“Oooooh, slow down there, baby,” Sarah winced. “I’m still in some pain.”
“Sorry, Mom,” his eyes were wide with apology.
“I’m so glad you’re okay,” Abby said, sitting gingerly on the bed and trying not to stare too much at all the monitors her mother was hooked to.
“I feel so much better just having you both here with me,” Sarah remarked as another party entered the room. It was a young, attractive state trooper. He smiled at the scene of mother and children on the hospital bed.
“Dr. Lynde? I’m Officer Chadd,” he greeted her, shaking her hand.
“Can my kids stay?” she asked.
He nodded and began to ask her what she remembered from the night before. She told him about the veering headlights, the car side-swiping her and sending her careening off the road. “Is the other driver okay?” she questioned.
“He’s in critical condition,” Officer Chadd replied. “Young kid. Only 22 years old. Seth Zielinski is his name.”
The color drained from Sarah’s face. She suddenly felt like she was going to vomit. “What’s wrong, Mom?” Owen asked, ever-perceptive when someone was agitated or upset.
“He was one of my students.”
***
A couple of hours later, Rachel tiptoed into the room as silently as she could muster, but still sort of loudly because she was wearing high heeled boots. Sarah was dozing lightly but awoke enough to sense her best friend’s presence and motioned for her to sit down beside her on the bed. “Did the kids go home?” Sarah murmured.
Rachel nodded. “Yes, your mom took them just after they saw you. They went to get something to eat too.”
Sarah’s head was pounding and she realized it was time for another dosage of pain medication. She knew they were giving her narcotics and she knew she was a little loopy, but she was starting to piece together the timeline of what had happened. “I’m glad you guys came,” she said. “I’d feel pretty lonely here all by myself.”
“James is still here,” Rachel told her. “He asked if you got the flowers.”
Sarah sat up. “The flowers are from James? James is here?” Her head suddenly felt clear and unencumbered.
“Yeah, he’s been here all day. They called him first cause he came up as the last call you’d made from your cell. He called me and I called your mom. Sarah, he thinks you’re mad at him and don’t want to see him.”
“I am mad at him,” Sarah remembered. He’s been waiting here all day? Her head was throbbing as she thought about how he must feel knowing she wrecked leaving his house in the middle of the night. “No, I’m not mad, I just give up, that’s all.”
“What do you mean you give up?” Rachel questioned. “Since when do you give up on anyone or anything?”
“I think he should be with Maggie,” Sarah admitted. “I can’t make him happy. I’m holding him back from making a happy life with the woman he loves.”
“Why don’t you let him decide that?” Rachel asked sharply. “For fuck’s sake, Sarah, you seem bound and determined to push him away as many times as you can. Why are you doing that?”
Sarah buried her aching head in her hands. “I wish I knew,” she whispered.
“I’m going to go get him,” Rachel announced and was gone before Sarah had a chance to protest.
Sarah reached over and grabbed the card that had been attached to the flowers off the table and slowly ripped opened the little envelope. It only said: I’m sorry. James
Sarah wanted to rip the card up. What the fuck is he sorry about? Sorry we fought? Sorry he doesn’t want to be with me? Sorry he’s in love with two different women? Sorry he’s leaving? Before she could postulate any other scenarios she saw his broad frame in the doorway. “Are you sure you want to see me?” he asked.
Sarah nodded and watched him walk to her bedside. He remained standing. “Why did you leave last night?” he asked as if he couldn’t take a step further without hearing her answer.
Sarah was silent for a moment and studied his face. He looked tired, like he’d been up all night. His face was clenched with hurt and fear, his eyes looked gray with pain. She’d never seen him look so serious. Then his eyes traveled up the length of her body, encased in the white hospital bedding, tubes coming out of her arms and chest and nose. She witnessed his entire countenance soften as if her pitiful appearance had drained all of the concern about his own feelings out of his mind.
