sounds like a bad 80's movie. Psycho ex trashes my cars check, sleep with best friend and lose him forever check..."
"Boohoo, woe is me. Sorry, but like I said earlier, knock it off. Your excuse is spent. I don't want to hear about how sorry you feel for yourself. Who dated the psycho? Oh, that's right, you did. And Ryan, we already know that I told you ahead of time to be careful. Who chose to act like a fucking idiot? Yep, you again. I love you Kate, I really do, but you need to figure this out because you’re losing yourself. You're no fun, making it impossible for anyone else to have fun around you."
My jaw dropped open. She has never been one to hold her thoughts in but I don't remember her ever being blunt to the point that it’s hurtful.
"Point taken, can we eat and drop this? I'm starving and it’s getting late."
She leaned forward on to the table and said, "Do you have a date for tomorrow?"
"No! Why would you ask that?"
"Why? Who the hell are you and what did you do with my best friend? You're beautiful Kate. You could have anybody you want and you never would attend anything that had to do with the country club without a man on your arm. Those women are sharks waiting for the kill, you know this."
"I also know that I'm ready to change all of that. I don't need a man to make me seem less vulnerable. I am attending a celebration of my parents love, not a Christmas ball. Those women can kiss my ass. If they want to gossip about me being single, so be it."
I must have shocked her silent. That in itself is a miracle.
We ordered our food along with a margarita for each of us. Conversation went back to a normal state. I told her about a fundraiser I was wrapping up and she filled me in on some client that wanted chains mounted on the walls.
"Chains, are you serious?"
"A cross about seven feet tall and six feet wide made from bamboo, with iron chains and cuffs attached. Does that sound like something I could make up?"
"Oh my God, that's insane. Are you going to do it?"
"Hell yeah I'm doing it. This dude may be messed up, but he's got money to spend.
I kept it P.G. for you anyway. You don't want to know what he really wants in that room."
"How old is this guy?"
"Early thirties."
"Damn, please make sure I don't date him. The last thing I need is to fall into that kind of thing."
"He's not married so the possibility is there for you. Hell, I think it might do you some good. It would force you to open up, that's for sure."
"I'm all for experiencing new things, but I draw the line there, or somewhere around there. I kind of like the hair pulling, though."
We laughed knowing both of us were more into that then we wanted to discuss in public.
After we ate, we went our separate ways for the night. I was getting more and more tired of going home to be alone when I knew she had Chad to hold her all night. Something about that night with Ryan always came to mind when I thought about being alone. Kara was right though; I made my decision, now I had to live with it and move on.
CHAPTER 6
It was the morning of my parent’s anniversary party and I was dreading every second of it. I pulled myself out of bed and forced a well needed shower. Once I was clean, I started to pull out all of the things I was going to need to get ready.
The dress we found last night was to die for. It was a red sequined cocktail dress that hugged all of my curves without looking inappropriate. Black stiletto pumps were paired to match and to finish it off. I curled my hair in loose waves and pinned it up. I didn't go over the top with my make-up, but I knew I needed to be striking. Ryan was going to be there and for some strange reason, I wanted to blow him away. It was wrong and I knew it. I was the one that didn't want to pursue something between us and now I want him to find me sexy? “There is definitely something wrong with me” was my last thought as I glanced in the mirror one last time before walking out the door.
The club was packed with cars. Valet always makes it easier but I was still in shock. I walked in to find Kara's parents in the center of the chaos. None of my friends or even my own brother was there yet, so I went to the bar for a drink and then headed over to Sally and Jonathan, also known as Kara's mom and dad. Sally has had more plastic surgery than the best surgeon in the county's own wife I'm sure. She squeezed herself into a size seven when rightfully she should be wearing nothing smaller than a thirteen. When Kara and I were growing up, she would always be so embarrassed by her mother's need for the spotlight. Now with Chad, the two just secretly crack jokes about it.
"Don't you just look stunning, dear? My goodness, you steal the eye of every man, taken or not. What I would do to have that appeal." She followed her comment by kissing me on the cheek.
"Sally, you haven't aged in twenty years. Don't you worry; you still catch an eye or two."
"Oh dear, you have always been too kind. Kate, why is it that you don't have a man on your arm?"
Here it goes. I knew it would be like this, but I still hated the need to defend myself.
"A woman like myself never needs a man. I will only allow the finest on my arm, and I haven't found one good enough lately."
“That ought to shut her up” I thought confidently. Just as I turned to walk away, I notice Ryan and his date standing right behind me, “Shit”! My posture went to a poised stature. I was not going down here. I opened my mouth and inserted my foot yet once again, but I would not fall on my face in front of whatever her name is. I turned to face them head on with a smile that could melt any heart.
"Hello," I reached out my hand for her to take. She willingly placed her palm in mine and said "Hi." Really? Hi, like we are twelve? I looked her up and down for a flaw but couldn't find one. She was perfect; standing probably close to five foot nine, a size four, with chestnut hair that flowed in heavy waves down her back. She even had the new Jimmy Choo's that hadn't been released yet. I know this because I have been waiting for them for weeks.
