Rock Bottom

by Manda Mellett

  Drum shakes his head. “They’re not giving up on him. Pouring as much antibiotic into him as they can. But the prognosis isn’t good. The initial infection weakened him, and this may be too much for him to fight off.”

  A nurse comes in, interrupting us. We move aside as she checks the equipment and replenishes the drip. She gives me a smile, and I remember her from before when I’d come to visit with Beef. As she leaves her hand squeezes my shoulder, the sadness in her eyes reveals far too much.

  We stay for an hour, talking about anything we can think of to say. Eventually our words dry up, and we sit silent, watching him breathe, listening to the monitors beep.

  “Rock, Becca. The others will want to say…will want to speak to him. Say your…goodbyes for the moment.” Drum stands by Rock’s side.

  Rock drops his head, then his shoulders straighten as he leans forward, his hand taking Beef’s once again. “Beef, Brother. You’re the best fuckin’ friend and brother a man could have. We’ve got rides to go on, things to do. We do everything together and will do again. Well, now I’ve got Becca, perhaps not everything. There’s a limit to exactly what I’ll share. But you fight, you fuckin’ here me? You got this, you can do it. Tell you what, I’ll even clean your fuckin’ bike and get it serviced and ready for you. You got this, Brother. I fuckin’ love you man, and don’t you forget it.” Then he does something I don’t expect. He leans over and kisses Beef’s forehead. “You’ll be home soon, Brother. You’ll be back.” His voice chokes as he says again, “You got this. Shiny side up, remember?”

  He pauses for a moment as though expecting a response. When there’s none, he stands up, wipes moisture from his eye, then looks at me expectantly.

  I can’t say goodbye. I just can’t. My voice cracks. “Beef, I love you too. You’ve been my first friend, you’ve helped me so much. Your job’s not done yet. Still need you to steady me and put me right. I’ll…” I swallow back a sob, unable to believe this might be the last time I see him, but he’s already just a shell of the man he was. “I’ll be waiting for you, Beef.” I kiss him too, then find Rock’s there to help me up.

  “Send the next pair in,” Drummer tells us. “I’d just like a minute with him.”

  Taking one last look at Beef, saying goodbye under my breath, refusing to believe it might be for the final time, I hold tight to Rock’s hand as he leads me out. In a crowded family room, we find everyone else waiting. Rock shakes his head sadly as he gives them the update on Beef’s condition, his voice breaking.

  Wraith pushes away from the wall, Sophie beside him. Sam takes Olivia’s hand as her parents walk away. Peg and Darcy follow. At this point, unless they get in the way, I doubt the nursing staff will mind how many are in his room. They’re not exactly going to be raucous.

  Rock takes my arm and persuades me back out into the corridor.

  “Rock, I’d rather stay.”

  He looks grim. “Nothing we can do here, darlin’. We’ll only get in the way. Beef’s an old timer. Everyone will want to spend time with him.”

  “He might be able to hear us.” If there’s even a small chance, I want to keep talking to him.

  “He won’t be left alone. I promise you that. The brothers will be chattering so much he’ll want them to shut up. They’ll be there with him until…until he wakes up.”

  It’s then I realise it’s presumptuous of me. I’ve not known Beef as long as any of his brothers, or even the old ladies. It’s right to make space so everyone who’s breathed, eaten, and ridden beside him for so many years can tell him goodbye.

  “While we’re here, let’s catch up with Slick and Ella. Fuck, I could do with some good news today.”

  Without waiting for my agreement—well, I’m hardly going to protest—I again walk with Rock to another floor where his other unconscious brother is being treated. The last we’d heard there had been no change in his condition, and with the devastating news about Beef, I’m worried Rock’s not going to get any better here.

  It’s easy to spot Slick’s room. Ella, Jayden, and Paladin are standing outside. Paladin’s leaning against the wall, one foot flat to it, looking down at his phone. Ella and Jayden are on the opposite side, both holding hands.

  Rock quickens his step. “Hey. Has something happened?”

  Ella swings around. “Yes, the doctors are with him now.”

