Hate to Love

by R. S. Lively

  Are we seriously standing here having an argument about gas mileage? We came almost three hundred miles to fight over me not stopping for gas on the way from Pennsylvania?

  "And what about staying at the speed limit? Or passing people? Or following any of the various laws you broke while we were barreling down the highway?"

  "I guess we can agree our next vacation will start on a plane," I say.

  "This isn't a vacation," she snaps. She takes several stomping steps toward the restaurant, then whips around to face me. "And there isn't going to be a next one!"

  I can't help but laugh. Even though we're only a few miles away from our hometown, and my dread is increasing with each passing minute, Julie is too cute when she's flustered to not appreciate it for at least a few seconds.

  Ten minutes later we're sitting at a table. This is a spot that used to be popular for dates when I was a teenager, but now it seems subdued, almost like it's been forgotten. The result is a somewhat faded version of what I remember like I've stepped into a memory. It's one of the few from my younger years that I don't mind drifting through my mind. Julie's twirling her straw around in a glass of sweet tea so saturated with sugar it could be a long-lost relative of the Dead Sea. She leans down for a sip, and my eyes fixate on the neckline of her T-shirt.

  "Are you sure you're going to be OK at Joe's house?" I ask.

  She told me before we left that she'll be staying with her brother while I’m put up at a nearby hotel.

  She looks at me questioningly.

  "It's my house, too," she points out. "I'll be sleeping in the bedroom that was once my nursery."

  "I mean, since you don't have your car here."

  "Only because you insisted on not driving alone. I'm pretty sure you did it just to see how much you could torment me on the road."

  Wrong. I did it so I could have her to myself for a few hours.

  "I'll be fine. Joe has his car. I can use that if I have to. But I'm guessing most of the time we'll ride together." She hesitates slightly. "If that's OK with you."

  "Of course."

  "Are you sure you're going to be OK at a hotel?" she asks, turning my question around at me.

  "Definitely. It's not like I can bunk at your house."

  "Yeah, I don’t think Joe would go along with that,” she says with a laugh.

  "That's pretty much what I figured."

  Our lunch comes, and we fall into silence as we eat. I drag out every bite to make the meal last longer before we pile back into the car and head the rest of the way home.

  That night…

  "Well, that was an epic fucking disaster."

  "It wasn't that bad."

  I turn around to glare at Julie.

  "He introduced me as 'somebody you might have heard of once,' and those were the only words he said to or about me the entire afternoon."

  "At least he spoke in your general direction. That's better than I thought it was going to go. I thought he'd need at least a day to warm up to you being here before he'd acknowledge your existence."

  I let out a growl of exasperation.

  "This was a stupid idea. We never should have come here."

  "It wasn't a stupid idea," Julie argues. "Did you see how excited those kids were when they saw you? They couldn't get enough of you, even when you were just standing there."

  "Just standing there handing out drinks because your brother made you tell me I was going to be waterboy today."

  "Look at the bright side, he didn't make me pass you a note."

  She shoots me a feeble smile, but I just shake my head at her. I'm not even close to being in the mood to laugh. The first day of the camp went worse than I ever imagined it would. The players did seem excited I was there, but more than once I noticed them slide nervous eyes toward Joe, as if they recognized how he felt about me being there and wanted to make sure paying any attention to me wasn't hurting his feelings.

  "OK. I know you're upset," Julie says. "This wasn't the best day ever. But being here doesn't have to just be about Shane and the camp. Don't you want to see anything or go anywhere? Now that you're back, is there anything you want to do?"

  I think about her question for a few seconds. She's staring at me with a touch of a smile on her full, sweet lips, and I suddenly don’t want to just stay in the hotel the rest of the night. I know she has her mind set on healing me while we're here, but right now, that’s the last thing on my mind.

  "There is somewhere I want to go," I tell her.

  "Good. Where?"

  "Back to the high school."

  Chapter Thirteen

  Julie

  "Why do you want to come back here?" I ask as we make our way through the empty parking lot back toward the football field we left only an hour before.

  I'm surprised to see nobody around. I thought at least a few players would stay behind to practice, but it seems everyone disappeared pretty quickly after we left.

  "I spent so much time here when I was in high school," Shane says. "I felt like this place was my whole life. Everything revolved around it. Coming back here today should have been more fun than it was."

  "You were uncomfortable," I say. "It’s understandable."

  "I know," he says, "but it shouldn't have been that way. And I should have been able to come back here and enjoy seeing the field again, at least. This was one of the only places I was actually happy when I was still here. He shouldn't be able to take that away from me."

  "Joe didn't take anything from you," I say. "If anything, the way you're feeling right now is because of what you took away from him. Maybe being here and seeing the field reminds you of the friendship you used to have, and everything that he did for you. Maybe that's what it took to get you to really understand."