"Hello, Kate." My head snapped from her to the gorgeous man before me. Why had he looked so different before now? I always knew he was smoking hot, but now he defined beauty for a man. Not to mention at least he greeted me properly. See, I knew I would be able to find at least one flaw in the girl.
I leaned forward to hug him, but he rocked back on his feet, giving me an obvious enough hint that it wasn't welcome. That small move was like a bat to the face for me. What had I done? I looked up into his eyes and saw nothing but pain. I took that second to excuse myself and planned to go hide in the ladies room but that didn't happen. Kara, Chad and Chris walked in and saw me before I could escape.
"Hello guys. Thanks for coming."
Kara grabbed me in a hug and held me tight. When she let me go she asked, "I need your help with this dress. Can you come to the bathroom with me?"
I looked over to the guys, smiled and told them to go ahead and grab a drink. She and I walked in, but as soon as the door closed she locked it.
"Are you okay?"
"Sure why?"
"Oh Kate, you looked like you were barely hanging on by a string out there. What happened?"
I walked over to the sink and forced myself to look in the mirror.
"Nothing I didn't already know would happen." I turned to look at my very best friend in the world. "Your mother happened first. She hit me with the man on my arm question. I really thought I could shut her up by saying that I wouldn't settle and there hadn't been anyone worth claiming lately."
<
br /> "Good one!"
"Not so good when I turned around to find Ryan behind me."
"No! Oh shit. You really can't catch a break can you? I'm so sorry girl. I love you so much and I know it hurts, but you have to let that go. He has. He's moved on. He's..."
"He's what Kara, because the look in his eye showed me pain. That I caused! So he's not past it, over it, whatever you want to call this. It just happened a few weeks ago, it’s not over."
She stood there taking in all that I was saying.
"Do you care about him?"
"Of course I do."
"Do you want to be with him?"
"I don't think I could. What if I messed it up and lost him?"
"You already have. Can't you see that? Unless you are ready to pour your heart out and beg him to give you another chance, leave it. He has the right to move on from this and so do you. Let it go."
"I'm trying. Do you not remember what happened hours before what happened, happened? I trusted Jarrett. My choices suck lately. When it comes to Ryan, uh! I really am trying, but seeing him is so hard. Everything from that night just comes right back to me."
She walked over to me and hugged me one last time, before turning and walking to the door. Before she opened it she turned back once more and said, "Jarrett is fucking crazy. They aren't all like him. You have a decision to make. Don't make this worse for all of us either. It’s hard enough now." And then she was gone, leaving me to figure out how to let my uncertainty go, because I can't ruin everything.
It was a couple more minutes before I left the bathroom. I walked around, thanking everyone for coming and then I saw them, my wonderful parents had arrived and I missed it. My mom was dressed to perfection in a bronze metallic overlay knee length cocktail dress with perfectly matching colored shoes. Her Italian background made the color of the dress bring out the olive in her skin tone. A lot of people say we look alike. I could only hope to be as beautiful as my mother when I'm her age. My dad was wearing a black suit but this was typical work attire for him. Still, he was striking to say the least.
"Happy anniversary, you two!"
I ran into my dad's awaiting arms and then turned to my mother and pulled her into a hug. I love my parents more than anything. They truly are the perfect example of love everlasting.
"Kate, you look so beautiful. Great dress, when did you get this?"
"Kara and I were shopping yesterday and I saw it."
"Great choice. Speaking of Kara, where is my other daughter? She better have that handsome boy Chris with her."
"Mom, Chad is her husband and you know that."
"Yes I do, and I love Chad but Chris is my buddy, I just adore that boy."
"You need help, Mom."
"Sorry dear, but I'm not the one dealing with jealousy. You seem to need the help way more than me."
My dad leaned over, breaking the need to respond, and said, "Ladies what am I missing? Where is my son and why are all of your friends standing at the bar staring over at us instead of joining?"
I avoided my mother's stare and responded to my dad instead. "You got me. Ash hasn't bothered to show up yet and I have no explanation for their behavior."
"Well then, let’s fix what we can."
My dad is fantastic and all of my friends know it. Within seconds he was in the mix talking and laughing, making all of the uncomfortableness vanish into thin air. Well, that is until what's her name spoke up.
"I wanted to tell you how happy I am to hear you have managed to stay married so long. It seems nowadays it's unheard of."
My mother is more intuitive than anyone I have ever met. It’s as if she knew there was a certain person creating all of the drama. Too bad she wasn't clever enough to realize it was me.
"Sweetheart, we didn't manage to stay together, we love each other. Love isn't something that can be turned off or even ignored. It doesn't go away because things are complicated or we fear what's to come. Love lasts because it’s meant to or it’s not. Ours is meant to last lifetimes. We were just lucky enough to find each other in the first place to enjoy it. Some are foolish enough to run from it, instead of embrace it when it’s found, then they are forced to settle for the next best thing. That is when relationships get managed, as you say."
