Hot Dog and Bob: Adventure 3

by L. Bob Rovetch

  “But we’re not hamsters!” Clementine yelled, shoving back.

  “Of course you are, dear!” said Miss Toenail. “You are the first human hamsters to be part of my experiment here on your lovely little planet!”

  “But you’re our librarian!” said Clementine.

  “No, I’m afraid your librarian had to go bye-bye,” Miss Toenail said, peeling off her Miss Toenail mask and revealing a scary rodent monster face.

  “I am the Amazing Hypnodini, hypnotizer of the universe! Once my new and improved Happy Hamster toys get out there, all the human beings on this planet will believe they’re hamsters and will live to run on my hamster wheels. Just imagine the power that will be generated by all those wheels going round and round, day and night, never, ever, ever stopping! Other planets will pay generously for my revolutionary new source of energy! Soon I shall be the richest hypnotizing genius in the universe! I tell you! Hamster power! Hamster power is the way!”

  “Think again, Hypnodini!” Hot Dog said, zipping in through a crack in the library window.

  “Hot Dog!” yelled Clementine. “What took you so long?”

  “You’ll never believe this,” laughed Hot Dog. “The Big Bun beamed me into Bob’s lunch box like usual, right? But get this! For some reason his lunch box was stuck under this giant bag of dog food underneath some leaky old sink! I thought I’d never get outta there!”

  “Good one, Bob!” said Clementine.

  Clementine was running behind me on the wheel so I couldn’t see her face, but I could tell by her tone of voice that she was rolling her eyes at me.

  Chapter 7

  Prepare to Be Destroyed

  “Shoo, fly!” Hypnodini said, picking up a fly swatter and swatting at Hot Dog. “Get away from my precious pets!”

  “I ain’t no fly, Hypnodini!” said Hot Dog. “And these kids here are people, not pets!”

  “Oh, I beg to differ!” the alien said, stroking the ears of a Happy Hamster toy. “You hamsters have such nice hamster ears!”

  All of a sudden everyone on the wheel had hamster ears. Next Hypnodini pulled on the toy’s whiskers, saying, “And you hamsters have such nice hamster whiskers!” Then everyone had whiskers, too! Hypnodini was using the Happy Hamster toy like some kind of freaky control panel! Before we knew it, our classmates weren’t just acting like hamsters; they were looking like them, too!

  “Wait a minute; what’s going on here?” growled Hypnodini. “Why aren’t you two little pets turning into hamsters like the others?”

  Clementine and I just looked at each other. This was our third alien attack, and for some reason we’d been immune to a bunch of the evil magic every time. To be honest, we wanted to know what was up with that just as much as Hypnodini.

  “Well, as long as you’re askin’,” said Hot Dog, “I’ll tell ya. The almighty Big Bun on my peaceloving planet, Dogzalot, has provided my human partner and his helpful best friend here with a semiprotective coating.”

  “Semiprotective coating?” I said. “So that’s what it is!”

  “Not that I’m ungrateful or anything,” Clementine said, running out of breath from running on the giant hamster wheel, “but as long as she was spraying it on, couldn’t the Big Bun just as easily have gone with a hundred percent protective coating?”

  “Full strength won’t stick on humans,” said Hot Dog. “Semiprotective is the best our scientists can do so far. But it’s plenty strong to prevent somethin’ as harmless as a little alien hypnotism.”

  “Impossible!” screeched Hypnodini. “No one is immune to the Amazing Hypnodini’s hypnotic powers!”

  The ugly rodent monster waved the Happy Hamster toy in front of us. Its crazy eyes turned from sunny yellow to bloody red. They spun around faster and faster and faster until—nothing! Nothing at all happened!

  “Wow!” said Clementine. I guess that coating stuff really does work!”

  “You have angered the Amazing Hypnodini!” screamed the weirdo. “I will destroy you unhypnotizable dummy heads! Prepare to be destroyed!”

  Chapter 8

  Hot Dog to the Rescue

  “This is all your fault, Bob!” snarled Clementine. “If we ever get out of this library alive, will you kindly remind me not to ever be friends with you ever, ever, ever again?”