  “What? How is he?” Rock’s voice breaks, and it’s not surprising. Coming from seeing Beef, it sounds like he’s fearing the worst.

  Ella’s face breaks into the smile I haven’t seen her wear for days. “He’s awake. They’re running some tests, but the initial signs and his responses are good. They cautiously think he’s going to be fine.”

  Rock lets go of my hand and sinks to his haunches, his head held between his massive palms. He rocks backward and forward for a moment, then looks up, his fingers tracing down either side of his face. “For real?” When Ella nods, he breathes out loudly. “Thank fuck.”

  “You okay, Brother?” Paladin asks, sounding concerned, as Rock, at last, stands, letting out a long audible breath as he does so.

  “Just seen Beef,” Rock answer succinctly.

  Paladin meets his eyes, his expression letting us know he’s heard the news. He jerks his head in a barely noticeable movement toward the woman and girl and shakes his head. He’s right. Let them enjoy their good news for now.

  The door opens, and the doctor comes out. He grins at Ella. “Mrs Andrews. You can go back in.”

  “Is it okay for him to have more visitors?” she asks.

  The doctor glances at us. “Just two, maximum three at a time. He needs to keep quiet.”

  Ella turns to us. “You two pop in and see him first. I’ve already seen him awake.”

  Rock gives her a grateful smile. “Thanks, Ella. We’ll just be a moment. I sure would like to visit with him.”

  He opens the door and ushers us inside.

  Slick looks pale, his head bristly, in need of a shave, but otherwise his eyes are bright, his expression quick to smile as he recognises us. He holds out his hand and Rock clasps it, holding on a moment longer than necessary.

  “Good to fuckin’ see you awake, Brother.”

  The words make me think of the man we just left, the man who’s unlikely to wake up. My eyes start to water. While I try to surreptitiously dry them, Slick notices and frowns, looking from me to Rock. “What’s up? What’s happened?”

  Rock takes a deep breath, examines Slick for a moment, then lets out a sigh. “It’s Beef. Doesn’t seem like he’s gonna make it. He’s gone into septic shock.” He breaks off, swallows, then chokes the next words out. “They… They think his organs are failing. He’s in a coma, man. All the brothers are here to see him.”

  Slick closes his eyes. “Doc’s told me I have to stay quiet, and fuck me, Ella’s gonna do all she can to make sure I stay put. But I’ll try to get Paladin to take me to see him later. Fuck, Rock, I’m sorry, Brother. I know how close you two are.”

  Rock says nothing, there’s not a lot he can say. But when he holds out his arm in invitation I go to him and let him hug me close. We both need the comfort right now.

  “Well, we’ll be off now, Slick. Got places to be.”

  Slick narrows his eyes. “Thought you’d be stayin’ with Beef?”

  “No man, can’t. We’re going to church.”

  “Drum called a meetin’? Bit bad timin’ if Beef’s as bad as you say.”

  Rock gives a short laugh. “No. Well, he’s comin’ with. We’re going to church. A real one. House of God and all that.”

  Slick’s eyes sharpen, then open wide. “Fuck me. Church? For fuckin’ real? Hey, you can’t leave without givin’ me more. Spill, Rock. Satan’s Devils going to church? You’ll all be struck down by lightning.”

  Now Rock grins. It’s weak, but it’s there. “Gets worse than that. Wretched Soulz coming along too.”

  Slick’s eyes open wider. He glances at me, back to Rock, then waves with hi
s hand. “I can’t even…”

  Rock looks down at me. “Becca, can you give us a moment?”

  I nod. Sure I can. Whatever they’re going to talk about is probably club business.

  Ella looks up as I go out alone, so I explain, “Rock and Slick are talking for a moment. He won’t be long. Slick looks good, doesn’t he?”

  “Yes, thank God,” she replies, looking relieved. “I wasn’t sure he was going to make it for a moment there. But I’ve just had a word with the doctor. He just wants to keep him in a little longer, do another scan, but he should be able to come home in a day or two. Will need to take it easy until his fracture’s healed, but we can cope with that.”

