Dangerous Secrets (O'Connor Brothers Book 3)

by Rhonda Brewer

  When he turned around, Lily curled up in her bed staring at him.He pulled the covers over her and sat on the side of the bed. She still didn’t speak, but her eyes never left his face.

  “You’re a good daddy,” Lily said sleepily and tucked her hands under her cheek.

  “Thank you, and you’re a terrific big sister to Gracie.” Ian smiled remembering all the times his mother would tell him how great a big brother he was to his younger brothers. It always made him feel good as a little boy even though John and James were older than him, it still made him feel like he was king of the world that his mother would give him that compliment.

  “Can you sing like Uncle A.J.?” She asked. Aaron had been singing with her earlier and had made the mistake of mentioning the band his brothers had. He’d also told her that Ian could sing and play the guitar. It wasn’t that he couldn’t, it was just that it was something he did alone.

  “Well Uncle A.J. is probably a better singer but don’t tell him I said that.” Ian tapped her nose with his finger, and she giggled.

  “Can you sing me a song?” There was no way he could deny her when she used those big blue eyes on him.

  “Sure, honey.” Ian tucked her hair behind her ear and sang the first song that came to his head. Irish Lullaby was a song his mother would sing to them before bed time as kids, and since it was a lullaby, it just seemed fitting to sing to his little girl.

  He’d been about half way through the song when she yawned and closed her eyes, and for a few minutes, he just watched her sleep. He didn’t know what she was going through and it was killing him. He still had his mother and the thought of something happening to her made his chest hurt.

  He closed the door quietly as he left the room. Sandy was going to be back that night, but he hadn’t heard from her. Maybe she’d changed her mind about coming to talk to him or maybe her flight didn’t get in. He missed her and prayed with all the changes in his life, they could still move forward in their relationship. He couldn’t change what happened that night as much as he wanted to but it killed him to know it hurt Sandy.

  He grabbed a beer from the fridge and settled in on the couch to wait for Sandy. It was the first time he’d sat down to relax since he got out of bed that morning. How the hell did his parents raise seven boys? He was dead on his feet with two little girls, and they weren’t nearly as rambunctious. Was he really going to be able to raise two girls by himself? What did he actually know about raising kids especially girls? Sure, he grew up around four female cousins, but all he remembered about that was terrorizing them. He needed to talk to someone who knew about raising girls, and the only one he could think of was his Uncle Kurt.

  Chapter 12

  Sandy was never so glad to see her driveway in her life. The last twenty-four hours were a roller coaster, and it wasn’t over yet. She still had to talk to Ian and the thought of telling him she could probably never give him any more children was terrifying. Reliving that night was not easy for her, and she hadn’t talked much about it to anyone.

  She walked into her house and dropped her bag in the foyer with a thud. Every part of her body was exhausted, but she had no time to rest. She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and checked it. There were no missed calls or messages, and it made her heart drop a little. Part of her was hoping to see something from Ian.

  She called Keith to let him know she was back and to make sure he was still okay with her telling Ian about Yellowknife. She needed to know he was okay with her coming clean with Ian. Their relationship was never going to work if she kept this secret from him.

  Her heart pounded as she waited for Keith to answer the phone. She was so worried he would tell her to keep his name out of it that she was on the verge of having a panic attack. When he finally answered, she yelled into the phone.

  “Hello,” Keith answered with his usual deep, gruff voice.

  “Hey, it’s me,” Sandy said louder than was necessary.

  “Is there a reason you’re yelling at me?” Keith chuckled.

  “Sorry. Listen….ummm…. I want to make sure you’re still okay with me telling Ian about Yellowknife.” Sandy stumbled over her words and felt like a complete idiot. He was like a brother to her even before she knew she had a brother.

  “I already told you I was okay with it.” He said.

  “I’m afraid this is going to change how he feels.” She blurted out.

  “I think you should tell him. Especially now, but I honestly don’t believe it will change anything,” Keith said.

  “I hope not.” She leaned against the wall.

