Abandoned Darkness

by Kate Wendley

  Nothing really happened, though, besides them talking for a while. Sebastian kept his eye on Torin, too, as he wandered around the club, talking and chatting up the wolves that were in tonight. He noticed him wandering closer to Anthony and George, though, and he briefly wondered if what he’d told him was actually bullshit and maybe Torin was the one who was up to something.

  Sebastian’s head was a mess. He was worried about what he’d done to his and Anthony’s friendship, worried about Kaia turning shifter, though it sounded like she probably wasn’t, worried about what was going on between him and Jade, and totally fucking confused about Torin and his offer of a truce. That’s what bothered him the most right now. It felt like Torin was taunting him, and the taunt was working. Deep down Sebastian wanted his pack’s acceptance more than anything, but was it all a lie?

  Zach startled him when he pat him on the shoulder. “Hey dude, you’re all wound up. Why don’t you go work out or something? I’ll handle things here.”

  Sebastian suddenly felt overcome with emotion and had to look away. “Thanks man. For always being there.”

  When Zach didn’t say anything, Sebastian finally glanced at him only to find him intently watching him.

  He calmly said, “It’s ok. Things are going to be ok.”

  **

  Sebastian didn’t screw around once he got to the gym. He did a hard run for half an hour on the treadmill, then switched to lifting. He did all his sets with heavier weights and less rest time in between, trying to tire himself out so he couldn’t think so much about the bullshit in his life.

  As he was finishing up and trying to catch his breath, he saw Marc working out by himself. Marc was a tall wolf that was a couple years older than him and had recently met his soul mate, or something. He’d also stupidly tried to pick a fight with Anthony one night during the time he’d been broken up from Kaia. Luckily that ended ok for everyone involved.

  Sebastian walked up to him. “Hey. You need a spotter?”

  Marc tensed up but said, “Sure. How are you tonight, sir?”

  “Really fucking goddamn shitty, but thanks for asking.”

  Marc startled and looked like he didn’t know what to say.

  Sebastian grumbled, “Not your fault, it’s just my fucking nightmare of a life. It just happens to be even more fucked up than usual lately.” He glanced away and said, “Didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

  Marc relaxed some. “It’s ok, man. Do you want to talk about it?”

  Sebastian snorted in disgust. “No.” He gestured for Marc to start his set. He laid down on the bench and got into position while Sebastian put a couple more plates on the bar.

  “Uh, I don’t think I can lift all that.”

  Sebastian growled, “I’m spotting you. You won’t gain muscle if you don’t go outside your comfort zone once in a while.”

  Marc was blessedly quiet then. Sebastian told him when to go, and Marc lifted the bar with his help. His arms shook, but Sebastian spotted him through the set.

  Marc sat up again after they racked the weight. He panted between breaths, “Thanks. Wow, that was crazy. Thanks.”

  Sebastian leaned over the bar and said, “Life’s just really fucked up, you know? I make one fucking mistake and of course it’s a life changing one, it can’t just be something small. And Jade… shit. I can’t even talk to her about anything in my life because she can’t handle it. She wants to take things slow, you know?”

  Marc gave him a surprised look and Sebastian waved him off. “Never mind.”

  “How long have you been seeing her?”

  He frowned. “A couple weeks.”

  “It’s too new. You two are still feeling each other out, trying to figure out if you can trust each other. As long as neither one of you stomps on the other’s feelings too hard, you’ll eventually be able to open up more. Girls that want to take it super slow are just trying to make sure they’re not going to get crushed. They’re more sensitive.”

  He sighed. “She’s a good girl. I just… I’m too much for her. I’m the alpha around here. I’m…”

  “Scary.”

  He frowned and Marc shrugged. “You have a lot of responsibility on your shoulders and have to always be on your toes. That’s scary, especially if her biggest worry is if she looks fat in her jeans.”

  He gruffed, “She doesn’t,” and his mind immediately went into the gutter. He looked away and stifled a groan at the mental imagery of Jade’s ass in her snug jeans, then reluctantly smiled.

