Rachel Lindsay - Alien Corn

by Rachel Lindsay

  'I won't have to try,' Inez said rudely. Time will do it for me!'

  Lorna drew back. 'If you've quite finished I'd like you to go.' 'I'll be glad to.' Inez turned on her heel, but at the door she paused and looked back. 'Strange as it may seem I don't dislike you as much as I thought. I always admire a fighter even when they're fighting a lost cause!'

  Left alone, Lorna sank down on a chair and buried her head in her hands. More than ever she needed Rafael to assure her that everything would be all right, that Inez had only spoken from jealousy and hate. How fragile was her confidence if it could be shattered by a few jealous words!

  That evening she went to see Amalia, amazed at the transformation in her friend. Her hair shone, her skin glowed and her eyes sparkled. She was sitting up in bed, a lace bedjacket over her shoulder and Francisco lying beside her in his crib. Lorna looked down at the tiny, perfect face, the straight hair sticking up like a porcupine from the round head, a smudge of an eyebrow and small fat nose and mouth. Gently she touched one hand, marvelling at the myriad lines that made it look as if he had toiled for centuries. Her throat contracted and she turned to Amalia with tears in her eyes.

  'He's wonderful, darling. The most adorable baby ever!'

  The happy mother looked suitably modest. 'He is rather sweet, isn't he? The nurse told me he's the handsomest baby that's been born here.' She leaned over and peered into the crib. 'You are, aren't you, my precious? And such a temper!'

  Lorna smiled dutifully as Amalia launched into details of the baby's diet and habits, the words skimming across the surface of her brain as she murmured the appropriate answers.

  That night Lorna dined alone with the Senhora. It was not a very happy meal and they had reached dessert - before the old lady spoke.

  'It was unnecessary of you to quarrel with Inez, my dear. Differences of opinion cannot be resolved with rudeness.'

  'Differences of opinion is a polite way of putting it,' Lorna said quietly. 'I can think of a much more suitable name.'

  'Such as?'

  'Jealousy. It is quite obvious Inez expected Rafael to marry her and she doesn't take kindly to the idea of being superseded.'

  The Senhora went on calmly peeling a peach. 'Perhaps Inez had good reason to think so.'

  'If you're trying to insinuate that Rafael said anything to her…'

  'A man does not always have to put things into words. Quite often a woman bases her reasoning on what he does not say.'

  'I should hardly think Rafael ever suffered from an inability to express himself! He had ample opportunity to marry Inez before I arrived - the fact that he fell in love with me is proof that she meant nothing to him.'

  'I cannot agree with you there. Sometimes the most sensible men do not see what is under their nose, nor do they realize what they are missing until they have lost it.'

  alien corn

  'Rafael doesn't look as if he's lost anything,' Lorna said shortly. 'He's perfectly happy. At least he would be if you didn't make your dislike quite so apparent. You were so nice to me when I came here, senhora. Why should you be different now?'

  'Because everything is different. You came as Amalia's companion, not as a future wife to my son. You might twist him round your little finger, but you cannot tell me what to do. I am an old lady and entitled to my opinions whether or not they concur with yours.'

  'I'm not trying to make you alter your opinions,' Lorna said desperately. 'It's only that it seems a pity for us not to be friends.'

  'We can never be friends,' the Senhora grunted.

  'Why not? And even if we can't there's still no reason for us to quarrel. I've gone out of my way to be polite to you. I know you find it hard to welcome another woman into your home, but you can't keep your son all the time!'

  'I don't want to keep him all the time. You are misconstruing the reasons for my disapproval.'

  'If you're going to repeat what you told me in front of I Amalia I don't want to hear.' Lorna flung down her napkin. 'Although while we're trying to clear the air a bit it might fee as well if I told you that I'd appreciate your not asking Inez here in future.'

  'I'm not in the habit of taking orders from anyone! This is still my home and I will do as I see fit. When you are married will be time enough for you to take the reins in your own hands.'

  Lorna did not reply to this and the meal was finished to painful silence.