  “This isn’t my fault!” I argued. “How is it my fault? How come you always blame me for these alien invasions?”

  “How come?” said Clementine. “How come? Well, how about for starters because you’re the one who got picked to be Hot Dog’s Earth partner!”

  “And that’s my fault exactly how?” I asked.

  “And,” Clementine continued, “how about because you gave me your stupid pencil when I forgot mine in Mrs. Itchybottom’s first-grade class, basically forcing me to become your friend and stick by your side at terrible, life-threatening times like this!”

  “Break it up, kiddos!” Hot Dog said, swooping down, his cape spreading out superhero style. “It wasn’t an accident that the Big Bun picked you, partner. And you, little lady! If you think that the only reason you’re always in on the alien-fighting game is your friend here, well, then, you’d better think again! And as far as you go, Miss Hypno-Whoever-You-Are, nobody calls my pals dummy heads! So if anybody’s gonna be preparing to be destroyed, then it probably oughta be you!”

  Hot Dog pushed one of his top-secret bun buttons and said, “Take that, baby!”

  “Take what?” said Hypnodini.

  “Hmm, the top-secret bun-button control panel must be jammed,” Hot Dog said, trying all the buttons.

  “Oh, silly me!” Clementine said. “I actually believed that your little super-dee-duper wannabe hero partner might actually make it through a whole mission without messing up for once! What in the world was I thinking?”

  “Be quiet, Clem!” I whispered as I ran in place. “Hot Dog’s bluffing! Those bun buttons never break. He’s just playing with Hypnodini. You know, getting ready to make his move!”

  Only I was wrong. It turned out that Hot Dog wasn’t bluffing, playing, or making any moves. He was so busy trying to figure out what was jamming up his bun buttons he never even saw it coming. The little plastic hamster ball, that is. You know, the kind you can put your rodent in so it can run around the house without getting away?

  “Run!” I yelled to Hot Dog. “You might be stuck in a ball, but you can still make a break for it! I’ve seen those things roll pretty fast. Just hurry up and get help!”

  “Wait!” cried Clementine. “What’s happening to him? Hot Dog! Hot Dog, are you okay?”

  Hot Dog was gasping for air, opening and closing his tiny hot-doggy mouth like a fish out of water.

  “Hot Dog!” I screamed, “you gotta tell me what to do!”

  “There’s nothing you can do,” laughed Hypnodini. “There’s nothing anyone can do! You want me to let you in on a little joke? That hamster ball has no airholes. Before long that annoying little pest will be gone for good!”

  I watched helplessly as my limp little partner struggled to stay alive.

  “I didn’t mean that terrible thing I said about you, Hot Dog!” said Clementine. “It’s not your fault that your bun buttons jammed up! I think you’re a really good superhero! The best one I’ve ever met! Really, I do!”

  Chapter 9

  New Wallpaper

  “No, I’m the one who’s sorry!” Hot Dog gasped, bursting out of the ball. “Sorry it took me so long to remember that the Dogzalot technology team recently installed this handy-dandy new reset button for situations just like this one!”

  The plastic hamster ball shattered into a million pieces, and Hot Dog pushed a bun button, squirting ketchup all over Hypnodini.

  “AARRGGHH! EWWW!” hollered Hypnodini.

  Hot Dog pushed another button, and pickle relish blopped out all over Hypnodini.

  “GRODY! SICKY! YUCK!” hollered Hypnodini.

  Then Hot Dog pushed another button, and bun crumbs blasted out all over H
ypnodini.

  “BLECHH! OOCKY!” hollered Hypnodini.

  “What’s happening to her?” asked Clementine. “She’s swelling up! She’s getting enormous!”

  “Like one of those giant Thanksgiving Day Parade balloons you see on TV,” I agreed, “only covered in foody grossness.”

  “I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again,” Hot Dog said, rubbing his little hot-doggy hands together proudly. “Bun crumbs and evil simply do not mix!”

