Magic and Mayhem: Secrets, Lies, and Meatballs (Kindle Worlds Novella) (Spaghetti Romances Book 2)

by Jordan K. Rose

  Lena hurled herself over the threshold and onto the porch. Once she broke past the door the insane gravitational pull of the magic meatball ended, which sent her hurtling down the steps and onto the lawn.

  “Our grandmother is a world-class matchmaker. She lives for the hookup. Her entire goal is to make every single unsuspecting and defenseless witch, shifter, and human fall in love.” Lena dusted off her jeans, which she now noticed had four tiny rhinestones haphazardly glued to her hip. “Damn it. That’s where those went.”

  “Is that really so bad?” Ralph leaned against the doorframe. “You might try softening that heart made of volcanic rock.”

  Plucking the rhinestones from her jeans with one hand, Lena summoned her bags from inside the doorway. “Ralph, last week you tried to set a personal record for having the most dates with different women in one week. You literally went out with five different women in one day. One day! The other six days you had no less than three dates a day. But now, you’ve eaten a meatball and are ready to fall madly in love with anyone.”

  With a wave of her hand Lena conjured her glue gun. She removed a top hat from one of the bags and delicately added the misplaced rhinestones to the intricate floral design she thought she’d finished that morning. “Ah. Perfect.” She held up the hat, tilting it to allow the sunlight to catch the pretty little gems.

  “Is that how you covered the skanky stain?” Ralph asked.

  “Yes.” She sent the glue gun back to the shop. “Doesn’t it look great? No one will even notice the mark.”

  “You think I’m weird. Wait, what’s the word you use? Oddball. That’s what you call me all the time. Have you looked in the mirror?” Ralph stepped off the porch, and before Lena could stop him he’d rummaged through two bags, pulling out a tuxedo jacket complete with matching rhinestone pattern on the lapel and iridescent purple bow tie as well as a tiara and sequined pullover. “You actually hand-make clothing and accessories for big dogs. You sew these ridiculous costumes for big ass canines, and you think I’m an oddball.”

  He put the tiara on his own head. “This looks ridiculous.”

  “You are supposed to support my ideas. You said you thought Big Dog Designs was a good one.” She snatched the jacket and pullover from his hands.

  “That was before I realized you were actually going through with this.”

  Parading around the yard with the pretty little tiara propped on his head, Ralph remained just beyond Lena’s reach.

  “It’s weird, but if you put it into context this is the best idea you’ve had so far. Let’s see. There’s been a flaming ice cream cone truck that caught fire before you were able to sell one cone. The hand-painted sunglass lenses were a huge hit.” He turned on his heel to face Lena. “Not. No one could see beyond the ornate designs covering their eyes. Then there was the magnetic broom that proved impossible to use for so many obvious reasons.”

  “You never said those were bad ideas either.” She darted toward him, reaching for the tiara, but missed when he teleported across the lawn. “Cheater.”

  “Do you have any customers?”

  “As a matter of fact I do. Four.” She smiled thinking about how serendipitously the orders fell into her lap.

  A thrill of success caused her stomach to clench. She’d never actually sold any of the previous products to anyone not related to her. Oh, her family, both immediate and extended, were very supportive. Most of them had placed orders for at least one of everything. In fact, she’d gotten duplicate orders for brooms, which she hadn’t been able to deliver because there literally was no way to defeat nature and magnetism being a function of nature made the broomsticks useless. In theory it had seemed like a good idea. In practice it fell apart.

  She carefully folded the sweet little tuxedo jacket so the rhinestones remained unjumbled.

  “You may be surprised, but people love their dogs. They love buying toys for them, taking them places, and dressing them up.” With focused attention she arranged the little outfits in a nice neat pile, again, paying close attention to the rhinestones.

  “No one wants to see a big, beastly dog dressed in a tuxedo.” He shook his head. “You’re a lost cause, a creative, sad, little lost cause.”

  “For your information plenty of people love this idea.”

