Finding Thyme

by TJ Hamilton

  “There’s not much to tell, Joe. It wasn’t exactly a holiday for me over there.”

  I stare straight into his eyes as he holds a chair out for me to sit on. He looks down to the ground and I can see the happiness drain from his face. I take the opportunity to pounce on his emotions.

  “I was lost, Joe. I was frightened and I didn’t know what to do or where to go. I did the wrong thing by you, but I had no choice at the time. Then I thought I was going to die. I ran. I’m sorry.” Like an Oscar winning actress, a tear trickles out on cue.

  Tench quickly pulls a chair up next to me and brushes my hair from my face.

  “I’m sorry too, Miranda. I never thought I would fall for someone. Then I met you and all of a sudden I couldn’t control my emotions. Especially my anger. The thought of you being with someone else just sent me over the edge. It was wrong of me.”

  “You always knew what I was, Joe.”

  “As did you, Miranda,” he bluntly replies.

  I shoot a look at him. He’s right … I’ve always known he was a womanising murderer, I just chose to ignore it. I close my eyes and think of Sally, how she’s also one of his victims.

  “And I accept that now.” I nod. “It took me a long time, but I slowly realised that my feelings for you were stronger than I thought. I came back to Australia because I want to be with you, Joe.” I finally open my eyes. “I just didn’t know if you wanted to see me ever again after what I did.”

  He scoops my hands in his and pulls them up to his lips. The contrast between the masculinity of his stubble and the softness of his lips sends a quick jolt of electricity over my body. I subtly inhale and try to ignore the feelings.

  “It’s me that should be apologising for what I did. I never want to hurt you again, Miranda.” He pulls my chin up to meet his stare.

  I look deep into his eyes. Can he see the lie beneath mine? I reach out and touch the dragon across his bulging left pectoral muscle and trace around the edge of it. I missed that about him. I missed a lot about him. I look back into the succulence of his dark honey eyes.

  More tears spill out for my yearning for Nick, but I use them for another purpose while I can. “You really scared me, Joe,” I whisper. “So I’ll need to take things slow.”

  The thought of being with Tench sexually sends out another spate of tears to stream down my cheeks. Tench softens to my performance and tenderly wipes away my tears.

  “I’m just happy to have you back, Miranda. I can go as slow as you need.”

  Wow. This guy is completely consumed by me—but with Tench that isn’t a good thing. I need to be very cautious around him, even more than I thought. I still don’t trust him. I now know more than ever what he is capable of and what he could do to me if the wind happens to blow the wrong way for him.

  “This is an extravagant breakfast for two.” I look across at the spread and smile finally as I wipe my tear-soaked cheeks.

  “Anything for you, my Miranda. Honestly … anything.”

  My high-waisted shorts restrict my bulging stomach. I wipe the corners of my mouth with the cloth napkin and smile at Tench. There has been little conversation over our brunch, and I’m totally okay with that.

  “Do you want to join me and laze beside the pool today … or do you have somewhere else you need to be?” he asks with a hint of anguish to his voice.

  “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” I smile.

  Again my words are for Nick. I must tell him everything I say to Tench is intended for him. What a strange world I live in. I confess my love for one man, knowing full well the man I truly love is listening in.

  Before we leave the shade of the cabana, Tench turns around to me. “As beautiful as you look in your shorts, did you want to change into a bikini?”

  I smile and shake my head and he smiles sheepishly in return.

  Nice try, Joe Tench. You won’t win me over that easily.

  “I really love your hair shorter by the way,” he says, as I follow him over to the sun lounges beside the pool. “There’s something different about you now.”

  I shrug and look down at my hands, trying my best to keep the truth far away from his eyes. He pushes the button on the sound system and a man with a deep sultry Cat Stevens type voice sings, asking the love of his life not to walk away from him. Tench is playing this for me. I know exactly who the singer is too, but my favourite indie radio station in Australia has only just discovered him, and since I supposedly haven’t been in the country, I can’t tell Tench that I know this song.

  Tench, on the other hand, looks pleased with himself. “I met this guy who’s singing. His name’s Robbie Miller,” he boasts. “He’s very talented and will hit the big time soon. I know these things.”