  “I know Ian loves you and he’ll understand. If he doesn’t, I’ll kick his ass.” Keith said.

  “Yeah, that’ll help.” Sandy rolled her eyes. “I’m going over to talk to him before I lose my nerve.” Sandy pushed herself off the wall and opened the door.

  “Do you want me to be there when you tell him?” Keith asked.

  “Thanks, but I think I need to do this alone.” Sandy sighed.

  The whole way to Ian’s house she prayed because it would kill her if he couldn’t accept it. Considering he came from a large family and they’d talked about what kind of families they wanted one day, Sandy knew Ian wanted a big family.

  The screen door was closed, but the door inside was slightly ajar. Sandy opened it and listened before calling out to Ian. It was a little after ten, and she figured the girls were probably asleep. There was no response, so Sandy walked further into the house. The light from the television was flickering, Ian was slouched down on the sofa, and she smiled when she heard his soft snore.

  She pressed her head against the door jamb and watched him for a moment. He must have been really exhausted to fall asleep so early. She was disappointed, but it appeared their conversation had to wait.

  Sandy turned to leave and saw a little girl standing in the hallway in a pink nightgown with the word Frozen written across the front. Sandy knew the Disney movie well since Evie made her watch it numerous times. Sandy crouched down as the little girl walked toward her.

  “Hi,” Sandy gazed into the same blue eyes as Ian had. There was no doubt the lovely little girl was Ian’s child.

  “Hi.” The little girl said. “You’re Sandy.”

  “Yes, I am.” Sandy was a little taken back that the little girl knew her name.

  “I’m Lily.” She flicked her wavy hair back from her face.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Lily. How did you know who I was?” Sandy asked.

  “I saw your picture on his phone while he was sleeping and he said he loved you while he was asleep.” Lily glanced into the living room and then back at her. “He says it a lot in his sleep.”

  The little girl seemed so much older than six years old. There was also a lot of sadness in her eyes and with good reason. She’d lost her mother, and if anyone knew how that felt, it was Sandy.

  “I see.” Sandy didn’t know what else to say as she glanced back at Ian softly mumbling on the couch.

  “He sleeps really loud.” Lily’s serious expression made Sandy chuckle.

  “He’s probably tired.” Sandy smiled.

  “Yeah.” Lily sighed and her eyes filled with tears. Sandy knelt on the floor and took the little girl’s hands.

  “Lily, what’s wrong?” It was a stupid question because the child was probably missing her mother terribly.

  “I had a bad dream,” Lily said in a soft broken whisper.

  Without hesitation, Sandy pulled the little girl into her arms and hugged her tightly. She should probably wake Ian and let him know Lily was upset but something inside her wanted to be the one to help.

  “Bad dreams aren’t nice, but you know what?” Sandy whispered into the little girl’s ear.

  “What?” She sobbed

  “I’m excellent at scaring away bad dreams. My mommy used to sing me a song that kept all my bad dreams away.” Sandy smiled as she thought back to the song her mother sang to her when she was little. It was a silly made up s
ong, but it always made her feel better and at times when she was feeling overwhelmed she’d sing it to herself.

  “Where’s your mommy?” Lily tilted her head to the side, and her blue eyes searched Sandy’s face.

  “She’s in heaven.” Hopefully Lily knew what that meant. Not everyone taught their children about religion these days.

  “My mommy’s there too.” Lily dropped her head.

  “I know.” What else could she say?

  “Can you sing the song to me?” Lily looked at her with such hope that there was no way she could refuse.

  “I can, and I’ll even teach you the words so you can sing it too.” Sandy stood and lifted the little girl into her arms and headed back to the room she’d seen Lily exit.

  “We got to sing quietly ‘cause Gracie is sleeping,” Lily whispered.

  “Okay,” Sandy whispered and helped Lily into her bed. She glanced around the room. Ian certainly pulled things together quickly, but chances were his family had helped.

  “I’m ready.” Lily snuggled down into her bed and pulled a ratty-looking bunny into her arms.