He grabbed her hand and bent to kiss her cheek. “Never mind,” he said, his lips close to her ear. “It doesn’t matter. I’m just glad you’re going to be okay.”
She could almost hear his heart pounding in his ribcage as he straightened back up and waited for her to say something. Anything. “James, I had an epiphany last night,” she finally spoke.
His eyebrows raised. “What’s that?”
“I’m holding you back from being with Maggie,” Sarah explained. “You’re conflicted about what you want because I’m here and I’m so accessible. But I know how much you want a traditional family and your own kids, and, well, I can’t give you those things. I have to let you go. I have to let you go so you can be with Maggie.”
James’s face was blank, completely devoid of expression as he processed Sarah’s words. Then he shook his head, and a little vein popped up in his neck she’d never noticed before. He cleared his throat to declare: “No, Sarah, that’s not what I want.”
“No, but it’s what needs to happen,” Sarah replied adamantly. She pulled the blanket up to her chest realizing that the cold air and James’s presence had caused her nipples to stiffen against the thin cotton material of the pink flowered gown she wore. His mere presence was driving her completely crazy, despite her woozy head and injuries.
His eyes were piercing through her now. “Please don’t play the martyr, Sarah. Look, I know you’re in pain so I don’t want to make things worse, but it’s not for you to decide what is best for me. I don’t know what I want right now, and I realize patience is not your strong suit, but I still want you in my life, Sarah. I only have a couple of months before I leave, and I want to be with you. I want to spend time with you.”
Sarah had lost her ability to speak. Her ears were ringing with disbelief. Her eyes kept scanning his face trying to figure out why he couldn’t just let her go.
James continued, “Look, I don’t know what’s going to happen after I get back. I can’t make you any promises, but I want the chance to see what happens. I’m sorry I had some issues last night. But I have a lot on my mind, and I’m getting ready to go off to war. It has nothing to do with you or how attractive or desirable I find you. It’s just a lot of shit in my head that I don’t know what to do with right now.”
She nodded, the tears starting up again. “I wasn’t mad about the issues you had. I just felt like maybe you didn’t want me....and I don’t want to keep you from pursuing what will make you happy...” Her voice trailed off before she weakly added, “...even if it’s not me...”
In addition to the injury-induced pain, her body ached to touch him. As if sensing her need, he sat on the bed and took her into his arms, carefully avoiding the tubes and wires. Her head on his chest felt like home, despite the cold, sterile hospital bed. “You make me happy, Sarah. God, I can’t believe I almost lost you,” he whispered, rocking her gently back and forth in his embrace. “I love you.”
***
Rachel drove Sarah home the next evening after she was released. Pawel was busy in her kitchen cooking a welcome home feast for her and the kids. Sarah was overwhelmed with gratitude and gave him a hug and kiss as soon as she saw him. He was very careful not to squeeze her around the ribs too hard. “So you’re out of commission for a while, right?” he guessed, giving her a little wink.
“Yeah, I suppose so,” Sarah replied as if she hadn’t made that connection yet. “Damn, that sucks.”
“Tell me about it,” he agreed, stepping back to take a look at her from head to toe. “You’re still the sexiest woman I kn
ow, even in bandages.”
Sex has been the furthest thing from my mind. How unusual, she realized. She smiled and mouthed the words “thank you,” trying not to get choked up again. Crying and laughing were equally painful.
“Sarah, there’s something else I want to tell you before the kids join us,” Pawel said, his expression changing from bright to grave. Sarah looked at him expectantly. He took her hand into his and guided her over to the table where he motioned for her to sit down.
“I want you to hear this from me, before you check your email.” Sarah nodded in understanding as he continued. “The university sent out a message to all faculty this afternoon,” he explained. “It was about the accident. They said you were being released with non-life threatening injuries. But the student who hit you...” He paused, trying to determine the most delicate way to break the news.
