Kiss My Crown

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by Alexis Noelle


  “My name is Kate.” I walk into the next aisle and this time I don’t hear him following me. I have to admit that I’m kind of disappointed. I was enjoying the banter, and he was nice to look at too.

  I make my way through the rest of the store without incident and have no other random strangers correcting my choice in the food I pick up. When I walk to the front and get in line I feel someone standing behind me. Turning around, I see Justin.

  “Kate, right? Funny seeing you here.” He smiles again, and I return it. He’s persistent, but I like it.

  “Yeah, crazy coincidence, huh?” I laugh as I start to put my stuff on the belt. “So you have a reason for hanging around here?”

  “Just helping random strangers with their melons.” He shrugs.

  “Oh, really? See now I thought I was special.”

  “Well, you are because I knew after you I wouldn’t find another perfect melon.” He winks.

  “You know this whole melon pun was funny at first, now it’s just getting creepy.” I swipe my debit card to pay for everything.

  “I have plenty of other puns. Let me take you out and I can try them out on you.” He puts my bags in the cart for me.

  “Seriously? I feel like you don’t do this a lot.” I thank the girl before pushing my cart out the doors.

  “So I don’t hit on random grocery shoppers a lot. Isn’t that a plus, though?”

  I reach my car, and he grabs the bags nodding to it, letting me know to open the trunk. I look at him, and he really is cute. The girls said I should try dating someone outside the park. Maybe this guy will be a good start.

  “Fine. I’ll go out with you.” I grab the notepad I always have in my purse and write my number down then hand it to him.

  He takes it with a smile.

  “No melon jokes, though.”

  “Deal. Well, Kate, I’ll call you.” He walks away and as I’m getting in my car my phone starts to ring.

  “Hello?”

  “Just wanted to make sure you didn’t give me some bogus number because my melon obsession scared you off.”

  I laugh.

  “I’ll text you later.”

  “Okay, bye.”

  I hang up, still smiling. Is it possible to meet a cute, funny guy and have him not turn out to be a complete jackass?

  I guess we’ll see.

  My phone dings with a text and when I open it I laugh.

  It’s a picture from Justin of some lady holding a watermelon. Under it he wrote “she has no idea that she has terrible melons.”

  I send him a laughing emoji.

  Hopefully he doesn’t turn out to be a serial killer because with my luck I wouldn’t doubt it.

  Normally I would get ready for the day full of contempt, knowing I was going to work, but today is different. After work I’m going out with Justin and I’m actually excited about it. We have been texting back and forth the past few days and now I’m interested to see if he is as great as he seems.

  I don’t think there is a message he sent where he didn’t have me laughing, and he didn’t seem to think my goofy remarks were stupid like Jeremy used to. I swear he never laughed, like a statue. For a while it made me question if maybe it was me and I just wasn’t funny, then I realized that I’m hilarious and he just had a stick up his ass.

  I told myself that if I ate the watermelon and it tasted like shit then I wouldn’t go out with him. However, it was amazing. Damn him. The girls all laughed when I told them about the way we met. On the other hand, they were excited that I was giving someone outside the park a chance.

  “Looking extra fancy today, Princess. This wouldn’t be for melon boy, would it?” Dani says with a laugh. Obviously they couldn’t resist the nickname for him.

  “Maybe. I’m meeting him after work today.”

  “Wait, you’re meeting him? He isn’t coming to get you?”

  I can see her already starting to dislike him.

  “I wanted it that way. If he does end up being some crazy idiot then I have my own car and don’t need to call an Uber like with cowboy.” I drag the pink gloss over my lips, completing the princess makeover.

  “Don’t go in thinking it will suck because then it definitely will,” Melanie says as she walks through the living room.

  “Yeah, yeah. Contrary to what you both think, I don’t plan on sabotaging this. I actually like him.” My phone dings and I pick it up, seeing that Justin sent me a meme and I can’t help but laugh.

