The Mountains Trilogy (Boxed Set)

by Phoebe Alexander

  "Why do you have to go? Why can't they send someone else?"

  James sighed. "It's classified."

  Of course it is, Sarah fumed inside her head. "Did you tell the Captain what's up? That we were doing fertility treatments? Or is that classified too?"

  He shook his head. "It wouldn't matter."

  Sarah was beyond frustrated. He didn't even try to get out of going, she realized, adding more fuel to her already burgeoning fire. He has no understanding or empathy for what I’ve gone through to make this happen and now he's telling me it's all been for naught. His Captain probably has no idea we’re even doing this because James refuses to tell anyone anything.

  Her fight or flight reflex was activated like the legendary red button in the Oval Office would be in the event of an attack on the country. Without saying a word, she marched down the stairs, grabbed her keys and purse off the kitchen counter and headed to the garage where she got into her trusty red Toyota and backed out of the driveway. Even though she pressed the garage door button emphatically, it wasn't nearly as satisfying as being able to slam a regular door. So she gunned the engine and scraped the bumper of her car on the driveway as she turned her wheels toward the front of the neighborhood.

  Once out on the main road, she managed to partially subdue her emotions and drive a little less wildly to Owen's school to pick him up. It was nearly time for classes to be dismissed anyway. Abandoning the bulk of her hormone-fueled rage, she pragmatically formulated a game plan as she drove. We'll go to Mom's house and take her out to dinner, she decided. She'll know what to do. She'll calm me down.

  She knew better than to seek out her best friend for advice. Rachel would probably go kidnap James and tell the Army she was holding his testicles hostage until his sample could be procured. Sarah nearly laughed at the thought, but she couldn't quite get necessary the air to come up through her windpipe due to her lingering anger. And hurt.

  She glanced down at her phone a few times during the drive, but he did not call or text. Her mind was racing through a series of plans and thoughts. Fine, maybe I'll just stay at Mom's tonight. He can go off to North Carolina and I'll see him when I get back. And I guess I'll have to call the clinic and tell them this cycle is a wash. Dr. Kapoor is not going to be happy. Why didn't we have him freeze some sperm ahead of time? I guess that's what we'll have to do before we start next month's cycle. Her head was throbbing with all of the sudden stress, and she felt a dull ache in her pelvis with the occasional sharp pang where she imagined her ovaries were literally bursting with ripening follicles.

  But by the time Owen began walking toward her car wearing a confused expression on his face, Sarah had meditated and game-planned away her pain, disappointment and anger. She was completely composed and calmly explained to her son that James had to go away for a few days, so they were on their own for dinner. "I thought we'd go see what Grandma is up to," Sarah said, a smile curling her lips.

  "Cool," Owen answered. He was pretty easy to please, especially if it involved food of any kind. Typical preteen boy, Sarah thought with relief. Abby would have asked a zillion questions, and I might not have been able to keep it together. Boys are such simple creatures.

  She steered her car in the direction of her mother's, glancing down at her phone one more time. It was still dark and silent. Later she forgot to call the clinic.

  ***

  Abby didn't feel like going out with Maddy and a couple of other girls from her floor for frozen yogurt. Who can enjoy yogurt when there’s so much wrong in the world? Abby pondered, walking back to her dorm after her last class. She was actually looking forward to sitting in her room alone and pondering whether or not she should email Chloe back. Of ask her for Bree's phone number. Abby had deleted Bree's contact information after deciding she never wanted to speak to her again. But now she wasn’t feeling so confident in that decision.

  Unfortunately, Abby's roommate Jessica was in their room for once, and very loudly talking on the phone with her sister. Abby grabbed her keys and bag and headed for the library. Can't I get one minute of peace? she asked the universe, her question mostly directed at the huge bank of clouds with their golden underbellies hanging over the top of North Cheyenne Cañon. They did not provide an answer, but continued to deepen into shades of amber and indigo.