  Marc smirked. “Most girls don’t. In fact, they usually look better with a little meat on their bones.”

  Sebastian relaxed and decided Marc was an all right guy. He gestured for him to start his next set.

  **

  Torin hung out in the club the whole time George was there, nosing around to see if there was any more news on the down low. George talked with Anthony for quite a while, then wandered around and chatted with others that were hanging around. Torin saw Zach and Sebastian watching him part of the time, and then Sebastian disappeared somewhere and it was just Zach making it obvious he had his eye on him. It made him realize he didn’t only have to win over Sebastian to get more respect in the family, he also had to win over Zach. Dammit.

  Once George left, he decided to hit the gym before bed, but as soon as he walked in, he got a lump in his gut when he saw Sebastian. He stopped where he was for a minute to decide if he wanted to just turn around and head home. Dealing with Sebastian was harder than he thought it’d be, but since this was the first opportunity he’d had to gain back some prestige with the family, he didn’t even care anymore that it had only come about because Anthony was sick of Torin fighting him all the time. He was ready for changes in his life, and one of those changes needed to be getting over his stupid jealousy of Sebastian.

  He took a reluctant step in his direction, and when Sebastian looked his way, he realized it was too late to back out now, even if he wanted to. He could feel Sebastian scrutinizing his every movement, and for the first time ever, he decided to pay attention to how he came across to his alpha.

  “Hey.”

  Sebastian frowned.

  “What are you guys doing? Do you need another spotter?”

  Sebastian gruffed, “I’m done working out. I’m spotting Marc.”

  He nodded towards the tall wolf. He’d seen him in here before but hadn’t ever talked to him. “What are you working towards? Trying to bulk up?”

  Marc looked a little cautiously at him, his gaze flicking to Sebastian once before turning his attention back to Torin. “I’m, uh, trying to add a couple inches to my biceps and chest, but mostly I’d like to be able to lift as much as he can.”

  Marc pointed at Sebastian, and Torin was surprised when Sebastian actually chuckled and his tenseness eased. It made him realize how few times he’d ever seen Sebastian look relaxed. Come to think of it, maybe he never had.

  Sebastian said, “You’re too tall to bulk up very easily. Your arms are too long. It’ll be harder for you to do that. I’m shorter than you so it’s easier for me.”

  “What?”

  “You’ve got way more distance to have to lift the weight. It’ll take you longer to add inches, besides the fact that you’re not an alpha.”

  Torin chided, “But you can still look like one. Dropping your body fat percentage down will help your muscles pop out more.”

  Sebastian and Marc kept cautiously looking at Torin as they all talked about lifting and muscle definition, and Torin realized this was all on him. Whatever he did or didn’t do from now on would forever brand him in Sebastian’s eyes.

  He tried to fake that he was comfortable standing here shooting the breeze with them both, even though he wasn’t, and it seemed like Sebastian and Marc were doing the same thing with him. Hmm. And the more they talked, the more Torin realized Sebastian wasn’t such a bad guy, though his own deep seated jealousy of him was still there, just under the surface. He did his best to pretend it w
asn’t.

  **

  Sebastian saw Anthony again before he went to bed for the day. He’d been watching TV at home when Anthony came in the door and headed straight for his room. He looked anywhere but at Sebastian as he walked by.

  “Hey.”

  Anthony flinched and inclined his head, but kept walking.

  Sebastian stood up and said to his back, “I know you’re pissed at me, but can I at least know how Kaia’s doing?”

  Anthony immediately stopped walking, but didn’t turn around to face him. He sighed and his shoulders slumped before he quietly said, “I don’t sense anything shifter in her.”