  “Come on, girls, I don’t want to be late again,” Mel shouts as she walks out the door.

  “Yes, Mom!” I yell back, knowing how much it pisses her off when I call her Mom. “Meet you guys there.”

  We all head into work, and I just hope this day goes by fast.

  ***

  Today has dragged worse than ever before. I swear it was like one problem after another. I actually got puked on today by a kid whose mom forced her over to me in the first place. I don’t do throw up. A part of me was tempted to take the dress off right there and run through the park in just my bra and panties.

  By the time I got a new dress I had to be at the castle for our performance. When I walk up he’s making out with one of the princesses who basically wears a bra and calls it a costume. I don’t want him anymore, but that doesn’t mean I want him to be happy.

  It was like one temper tantrum, pervy father, and minor disaster after another. I’m just glad to be finally done with today. I slide into my car and check my texts, plugging the address Justin sent me into my GPS.

  My stomach totally has butterflies and I can’t help but think that it’s not normal to have them after grade school. When I pull up to the place it’s a restaurant called Big Boy. I giggle at the name, knowing that I could make so many innuendos when it comes to this place.

  Getting out of my car, I see Justin waiting out front. He’s wearing jeans and a T-shirt that shows off his muscular arms, which I didn’t even notice that first day. I say a silent prayer that I won’t trip and bust my ass, because let’s face it, it’s me we’re talking about.

  “Hey!” He smiles at me. “Hope you have a big appetite since we’re eating at Big Boy.” He winks at me.

  I laugh as I close the distance between us. “You would pick a place that I’m sure has plenty of pun opportunities.”

  “Who, me? Never.” He shakes his head as we walk into the restaurant.

  The host walks us back to a booth and hands us some menus. I really am starving and decide on a burger and fries. The waitress shows up a few minutes later to take our order.

  “I’ll have the cheeseburger with no onions.” If I intend to kiss him at all I need to be smart.

  “Okay, no problem. Would you like extra Big Boy sauce on that?” She smiles.

  Big Boy sauce? Every part of me wants to crack a sex joke right now.

  “I don’t think she does. She’ll be getting plenty of big boy sauce later,” Justin says as the waitress’s face turns bright red, and she basically runs away from our table.

  My mouth drops open as I look over at him.

  “You have to admit that was funny. I think I might have scarred her for life, though. Every time she asks that question she will go through PTSD.” He makes a goofy face, and I can’t hold in the laughter that bursts out of my mouth.

  “Is this why you wanted to come here, so you’d have ammo?”

  He sighs. “After only a few days you already have me figured out.”

  The rest of the meal goes great. Justin is one of the best dates I’ve ever had. He’s gorgeous and completely hilarious. I could actually see myself liking him, which is so weird to even say after a date.

  I like that he isn’t stuck-up and completely full of himself.

  I think the best part is that I didn’t talk about work or get irritated once through the whole thing. The check comes and I hold my breath, waiting for him to pull a cowboy.

  “Shit, this is embarrassing. I totally forgot my wallet.” He looks over at me.<
br />
  Fucking seriously? I open my mouth to say I’ll pick up the check before he starts to laugh.

  “Just kidding. You should have seen your face.” He gets up from the booth, taking the check up to the front.

  I follow him after a few minutes. It might be a little exhausting trying to keep up with Justin.

  He walks me out to my car, and we are now engaged in the awkward stance where you don’t know how to say goodbye.

  “Ah, screw it.” He reaches for me, pulling me to him, letting his mouth crash against mine.

  His hands grip my hips and he steps forward, backing me against my car. I wrap my arms around his neck as I open my mouth to him. He’s moving slow, but he’s dominant at the same time. My fingers thread through his hair, giving it a little tug.

  “Hey now, if you get to do it, so do I.” His hands slowly move up my body until one of them wraps around my ponytail, giving it a tug and exposing my neck to him. He places a few kisses on it before completely letting go of me.