  She thought about calling her mother. She suddenly felt alone and homesick, but there was something, a strange metaphysical feeling that came over her. She perceived a warning that her mother was busy with her own problems and Abby shouldn't interrupt. I’ve gotta learn to take care of myself anyway. This is what being an adult is about, right? she bolstered her resolve.

  She made it to the library and looked for an out-of-the-way cubby where she could crash for a couple of hours. She popped in her earbuds and cranked up her tunes. Nothing a little dubstep can't solve, she thought, remembering one of her mother's oft-repeated mantras: "fake it till you make it." If she just pretended things were okay, eventually they would be. She was about to bury her nose in a thick textbook when she saw a pair of pale but shapely calves flash by.

  As much as she was drawn to Bree's golden skin, she was also compelled by milky white flesh. It seemed like the perfect, unblemished blank canvas for tattoos. She enjoyed studying a person to create a vision of what kind of tattoo they might have, then she would draw it in her mind. Some people warranted bold, high-contrast Celtic symbols, others swirling, colorful paisleys and intricate rose-covered trellises. Still other canvases might look ripe for a wolf, an eagle, or a wild, flaming skull.

  She glanced up to study the head attached to the legs and it was none other than Star Tattoo, who had breezed past her toward a large oak-trimmed table with four chairs. Three chairs were occupied by other gothy, androgynous folks outfitted in ripped jeans and slouchy sweaters, with a proliferation of piercings and black nail polish. Oh, guess she has a clique, Abby observed, wondering if the foursome were truly as intimidating as the vibes they gave off.

  She sprawled out in her cubby for an hour trying to concentrate on her book, but she stole glances at Star Tattoo’s table at the rate of two per paragraph read. As hard as she tried, she couldn’t convince herself to go over to the table and introduce herself. That would be too weird, too forward, she decided. It’s just not me. I’m not that kind of person.

  While she was glad she had temporarily forgotten about the Chloe and Bree conundrum, she was frustrated that even presented with the golden opportunity to be a new student in a new city, she kept reverting to old patterns of behavior she’d formed long ago. As much as she wanted to break free of the chains that bound her to being Abby Lynde, she wasn’t sure how to do it. Before heading back to her dorm room, she Whispered: If I have to change to make myself worthy of meeting you, maybe it’s better that I don’t.

  ***

  Chapter Five

  Anniversary

  Sarah looked out across the vast expanse of rolling mountains, watching them fade into the horizon like lavender ghosts. She could hardly believe it had been a year since she and her beloved stood in this exact spot and professed their love and commitment to each other

  in front of a small group of witnesses that included Kathy Lynde, Abigail and Owen, Rachel and Jack and their kids, Sarah's brother Adam and his partner Brandon, and James's entire family including his parents, sisters, brothers-in-law, and their children.

  They'd rented three large cabins built into the mountainside near Asheville, North Carolina. The site was very close to the property James had rented earlier that summer. He had originally planned a romantic weekend getaway with Maggie Carson, his fiancée at the time, but after he confessed to her that he was in love with Sarah, she left him. Sarah had also turned him away when he declared he wanted to be with her and not Maggie. She was afraid she had caused him to make a terrible mistake. So James went to the cabin alone that weekend since it was already paid for. He needed to decompress after being rejected by two different women in only a week.

 
That was when Rachel, Kathy and Abby had all

  conspired to convince Sarah she was missing her golden chance to see if she and James had what it took to build a relationship. Sarah hastily packed a bag and drove through the night to meet him at his cabin, arriving just as the morning mist was beginning to burn off the tops of the mountains.

  After James popped the question, they'd talked about what kind of wedding they envisioned. He was perfectly content to forego a formal wedding. After enduring months of Maggie’s wedding planning, he wasn’t anxious to go down that path again with another bride. But one look at Sarah's wide, hopeful eyes edged with disappointment quickly swayed him toward a wedding.