  Sebastian nodded. “That’s good.” He stared at the back of Anthony’s head wishing this wasn’t happening. He wanted back the days when he was only sometimes scared of him, back to when they were still friends, when Anthony still felt like family. He missed that. Now all he had was someone who once felt like a brother that could now barely look at him anymore because he was so disappointed in him. That was way worse than before. It was like his family was abandoning him again, just like when he’d gained his mind reading ability and screwed up by accidentally reading people’s minds.

  “So did Zach tell you what Torin said? About Ethan and George?”

  Anthony turned around. He didn’t look happy, but at least he was looking at him, and not in disgust. “George? What about George? Zach said he heard Ethan’s been doing something with his power at home.”

  Sebastian felt anger building in Anthony. “Uh, Torin said George seemed to be coaxing Ethan into whatever he’s doing. And then he was conveniently here tonight, talking to you.”

  Anthony’s face went deadly serious. It was the look that made Sebastian nauseous because it meant he was more than a little pissed off.

  He carefully bit off, “I had not heard the part about George. Thank you for telling me.”

  Sebastian swallowed past a lump in his throat. “Should we be watching for anything? Do you want me to have more guards on the vampires today?”

  Anthony’s jaw clenched. “Please do. I don’t know what’s going on. I’ll need to think on my conversation with George from earlier this evening.”

  Sebastian nodded, afraid to speak as he tried to calm his fear of Anthony tearing into him again for being such a stupid screw up.

  Anthony finally inclined his head, then turned around and disappeared into his room.

  Chapter 20

  Jade sashayed around her kitchen as she fussed with Halloween decorations and tidied the place up before Sebastian got here. She felt good tonight, a new resolve settling deep in her bones. The man of her fantasies was finally in her life for real, and even though he was a bit different than she’d always imagined, she wanted to make this work. She wanted more of the incredible passion she felt with him, and she liked that even though he was the most powerful wolf in the family, he was usually the sweetest guy she’d ever known.

  She smiled, anxious to have him to herself tonight and away from the over sensitive hearing and gawking eyes of everyone in the club. They were going to make dinner together, and she loved it that he was so into cooking. She hoped a quiet night doing something they both enjoyed would soothe the tension that had grown between them.

  The knock on her door made her jump, but she was still happy and hopeful when she opened it to a wary Sebastian on the other side.

  It was another thirty minutes and halfway into cooking homemade mac-n-cheese before he was relaxed enough to talk to her about what was really on his mind.

  He said in his usual straightforward way, “I’m sorry again for being such a jerk to you the other night.”

  She laced her hands around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder. “It’s ok, honey. I know you deal with a lot, even though I don’t know everything you do.”

  He frowned.

  “Is everything ok between you and Anthony?”

  He sighed and pet her back. “No. I might’ve really fucked up our friendship.”

  She wanted to ask more questions, but she was getting used to his moods and didn’t think now was the time to push him.

  He surprisingly said, “I accidentally hurt Kaia when she was over the other night and Anthony’s mad at me about it.”

  Her eyes went wide. “What happened? Is she all right?”

  “I thought she was fine, and it didn’t seem like that big a deal at the time, but it was Kaia, and she’s human…”

  Something seemed important about that, but she wasn’t sure what, and he was getting tense again.

  “Well, I hope it all turns out ok in the end. You’ve been friends with Anthony for a long time. I would think he’d come around eventually.”

  Sebastian quietly said, “Yeah, I hope so.” He pulled back and looked squarely at her. “I didn’t mean to say those things to you.”

  She took a deep breath. “It’s ok. You were right. I’m too fragile and I don’t like it anymore.”

  He gave her a squeeze. “No, you’re fine. Really.”

  She reluctantly smiled at him, knowing he was just trying to make her feel better. Ultimately she was way too delicate to be the Alpha Wolf’s girlfriend, and that hurt. It made her realize she needed to decide what she really wanted.

  Whether or not they lasted as a couple, though, she’d decided she was sick of how painful shifting into her cat was. She’d already scheduled a private meeting with Zach for later tonight to talk about being in the blood exchange. She didn’t want to tell Sebastian yet, though, just in case she couldn’t go through with it.