  “Four is not plenty. Four will not make your business a success. Four is not profitable. Where did you get these four customers, and if you say they are Mom, Dad, Nonna, and cousin Jackie I will remind you of our previous agreement about family members.”

  Lena snickered. Their previous agreement, which started with a magic wrestling match that tore down three trees and broke several pieces of furniture before ending in a handshake, was that people related to them would not be considered sales or customers since they were all purchasing out of pity.

  “For your information those four sales are not related to us.” She turned her nose up.

  “Oh, well do tell me how you managed to meet four new customers when your shop is not even open yet, you don’t have a website, and you have not taken to the street as a cart vendor. I can’t wait to hear this.” He tilted the tiara to the left and let it sit crooked on his head glittering in the sunlight.

  Ralph had always loved nothing more than to torture Lena. Growing up there was never a day that did not end with her finding at least one doll strung up, naked and bald, from a tree or some other hanging post. In fact, Ralph went out of his way to find ways to tweak his sister.

  Lena knew exactly what he lived to do. She was perfectly cognizant of every obvious step he took toward getting a rise out of her. From murdering her dolls, to running her bras up the flagpole in the front yard, to literally riding in the trunk of the cars when she went on dates—Ralph was a master irritator.

  Today his behavior was no different. The exception to the day was how Lena would respond.

  She squared her shoulders and smiled. “As it turns out I happened to be working in the front window when the customers arrived.”

  It had been a gloriously sunny day, much like today, and Lena was energized, excited, and filled with a feeling of exceptionalism. “I was sending out positive vibes, and the Goddess was sending them back.” She beamed.

  “Well, do share the details. I cannot wait to hear what these four customers said that made you think they actually have an interest in dressing giant dogs in foolish costumes.” He conjured a hammock to swing between two of the remaining eight oak trees in the yard. “It amazes me the Goddess hasn’t sent a lightning bolt of common sense your way.”

  “This from the skirt-chasing hound who suddenly wants to get married to anyone.”

  “Not anyone. My intended.” The tiara fell forward on his eyes. “How do you plan to keep this on the dog’s head?”

  Lena flicked an impatient finger at Ralph and sent a stream of sparkling silver and pink magic to wrap around the pretty crown and tie in a giant bow beneath his chin. He looked like an idiot, and Lena loved watching him tug at the glittery ribbon with no luck at getting it loose.

  “Go on, tell me how you wrangled four strangers into buying a rhinestone crusted tuxedo for some giant dog.” He curled his fingers under the ribbon and pulled, which did nothing to loosen the knot.

  “Well, I was simply working in the window and they stopped in—just like any window shoppers would.” She studied her father’s flowerbeds. He was quite proud of all the vibrant colors from teacup pink roses, to lush red roses, to orange and yellow zinnias, marigolds, and lavender, white and pink snap dragons. She wondered if she couldn’t find some way of using the beautiful array of color to design a gown for one of the dogs.

  “Wait, what are the four costumes? I’m assuming this stupid crown with that weird tube shirt and the tuxedo are two. What else?”

  “If you must know, a tutu and a little mime costume.”

  Lena was quite proud of the costumes. The Labrador was sure to look adorable wearing the pretty pink ruffles. While the St. Bernard would make a ve
ry handsome imitation of Marcel Marceau.

  “Good Goddess.” He managed to get the ribbon out from under his chin, but before he could pull it off his head, it snapped back into place with a very painful sounding pop. “Ow!” He made an annoyed groaning sound and used two hands to remove the ribbon. “You mean to say four customers came in and asked for these ridiculous outfits for their dogs. I don’t believe you. Are the customers even real?”

  “Yes! Of course. I’m fitting a Labrador, a St. Bernard, one Great Dane, and a lovely Rottweiler who happens to be quite shy, though I think will feel very pretty in that tiara.” With a wave of her hand Lena sent the bags back to her shop where they’d remain hidden away from her idiot brother until she was ready to present them to the customers.

  “If you’re quite done fooling around with that tiara, I shall go. I still have work to do on the tutu, and the pants for the mime costume need hemming.”