  “Unless you want to cash in on my big boy sauce offer, I need to stop now. Text you later, beautiful.”

  He walks away, and I’m still standing there like an idiot.

  The man is an amazing kisser.

  He even has me contemplating his sauce offer.

  God, I’m a slut.

  Today all of us girls are going to the mall together. I am in some serious need of new bras and panties, especially since I’m going over to Justin’s tonight.

  He texted me yesterday and asked me if I wanted to come over, watch Netflix and chill. Dani immediately started giggling, and Melanie sat there completely confused. I had to explain to her that Netflix and chill really means having sex with Netflix on in the background. She didn’t believe me at first until she plugged it into Urban Dictionary.

  After that she ran like a bat of out hell to get her phone. Apparently one of the guys asked her out and he wanted to Netflix and chill. A part of me wishes I hadn’t said anything because that would have been hysterical.

  We stroll through Victoria’s Secret, and I pick up a few new things.

  “So you’re gonna do it tonight, huh?” Dani looks over at me.

  “I guess so. I mean, hey, I was ready to move on with a random. I actually like Justin, so that’s a plus.” I shrug. The truth is that because I like him I’m totally freaking out about going over there tonight. I mean, I haven’t done this whole thing before and I’m not really sure how it works. Usually I’ve been in a relationship and it’s just been easy.

  As we are walking out of the store I practically run into the last person I want to see. Jeremy, with his new piece of ass, Tonya. She’s a fairy, of course, because she’s probably too stupid to know any better than to be with that douchebag. They are practically mauling each other’s faces, and it’s getting me nauseous.

  “Jesus, can you two get a room. Or maybe just fall off the face of the earth,” Dani says as they pull apart to look at us.

  “Oh look, there’s my leftovers and her two sidekicks.” Jeremy smirks at us, and I just want to smack him across the face.

  “Hey, listen, more power to you, Tonya, if you’re okay tolerating that popsicle stick he calls a penis. Me? I was never satisfied and usually finished myself off at home.” I smile at both of them before walking away.

  Once we are a decent distance away I let out a groan of frustration. “God, I hate him. I mean legitimately hate him and wish his man parts would shrivel up and fall off.”

  “I know, girl, but unfortunately if they haven’t fallen off yet, I think you’re out of luck.” Melanie scrunches her face, and we all laugh.

  We go through a few more stores before heading home. I throw on a pair of leggings and a V-neck shirt, while underneath is one of my new bra and panty sets. I walk out into the living room.

  “What do you think? Do I look like a girl ready to Netflix and chill?”

  They both start to laugh.

  “You’ve always looked like that, girl,” Dani says before laughing some more.

  “Bitches,” I mumble as I grab my purse.

  “Love you!” they yell in unison as I close the door.

  ***

  I pull up in front of Justin’s apartment and can’t make myself get out of the car. I’m so nervous that my leg has been shaking the entire drive over. Going somewhere knowing that you’ll be having sex is so much more stressful than being with someone and it just happening.

  What do I do when I walk in? Will he just jump my bones? Am I supposed to initiate it? I feel like a damn virgin all over again.

  I get out, trying to shake off the nerves as I walk up to his apartment. I knock on the door, teetering from one foot to the other.

  Justin opens the door dressed like he was on our first date, and I wring my hands in nervousness. “Hey.” He moves to the side to let me in.

  I walk into the apartment and I feel like this is what I would expect a guy’s apartment to look like. Empty cans on the kitchen counter, random pieces of clothing on the floor. I see a couple pizza boxes, but from the smell I’d guess they are for us. I walk over and kind of hover in front of the couch, not really knowing if I should sit down, or what.

  “Why are you all awkward?” Justin looks over at me.

  “I don’t know. I guess it’s just kind of weird right now.” I shrug.

  He walks over holding two plates of pizza and hands me one. Grabbing the remote, he sits down on the couch and pulls his Netflix up, turning on a comedy.