“What, Pawel, just say it...did he...?” Her heart plummeted like a broken elevator car crashing down to the bottom of its shaft.
“He didn’t make it,” Pawel softly revealed. “I’m so sorry.”
She shook her head as the tears took over. An unspeakable tragedy. He pulled her into his arms as the sobs ripped through her, the bandages tightening around her aching ribs. He was so young...a senior...his whole life ahead of him.
She remembered a paper he wrote for the research methods class she’d taught her first semester there. How she’d met with him and helped him focus his research topic. She thought about his family, his grieving parents, his roommates, his friends. Did he have a girlfriend? How was it that one bad choice could alter the course of history? Why is it that one split second can change the course of someone’s life forever? If she hadn’t been on that road; if she had been asleep in James’s bed, maybe her student would have made it home safely.
Why is life so short and cruel? No wonder I want to fill my life with as much love as I can. Love is the only thing that transcends cold, hard, reality. The only thing that matters.
***
Chapter Nineteen
Assateague
Sunlight sparkled on the rippling waters of the Chesapeake Bay as they crossed the four mile long bridge. The bay was dotted with white sailboats and in the distance larger ships loomed gray and stalwart on the gently rocking waves. Sarah hadn’t been over to the Eastern Shore of Maryland since the summer before when she’d taken Owen and Abby to the beach. James had never been.
She watched his fingers grip the steering wheel as he concentrated on staying in his lane. I’d almost think he is a little nervous to be driving over this bridge, Sarah thought, noting how fixated his eyes were on the gray pavement stretched before them. She glanced back at his thick, sturdy hands and remembered the night she met him, how imagining his hands caressing her body had sent chills up her spine.
As they progressed down the highway, James took in the scenery of the Eastern Shore, the arched bridges over inlets and rivers, the flat rows of newly planted corn spreading to the horizon, the stately pine trees reaching toward the sky. Sarah was reflecting over their last night together, just a few days before, on the occasion of James’s 30th birthday. She’d surprised him by coming over midweek, a birthday cake and candles in tow. After she’d fed him cake and wine, she undressed him, stretched him out on his bed and sensually massaged every inch of his body with fragrant oils, underscored by flickering candlelight and soft music. He said it was the best birthday present he’d ever received.
That’s when she said, “I’m not done yet. I’m also taking you to the beach this weekend.”
“The beach? What beach?” he questioned, his curiosity well-piqued.
“Assateague,” she’d replied, grinning.
“Assa-what?” he’d looked at her quizzically.
She’d laughed, remembering her similar response when she’d first heard about the island on the Eastern Shore of Maryland where wild ponies frolicked on sandy beaches and grazed on sweet bay grasses. She thought the rumors must be greatly exaggerated till she saw the sweeping beauty of the marshes and the beach, and of the course the wild ponies, with her own eyes.
Her soul connected to the magic of the island the very first time she set foot on its sandy soil. All she could think about was sharing it someday with someone she loved. It seemed a fitting place to take James to celebrate his birthday, as well as the end of the semester she’d narrowly survived, and of course, her recovery from the accident. She felt blessed. Assateague was a good place to celebrate blessings.
They made it to the beach and she helped James set up their tent in a small valley of sand dunes several yards from the water. There was a bit of shrubbery but otherwise they were quite exposed to the wind and elements. “Good thing it’s not supposed to rain this weekend,” Sarah remarked. “It’s still going to get pretty cold at night though so you’re gonna have to keep me warm.” She winked at him as if she was issuing a challenge.
“It’s probably better to come later in the summer,” James replied, surveying the stakes and adjusting the tarp over the top of the tent.
“Well, you’re not going to be here later in the summer,” Sarah retorted coldly, hating to remind them both of that stark reality when she really wanted to have a peaceful, relaxing weekend. Allow me just one more weekend of denial, she begged. This may be the last one we have together...ever. That last word rang through her mind like the tolling of a funeral bell.