  Naturally they both thought of the mountains, and specifically the spot in Garden of the Gods in Colorado where they’d exchanged their first “I love yous.” But that was where Rachel and Jack had gotten married, and it was logistically a lot harder and more expensive to get everyone to Colorado than it was to venture two

  states away to North Carolina. Asheville was only a 7 hour drive from Ohio and from Maryland. Adam and Brandon were then the only two who had to fly. Plus, Asheville was where their relationship got its first real chance to grow that weekend when Sarah unexpectedly met him there.

  Sarah began looking into hotels and cabins in the area to accommodate their entourage but was presented with an extraordinary opportunity. One of her colleagues and her family owned a tiny, intimate resort with three cabins and a barn that she was willing to rent to Sarah for the entire weekend at a phenomenal price. Sarah saw dozens of pictures of the property before signing the rental agreement, but she wasn't prepared for how stunning it was till she saw it in person the day before the ceremony.

  Nestled in between two great wooded peaks robed in brilliant fall hues, the main cabin overlooked a winding creek in a valley with incredible vistas stretching toward the horizon. The barn next door had been converted into a wide open space for entertaining with a kitchen, fireplace and stone chimney, parquet dance floor, and a dozen rustic tables and chairs hewn from local timbers. Sarah had cried when she saw it the first time.

  James was quick to notice her tears. "Is everything okay?" he had asked. She had turned and buried her face in his shoulder, sobbing softly into his muscular flesh.

  "You don't like it?" he asked her. Looking around, he couldn’t imagine anyone not liking it.

  She pulled back and wiped away a tear that had trickled down her cheek. "No, it's absolutely perfect. More perfect than I could have imagined in my wildest dreams." She hugged him tight, the feeling of disbelief that she was actually marrying him overwhelming her once again.

  The next morning their families gathered on the deck of the main cabin, which had been decorated with boughs of evergreens, pumpkins, gourds, pine cones and fragrant candles in mason jars. The deck faced

  east toward the rising sun where the light gently dappled through the yellow-leafed branches of the birch trees. Sarah had hired a string quartet to play, and they had set up at the far end of the deck, looking refined in their black tuxes and gowns. Once the rich, smooth tones of Canon in D struck the air, the bridesmaids, Rachel and Abby, emerged through the french doors of the cabin. They wore matching floor-length crimson gowns, each clutching a bouquet of snow white dahlias, orange lilies, and golden sunflowers. They walked toward the deck railing where James, his father, and Owen stood waiting with beaming smiles.

  Rachel's husband Jack was an ordained minister and had performed weddings for family and friends, so James and Sarah felt more than comfortable having him serve as their officiant. He looked relaxed and happy as he watched his daughter Gia, wearing a crown of tiny red and yellow flowers, appear on the deck. The young girl in her ivory tulle dress with a crimson sash scattered fall leaves from a wicker basket as she flitted toward where the rest of the bridal party awaited its bride.

  Finally the music swelled, all four pieces of the string ensemble pouring their passion into their bows. Sarah, resplendent in an ivory lace gown with a sweetheart neckline, cap sleeves and empire waist,

  appeared on her brother Adam's arm. Her dark hair was twisted up into a loosely-pinned bun with tendrils peeking out around her face. She wore three crimson roses under the bun with a sheer veil falling to her fingertips. Her bouquet matched the flowers in her hair.

  James had always believed Sarah to be a classic beauty, but he had never seen her more radiant than on their wedding day. He remembered the golden aura that enveloped her when they visited the Garden of

  the Gods during their first trip to the mountains, and it had returned that morning, surrounding her like the ethereal glow of a host of angels. She approached him with slow, deliberate paces, watching the expression on his face grow more and more delighted the closer she

  came to his side.

  Standing there with the mountains ablaze with fall colors, James and Sarah vowed to love each other unconditionally until the end of time. Looking into his clear, blue eyes as he recited his vows, Sarah reflected on how at one time she thought this moment could never happen, that their relationship was hopeless and doomed. What changed? she wondered. Was it one of us? Me not giving up hope? Him shedding the crazy, meaningless ideals he felt he should build his future on? Or was it just the sheer power of their connection, something beyond them both – something intangible, perhaps even supernatural - that kept bringing them back to each other, even in the face of all things rational and practical.