  I almost want to roll my eyes at his arrogance but smile warmly instead. “His voice is beautiful,” I add before I lay my head back against the sun lounge.

  I close my eyes and pull my sunglasses over them to enjoy the warm sunshine piercing my body. I hear a splash—Tench has dived in. His pants are strewn across the sun lounge next to me. I laugh to myself at how obvious men are when they want to win over a woman. Tench is so determined to show me the fun side of him again, but this time I’m not fooled. I lay my head back again and pretend to ignore him. This has the desired effect and Tench leaps from the pool and suddenly I feel the wet, strong weight of him on top of me. I squeal and squirm under him and giggle at his boyish behaviour.

  “Get off! These clothes are brand new!” I shriek.

  Tench looks down at me with a devilish smile. “You bought new clothes to come and see me?” He tickles me all over with his wet hands.

  I laugh and push him off. Tench rolls off the lounge and I see he’s wearing white boy-leg undies that cling around his protruding member. I can’t peel my eyes from him. I’d forgotten how large he is down there. My cheeks flush as I realise I’m staring overtly at the large rod in his pants. I can’t bring myself to look at his face now so I choose to lay my head back again instead. I don’t want him to think he’s won me over after only a few hours. The delicious “Claire de Lune” by Claude Debussy begins playing its soft melody across the pool’s water. I’m surprised by the song choice and look up at Tench, and then remind myself that this is one of the things we share a common love for—classical music.

  “You know this song, don’t you?” He smiles.

  “Doesn’t everyone?” I shrug nonchalantly. “It’s in about eight different movies that I can think of.”

  Tench nods, looking impressed as usual. “And do you know that this piece is the musical depiction of a poem written in 1869 by the French poet Paul Verlaine?”

  “I do now.” I try my best at sounding interested.

  “The French version is so much more beautiful but the English translation is nice too.” Tench lies down onto the sun lounge beside me and rolls on his side towards me. “Your soul is a chosen landscape where charming masquerades and bergamasques go playing the lute and dancing and almost sad beneath their fanciful disguises,” he sweeps a hand through his wet hair, “All sing in a minor key of victorious love and opportune life, they do not seem to believe in their happiness and their song mingles with the moonlight.”

  I wish I could say I wasn’t mesmerised by his words, but they roll off his tongue, beautifully.

  “With the moonlight, sad and beautiful, that sets the birds dreaming in the trees and the fountains sobbing in ecstasy, the tall slender fountains among marble statues.” He recites the poem with beautiful perfection.

  “And what’s it supposed to mean, exactly?” I ask, instantly regretting the question the second it leaves my lips.

  Tench laughs. “I guess it’s about not taking your life for granted.” His brow lightly spikes.

  What a contradiction that is! Especially since he takes other people’s lives for granted! I feel almost embarrassed to ask such a question because he has totally outsmarted me in the culture stakes. Once again, I feel myself being surprising
ly mesmerised by the man in front of me.

  I watch Tench stride over to the pool house, water still dripping from him. Fuck you, Joe Tench! I hated you… and now I’m intrigued by you, again. I slam my head against the sun lounge with more sexual frustration than I care to have right now. Tench comes back out drying his hair with one hand and carrying a bucket of coronas in the other. His underwear is still wet enough that it clings around his length. His allure is more dangerous than anything I’ve ever experienced in my lifetime of men. He is the one who just gets under my skin. Fuck. You. Joe. Tench!

  Three glasses of champagne and four bottles of Corona into the afternoon and the mixture of the sun and alcohol is finally setting in. I feel lightheaded and think it’s about time to go home. I sit up on the sun lounge and look over at Tench. He’s lying on his stomach and has his white undies pulled down across the top of his rounded cheeks to achieve a better tan. He looks completely relaxed and ridiculously sexy and his bronzed skin looks good enough to lick. I have the urge to taste him. I’d just need a little piece of him to abate my sexual craving for him, I’m sure of it. He hears me shifting on the lounge beside him and turns his head towards me.

  “I should probably get going. All the sun and beer have gone to my head,” I openly admit.