  So wait. Did he really just want to watch Netflix and hang out? Did I take the pervert’s interpretation of this? Part of me is relieved while another part is irritated. I shaved today, so I fully expect some action.

  I sit down and then take a bite of pizza. We watch the movie and fall into our easy interaction, the way it was last time. When the movie ends he asks if I want to watch something else.

  Really? I can’t believe I read this situation so wrong. I shake my head in disbelief.

  “Something wrong?”

  I look over and see that he must have been watching me and my internal struggle. “I guess I thought when you asked me over that you were expecting something else.”

  “Like what?”

  Oh God. He’s going to make me say it. “There is a thing that when people ask you over to watch Netflix and chill, it means to come over and have sex.” I cover my face, completely embarrassed that I just told him I thought I was coming over for sex.

  I hear him laugh before he gives my arm a tug and pulls me onto his lap. I can feel him hard underneath me and I open my eyes to look at him.

  “I totally meant it that way. I was just having fun messing with you because you came in all uncomfortable.” He pulls my mouth to his, and I open for him, letting him in.

  “You know that was really not cool,” I mumble as I pull away from him.

  “Yeah, well, let me make it up to you.”

  A chill runs through me.

  Yes, please.

  He stands up, taking me with him, and carries me to his bedroom. I yelp as he lets go of me and tosses me onto his bed. The two of us strip our clothes in almost record time.

  “You ready for that big boy sauce?” He smiles at me.

  “Okay, no. Time and place, and right now it’s neither.”

  I grab his neck, pulling his mouth to mine. I really like kissing him. My mind doesn’t wander and I can’t get enough.

  He pulls away, and I see him reach into his bedside table for a condom. God, I hate those things. It really sucks that they are such a necessity.

  When he climbs back on the bed he trails his fingers across my hips, sending goose bumps all over my body. He dips his fingers low and slowly inserts one of them into me. I gasp at the intrusion and lift my hips, letting him know I want more. He pulls it out, stroking me lightly before this time putting in two fingers. I groan and when his thumb starts to circle my clit I grip the sheets. He starts to pick up the pace and as pathetic as this is I’m already clos
e. When he pushes down hard I break apart and let out a moan that I totally didn’t mean to.

  I’m coming down from my high as he climbs on top of me. He kisses me at the same time that he sinks himself into me. I dig my nails into his back, letting out a slight moan.

  He starts to move, slow at first and then picking up speed as he goes on. He lifts himself up more so that he’s on his knees and from this point it feels so much deeper. I have never had an orgasm during sex before, but I can feel another one coming. I lift my hips to him, begging him for more, to give me my release. He just goes harder and faster, and with each pump I yell from the pleasure and the sensation of him driving into me.

  My legs tense and I scream as another orgasm rips through me. After a couple more pumps his body tenses and he groans.

  That was the best sex I’ve had in a while.

  I wake up to sun shining through the blinds. Looking around, I see I’m still at Justin’s apartment.

  Shit!

  I have work today. I shoot up, the panic of waking up late running rampant through my body.

  “Whoa, where’s the fire?” He rubs the sleep out of his eyes, and I take a moment to admire how cute he looks.

  Just a moment, though, because I’m still late as all hell. “Sorry. Late for work. I gotta go. Last night was great. Text me later.” I have my clothes on and am flying out the door before he can even reply.

  I break all speed limits as I race to the apartment and when I basically fall through the door Dani and Melanie are standing there and immediately start to laugh at me.

  “So not funny. I need to do the princess face in like ten minutes.” I grunt as I grab my makeup bag. I start to hastily apply all of the layers of makeup needed even though I never washed it off last night.

  “Damn, was it that good, girl?” Dani appears over my shoulder.

  “What the hell are you talking about?” I don’t even stop what I’m doing to look at her.

  “I mean the fact that your leggings are on backward.” She starts to laugh as I look down and realize she’s right.

 

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