  Not to mention Lena had a very uneasy feeling about the fact Nonna had not appeared on the lawn waving a long metal fork with a meatball. Her parents and Nonna knew she was here and clearly the meatball was the focus of the moment, which made it quite suspicious they had not followed them outside.

  “They’re up to something,” Lena said.

  It was likely Nonna had run out to the backyard to consult the statue. Behind the house with the marble monstrosity was where Nonna could be found every evening and at any point throughout the day when she had something to “share.”

  “She’s probably getting some weird spell from that hunk of carved marble.” Lena leaned toward the side of the house and listened. “Something’s not right with that witch or that statue. I’m telling you something…is…not…right.”

  Ralph stopped fighting with the tiara for a split second. “You’re just figuring that out now?” He sighed. “Sometimes I wonder how you made it through college.”

  Lena and Ralph had both attended the University of Rhode Island, both traveled abroad for a year to Italy, both studied business, both took extracurricular classes in magical arts, both graduated top of the class.

  As annoying as it was to have a twin who did everything with her, it was impossible for Lena not to want to do everything with her twin.

  “I still don’t understand how you found four customers without having an open shop. Besides me and Dad and maybe Mom, the only other person to go into that shop is the carpenter. That’s four people, but not four customers.”

  Without flinching or letting her voice flicker, Lena deflected. There was no way she’d tell Ralph the truth of the matter.

  “I’m not continuing to argue with you. I have four non-related customers and that’s it. What have you done with yourself all day? Not one damn productive thing.”

  “Explain how you got the four customers. I don’t understand.”

  “Ralph, I was simply working in the window and they stopped in, like normal everyday customers!”

  She glanced toward the house, studying each of the windows to try to see where her parents and Nonna had to be watching, but not one of them stood in a window.

  “I gotta get out of here. They’re up to something.” There was a certain something, like a strange breeze on the wind, and it was making Lena very nervous.

  “Oh, no you don’t. I happen to know the front of your shop is charmed so no one sees it other than that carpenter until all the work is done and you’re ready to open house. So how exactly do four customers who can’t see you stop in?”

  “Well…I…” Lena couldn’t exactly explain because explaining would open a can of worms that was best left closed up tight. “I…you see…”

  The front door opened and out walked Nonna—without a meatball. She parked herself on the porch swing, sipped an iced tea, and watched Ralph struggle to remove the tiara from his head.

  “I’m listening,” he said as he jerked around the hammock like a fish flopping on the seashore.

  A big black truck came barreling down Huckleberry Lane.

  Impressive. Shiny. I like it, thought Lena.

  Intrigued, she paused, waiting to see which neighbor had decided to upgrade his wheels. “That is one nice paint job,” she said, and Ralph twisted to the side to face the truck.

  “Yeah, great.” He went back to fighting with the ribbon.

  “That’s all you have to say? Look at how shiny and clean the—” Lena and Ralph locked eyes.

  “Since when do you care about paint jobs?” He released the ribbon, letting it snap back under his chin.

  “I don’t,” she whispered, utterly perplexed about why she even noticed the paint job, never mind how pristine it shone in the sunlight. The fact she was impressed with the sparkle on the rims made a worry like she’d never experienced gurgle in her stomach.

  The truck slowed in front of the house and pulled into her parents’ driveway. In the bed of the truck four giant dogs barked. A wild urge to dress them in their little suits stirred in Lena’s chest. Her heart pounded. Those were her four customers—the Labrador, St. Bernard, Great Dane, and Rottweiler. The dogs all turned and faced Lena, wagging and wiggling.

  “Hi doggies,” she whispered, and all four barked like madmen.

  “Hey guys. Calm down.” The familiar voice of the carpenter who’d been working on her shop drifted over the top of the truck as he rounded the back. “What’s gotten into you?” He glanced across the lawn, and when his gaze met Lena’s he smiled that same smile from two days ago when he offered to let her dress all four of his dogs in silly little costumes.

  Lena waved and practically drooled on herself.

  Chapter Three

  “Hi…” Lena felt her body react, eyelashes batting, lips pulling up into a wide smile, mouth watering as if she wanted to eat him. “…Jimmy.”