  “You’re welcome to stay, Miranda. I can get Mrs Oktar to fix us up some dinner to fill your stomach and soak up the alcohol.”

  I frown playfully at him. “Were you planning on getting me drunk and having your way with me?”

  The words sting me more than I thought they would and Tench sees the sudden change on my face.

  He sits up and shakes his head. “I told you I was never going to hurt you again. You can stay as long as you like. You can even sleep in my bed and I’ll sleep elsewhere if that’s what you want.” He leans across and rests his hand on my knee. “I’ll do anything you need for you to stay longer.” Agony flows out of every word he speaks and I find myself trusting him. He is so desperate to keep me, like one of his possessions. But he now realises I can walk away at any given moment, although I’m not sure how willing he’d be to let me go anywhere. His obsession with me is alarmingly exciting. I feel like I can do so much with this shell of a man—I can use it to seduce him, then take him down. I close my eyes and take a deep breath before I nod.

  “Okay, I’ll stay tonight. But I do need to go home tomorrow. I’ll need to change out of these clothes at some stage.” I try and make light of the subject.

  Tench smiles. “You know you still have clothes here?”

  Shit, that’s right! I shake the annoyance off me and smile.

  “Perfect. But I need to go home tomorrow, Joe. Please … I need to take things one day at a time.”

  He takes my hand in his and squeezes it lightly. “I can give you time.” He genuinely looks happy.

  TWENTY-FIVE

  A sharp spotlight of sun radiates on my naked thigh. The heat forces me to roll over and wakes me from my pleasant night’s sleep. I sit up suddenly and look around the room. I’m alone in Tench’s bed and only wearing my t-shirt. Did I have sex with him last night? Did he sleep in the bed with me? I rub my hand across his side and the cold sheets tell me no one has been there for hours, if at all. I search feverishly through the drunken haze of our evening, to recall the night’s events. I casually had dinner with Tench in his kitchen and then we watched a movie and then … damn it! I don’t remember a thing! Did he drug me? Surely not? I grab my crotch. Nope, nothing. Thank goodness … not that I’m not tempted to have sex with Tench, the thought of it is driving me crazy … I just want to remember it. Is it bad of me to think like this? I look at my watch. Seven twelve in the morning. I spring up and decide to take a shower before I try and find my clothes that were left here from last time.

  Tench’s double-sided shower brings back fond memories of him. Why did things go so wrong in my life? Why didn’t I just accept what Tench was and live happily ever after with him? Why did I have to have morals? Why didn’t I just say no to Miss Stephanie and never go to see Michael Stephenson that night? Why did I run from Tench? Why did I have to fall in love with Nick Davis? My mind rolls over so many unanswerable questions. The steam from the hot shower encloses the room. I suddenly hear Tench clear his throat as he pokes his head around the glass door of the shower. His smile is magnificent, as are his smouldering brown eyes. I don’t feel compelled to cover my naked body up in front of him—quite the opposite in fact.

  “Good morning, gorgeous. I hope you slept well. Just seeing what you want for breakfast?”

  I subtly look him up and down. Between his unbuttoned white shirt I see flashes of his rippling abs that roll all the way down to his jeans, sitting low around his waist. Suddenly it’s all too much and I throw myself at him with an uncontrollable force. Tench is notably taken aback by my actions but embraces me and dives into my eager mouth. He grips onto my rear and lifts me up and drives me into the shower wall, his clothes instantly wet from the shower’s water. His coffee eyes stare through me for a moment.

  “Are you sure, Miranda?” he whispers cautiously.

  I can’t take this anymore—I’m powerless to him. “Shut up and fuck me!” I breathe back.

  I rip his soaked shirt from his body and he lowers me from the wall for a moment while he fumbles with his wet jeans. He eventually peels them off his legs and I wrap myself around him again and pour my mouth into his. His tongue is thick and soft but his skin is rough and harsh against my nose as I kiss him. The sensation sends jolts out from down below and I throb with a dark yearning for him. His strong hands grip around me. Knowing what badness his hands are capable of makes them feel all the more powerful around me. He forcefully pushes me against the wall again and I feel his erection press against my inner thigh. I nudge myself around and he directs me over his length at the same time.