  When Jack pronounced the bride and groom husband and wife and James took her into his arms, Sarah couldn't help but feel as though they were sealing their destiny. They were writing a happy ending to rival that of any fairy tale. Considering all they had survived together, how could anything tear them apart now?

  A year later, she still felt that strongly as she scanned the mountains across from her, watching the clouds sail past as the weather moved east and the sun began to ascend its throne. It’s hard to believe it's already been a year, she thought. She envisioned herself in that beautiful lace gown standing in the same spot where she said "I do.” She was grateful for the generosity of her friend to rent out the main cabin for her and James to spend their anniversary, even if the space was a little extravagant for only two people. She almost wished they had brought their entire entourage to celebrate with them all over again, but it seemed better that they have some time alone. They hadn't been able to get away together since their families left them to enjoy their honeymoon in the mountains the day after the wedding.

  She put her hand on her stomach and sighed. She wouldn't know for sure if the in vitro procedure had worked until they arrived back in Maryland. Unless she started her period, and then it would be obvious that it hadn't. She felt a little achy in her lower abdomen, and she had a few pregnancy symptoms, but Dr. Kapoor had warned her that all the hormones she was taking would make it nearly impossible to tell which symptoms were legitimate and which were side effects of the medications.

  She had to smile when she thought about how the cycle had worked out. The day of her last ultrasound she had been instructed to do the hCG trigger shot, but when she arrived home, James was packing to leave on a work trip for Fort Bragg. They got into a huge fight because he seemed unwilling to explain the situation to his superiors and see if there were any alternatives to scrubbing the entire cycle after all Sarah had been through to prepare for it.

  She’d stormed out of the house, picked Owen up from school, and went directly to her mother’s house. Naturally, Kathy had sage, soothing advice for her daughter. But Sarah still returned home after dinner, feeling despondent and frustrated. She thought James would have already left for North Carolina, but he was waiting for her, and he had news. He had contacted Dr. Kapoor’s office and they had agreed to open up early for him to go in and provide a sample, which they would then freeze and have available the next day to fertilize Sarah’s eggs after retrieval.

  So although Sarah would have preferred James be there the day she went in for egg retrieval,
at least there would be an egg retrieval. Chances were better using fresh sperm, but a try was better than no try. And after her appointment the following day, Dr. Kapoor said all went according to plan and that now the only remaining course of action was to wait to see how the eggs fared. Later he verified that nine eggs had been successfully fertilized and four made it to five days. Two of those had been implanted, the other two were frozen. She tried not to think about the five that hadn’t made it. James wasn’t interested in knowing any of the specific numbers. Sometimes passion for ethics and philosophy was a heavy burden to bear, and they were both bearing it.

  If I thought the injections were difficult, Sarah considered, well, they’re nothing compared to waiting. Waiting is not my thing. And it was yet another reason they decided to go away to celebrate their anniversary. It seemed much easier to wait while enjoying a romantic weekend in the mountains than it was while going about a normal routine.

  James joined Sarah on the deck, the morning sun soaking into his shirtless chest. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her on the neck. “Thank you for talking me into going away this weekend,” he said. “I think we both needed it.”

  She nodded. “Absolutely.” She brushed her lips against his. “This has been an amazing year, darling. Thank you.”

  “I should be doing the thanking. You put up with me,” he laughed. He pressed against her and inhaled the scent of her hair as the dark waves blew in the gentle fall breeze.

  “Well, I’m hopelessly devoted to you, what can I say?” Sarah smiled, her body responding to his touch. There’s nothing I would rather do than have him take me right out here on the deck, she thought, envisioning their naked bodies intertwining as dappled morning sun rained down on them.

  As if he heard her thoughts, she felt him sigh and press his pelvis into her while simultaneously pulling her tighter into his embrace. She could feel his rigid cock poking into the softness of her belly through the thin flannel material of his pajama pants. “I want you,” he whispered, as if it wasn’t already evident. “Are we still in abstinence mode?”