  At the end of the week Rosalia left to visit her aunt in Oporto. With some amusement Lorna sat on the bed and watched her pack, thinking how fortunate it was to have relations wherever they were needed!

  With Rosalia away the house seemed more desolate than ever, and Lorna's boredom increased. Rafael was an intermittent correspondent and the few letters she received were lifeless and utterly lacking in warmth and personality. There was nothing in common between the passionate man she knew and the sender of these stereotyped tracts.

  A fortnight later Lorna was sitting alone in the drawing room after dinner, struggling with her Portuguese grammar, when the shrilling of the telephone cut across her thoughts. Not waiting for the maid to answer it, she walked into the library and lifted the receiver. It was Rafael.

  Her knees grew weak and she sat down abruptly.

  'Rafael darling! What a lovely surprise. How are you?'

  'Much better how I can hear your voice again. My God, Lorna, I never knew I could miss you so much! It's taking me twice as long to settle things because I can't get you out of my mind.'

  Her laughter trembled on the verge of tears. 'Oh, darling, don't say that. I can't bear you to stay away a day longer than necessary.'

  'Don't worry, I won't How's Mother?'

  'Very well. Would you like to speak to her?'

  'No, I only wanted to hear your voice again. Letters are so inadequate. What did you say? The line's terrible darling. I can't hear you.'

  'Your letters aren't a bit like you,' she shouted.

  'Neither are yours, but we won't have to rely on them much longer. I'll be back at the end of the month.'

  The operator's voice cut in, and there was a muttered imprecation in Portuguese.

  'I've got to go now, Lorna. They won't let me speak any longer. Take care of yourself, my dearest.'

  'I will. And you do the same.'

  'I can't hear you.'

  'Nothing. Nothing. Oh, Rafael darling—' but the. line was already dead, and with an overwhelming sense of depression she replaced the receiver. There was so much she had wanted to hear, so much that had been left unsaid she almost wished he had not telephoned at all. With a sigh she turned off the light and walked up the stairs to tell the Senhora.

  The woman was sitting in an easy chair by the window, a piece of petit-point in her hand.

  'Good evening, Lorna. Come in.'

  'I hope I'm not disturbing you.'

  'Not at all. I thought you were with Amalia.'

  'I saw her this morning.' Lorna sat down on the edge of a chair. 'Rafael just telephoned.'

  The Senhora looked up. 'Is he on the line?'

  'No, he was only able to speak for a few minutes. He sent you his love.'

  Thank you. I would have preferred to have spoken to him myself..'

  There was an awkward silence. 'Did he say when he would be coming back?' the old lady spoke again.

  'At the end of the month. When is Rosalia returning?'

  'Probably the same time.'

  'I see.' There was another pause and Lorna bridged it uneasily. 'It'll be a good thing when she's married to Senhor Deveer, although I daresay you'll miss her.'

  'Who told you about the marriage?'

  'Rosalia. And Rafael in the beginning, of course.'

  'I thought no one outside the family knew.'

  Lorna bit her lip. 'I'll be one of the family soon.'

  'Unfortunately I cannot forget that. I—'

  'Please, senhora, don't go on. You've already told me what you think. You need not do so again.'

  'But I cannot stand by and see my s
on's life ruined!'

  'Why should I ruin Rafael? I love him - love him so much I'd do anything rather than harm him. Why do you keep saying he won't be happy with me?'

  'Because I'm old enough to see a little further into the alien corn future than you, old enough to know that people don't change merely because you want them to.'

  'But I don't want him to change. I love him as he is.'

  'You are lying!'

  'I'm not!'

  'You are!' The Senhora swept her embroidery to the floor. 'Even before you are married you want to change him. Do you think that once you're his wife you'll be content to leave him as he is? Oh, I know what's been going on in your mind even though I haven't said anything about it before — but you can't go on like this, your conflict won't resolve itself in marriage.'

  'You can't say that,' Lorna protested. 'You can't bludgeon me into believing what you want me to believe.'