  He shoots another quick look at me. “But what about …”

  “Shhh …” I whisper into his mouth as I mercilessly lower down onto his full erection.

  I grip onto the back of his wet hair and roughly pull his head back. He moans a long anguished moan, as if I have answered his every desire. He is so hard that he fills every inch of me with an intensity that burns from the inside out. He drives into me a little harder with each stroke. The wet shower wall behind me is slippery enough that I rub up and down it with ease. I pour myself into his mouth again. He sucks on my bottom lip as another of his blows hits a place close to my G-spot. I let out a light moan and grip onto his strong, wide shoulders. I want to push myself so hard down onto him so that my outer lips press against the base of his length as I rub around his lower groin. I want him so deep inside me and I don’t want to think about why, right now. Tench plants kisses all the way down to my round breasts and licks around my nipples. I reach up and grip onto the arm of the showerhead as his lips bounce around each nipple. I rock my pelvis backwards and forwards as Tench drives deeper inside me. He cups my left breast and holds the small of my back as he continues to smack into me, over and over. Our skin slaps against each other as our motion becomes quicker and quicker.

  “Harder. Fuck me harder,” I plead.

  He bites down a little on my nipple as he pounds into me. I can’t hold it any longer and I buzz with uncontrollable pleasure around him, my intense breathing now becoming more of a wail. All of my senses have been overridden by a scorching lust for Tench. I let go from above and grip around him again. I sink inside his mouth and crave for every inch of him to be so deep inside me that it hurts. As if he heard my request, he roughly pushes himself into me again and again. I hear his breathing become short and rapid. I look into his eyes at the same time he looks deep inside me. My head is lost in the moment and I almost forget why I ever came back here. I feel his strokes become more prolonged as he begins to throb inside me. I feel every protruding vein across his length as he slides in and out of me. As I focus on the rippling feeling below, an almighty sense floods my body and I grip tightly onto Tench. I moan louder
than before and Tench joins in the climax.

  “Fuck …” he says gruffly.

  I feel the heaviness of him fill inside me and I don’t want it to be over. Quick, harsh jolts shoot through my body and we both spasm around each other until we eventually stop. I kiss Tench deeply and passionately, almost thanking him for giving me a mind-blowing orgasm. I feel him tremble around me. There’s an air of vulnerability to his emotions as his hands run across my body. The steam has made the air thick as I try and suck in oxygen from my deprived lungs.

  “Holy fuck I have missed you,” he finally whispers.

  He gently pulls himself from me and lowers me down onto the ground. The sound of the running shower muffles my thoughts but it can’t drown out the one reoccurring question … What have I done?

  “So when will I see you again?” There is so much despair in Tench’s voice that I almost want to stay just to keep him happy.

  “I’ll be back soon, I promise.” I grip onto his collar and give him a sweet kiss on his lips.

  With my lips pressed against his, I force back the tears that threaten to spill out. I don’t want Tench to see that our moment of passion together has affected me, and not in a good way.

  “Can I get Toni to drop you off to wherever you want to go at least?”

  I smile and nod. “Sure. I just need to be dropped off at the Opera House to see Charlie,” I say, with desperate hope that Nick is listening.

  Tench beams excitedly because I’ve told him where I’m going. He can follow me there all he likes but he won’t be getting into the Opera House to see what I’m actually doing. He walks me to his front door and waves towards Toni, who’s over by the line of European cars.

  “Toni, please take Miranda to the Opera House.” His honey eyes return back to mine. “Come back whenever you like, I won’t be far away.” He smiles genuinely.

  I try not to break into a run as I head towards the Range Rover with Toni. I want to get far far away from here. My heart is drowning in guilt about what I’ve done. I don’t want Nick to know anything, but the reality of the situation is probably the polar opposite to my hopes. I don’t want to know what Nick must think of me. I really can’t do this. I’m not strong enough. I don’t want to come back to Tench. I want to run away from everything and get on with my life without all this mess. I care more about my own sanity than I do about Sally’s murder.