  Something Beef won’t do. I turn away, not wanting her to see the tears in my eyes. The direction I’m now facing puts me right in Paladin’s line of sight. He nods slightly, and he’s right. Let Ella enjoy her moment of happiness before she’s brought back down again.

  Rock’s not too long, and soon we’re back on his bike and returning to the compound. Drummer and Sam are already there. The mood is decidedly sombre as Sam drags me off to their house where she lends me some smart black pants and a black blouse.

  When I’ve changed I come out to show her. “You look sufficiently like a grieving widow,” she announces with a satisfied smile.

  It’s still hard to get my head around the fact I’ve no longer got a husband, nor that the only emotion that leaves me with is relief, along with a new sense of freedom. I certainly won’t be able to convince people I miss him, but, “I can’t cry for Hawk,” I reply. “But I can turn on the tears if I think about Beef.”

  She pulls me in for a hug, but not before I see moisture in her own eyes. “Beef’s a great guy. I’ll miss him too. We all will, so much. I know he took good care of you for Rock. He was so happy to learn you were together.”

  “Rock’s going to miss him terribly if he goes.” Beef went downhill so quickly, it’s difficult to take in. Sure, he was looking pale when I last saw him, but nowhere near death’s door. He’d deteriorated so quickly.

  “Honey, he needs a miracle now. Don’t get your hopes up. Cases like this? There’s only one way he can go.”

  For me, I speak fiercely. “I’m not giving up on him, Sam. I can’t.”

  Her arms tighten briefly, then she lets me go and steps back. “It’s good news about Slick, though, isn’t it? Has Ella told Slick she’s pregnant yet?”

  “Not that I know. He’s got to avoid getting overexcited, so she might be holding back for the moment.”

  She nods, then turns around and examines herself in the mirror. “Will I do? I don’t own a dress.”

  “You’ll do.” I smile. “You look beautiful, Sam.” I haven’t seen her wearing makeup before.

  Linking her arm through mine, she grins. “Off to church then?”

  “Off to church.” I try to keep the smile on my face, but it’s not easy when half of me is drowning in unshed tears for Beef while the other half churns with fear.

  Chapter 37

  Rock

  I’m wearing my dressiest jeans and a white button-up shirt. Drummer is similarly attired. The girls look great, clean, tidy, and presentable. While Becca’s not made up like Sam—her red-rimmed eyes adding a touch of authenticity—the clothes she’s been lent suit her. I make a note to take her shopping soon and buy her some decent clothes of her own. New underwear too. Fuck yeah. I’ll have fun helping her choose that.

  Forcing my mind away from what Becca could soon be wearing before my cock starts to take notice, I follow the others out to where the club’s trucks are parked. Taking one, we settle inside, and after a quiet drive meet Chaz and Bull just outside of Phoenix. Chaz, flashy as always, is driving a restored 1960’s Ford Mustang convertible. As a slight drizzle is falling, I take some satisfaction in that they’re driving with the top up. The girl he’s brought with him, I’m pleased to see, is modestly dressed. But the way she hangs off him gives away she’s one of their whores.

  Greetings exchanged, in convoy we drive to our destination, the church of God which hides a secret with violent promise underneath. I can feel Becca tensing the closer we get, and as I take her hand she holds it so tightly her knuckles grow white.

  I don’t tell her it will be okay. I know she’s not afraid of the building, but the influence of the people inside. Instead of false platitudes I make her a silent vow, not to give her a chance to fall under their spell. It’s my job to protect her, mentally as well as physically.

  It’s perfect timing. We arrive just moments before the service is due to start and take our seats in the back two rows. A few people turn around, their eyes opening. Although we’re all dressed smartly, even without our cuts, you can’t take the biker out of the man. While we wait for the pastor to appear I scan the congregation, noting two men in particular who interest me. An interest they’re reciprocating if it’s possible to tell by their calculating looks. One I recognise from the other night. If we’re right, then that’s Butcher in the third row back on the right.

  “White. Is he here?” I murmur into Becca’s ear.

  “Left-hand front pew, in the middle.”

  It’s as I thought. They’re quick on the uptake that we might have something to do with Hawk. Maybe they even think we’re Chaos Riders. Huh, that would be a laugh. As both men continue to watch us, I raise my chin. It seems it’s the signal they want, and they turn their attention back to the front, but not before I’ve seen satisfied nods exchanged between them.