He pulled her into his arms and kissed her softly on the cheek. “This place is beautiful, Sarah, and I’m glad to be here with you. Right here, right now, there’s no place else I’d rather be.” He bent to taste her lips, feeling the heat rising between them even as the cool spring wind whipped around their embrace.
“Oh, and it’s relatively calm here now,” Sarah said. “Later in the summer it’s crazy crowded here on the weekends. Off season is much nicer...it’s just colder. But that means less bugs and more cuddling! Perks, if you ask me!”
James grinned, “It’s fine, it’s fine. So what do you want to do first?”
Sarah’s devilish laugh was lost in the wind, but she pulled James close to her again by the zipper of his fleece hooded sweatshirt and whispered in his ear a few deliciously lascivious thoughts. He unzipped the door to the tent and pushed her inside where he fell on her, laughing. “We have to stay in here out of the wind,” he said. “I don’t see us recreating any famous beach sex movie scenes this weekend!”
“Where’s your sense of adventure, Mr. GI Joe?” Sarah smirked, unfastening his pants while he pulled off his shirt. Seconds later they were both nude, hands and mouths exploring, their verbal communication transitioning to purely physical communication. The chill was quickly absorbed into the heat their bodies generated. She wrapped her legs around his hips as he pushed his cock deep inside of her, her pelvis grinding against him with every stroke. His lips never left hers as he took her over the edge only moments after entering her.
Afterwards she lay in his arms awash in contentment. “Do you think it’s unusual that we’re still having this much sex after nine months together?” she asked.
James chuckled, “Sarah, I’ve never had this much sex with anyone at any point in any relationship.” He kissed her cheek. “You have the highest sex drive of any woman I’ve ever known.”
“Really?” Sarah asked. “Exactly how many women have you...ahem...known?”
James lips were still pulled into a smile. “Really? You really want to know a number?”
“Yeah, of course I do,” Sarah replied. “It’s not like I’m going to get jealous. Do you keep track?”
“Not really. I think about 15 or 20.” She watched her face start to crunch that number factoring in his age with the lengths of his deployments and the relationships she knew about, adding in Rachel and Felicity, the two women she’d watched him with.
“So I guess it’s safe to say you’ve had some one night stands,” she surmised. “You’re a very good lover for having had so few partners.”
“Twenty is ‘so fe
w?’” he asked, surprised. “What about you?”
“Ohhhh,” Sarah smiled guiltily, wondering how he would react to her admission. “I keep track.”
“Oh yeah?” his eyes widened.
“I haven’t been that active in the past year. I’ve only been with four men this year,” she admitted, watching his eyes twitch at the word “only.” She tried to keep her mouth from curling into a sheepish grin. “I have had much more...active...years though, in the past.”
“So, what are we talking?” James questioned. “Fifty?” He watched her eyes shift upwards, indicating a higher number. “Triple digits?”
She laughed and playfully slapped him on the stomach. “No, not yet. I am pretty sure I’m in the 60’s.”
“So you’ve had three times more partners than I have,” James calculated, “and you still think I’m a good lover?”
She grasped his hand and leaned in close to his face. “Darling, you’re not just good, you’re the best I’ve ever had.”
He was silent for a moment, humbled and awed by her assessment. His lips just inches from hers, he inquired, “What makes me so good?”
She carefully considered how she wanted to deliver her catalogue of praises that included glowing reviews of his oral abilities and amazing endurance, but she knew it ultimately boiled down to one thing and one thing alone: how much she loved him. She had never felt this connection, this passion for another partner before. She didn’t even know she was capable of being this captivated, this drawn to another person. It was the interaction of their bodies, the intersection of their minds that created their magic. She brightened as she discovered a way to explain it: “Do you remember telling me that you were amazed at the way I always knew just how and where and when to touch you?”
He nodded slowly, not understanding what her recollection had to do with his lovemaking skills.
The Mountains Trilogy (Boxed Set) Page 28
