“Sweet butts learn too much,” Marvel says. “Can’t cut one loose if they leave with bad feelin’s. You suggestin’ we take them out?”
Drummer bangs his fist on the table. “I’m suggestin’ I put the fear of God into them and set them straight.”
“Jill’s dead,” I observe. “Prez, in the end she died protectin’ me. Sweet butts have a loyalty to the club, and when it counted she showed it.”
“She almost got you killed, Rock.”
Yeah, she did. But in the end she didn’t. “Just sayin, Prez, when it mattered she did have my back.”
It was perhaps not the right analogy, as my back starts to sting and throb, and the winces and grimaces suggest my brothers all know what I’m thinking.
Though none of them can know where my thoughts go after that. To the one woman who certainly didn’t stand up, or wait, for me.
“Talking about the sweet butts,” Viper begins. “I had a chat with Allie. She’s distraught that she was taken in by Jill. Knew at the time she shouldn’t be spillin’ what she knew, but Jill, well, we all know what a bitch she was.”
“And?” Prez queries.
“Jill called herself head whore. I’m suggestin’ we make that an official title and give it to Allie. Then she can keep the other bitches in line.”
Prez’s eyes widen, and he looks around the table. “Get them to police themselves, so to speak.”
Viper lifts his chin. “That’s what I was thinkin’.”
“She get a pay rise?” Blade is grinning. “Extra cock?”
The chuckles that follow together with other lewd suggestions make me fucking glad to be back with my club.
Chapter 19
Becca
“What are you still doing here, Becca? I’m out of the woods now. Doctors say I’m well on the mend.”
“Wouldn’t you be lonely without me?” I smile at him, pleased to see he’s looking tons better. The greyness has gone from his face, his temperature has come right down. He seems to have fought the infection off, and they’re keeping him in another day or so just as a precaution.
He presses the button to move the bed higher and reaches out his hand to take mine. “You know I’ve enjoyed you keeping me company, but you’ve got to start living your own life, girl, and hell, we both know that won’t be with me. You’ve got another man to get back to.”
“Rock doesn’t want me.” I turn my head away, not wanting him to see the hurt in my eyes. It’s not the first time we’ve had this discussion.
Beef sighs. “You won’t know what he’s thinkin’ if you’re spendin’ all your time here with me. You’ve got to stop hidin’ away and need to give him a chance. Go after something you want for once, Becca.”
My lips press together before I reply, “What do I know about him, Beef? Only that he’s made it pretty clear he wants nothing to do with me.” I’m still trying to convince myself what I feel for the man who’d been so rude was only an attraction brought on by circumstances. I suspect Beef knows I’ve been unsuccessful.
Shaking his head, Beef won’t give up. “I’ve no fuckin’ idea what’s up with the both of you. Prez seemed convinced you were Rock’s girl, and you, whatever you say, are attracted to him. You might not admit the words, but your actions speak volumes. That you were prepared to do what it took to save his life. He’s hurtin’ now, maybe not thinkin’ straight. If you keep runnin’ from him you’ll never have a chance to show him you’re interested.”
Every time Rock’s turned up to see Beef I’ve made an excuse to make myself scarce. Hanging out in the cafeteria until he departs. “Can we drop it? Rock helped me out, I returned the favour. It’s settled and done.” Frowning, I add, “I’m just sorry you got hurt in the process.”
“Nah, don’t worry about that.” He fixes his gaze on me, then rolls his eyes. “I give up. If you insist on hidin’ here, then keep an invalid entertained. Tell me about yourself, Becca. And how you got mixed up with that fucker Hawk in the first place.”
Leaning back in the chair, I stretch my hands up over my head, flexing my shoulders while I pull my thoughts together. My brow knits together as I think back.
“My parents wanted a big family, but they ended up with just me. I had to become everything they wanted.”
“You didn’t have a good childhood?”
“I wasn’t abused or mistreated. I was given everything material that I needed, but let’s just say they were old-fashioned in many ways. Both only children themselves, I had no aunts, uncles, or cousins. The only people I knew were folks belonging to the church that they attended.”
“Hawk’s church?”