  “First you need to know that the song has the same music as twinkle, twinkle little star but the words are different,” Sandy explained.

  “I know that song. Gracie loves it.” Lily whispered.

  “Okay, so listen to the words and then we’ll sing it together, all right?” Sandy said.

  “Okay.” Lily smiled.

  “I’ll use your name in the song instead of mine.” Sandy knelt next to the bed, and Lily nodded. “Okay, here we go, ‘There’s a place in our minds, where our hopes and fears unwind. Sometimes they are scary things, sometimes they will give you wings. But there’s one thing you must hear, dreams can never hurt you, dear. Lily you must always know, that your daddy loves you so.’”

  “I like that song.” Lily yawned.

  “You want to try singing it with me?” Sandy asked, and Lily nodded.

  Sandy started off slow singing the song again, but Lily never missed a word and not only did she know them but the little girl had such an angelic voice. Sandy stopped singing and just listened.

  “That was superb, Lily.” The voice startled Sandy.

  “Sandy taught me a song.” Lily’s eyes fluttered. “Her mommy helped her stop the bad dreams.”

  “It sounds like a great song.” Ian smiled down at the little girl, and Sandy fell a little bit more for him. If that was even possible.

  “Her mommy’s in heaven too.” Lily yawned and closed her eyes.

  “I know, sweetie. You go back to sleep, and we’ll be out in the living room.” Ian tucked the blankets around Lily and peeked in the crib at the baby. Sandy hadn’t had a chance to get a glimpse of the baby, but from what she could see there was no doubt she resembled her father.

  “I’m sorry, you were asleep, and she was really scared, and I remembered mom singing me that song, and it made me feel…” Ian stopped her babbling by pressing his lips against hers. She stiffened for a moment but the warmth of his mouth and his arms pulling her into him she melted into the kiss.

  “I missed you,” Ian whispered.

  “I missed you, too.” She pressed her lips against the side of his neck, and he moaned.

  “Don’t ever leave me like that again.” Ian pulled back and cupped her face in his hands. “I know this was all a shock, and you were hurt.”

  “It wasn’t that Ian. It’s… well, there’s something you don’t know and... Only a couple of people know.” She tried to look away, but he held her face forcing her to meet his eyes.

  “What is it, Sandy? You know you can tell me anything.” She wanted to believe him, but she was so afraid it would change how he saw her.

  “I just don’t want it to make a difference and…. with all the changes in your life this could be too much and….” Sandy stopped and pressed her lips together. It had to be like pulling off a Band-Aid. Just tell him and then answer his questions, but the minute she gazed into his eyes, the words stuck in her throat.

  “Sandy, are you sick?” The pained expression that came over his face made her cringe. Since his brother James had lost his first wife to cancer, the whole family probably worried about it.

  “No. I’m not sick... I’m... I lost a baby eight years ago, and I can’t have children anymore because of what happened.” Sandy blurted out so fast she wasn’t sure he even understood what she said.

  “You can’t?” It was almost as if he couldn’t believe what he was asking.

  “No.” She shoved her hands into the front pockets of her jeans and stared at the floor.

  “You said only a couple of people know about this. So, Stephanie knows?” Ian asked.

  “Yes.” She glanced up to meet his eyes, but he’d walked out of the room. Her eyes blurred with tears because it was just as she feared.

  “Who else knows?” His voice startled her. She turned, and he was holding two bottles of beer. One of which he held out to her.

  “My sister Kim, Stephanie and….” She took the bottle, and her hand shook. She was worried about telling him Keith knew.

  “And who?” Ian raised the bottle to his lips but stopped just before it touched them.

  “Keith,” Sandy whispered.

  “My brother.” Ian’s jaw clenched, and it was evident he didn’t like Keith knowing.

  “I don’t talk about this, and the only reason Keith knows is that he was there.” Sandy watched his expression turn from anger to concern.

