Lily had forgotten the reckless pleasure of being in his arms. Right now, she felt as if every muscle had gone fluid within her. If she tried to stand, her knees would buckle beneath her.
Drawing back, she looked into his brown eyes and saw only desire. He spoke no promises but only held her.
And she wondered exactly what she had started between them.
Two days later
“You have a caller, my lord.”
Matthew glanced up from his ledgers, wondering if it was Lily who had come to visit. He yearned to have her back in his life at his side. They belonged together. Somehow, she had managed to forgive him for his sins, making him want to be a better man for her sake.
“Who is it?” he asked the footman.
“A lady who calls herself Miss Carlisle. She said she had sent you several letters, and there was no reply. Should I tell her you are not at home?”
He tensed at the mention of the blackmailer’s name. It seemed that ignoring her actions had not silenced her. Worst of all, he’d found evidence in the ledgers that his father had indeed paid Miss Carlisle over the years—and he doubted if his mother knew anything about it. It was best to meet the problem face to face.
“Show her in,” he told the servant.
Matthew stood from his chair, fully prepared to throw the woman out, once he reassured her that he would not pay anything for her silence. If his father had indulged in an affair, it was over. He refused to have anything to do with a mistress.
But the woman who entered his study was not at all the sort he’d expected. She was dressed in a black serge gown, and she appeared to be in her midfifties. The lines of her face held weariness and suffering, and he half expected her to drop to her knees in prayer. And there was a familiarity about her, as if he had seen this woman somewhere before.
“Thank you for agreeing to see me, my lord,” Miss Carlisle began. “I understand that you may not have received my letters.”
“I received them,” he said curtly. “That does not mean I intend to pay you any blackmail money. Whatever secrets my father was trying to keep do not matter. He is dead, and we have gone on with our lives. As must you.”
Her brown eyes held sadness. “I did know Lord Arnsbury well, long ago. I was young and foolish and fancied myself in love with him. I thought he would marry me after I was caught in a compromising position, but he refused.” Shame darkened her cheeks. “He decided to wed Charlotte instead.”
A sudden uneasiness caught in his gut, though he could not understand why. He had already guessed that this woman was one of his father’s old paramours. But why would she return now believing he would pay her anything?
“Have you never wondered why your eyes are brown, like mine?” she murmured. “Neither Lord Arnsbury nor Lady Arnsbury has the same color as ours. We look like one another, do we not?”
A coldness flooded through him, and he said nothing. It was as if her words were a razor, slashing through him. Never, in all his life, had he allowed himself to consider that Charlotte was not his mother. It was unthinkable.
Miss Carlisle took a step forward. “It is well known that Lady Arnsbury was barren for at least ten years. She went away for nearly a year and returned with you, claiming you as her child. And then Lord Arnsbury raised you as his heir.”
“Get out,” he said. He had no wish to hear any more of these insinuations. “I will pay you nothing. But I will have you arrested on charges of blackmail, unless you cease these accusations.”
“Your father ruined me,” she said softly. “And he knew it. He was also willing to pay a yearly sum so that I could live in comfort.”
“I am not willing to pay it.” He took her by the elbow and guided her to the door. “You will leave now, before I have you removed.”
“The Earl of Strathland was my brother,” she said. “I have hidden myself from society over the years because of his misdeeds. But if you ask Lady Arnsbury about our family, she will tell you what truly happened.”
He started to open the door, but she touched his hand with hers. “How much is your good name worth?” she asked. “All I ask is a small amount to live on. And in return, no one need ever know you are a bastard.”
In response, he led her outside the study, closed the door, and shut her out. His hands were shaking from fury and denial. All his life, he had been the beloved only son of his parents. He had never wanted for anything, and his mother had treated him like a precious gift.
There could be no truth to Sarah Carlisle’s words. She was only trying to solicit money from him, and he would not consider it.
Have you never wondered why your eyes are brown, like mine? God help him, there was indeed a similarity between them. That was why she had appeared so familiar. He saw bits and pieces of himself in her face.