  'I don't intend to. If you are honest you will see it for yourself. You're different from us, Lorna. No matter how hard you try you will never be able to accept our ideas, our customs or our way of life, any more than we could accept yours.'

  'Why should it make any difference? Why can't Rafael and I be happy without giving up our heritage?'

  'Because no marriage can succeed where husband and wife don't share the same beliefs.'

  'There's such a thing as give and take.'

  'Not with Rafael! I love my son, but I know him too. Either you will have to change or…'

  'I won't listen to you. You're trying to make me afraid. You're putting ideas in my head.'

  They were there long before I spoke. I am merely formulating them.'

  'No, no! They weren't - not so clearly. I know Rafael and I are different - I won't argue about that - but it's a difference that won't mean anything in time. Our marriage will work, I tell you! Our love is big enough (to overcome any obstacles.'

  'You must believe what you think fit and allow me to do the same.' The Senhora picked up her petit-point and smoothed it on her lap. 'Don't think I'm speaking like this because I am jealous. If the circumstances were different you would be a good wife for my son. As it is you will never be happy together. For a few years, maybe — but when the first passion wears off, what will you have to take its place?'

  'Understanding.'

  'Never. You're just mouthing words you'd like to believe. Rafael doesn't understand you any more than you understand him.'

  Abruptly Lorna moved over to the Senhora's side. 'What would you advise me to do?'

  'What your heart tells you.'

  'But that's just it - I don't know! One minute I think it'd be better if I went away and the next I can't bear the thought of leaving him. Rafael's my life, I tell you. I can't give him up, I can't!'

  'But you want his happiness ?'

  'More than my own.'

  'In that case you should go. Go while you still have the chance. It's the only thing to do. You are young with your whole life ahead of you, and in a few months you will forget.'

  'Never!'

  'Yes, you will. Once you are in England everything here will seem like a dream.'

  'And will Rafael forget too?'

  'Of course.' The black eyes were expressionless. The man is not born who remembers for ever. At first he will be hurt and angry, but soon he will come to see that you did the only thing possible and then…'

  Then he'll turn to Inez.' Lorna's breath was a sob. It's what you want, isn't it?'

  The woman picked up her embroidery. 'Inez is right for him as you can never be.'

  That's not true! Many people of different nationalities are happily married. Why should ours be the only one to fail?'

  'It wouldn't be.' The needle flashed, its long coloured tail winding in and out of the canvas, 'Look at your. compatriots who married Americans. How many of those marriages succeeded? Yet there is more affinity between your country and the United States than there is between you and Portugal.'

  'I still think you're distorting things. I know what you say is true, but I'm sure there's an answer for every one of your arguments.' Lorna was trembling so violently it was difficult to talk. 'I'm not the right person to argue with you, senhora. I've worried so much that my brain goes round and round until I can't think clearly any more, and that's the truth.'

  There's nothing to think about,' the woman said firmly. 'Go home before it's too late. If you love Rafael you must leave him. It's the only way.'

  Tears poured down Lorna's cheeks and the room blurred and distorted so that the Senhora loomed larger. 'I can't believe it,' she sobbed. There must be another solution.'

  There isn't. Take my advice and go back where you are wanted.'

  'Rafael wants me!'

  'He thinks he does.'

  There was no sound in the room except the ticking of the grandfather clock in the corner, each beat repeating the Senhora's words: 'Go home. Tick-tock. Go home.'

  Lifelessly Lorna stood up. 'You win,' she said indistinctly. 'I'll go home. You're a selfish, bigoted old woman, but I believe you put your children's happiness first'

  'I can assure you I do. You are doing the right thing, my dear. One day you will thank me.'

  'Never that. Never that, whatever happens.' Without another word Lorna turned on her heel and ran out of the room.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Lorna spent a sleepless night going over, in her mind everything the Senhora had said. There was no answer to the old lady's arguments. Time alone would prove whether she was right or wrong, and to take a chance and marry Rafael was more than she dared do. If she did not love him so much it would be easy to take her own happiness, but the knowledge that by doing so she might wreck his future was more than she could bear. Their love had been wrong from the start. It had been born from the differences between them, differences that had at first repelled and then attracted them so violently that they were both helplessly enmeshed in a passion that bore no logical thought.