“Not until I was thirteen. That’s when he became the pastor. My parents didn’t like the old pastor, thought he was too lenient. Were even thinking of changing to another church until Hawk came along. I suppose you could say they were looking to choose the God who fell in line with their views. But that’s all I ever knew. Home and church.”
I stare across the room, my eyes seeing nothing that’s in front of me as memories go through my head. “Hawk suited them down to the ground. They wanted to hear about fire and brimstone being brought down on the heads of sinners, not about how easy it was to repent. That’s what they got with Hawk. I was thirteen when I first met him. He waited until I was legal before he made his move.”
“Fuck. Didn’t your parents see anything wrong with that?”
“My parents, Beef, you have to understand, had accepted it was God’s will that they weren’t going to have any more children. They wanted to do what was best for me. If I acted like a normal teenager, they thought I was unruly. If I rebelled, wanted to go out, they wouldn’t permit it. I wasn’t even allowed to go to the mall on my own. Hawk provided them with the ideal answer. A God-fearing man who’d take me off their hands. My marriage would be a continuation of their religious upbringing.”
“Jesus.”
I’m still staring at nothing. “I certainly had no leeway with Hawk. As well as his unwilling sexual partner, I was his unpaid assistant. He taught me about the job he wanted me to do, and exactly how he wanted me to do it. At first I had naïve hopes from my marriage. I was free from the restrictions my parents placed on me at least, even if the physical demands Hawk made on me were unwelcome. I was determined to do the best that I could. In the beginning I saw nothing wrong in the minute instructions as to how he wanted his paperwork sorted. Any letters had to be laid out in a particular way. I just thought he was fastidious.
“His need for control flowed out into his, and my, personal life. Not only was I given times I should be working, but he gave me a routine including when I was to get up or go to bed. He even insisted on choosing the clothes that I should wear. Except pants. Pants were forbidden in his house.
“I was to be available to him at all times, I quickly found. If one of the parishioners invited me to a lady’s afternoon, for example, he’d come up with a reason why I shouldn’t go.” I risk a look at Beef, his eyes have opened wide.
“One day, Beef, soon after our marriage, I didn’t do my work quite right. When Hawk reached for a letter the pile fell onto the floor.” My face reddens as I recall that horrible night. “He’s big, strong, and could easily overpower me. And he did. He pushed me down over the desk, pulled up my skirt, pulled down my panties, and spanked my bare ass. Hard. I literally couldn’t sit afterwards. Then he, he…”
Beef’s expression shows he’d completed the sentence for himself. “Why didn’t you get out of there, then?” Beef rasps.
“I did.” My voice starts to break. “My mother didn’t see anything wrong in the way I was being treated. You see, a pastor always knows best.”
“You went back.”
“Hawk turned up to collect me. My father, who’d just returned from work, horrified to find me there, shook his hand, apologising for my behaviour. He told me to try harder at my marriage and not be a disappointment to them.”
“Fuck.”
“I was torn, Beef
. Deep down I knew what he’d done to me was wrong. On the other hand, I couldn’t fail at my marriage. My parents were proud I was married to the pastor, it was something they could boast about around town. That they censored me, and not him, made me wonder if it was me at fault. So, yes, I went back. But what else could I do?”
“Don’t tell me. The spankings got worse.”
I nod. “And the sex got more brutal. If I complained he’d tell me it was what God wanted. That as a good God-fearing woman I shouldn’t expect to enjoy it.”
“For fuck’s sake.” Beef looks disgusted. “You were completely trapped. Friendless. And I presume your parents continued to take his side?” As his face darkens I can tell he’s becoming angry on my behalf. I glance at his reddened face in worry. He’s supposed to be resting, not getting riled up.
“He couldn’t do anything wrong in Mom and Dad’s eyes. Nor in his parishioners’. Let’s change the subject, Beef. Let’s talk about something different.”
His head moves from side to side. “Finish it, Becca. Tell me how he came to be put away.”
I sigh, but his eyes don’t waver from mine. Deciding to be brief, I tell him what I’d told Drummer.
“He must hate you,” Beef observes. “That’s why he let the Chaos Riders treat you so badly.”