She is not my mother, he swore to himself. He would not allow such thoughts to take root. But he could not dispute the fact that his father had indeed paid this woman a great deal of money over the years. Whether it was guilt over having ruined her. . .or the price for secrecy, he could not say.
And God help him, he didn’t want to know the answers.
For the next few weeks, Matthew pushed the matter to the back of his mind, keeping his attention on courting Lily. Ever since he had nearly seduced her, she had shied away from him, ensuring that James was always there to chaperone. Although she never once turned him away when he came to call, it was clear that she was uneasy about being alone with him.
And so, he took a step back, giving her time to adjust to the idea that he wanted to be with her.
Some men might use flowers or jewelry to court a woman. Instead, Matthew brought Lily books and pamphlets on veterinary medicine. He considered it a challenge to find new gifts for her, and it pleased him to see her smile.
The dog’s wounds had healed, and today Matthew saw Sebastian curled up at Lily’s feet while she studied. She wore a dove-gray gown, and her brown hair was caught up in an updo with two curls hanging down to her throat. Her fingers were ink-stained, but she continued to write.
Her footman cleared his throat, announcing his presence. “Lord Arnsbury has come to pay a call, Lady Lily.”
“Show him in, Calvert. And tell James that he has come.” She glanced up from her work and smiled.
“I regret that your brother is not here just now,” Calvert said. “Shall I send for your mother to chaperone?”
“Yes, please.” Lily set her pen down and stood from her chair. The dog rolled over, and the moment he spied Matthew, his tail began to wag. Sebastian stood and stretched, then trotted over to sniff Matthew’s shoes.
Lily gripped her hands together and nodded in greeting. “Hello, Matthew.”
He moved forward and lifted her hand to his lips. “Good afternoon, Lily.” With a glance toward the papers scattered around her, he asked, “How do you find the correspondence course?”
She smiled and answered honestly, “It is unfortunate that I have to lie about my name and pretend I’m a man. But they seem pleased with my progress. I’m learning about rabies in dogs at the moment.” She reached down to ruffle Sebastian’s ears, and he licked her fingers.
Matthew offered her a package wrapped in brown paper, and she smiled at him. “Another book?”
“If it were, I would need to bring you a bookcase as your next gift. But no, it’s something different this time.”
She unwrapped the parcel to reveal a box. He watched her expression while she opened it. Lily withdrew a silver bracelet with a dog charm hanging from the chain, and her face softened. “Oh, Matthew. It’s as if you captured the image of Sebastian.” She raised shining eyes to him, and her happiness filled him up with satisfaction. He helped her put on the bracelet, and her hand rested upon his. “It’s wonderful.”
When he held her fingers captive, she hesitated. “I fear I will stain your hands with my ink.” Her face flushed, but he didn’t let go.
Instead, he rubbed his thumb across her knuckles. “I’m
hardly worried about ink, Lily.” He cupped her cheek, tilting her face up as he kissed her lightly. “I am very glad we don’t have a chaperone yet,” he murmured against her mouth. “I’ve missed kissing you.” He started to deepen the embrace, but she pulled back.
Lily’s cheeks were flushed, and she rested her hands on his shoulders. “I—I don’t know where my mother is,” she stammered. “I wonder if she’s feeling well today.”
Matthew didn’t know whether he’d frightened her or overwhelmed her. But he relaxed his hold, not wanting to pressure her. “Am I making you uncomfortable?” He guessed he had pushed her too far when he’d touched her the last time.
She rested her hands upon his chest, meeting his gaze. “I feel a bit like I’ve been tossed through a storm. I hardly know what to think.”
He stroked back a fallen strand of her hair. “I am courting you, Lily. I want to start again and rebuild what we once had.”
She hesitated and covered his hand with her own. “I do want you to be well and whole again, however long it takes.”
He understood then that this was about trust. She didn’t know if he would fall back into the darkness in which he had been imprisoned. “I was a different man when I was taking those medicines,” he admitted. “I haven’t touched any since then, and it has helped.”