  "I'm not going to feel guilty for working as hard as I have and achieving the success that I did. I did what I did to survive and get the fuck out of this place. It's unfortunate that meant not being friends with him anymore, but it happened. It happens all the time."

  I don't believe him. For the first time, I feel like I'm seeing a flicker of awareness in Shane. I know opening up to me couldn't have been easy. Feeling vulnerable is something he’s tried to escape his entire life. Forcing himself to come back here was a major step, and one that seemed to be cracking through his hardened exterior. He's distanced himself from the situation for so long he can look at it with a new perspective. I decide to be quiet as we make our way through the arched entrance to the stadium. Most schools now have massive fences around the entire complex, and padlocked gates that prevent anyone from getting onto the field except during official activities. Not our school. Here, time seems to move more slowly. Many times, I've looked at pictures of when my parents attended the school, and so few things have actually changed. It sounds like a complete cliché but being back here reminds me of a more innocent time.

  I know from pictures Joe sends me of the games that alumni still swarm the bleachers for Friday Night Lights. People joke that football is a religion around here. When I'm standing here, though, it doesn't feel like a joke. Because of the years between us, I only went to a handful of games while Joe was playing. But even then, I could feel the energy of the game. I would curl into the corner of the very top bleacher and read, never paying attention to what was happening on the field, but I could sense the difference here. This was a place where people came together like a congregation, worshipping the players on the field, singing the hymns of the marching band, and praying in the form of shouts. A football game here was an encapsulation of life in Virginia.

  Shane pauses in the middle of the grass and looks around. Like always, the lights positioned around the field are still glowing. A halo of illumination surrounds him as he lets his eyes scan the slumbering field around him. I wonder if he can still hear the roar of the people watching him, and the sounds of people chanting his name. I remember those chants, but I remember hearing Joe's name just as much, if not more. At that time, Shane was just a nam
e. It was too early to know the impact he'd have on our lives. On my life.

  After so many years, I still feel out of place out here on the field. It's like I don't belong here any more now than I did back then.

  "I feel like I'm intruding," I say in a half-whisper.

  Shane looks down at me.

  "What do you mean?" he asks.

  "It's like the field remembers me and knows I don’t belong here."

  He gives me a strange look.

  "Why shouldn't you be here?"

  "I'm not like you, Shane. This wasn't somewhere I felt at home. It's not my world. I was the girl in the library or the theater or the Literature Club meeting. I wasn't the one in the cute little cheerleader skirt shaking my pom-poms at you from the sideline or watching with my crowd of friends in the bleachers, or even meeting up with players under those bleachers. Like I said, a different world."

  "You're an adult now, Julie," he says, "and it's a bunch of grass surrounded by really uncomfortable metal benches. That's all."

  "You don't look like that's all. You look like you're reliving your glory days."

  "These were definitely not my glory days. There's just a lot of memories here. But that doesn't mean it should bother you that there aren't for you. You have memories I don't."

  I scoff.

  "I'm sure you're just clamoring to look back at organizing the library's book sale or making decorations for dances you didn't go to."

  "I thought you didn't care about dating."

  Before I can respond, Shane looks around again and reaches down for my hand. He starts across the grass so quickly I have to jog to keep up with him.

  "Where are we going?" I ask.

  He doesn't say anything, but suddenly detours off the grass, and we start over the track. The track I definitely remember. It was the scene of many a torturous gym class. Finally, we slow down.

  "You said you weren't the girl who met up with the players under the bleachers," he says.

  "Right," I say.

  "Well, I want to remedy that."

  We dip beneath the bleachers, and our hands fall away from each other as I take a few steps forward. I've never been under here, but it's almost exactly what I would have thought. The metal seats filter the light, creating a dark, shadowy cavern. The remnants of a spilled drink somewhere has attracted a swarm of bees, and I can hear them buzzing around it as they sip. Fortunately, it's been weeks since any sports event brought crowds to the bleachers, and the groundskeepers have cleaned out the rest of the trash I'm sure builds up under here during the season. Smiling, I turn around to face Shane again.

  Shane

  Julie turns around, and I close the space between us quickly, catching her in a deep kiss before she can say a word. Her arms wrap around my neck, and our tongues explore each other ravenously. I can feel my pulse quicken and her breath hitch. I know now is not the time to take things slow. I want to taste her, right here under the bleachers, and to pleasure her even more than the last time we were together. Waiting is not an option.

  My hands move to her ass as I pull her close to me, squeezing her supple round bottom in my hands and reveling in the way it feels under her loose skirt. I know my erection is thrusting into her belly, and one of her hands slides down my chest to massage it through my jeans. I moan at her touch but force myself to concentrate. I know what I want right now.