  “Both men are here,” I whisper to Drum.

  “Picked up on that,” Prez replies, his voice lower than I’ve ever heard it.

  Then Pastor Alton appears and steps up to the pulpit. What he’s saying I’ve no clue, being distracted by a gasp which comes from my side. Becca’s looking at an older pair up in front of us. “Your parents?” I ask, softly.

  I feel her shaking as she replies, “Yes.”

  I rush to reassure her. “Don’t worry, Becca. Just stick with the story. You’re under our protection now.”

  We stand and mime to a hymn, then sit back down and pray. Becca is the only one of us who kneels, her hands clasped together and pressed against her forehead. I doubt it would be too far a stretch to think she was praying for Beef, and while I don’t speak to a God I don’t believe exists, my mind goes to my stricken brother. As if on cue, my phone vibrates.

  While the congregation have their heads bowed, I take it out and read it, feeling a bolt of pain go through me. It’s Shooter letting me know they’re about to put Beef on a ventilator.

  Somewhere inside me I must have continued to have hope as the text hits me with a force I didn’t expect. All I can wish for now is that he goes peacefully. Brother. I’ll fuckin’ miss you. The thought I won’t ever see his cheery face coming out from the suite next to mine again guts me. I’m in a house of God, but still I don’t waste time on a prayer. Why would anyone listen to me? Hopefully Becca’s saying enough words for us both.

  The quiet time ends, now we’re up and singing again. Then we sit, and the pastor starts his sermon. The only reason I’m listening is to understand the sort of rubbish that brainwashed my woman.

  “We have two weddings coming up in the next couple of weeks,” the pastor starts, the congregation nodding and smiling. “Now’s a good time to reflect on what the Bible teaches us about the relationship between a man and a woman. As Timothy reminds us, 1 Timothy 2:11.15, ‘A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet.’ Ephesians gives us more. Ephesians 5:22.23, ‘Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church.’ And in Genesis we hear a message directly for the wives. Genesis 3:16 ‘Your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you.’”

  The pastor looks around, his eyes lingering for a second on who I suspect are the poor, unwitting brides. If they believe this cr
ap they’ll turn out like Becca, frightened and scared of doing anything wrong. While I’d rather be anywhere else but here, I start to understand more about the woman at my side. If she’s listened to this every day of her life, no wonder she’s had difficulty adjusting.

  “This is fucked up shit.” Drummer speaks into my ear at the same time as Chaz turns around, shaking his head as if he can’t believe what he’s hearing.

  “As you go forth into the holy state of matrimony,” the pastor is continuing, “or if you are already married women, you must bend to the will of your husband. Your man is always right, you should broke no disagreement. For as Proverbs tell us, Proverbs 21:19, ‘It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.’

  “I know you, Sara, and you, Wendy, have been brought up in the church. From children in Sunday School to the time you became adults, you have learned the teaching in Titus, Titus 2:4.5, ‘So to train young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their husbands’. I know you will have taken those lessons to heart and will go to your husbands and properly submit to them. You are never to challenge their decisions. The man of the house always knows best. He will provide for you, and whatever he gives you, you should be grateful and show your gratitude as a wife should.”

  I lean down and whisper to Becca. “You know this is wrong, don’t you? It’s just words from an ancient book written by ignorant men and twisted to suit some men’s purposes.”

  I tune out the pastor as I watch for her reaction.

  Her hands twist in her lap.

  “Fuck, Becca. I’d laugh out loud if it wouldn’t draw attention. Real men don’t want a subservient wife, they want someone beside them, not walking behind them.”

  Suddenly she whispers back. “Then maybe I’m not right for you. I’ve been trained, just as Pastor Alton says. Taught to be a slave to my husband.”

  “Not anymore,” I reassure her. “Just remember how much thinking you now do for yourself. Don’t put yourself back in that mindset just because the fuckin’ pastor’s reminded you. The church did the damage, Hawk just compounded it. You’re not the woman they brainwashed.”