“It wasn’t the medicine that wounded your spirit and your mind,” she reminded him.
“No. But I have shut out that part of my life. It needs to stay in the past, and I won’t think of it again.” He believed that it was the best way to move on and let the nightmares remain where they belonged.
She was silent for a time, but her hand moved across his heart. “A part of me wants to agree and pretend that everything is back to the way it was before you left.” She raised her eyes to his. “But neither of us is the same person. And I don’t believe locking away bad memories will make them go away. I’d rather face them with you.”
“I won’t ever speak of what happened in India.” It was easier to behave as if that time had never existed.
She studied him with a pensive expression. “It might help you. But I will not ask it of you. I’m only afraid of what will happen if you lose yourself again.”
“It will not happen,” he swore. “I have no reason to take laudanum or opium anymore.” He leaned down and kissed her lightly. “All I want is to spend time with you, Lily. I feel more like myself when you are near.”
Her hazel eyes softened, and she answered, “I am glad of it. And I hope that each day grows easier.”
Matthew wanted to ask her to marry him but sensed that they were still rebuilding trust. He drew back slowly but kept her hands in his. Before he could say anything more, Lady Penford entered the drawing room. She smiled at the sight of them and said, “Lord Arnsbury, you are looking well.”
The dog went up to Lily’s mother and sniffed her skirts, his tail wagging. From her lack of fear, it appeared she was having a lucid day. Matthew nudged Sebastian aside and kissed Iris’s hand. “It is good to see you, Lady Penford.” She wore a light-blue day dress and a rope of pearls around her neck.
“Have you asked my daughter to marry you yet?” she inquired, smiling at him.
Matthew returned the smile and saw Lily’s hesitant expression. “Not yet. I need to be certain she will agree before I ask her.”
“Nonsense. You were nearly married once before.” Iris turned to her daughter. “Don’t you want to marry Matthew again? You told me you had always planned to marry him again, once he returned from India.”
“I—I might. I don’t know.” She seemed to be grasping at reasons to delay her answer. “I should finish this correspondence course for now.”
Matthew reached for Lily’s hand. “I see no reason why you could not finish it after the wedding.” He squeezed her hand lightly and leaned in to her ear. “Play along, Lily. Let her have a little joy.” Her face relaxed when she realized he had no intention of pressuring her into marriage.
“I quite agree,” Iris said. “Perhaps you could wed next month. That would give you enough time to have the banns read.”
He winked at Lily and asked, “What do you think?”
She looked at her mother, and a slight smile spread over her face. “It might be better to have a Christmas wedding in a few months. It’s rather cold and rainy just now.”
“Oh, I do like that idea.” Her mother beamed. “We could have a wonderful party with holly and a fir tree lit with candles.”
Matthew released Lily’s hand and bowed to her mother. “And dancing.” He offered his hand, and Iris took it. He led her in a country dance to the end of the room, and as he spun her, the older woman laughed with delight. Sebastian barked, his tail furiously wagging as if he wanted to join them.
But it was the gentle understanding in Lily’s eyes that caught his attention. She knew he was trying to bring a bit of light into Iris’s life, a moment of happiness. And when he bowed to Iris at the end of their dance, she sank into a chair, still laughing.
“Oh my. I haven’t danced in years, I don’t think.” She reached for a fan on a side table and opened it, fluttering it in front of her face. Sebastian trotted toward her and rested his face in her lap. Lady Penford rubbed his ears, still smiling. Then she reached into a fold of her skirt. “I’d nearly forgotten. Calvert asked me to give you this note. It’s from Evangeline Sinclair.” She held it out to her daughter.
Lily stepped back and tore open the note. She read aloud:
Dear Lily,
I fear my dog is dying, perhaps of boredom. Annabelle lies next to the hearth all day, doing absolutely nothing. Will you bring Sebastian and perhaps we could take them both on a walk?
Warmly,
Evangeline
At the very mention of the word walk, Sebastian perked up, his tail wagging. Though his broken leg now seemed to be healed, she had not attempted much in the way of exercising him. Lily bent down. “Would you like a walk, Sebastian?”