I tilt my head to the side. “If I was to guess, the instructions he left would have been not to touch me, to keep me until he got out. That’s when he’d deal with me himself.”
Stretching forward, Beef takes hold of my hand. “Satan’s Devils are gonna sort this for you. Make it so you never have to worry about him again.”
“Can’t do anything for another couple of years,” I observe.
One side of Beef’s mouth turns up as if he knows something I don’t. “I’m gonna have a word with Drummer.”
Despite the determination in Beef’s voice I know there won’t be anything they can do. Hawk’s safe in prison. All I can do is disappear right out of the state. Only problem with that, I’ve got no money and nowhere to go. That’s what makes the situation with Rock so upsetting, and why Beef is right, I am hiding out here as I no longer feel welcome on the compound. Rock’s home with his brothers, and his continued disinterest in me makes me feel like an interloper.
“You in touch with your parents?” Beef asks, out of the blue.
“No. Hawk will have concocted some story for them and his congregation, and, Beef, they love their pastor so much they’ve made excuses for him. They’ll expect me to be waiting for him when he comes out. They trust him to take good care of me. In their eyes, and they’re probably right, I couldn’t take care of myself. If they find out where I am they’ll see it as their duty to get word to him.”
“Keep away from them, Becca. Fuck, I don’t know how people like him do it. But it wouldn’t be the first time a man of God has got away with sinning. It makes him human, I suppose. But the person you’ve described to me sounds more like a monster.” He pulls a face. “You reckon you were the only one he was fuckin’?”
I’ve thought about it, admitting the truth only once I was out of his clutches. “I doubt it. The times he used to come home smelling of perfume made me suspicious. But when I asked he said he’d been consoling a lonely widow or wife whose husband had deserted her.”
“I bet he had.” Beef scoffs.
Our conversation is interrupted by a knock on the door and someone entering. I bend down and pick up my bag when I see that it’s Rock, and he’s scowling at me.
“Hey, Rock, Brother. Good to see you.” Beef holds out his fist, Rock bumps it with his. “When you go back to the compound, take Becca with you, will you? She needs a good night’s rest, and she’s not getting that here. I’m well enough I no longer need someone with me all the time.”
I glare at Beef. I like him, like our conversations. And to be truthful, here I feel safe when not surrounded by all the members of his club. “I don’t mind staying with you. I thought you liked the company, Beef.”
“I love your company, Becca. But you need to look after yourself too. I’ll be out of here and back at the compound soon enough. Until then, Rock will look out for you.”
The man given that responsibility looks horrified, his eyes flicking to me, then to Beef. It’s not long before he voices his objection, and when he does it’s through gritted teeth. “I’m on the bike, Brother. I don’t take bitches on the back.”
Beef raises an eyebrow. “Not even Becca?” he asks incredulously.
“Especially not her,” Rock spits out.
The blood drains from my face at his blatant declaration. There’s nothing else for me to do but leave them, and with as much dignity as I can muster. Leaning over, I place a chaste kiss to Beef’s forehead and tell him, “I’ll see you soon.”
“Hey, Becca,” Rock calls out, stopping me just as I reach the door. “I’ll call a prospect to give you a lift back. Stay in the cafeteria and he’ll meet you there.”
Chapter 20
Rock
“That was cruel, Brother.” Beef’s narrowed eyes are giving me a full-on stare packed with censure, the lines on his forehead showing his lack of understanding. He should know better than anyone else.
“Put a bitch up behind you and they start to get ideas,” I explain, feeling I shouldn’t need to. I’ve got the answer to one question at least. Beef is just fucking her, he’s not serious. Otherwise he wouldn’t want to see her on the back of another man’s bike.
Beef shakes his head. “I get it you’re hurtin’, Rock. Shit, the state of your back, I’m surprised to see you ridin’ at all. But fuck, even so, it’s not like you to be so direct and hurtful.”
“If she’s got ideas about me it’s best she forgets them fast.” I don’t want a woman who can bed hop so easily.
Beef rolls his eyes. “Rock, man. There’s something fucked up about all this. The way she talked about you… Seems she misunderstood the situation. I thought you and her would be good together. She likes you.”