  “I’ll get you, you weird weenie!” moaned Hypnodini. “Nobody tangles with the hamsterpower queen of the universe!”

  Hypnodini was definitely having some kind of nasty allergic reaction to the bun crumbs or something because she was still inflating—getting bigger and bigger and—

  “Better get ready, kids,” Hot Dog said, leaping behind a bookshelf. “This is gonna be a messy one!”

  Clementine and I jumped off the hamster wheel and ducked underneath the computer table.

  KERPLOWY! The huge, hamstery balloon popped—all over the place!

  “Lovely!” gagged Clementine. “Our school library has new wallpaper!”

  “Well, so much for anybody gettin’ rich off hamster power!” said Hot Dog. “Now all we need to do is get this place cleaned up, and I’m outta here!”

  “Wait! What about them?” I said, pointing up at our hamster-people classmates, who were still running in place zombie style on the huge hamster wheel.

  “Hmm, they’re still hamsters?” said Hot Dog. “That’s funny!”

  Funny? Funny wasn’t exactly the word I had in mind. The word I had in mind was more like terrible! or freaky! or possibly even disastrous! Why was that huge hamster wheel still in the library? Why were our classmates still hamster people? And now that Hypnodini was out of the picture, who would unhypnotize them? Wasn’t it supposed to go back to normal once the big bad alien was gone? Why, oh why wasn’t everything going back to normal?

  “This cannot be good,” said Clementine. “This really cannot be good!”

  Chapter 9½

  Can You Relate?

  Have you ever had a bad day? No, I mean a really bad day! You know, the kind where even the pitiful life of a partly squished banana slug seems better than yours. And then, have you ever had that bad day get better? And you start to think that maybe your life might be worth living after all? And then, just when you’re scraping your sad little self up off the ground, ready to give life another chance—WHAM!!! Everything gets even worse than before?

  If you answered yes, then maybe, just maybe, you can relate to how I was feeling that day.

  Chapter 10

  The Experiment

  “No problem,” said Hot Dog. “Your classmates only look like hamsters because they really believe they’re hamsters. All we have to do is snap them out of Hypnodini’s evil trance, and they’ll go back to normal.”

  “And we do this unhypnotizing thing exactly how?” asked Clementine.

  “See the little knob right here on the back of all the Happy Hamster toys?” said Hot Dog.

  Clementine and I looked clueless and surprised at the same time.

  “How’d we miss those?” asked Clementine.

  “Sometimes it takes a superhero to notice the details,” said Hot Dog. “Anywho, if I’m guessin’ right, all we gotta do is give this little knob the old twisteroo, and—presto change-o—your classmates here’ll be back to normal!”

  “Look!” I said. “Turning that knob made its eyes spin in the opposite direction!”

  “You better believe it, partner!” said Hot Dog. “And now, if you’ll help me turn all these knobs and get all these unhypnotizing Happy Hamster toys passed out, maybe I’ll make it back to Dogzalot in time to watch the game with my buddies after all.”

  “Hold on a minute!” I thought to myself. “Hot Dog has buddies? Are they superhero hot dogs, too? And they sit around watching games together? Just like we do here on Earth? What kinds of games do they play on Dogzalot?” I was dying to find out the answers, but I was even more curious to find out if Hot Dog’s idea was going to work.

  We turned the knobs on all the toys and handed them out to the super-tired hamster people. The first part of the experiment went okay. Our classmates stared straight into those crazy swirly Happy Hamster eyes, no problem. But the second part—well, that, unfortunately, didn’t exactly go according to plan.

  It turned out that instead of reversing Hypnodini’s hypnotic spell, turning the knob on the Happy Hamster toys only made our friends run backward!

  “Hmm, that’s funny!” said Hot Dog.

  Once again, funny wasn’t even close to any of the words I was thinking of. The words I was thinking of were more like lousy excuse for a superhero. I know that’s not very nice. And I know none of this was really Hot Dog’s fault. But when your superhero partner makes everything worse instead of better, it can be kind of annoying. Plus, you know how the reverse knob made the Happy Hamsters’ eyes spin backward? Well, that’s not all it did to them.