  They finished dinner and watched a show together in the living room, or at least pretended to. He wrapped his arms around her and she could feel his tenseness.

  “Honey, I don’t want you to think I don’t trust you. I do, I just…”

  He put his finger to her lips. “Shhh. It’s ok. I didn’t mean it.”

  She smiled at his sweet tone and he gave her a chaste kiss. He left when the show ended, and she hummed to herself as she cleaned up her kitchen, hoping things were ok between them again.

  **

  Jade met Zach at the library in one of the quiet rooms. He was leaning back in his chair, the front two feet off the ground. He always had a calm, easy going look about him, but she knew he could flip the switch and turn into a butt kicking alpha in a heartbeat. She sat across from him with shaky nerves.

  He eyed her as if he was bored. “So you want more power? What made you want this now? Is Sebastian pressuring you into it?”

  “No! Not at all. I’m just tired of how painful shifting is. And I want to heal faster.”

  He stared at her for a time before saying, “There’s no going back if you do this, you know. You can’t undo gaining more power. You sure this is what you want?”

  She nodded, though now that she was here for real, her earlier resolve to make a change in her life was starting to fade. Becoming a stronger shifter meant she’d be moving even further away from being a regular human. She already had to watch what she told her human friends at the bank about herself. If she became stronger, what if she couldn’t control it? What if she accidentally gave herself away? There were lots of stronger shifters than her out there in the world, though, and they got along just fine.

  Zach said, “All right. You’ll drink from Liam tonight. I want you to be careful afterwards, though.”

  She quietly asked, “Does Liam have any special powers?” She regretted her words as soon as they were out of her mouth.

  Zach’s expression went flat and hard. “No.” They’d had this conversation before, numerous times, but this time he wasn’t trying to talk her into anything. This time he didn’t give her the speech about how she couldn’t gain powers that way, about how she could only get stronger.

  She looked away from his intense gaze. “Can we keep this private? I haven’t talked to Sebastian about it yet. I’d like to be the one to tell him.”

  Zach’s chair creaked as he rocked lightly back and forth. “How’s it
going with you two? Everything ok?”

  Her heart beat in worry as she glanced at him and quietly said, “Yeah, everything’s fine.”

  His eyes sparked and she froze while his chair slowly dropped back down to the ground. He leaned forward and said with concern, “If something’s wrong, if he’s forcing you into anything, you let me know. He’s my friend, yeah, but you’re pack. I’ll protect you.”

  She fought back the sting of tears and looked away. “He’s not forcing me into anything, I’m just not strong enough for him. He won’t confide in me because I can’t handle who he is. I don’t fully trust him because of his strength, and he doesn’t trust me because I’m too delicate, in lots of ways.”

  She yipped in alarm when Zach was suddenly beside her, his arm around her in a comforting gesture. “Hey now, it’s ok. There are other ways to work through relationship problems. Trying to be more powerful doesn’t have to be the way. You have other choices.”

  His coddling irritated her enough to chase away her nervousness. “He didn’t have choices when he suddenly had to deal with a mind reading ability and not being able to be near people anymore. He had to learn to roll with the punches.”

  Zach stilled as he looked at her. “But you don’t have to. No one’s punching you, are they?”

  She frowned and shook her head.

  “You have a choice, Jade. He didn’t. Besides, even if he hadn’t gained his mind reading power, he would’ve still grown into an alpha. He had no choice in that, either. You take the responsibility you’re dealt in life and you learn to adapt. It’s really not any harder than anyone learning to adapt to anything else, except it’s just bigger, badder things the more powerful you are.”

  She calmed at that. She could learn. She’d gain more power and adapt to it. Yes. She could do this, just like lots of other people have done… lots of other shifters, she warily reminded herself.

  She wiped her tears away and any remnants of feeling sorry for herself. “I’m ready.” She didn’t feel at all ready, but knew this was the step she needed to take to start to plant herself firmly in the shifter world.