My jaw feels tense as I reply. “Heard she likes a lot of people. You givin’ me your seconds now, Beef?”
His face goes red, his mouth opens and shuts, and it’s a few seconds before he gets out, “What the fuck?”
I sit down on the seat still warm from Becca’s ass. “Just drop it, okay? I came to see how you were doing. I don’t want to talk about her.”
Beef pulls himself up. I can tell the effort it causes him. “Not lettin’ you get away with that, Brother. You can fuckin’ explain yourself.”
For some reason I point at him and the door. “It’s plain to see. You had something with her, and it’s still going on.”
“I had something with her?” If Beef was fit and well, his tone would have me questioning my sanity in staying close by.
“She stayed in your room. You slept together.”
This time Beef manages to pull himself away from the supportive pillows. I feel guilty as he grimaces, but my features are set, and I’m not backing down. With a surprising amount of strength in his voice he growls, “Yes, she slept in my bed. Because two fuckers from Vegas thought she was club property. Scared the fuck out of her when they wouldn’t accept her word she wasn’t. What did you expect me to do? Leave her alone to worry? I watched over her, that’s all.” He leans forward, his forefinger pointing at me. “I. Did. Not. Fuck. Her.”
My best friend doesn’t lie. A look at the intensity in his eyes has me immediately believing him. “Well, if you didn’t, plenty of others did. Guess she wanted the chance to enjoy her freedom…”
“How long have we known each other, Rock?” Beef snaps out, his eyes blazing.
Surprised at the question and the force he put into asking it, I automatically answer. “Twelve, fourteen years?”
“Sixteen fuckin’ years,” he corrects me, almost shouting. “And in all that time, Rock, I never took you for a stupid man.”
I jerk back. “What the fuck are you talkin’ about?”
Looking at me as thoug
h I’ve lost my mind, he continues. “That girl was in a terrible state when she arrived on the compound, weak as a fuckin’ kitten. Fuck, she still ain’t right. That’s why I wanted you to take her back to the compound. Girl can still barely stand on her feet. If you do nothing else for me, you make sure she starts takin’ care of herself. No, let me finish.” He holds up his hand while giving a good impression of Drummer’s death stare. “She wasn’t in a state to fuck any brother, even if she wanted to. And the way she reacted to Petty and Roller showed she’d no fuckin’ inclination neither.”
But I was given the information. “Jill said…”
“Jill? Jill? You’re takin’ the word of a whore who did her best to get you killed over mine and Becca’s? You ever stop to think she might have had her own agenda? Fuck, Rock. I thought you’d know better than that.”
My eyes narrow. I hadn’t stopped to think Jill might have been lying. My experience with women hasn’t been great, my own mother cheated on my father, the argument about that probably causing the accident that killed them. Beef’s got a point, Jill perhaps wasn’t the best source of information. But then again… “She was in bed with you, Beef. I saw it myself.”
Beef’s eyes roll to the ceiling then back down again. “She was only giving me the same comfort as I gave to her. Nothing sexual involved. I don’t have the hots for her, and she’s none for me.”
I stand. Having to rapidly reverse everything I thought about Becca makes my head spin. “I liked her, Beef. Even through how she was being treated, they didn’t break her.”
“She’s strong, she’s had to be.” He nods at the door as though she was still standing there. “What she’s been through… She had no chance with Hawk, he targeted her, made her dependant on him. Isolated her. She became nothing more than his fuckin’ sex slave by the sound of it.”
I go to speak, he stops me again. “She barely knows how to look after herself, Rock. But she’s fuckin’ trying. Shit, she’s only just got used to choosin’ her own clothes and what food to eat. Hawk controlled her, told her what to do, think, and believe. She’s so fuckin’ used to followin’ instructions, she was terrified when Petty and Roller were pressurin’ her. She hadn’t a clue how to respond. That’s why she’s been hidin’ here with me. She’s frightened to return to the compound. I’m not there. You’ve made it clear what you think of her. She feels alone and unprotected. Fuckin’ around is the last thing on her mind.”
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