  Chapter 10½

  Psycho Hypno Hamsters

  I guess you could say the Happy Hamster toys didn’t look too happy anymore. Their eyebrows switched from cute and friendly to mean and bushy. Their fuzzy feet sprouted scratchy claws. Their friendly mouths sprouted unfriendly fangs. They scrambled all over the library.

  They were alive and they were everywhere! They were hanging from the ceiling. They were climbing on the bookshelves, and before we knew it, the psycho hypno hamsters had all three of us surrounded. Then, just when things couldn’t possibly get any worse—they got worse!

  Chapter 11

  Teamwork

  Two of the freaky hamster-toy guys squeaked, “Yee-haw!” and threw this strange whiskery rope around us like they were cowboys showing off their lasso tricks. And just like that, Hot Dog, Clementine and I were hog-tied like three little piggies at a rodeo.

  “Do something!” I yelled at Hot Dog.

  “I’m tryin’!” yelled Hot Dog. “But I can’t reach it!”

  “Reach what?” Clementine yelled as the psycho zombie hamster mob moved in closer and closer.

  “If I could just push my blue bun button,” Hot Dog grunted, “then I could—”

  Those bun buttons had saved us before, and as long as that control panel wasn’t jammed again—I didn’t even wait to hear the end of Hot Dog’s sentence.

  “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” I asked Clementine.

  “Use that!” Clementine said, spotting a nearby pencil. “I’ll scoot it toward you, and you grab it with your teeth!”

  The three of us were the perfect team. Clementine scooted, I grabbed, and Hot Dog wiggled till his bun was within reach. I’d never actually seen all those eensy-weensy bun buttons up close. I thought he had five or six—maybe seven—of the things. But there were a bunch of them!

  I panicked. What if I pushed the wrong one? What if I made things even worse? The Big Bun would never forgive me. And who knew what she’d do to Hot Dog if he failed on this mission? From what I’d heard, the last thing you ever want to do is bum out the almighty ruler of Dogzalot. My heart was racing. My face was dripping sweat.

  “Bob!” yelled Clementine. “Hurry up and push it already!”

  I gripped the pencil between my tightly clenched teeth. I lined up the pointy lead with the microscopic blue button, and I pushed.

  Chapter 12

  Blue Stuff

  A powerful blue spray shot out of Hot Dog’s bun like water exploding from a fire hydrant and filled the air with a thick blue fog. For a minute I couldn’t see anything but blue. And in that minute, although I could barely see, I breathed a sigh of relief. Those out-of-control zombieeyed hypno hamsters had disappeared from Lugenheimer Elementary’s library faster than extra-double-frosted cupcakes from a tray at a birthday party.

  I could tell because the unexplainable smell I always smelled whenever evil aliens were around was completely gone. Plus, the pitiful panting noises that my hamsterized c
lassmates had been making on the giant wheel had changed to the regular sounds of regular people just talking regularly.

  “Hot Dog! You did it!” said Clementine. “The Happy Hamsters are gone, and the kids are kids again!”

  “Correction, my friend,” said Hot Dog. “We did it!”

  I had to admit that the three of us did make a pretty good team. And I don’t know what was in that blue stuff, but it sure worked. The library and everyone in it were back to normal. (A little blue, but back to normal.) Even the Hypnodini wallpaper was totally gone.

  Hot Dog dusted himself off and pushed his famous make-everyone-forget-that-evil-aliens-or-flying weenies-were-ever-here button. And just like on his last two missions, a cool, sparkly shower of forgetting mist swirled around the room.

  “Five minutes till kickoff!” he said, shaking our hands. “It looks like I’m gonna be able to watch that game with my buddies after all!”

  The little guy smoothed out his cape, waved good-bye and flew out the same crack in the library window that he’d flown in through.

  Chapter 13

  Time Warp

  I waved back at Hot Dog and blinked to get the forgetting mist out of my eyes. But when I opened them up again, it was like time had rewound back to when this whole hamster disaster first started.