  “Out you go, boys.” Jimmy dropped the back door of the truck bed, and all four dogs jumped down, sprinting toward her. “Go say hello.”

  She bent to greet Big Dog Designs’ first customers, petting everyone behind the ears and getting licked and slobbered.

  The carpenter strapped on a tool belt, then opened a compartment on the side of the truck and removed three wooden boards. The man had been working on her shop for nearly a week, and she’d never looked at his truck. In fact, over the seven days she’d known him they had talked about a number of different topics, but never cars.

  Lena supposed the topic of cars might have come up if they’d spent more time talking, but talking wasn’t what they liked to do best when they were alone.

  He tucked a few more tools into his belt. “I thought you were working today. Are you going into the shop later?”

  Lena shook her head. “Yes.” The breathy sound of her answer made Lena blush. There was something about Jimmy that made her speak in a sexy bedroom voice she had never used before.

  She sighed and watched him approach, balancing the boards on his shoulder. He moved with the grace of a god. Wavy light brown hair, highlighted with golden flecks moved in the gentle breeze. His eyes were such a deep blue Lena would have sworn he wore tinted contacts. Broad shoulders and a well-muscled chest stretched a black t-shirt to its limits. And although he walked toward her, Lena knew his backside was as perfect as the rest of him. She’d spent enough time admiring it this past week to pass as a stalker.

  “Which is it? Yes or no?” He chuckled.

  Lena laughed a near hysterical giggle. “Right. Exactly.” Her head tilted to the side and she shrugged, feeling her cheeks tighten from the extreme smile they’d pulled her lips into. “You’re so funny, and hot, and strong.”

  “What the fazoole?” Ralph yelled.

  Lena and Jimmy looked at her brother who was now stuck in a hammock twist. She mouthed, “What are you doing?”

  How could he embarrass the family acting like a moron? Couldn’t he ever do anything mature? Sometimes she wondered why they kept him around.

  “Do you need a hand?” Jimmy asked, which drew Lena’s attention from Ralph.

  She’d been dum
bstruck at being attracted to a regular, everyday human. She’d always feared she’d end up with a warlock and be fated to Nonna’s situation—a mom with a husband who left her. But instead, she’d somehow found herself inexplicably attracted to someone who probably wouldn’t believe she was an honest to gypsy witch. That was a worry for another day.

  When Jimmy turned to walk toward Ralph, she was practically helpless with desire. Her hands moved as if of their own will toward his bum. They ached, literally ached to squeeze those perfect, round, and firm cheeks.

  “No, buddy, I don’t need any help? LENA!” Ralph shouted.

  Just as Lena’s fingers would have skimmed across the worn denim covering Jimmy’s wonderful assets she jumped and barked. “What?”

  “What? What?” The hammock spun rapidly, and Ralph nearly came loose, which was when Lena realized he was about to pick a fight with the poor carpenter.

  She waved a hand toward the hammock, and it spun in three rapid turns, trapping him for at least a few more minutes. “Guys.” She bent over to the dogs. “Why don’t you go say hello to my brother?”

  The obedient beasts trotted over to the hammock and circled Ralph, who now grunted and groaned with each useless thrash.

  “That’s your brother?” Jimmy turned to face Lena, lowering his voice. “I thought you said he was smarter than he looked.”

  With Ralph looking like a demented princess it took work for Lena not to laugh. “He is. I swear it.”

  “Is he okay?” Jimmy asked.

  “Oh, he’s fine. He’ll love getting to know your dogs.” She reached for Jimmy’s arm, letting her fingers curl around his bulging biceps. “Oh, my. Well, that’s…that’s quite nice.”

  Her hand slid over his shoulder to his chest. “Yep. That’s still so very nice, too.” She stepped in closer and inhaled. “Hmmm. You smell fabulous, like a dryer sheet and something else.”

  “I just did laundry.” His chest rumbled when he spoke, his voice so deep, so sexy, Lena was tempted to climb up and hug him.