  As early as she could she left the house and went down to Cook's. Her mind was made up and to delay now would serve no useful purpose. She dared not wait to see Rafael: one glance at his face, a touch of his hand and her resolve would weaken. Better to leave while she still had the strength of mind.

  To her dismay the man in Cook's office shook his head when he heard that she wanted to leave immediately.

  'The planes are booked up for at least two weeks.'

  'But that's impossible!'

  'It's true none the less. There are only three flights a week from Lisbon to London, and one of them is the BOAG plane from South America. It stops here before going to England.' He thumbed the page of the book in front of him. There's always a chance that one or two passengers will get off at Lisbon, but we couldn't let you know in advance. You'd have to wait until the plane landed, or we might possibly be able to give you a couple of hours' notice.'

  'What about Portuguese Airlines?'

  'Also booked up.' He picked his teeth and surveyed her. 'Of course there's always a chance of a cancellation there too. If you'll give me your phone number I'll give you a ring when I get one in.'

  'I can't do that. I must know definitely one way or the other when I can leave. Isn't there any other means of getting out of Portugal?'

  There's always the train, but I wouldn't recommend it. It's not bad if you're travelling with a party of people, but not on your own.' He snapped his fingers. 'I've got it! You can go by boat. There are any number of steamers plying between here and London. Wait a minute and I'll find out if there's a berth.'

  Lorna sat down on a bench against the wall and listened to the man speaking into the telephone. The spate of Portuguese that followed was evidently satisfactory for he replaced the receiver and smiled.

  The Fernandez leaves. Lisbon at five a.m. tomorrow and they have room for one more passenger. It's not a luxury liner, you understand, but they carry ten or twelve passengers and you'll only have to share your cabin with one other woman.'

  Lorna mov
ed over to the counter, her hands shaking so much it was difficult to search in her bag for her traveller's cheques. Incredible to think that this time tomorrow she would be on the ocean, miles away from Portugal and Rafael!

  'Well,' the man said sharply, 'will you take it? I've got to ring them back right away.'

  'Yes-yes, I will.'

  Within half an hour all the formalities were concluded and it was barely eleven o'clock when she left Cook's office and walked out into the arcade. The only thing left to do was to pack and say good-bye to Amalia.

  Amalia was delighted to see her. This is a surprise! What brings you here so early?' At the expression on

  Lorna's face her own lost its smile. 'Darling, you look terrible! What's the matter?'

  'I'm going home.'

  'Is your aunt ill?'

  'It's got nothing to do with my aunt. This is between me and Rafael. I can't marry him.'

  'Oh, Lorna, I didn't know you'd quarrelled! When did he get back?'

  Lorna pushed back her hair and stood up nervously. 'He isn't back. He's still away. I can't marry him; that's all.'.

  Amalia. stared in consternation. 'I don't know what you're talking about! I thought you were so happy. You can't tell me you've stopped loving him, because I won't believe it.'

  'I'll never stop loving him,' Lorna said wearily. 'I only feel it isn't the right sort of love.'

  'Is there a wrong sort?'

  'At one time I wouldn't have thought so, but now I'm not so sure. Sometimes a passion can burn so deeply it destroys everything it touches and creates nothing.'

  Amalia shuddered. You sound like Edgar Allan Poe! It's unlike you to be melodramatic. Are you sure you feel well?'

  Lorna managed a brittle laugh. 'Perfectly, I think that for the first time I've found the courage to act on my convictions. I've been uncertain for a long time — you know that - and it's only now I've found the strength to go through with it.'

  'Have you talked it over with anyone else?'

  'Senhora Rodriguez.'

  'I might have guessed she was behind it all! How stupid to take any notice of anything she's put into your mind.'

  'She hasn't put anything into my mind. She's only helped me to clarify what's there.'