The dog’s excitement grew, and he danced in a circle, as if he understood their conversation. Lily smiled at his antics. “Well, then. I suppose that’s my answer.” She rang for Calvert, and when the footman arrived, she gave orders for the carriage to be brought around. “Sebastian will be coming with me. I will need his collar and leash.”
“Do you and Evangeline need someone to accompany you on the walk?” Matthew offered.
Lily shook her head. “I’m certain that Evangeline will want to gossip freely, so not this time. We will take our footmen with us, though.”
“I will bid you good day,” he said, kissing her hand. But he held it a moment longer. “Your mother’s idea of a Christmas wedding is a good one, Lily.” He slid his signet ring from his finger and pressed it into her palm.
She blushed, her expression filled with joy and uncertainty. “I will think upon it, Matthew.”
“Thank you for coming over to look at my dog,” Evangeline said, leading Lily inside their townhouse. Sebastian appeared delighted to visit, and he sniffed at the carpet, his tail wagging furiously. “I’ve been wondering if Annabelle is ill. She’s hardly moved from the fireplace in a week.”
“I am glad to look at her for you,” Lily said. Though her studies had only a little information about dogs, she was beginning to see the similarities among the animals.
From the moment she entered the sitting room, Sebastian’s demeanor transformed. He pulled hard on the leash, struggling to reach Annabelle. The plump cocker spaniel eyed him with suspicion, and Sebastian crouched low with his tail in the air, desperate to play.
“I think we should take them both for a walk now, don’t you?” Evangeline suggested. She reached for a leash and slid it over her dog’s head. “Annabelle is quite fat, and I’ve no doubt it was caused by sitting and eating all day long.”
Lily wasn’t so certain, but before she could get a closer look at the dog, Evangeline’s father, Cain Sinclair, blocked the doorway. “And just where d’ye think you’re going, Evan
geline?”
“Lily and I are taking Sebastian and Annabelle for a walk.”
Sebastian sniffed at Annabelle’s backside, his tail wagging. Then he trotted over to Evangeline’s father and rolled to his back, exposing his belly.
A faint smile creased the man’s mouth. “You’re a braw lad, aren’t you, dog? A fine animal indeed.” Then he turned back to his daughter. “Your mother told me that Thomas Kingford, Viscount Burkham, intends to pay a call on you this afternoon. She’s wanting you to stay.”
Evangeline’s face turned pained. “Lord Burkham was once betrothed to Rose, have you forgotten? He abandoned her when she was ill.”
“Aye. But your mother said he isn’t so bad.”
“He’s a fortune hunter, and I will not let him court me,” Evangeline insisted. “Not to mention, Mrs. Everett has sunk her claws into him. She intends for him to wed her daughter. Good riddance, I say.”
Mr. Sinclair did not seem at all disappointed in his daughter’s reluctance. “If you wish to never marry, that’s all right with me, lass.” Evangeline only rolled her eyes and said nothing. Then Mr. Sinclair added, “What of you, Lily? Have you decided upon a husband as of yet?”
She decided to tease her friend. “I’ve had an offer from Lord Arnsbury,” she confessed with a smile. “I am thinking about it.”
Evangeline’s mouth dropped open. “Do you mean to say that Matthew asked you to wed, and you didn’t tell me? You let me go on about dogs when your life is about to change?” She appeared aghast at the idea.
“I haven’t said yes, Evangeline.” Because he’d only said it to soothe her mother, she wasn’t certain it was a true offer—but then again, he had given her his signet ring again. She wore it beneath her gown on a chain around her throat.
“Oh, but you will.” She looped her arm in Lily’s and smiled at her father. “Please give Mother my excuses. Lily and I must be off now so I can learn everything and talk her into the marriage.” She tugged upon the leash, but her dog planted herself firmly upon the floor and refused to budge. In exasperation, Evangeline picked her up.
What the Earl Needs Now (The Earls Next Door Book 2) Page 15