  “What happened?” Ian asked

  “It’s a long story, but I want to tell you if you want to know. I need you to know, but it’s tough for me to talk about it.” Keeping her emotions under control when she spoke of her baby was almost impossible.

  “Was Keith, the father?” Ian asked but before she had a chance to answer a familiar gruff voice answered for her.

  “Don’t be a fucking ass. No, I wasn’t the baby’s father.” Keith snapped.

  “What are you doing here?” Ian stomped past her and plopped down on the couch.

  “I knew Sandy was going to tell you and I wanted to fill in the parts she didn’t know. Ian nobody else needs to know about this.” Keith stood in the center of the room and crossed his arms over his massive chest. She always referred to it as his ‘I’m intimidating you’ stance.

  “Stop with the cloak and dagger shit, Keith. Just tell me what the hell this is all about.” Ian rolled his eyes, apparently not the least bit intimidated by his younger brother.

  Her stomach churned even thinking about how it all started. She wasn't proud of that time of her life. After her mother had passed, she went a little wild. Drinking and sleeping with men she hardly knew. The very reason she got pregnant in the first place was because of a wild night of drinking way too much and screwing around with a man she just met.

  “Go ahead, Sandy.” Keith nodded and sat down next to Ian. “You keep your trap shut until she’s done.” He poked Ian in the chest with his finger.

  Nine years earlier...

  Sandy scanned the small tavern for a target because getting hammered and taking a random guy home seemed to be the only thing that helped her forget the pain of losing her mother. Even while she was at work, she couldn’t ignore it, but she couldn’t mix her promiscuous lifestyle with her job. Being one of only two women on the Yellowknife police department, she’d heard the men talk about the other female officer and how she was easy. She didn’t want them disrespecting her the same way.

  She saw him the minute his gaze locked onto her. He was a little older than she preferred but he had a nice face and a friendly smile. Sandy wasn’t egotistical, but she knew men were attracted to her curves. Of course, the tight jeans and top she was wearing accentuated it. She winked and stalked toward him like a lioness stalking her prey.

  “Hello, gorgeous.” His voice was deep, and he smelled like Ivory soap.

  “Hello, yourself, handsome.” She ran her finger up his arm and licked her lower lip. It always worked, and
when his gaze slowly moved down her body, she knew she had him.

  “What’s your name, honey?” He asked.

  “Alexa.” It wasn’t really a lie because it was part of her name.

  “No last name, huh? I’m Dennis, and I’m very happy to meet you.” His green eyes sparkled when he smiled, and before all this, she could see herself getting to know him, but now she just wanted a release.

  A few shots of whiskey and God knows what else, they brought the party back to the small motel behind the club. He wasn’t much taller than she was and not muscular, but he had a decent body, and he was a pretty good kisser. Things got hot pretty fast, and it was over almost as quickly. She slid out of bed and was about to get dressed, but he grabbed her hand and pulled her back to the bed.

  “That was way too fast, honey.” Dennis grinned. “Come back here, and I’ll show you what I can really do.” Sandy smiled. She had to admit she was interested, but her rule was once and done.

  “Sorry handsome, I have to run, but maybe I can catch you next week.” Sandy grabbed her clothes and winked as she hurried into the bathroom. It had been over a month since she went searching for sex to forget her grief and like every other time, it didn’t work. Nothing was going to help her get over her mother’s death. It was time for her to deal with it the right way.

  Six weeks later….

  Sandy swore she’d never walk into the club again in case she’d run into Dennis again. Now here she was waiting for him to show up because their one night had turned into a lifetime commitment. How was it when she’d decided to face her grief and stop sleeping around, the last man she screwed gets her pregnant?

  She’d been sitting in the club for over an hour, and it was the fourth night in a row. The worst thing was she couldn’t ask anyone because she didn’t even know his last name.

  She stood up about to leave when someone tapped her on the shoulder. She turned and met the eyes of a man she didn’t know. He was dirty looking with unkempt, greasy hair and a beard that was tinted yellow with nicotine, but it was his smile that made the hair on the back of her neck stand up.