I was wrong once again. When she looked over to me before walking away, I knew she was the smartest woman in the world. Everyone was staring at her blank faced when I turned back around. Of course they had no idea what that was about, but I knew all too well.
I looked up at Kara with desperation in my eyes, begging her to help me out of this. She did what only Kara could do, "Let’s do a shot and get this party started."
My dad joined in, "Only if its tequila. I don't do pansy shots. If it is going to be done, we need to do it right."
Chris grabbed the bartender and said, "Did you hear him? Tequila all around, and we are going to need a lot of salt and lemon, so have it ready, please."
At least he said please. Chris was used to getting what he wants. If you would consider Kara and me rich, Chris was off the charts. He was raised by billionaires. His mom came up with one of the Fortune Five Hundred companies and he has never known a lifestyle less than the unimaginable. The fact that he is gay hit his parents pretty hard at first, but they came around finally. He doesn't talk the talk or walk the walk. “Homosexuality doesn't change you”, he says. It would maybe if it is a thing you choose, but for most, it's who you have always been, not what defines you. In Chris's case, he gets hit on by all sexes and types. Every now and again he plays for both teams, but never will he admit he is bisexual. 'Gay All The Way' is his mantra and I love him for it. He stands six foot two; he's built more lean, not quite as bulked out as Ryan or Chad. His hair is black as night, but his eyes are almost a copper color. His dimples are the icing on the cake. He is delicious and the bartender definitely picked up on it.
"Kate, isn’t that your brother walking in? Oh damn, Ash is in trouble." I had already started to walk away when I heard Chad finish it off with, "And who's the gorgeous girl he's got with him? She must not know what she's getting into yet."
"Leave him alone honey, he's like my little brother. But you’re right, why are they dressed like that?" Kara asked the same question that was ringing through my head. As I approached them, I took in Asher’s choice of beach clothes and Sadie was in an orange romper. Don't get me wrong, it was cute but not for this function.
"There you are. I was starting to freak out. Mom and Dad have both been asking about you." I was so mad that I forgot Sadie was even there. "Oh, I'm sorry, hi Sadie." Yep I heard it too. 'Hi' must be contagious.
I just couldn't get past their clothes. Who dresses like this to an anniversary party at a country club? Especially this one. These people are the worst.
"I'm not trying to be rude or anything but why are you two dressed like that?"
"Because, Kate! No one decided to tell me it was cocktail attire!" He was pissed off. It wasn't often Ash got mad and he was definitely irate. The look that Sadie wears makes me think my poor little brother is panicked. I hated to admit it, but I dropped the ball again. I did forget to tell him. Hell, I didn't realize it until he just said something. How much can I forget? I have been letting so many people down lately.
I was just about to apologize when "You made it" came from behind me, saved by Mom once again. She reached around Ash and hugged the crap out of him. Then she turned and looked Sadie up and down. "And this must be Sadie." If you think my mother snubbed her, you're so wrong. My mom grabbed her and hugged her like she does with all of our close friends. And with the way Asher has been talking about her, she might someday be family to me. That thought scared me more than anything. My little brother was not going to beat me to the altar.
I left them with my mom, knowing she would kill anyone that had a negative thing to say about her baby boy, and headed back to my friends. They had already taken the shots and my dad had left to go mingle with his associates. Chris was still talki
ng to the bartender which left Kara and Chad along with Ryan and 'what’s her name.' I chose the bar for my first stop.
I grabbed the only shot left and downed it. I didn't bother with the salt or lemon. I needed liquid courage to get through this day. When I looked back out in the crowd, I saw that my mother had brought Sadie over to meet my dad. I had to give her credit. She was standing with her shoulders back, confident as she should be. Anywhere else, that romper would be flat adorable. She pulled it off completely. Add the fact that she was still around and tolerating my little brother, she just might be a keeper. That is, if she got rid of the other guy.
The bartender brought me out of my own thoughts when he asked me if I wanted another drink.
"Two more shots of Patron would be great, thank you."
As he walked back over to the bottles to pour them I felt someone approaching me. When I turned, I saw that Ryan and 'her' were now two feet from me.
"I wanted to formally introduce you both. Avery, this is my friend Kate. Kate, this is Avery."
Did he really just announce the word friend like that? Because that is how I took it too.
"It’s very nice to meet you, Avery."
No, it’s not, but what else could I say?
"Me too, Kate. This is some party. You all must be rich or something."
That was it! Who is this girl? I looked at Ryan and said "Or something" and then turned back to see my shots were waiting for me. I slammed one after the other and then turned back to say, "If you will please excuse me" and then walked off into the crowd. I know, it's not like she has really done anything wrong. I don't want to like her and that is what's wrong.
I was halfway through the crowd when Ash and Sadie approached me. She had a very serious look on her face that would make anyone scared and Ash was the one receiving it. I wondered what he did to deserve it this time, but found out very quickly that he hadn't done anything, yet.
Fearing Regret Page 5