  Guiding her backward, I press her back to one of the metal beams supporting the bleachers. I pick up the hem of her skirt and slip my hands under it, one hand filling itself with her ass again, the other sliding around her thigh. I can feel her gasp as she begins to kiss my neck, her hand rubbing my cock through my jeans. My hand slips beneath the lacy panties she is wearing and wonder if they are a new development in her wardrobe, maybe something Sue sent to her. I can feel the heat and dampness radiating off of her – she’s ready for me already. It’s obvious that being out in public like this is exciting her.

  Julie closes her eyes as my fingers slide down to her sweet pussy and I hear a small yelp as my middle finger reaches her tight clit. I roll my finger in a tight circle a few times as Julie grabs my arm for balance. Her whole body vibrates with anticipation and pleasure, and I slide my finger down until it is at her opening before plunging it inside. Julie sighs in my ear as I massage her for a moment before taking her in a deep kiss.

  Her hand is clasped around my cock now, but I kneel down, forcing her to release it. I lower myself to my knees, pulling her panties down to her ankles. I fold her skirt up to reveal her body to me and I salivate at the thought of tasting her. The small strip of hair leading to her core glistens with her slick fluids, and I push her harder against the metal support to keep her upright and ensure she doesn't fall. I lift one of her legs, placing it on my shoulder as my hand reaches up to slide under her shirt. It reaches her bra and goes under, filling itself with her breast.

  I lean forward and take in her scent for a moment before blowing gently on her clit and sliding my tongue down her thigh. She shudders above me, and my free hand cups her behind as I sweep my tongue across her. She moans loudly, and I press forward, swirling my tongue around her most sensitive folds and moving my hand down to her opening. One of her hands holds onto the grating for support but the other reaches down and grabs a handful of my hair. I can feel her beginning to buck into me and know it won't be long before she reaches her climax.

  I begin to slide my finger deeper into her while my tongue languidly dances on her tight clit. I pick up my pace and feel her breathing quicken even more. Her moans become louder and shorter, and her grasp on my hair gets tighter. I suck her clit with my tongue while she shakes violently, her voice reverberating in my ears as she nearly yells my name. She thrusts her hips a few times, and I hold myself in place, letting her come down from her orgasm at her own pace.

  Finally, her breathing normalizes, and her body stops shaking and spasming. I take my fingers out of her and kiss her inner thigh again. I kiss all the way back up until I reach her mouth, where I hold her in a deep kiss for a moment. I hold out my hand for her again and she slowly takes it. We walk out from under the bleachers again, our hands intertwined, and make our way to the car.

  Two days later…

  "You still haven't told your brother you want to come and stay with me at the hotel?" I ask as Julie dips down to sit in the passenger seat beside me.

  She's wearing tight jeans again, the black T-shirt tucked into them accentuating the curve of her waist. I can smell the sweet, fresh scent of her shampoo, and I know she used her time after the day of camp on the football field to shower, just like I did. I would like it much more if we had been able to shower together. Instead, she went back to Joe's house with him after the campers left, and I headed to my hotel room. That was two hours ago, and I’ve been thinking about her every minute.

  "No," she says. "I haven't told him. Do you really think it's a good idea to bring that up now? We've only been here three days. Things are actually starting to go well."

  "I know. He actually spoke almost fifteen words to me today."

  "He did," Julie says. "It was pretty impressive. Things between you two seem to be calming down, and that makes this all look even better. It's a lot easier to make you look good when I can post pictures of you smiling than if you and Joe are constantly glaring at each other. I want to be with you at the hotel, or have you at the house with me, but I don’t have time to talk about it with him.

  "Are you going to spend the whole time we're here there?"

  "Why do we have to think about that? We’re together right now. Let's not think about when we're not."

  "Alright."

  I pull away from the house, almost certain that Joe is looking out disapprovingly from the upstairs window and drive out of the neighborhood. Julie turns toward me with a smile on her face that makes me want to pull over and kiss her right now.

  "Where are we going?" she asks.

  As frustrating as it is being forced to pretend the only r
eason Julie and I are spending time together is work, there's something about it that’s exciting. She's my sexy little secret, and I’ve enjoyed finding ways for us to be together without anyone seeing us. It's not just that I feel like a teenager again. I feel like I'm giving her a re-do for this part of her teen years.

  "Somewhere you've probably never been," I tease.

  "That narrows that right down for me," she says.

  I laugh, turning down a narrow dirt road.

  "You'll like it," I tell her.

  The open land on either side of the road is soon dotted with trees, and the further we go, the thicker the trees become, until we're in the middle of the woods. Julie stares up at the trees with the nostalgic eyes of a person recently transplanted into a city, accustomed to her surroundings being green and vibrant. Soon, though, the trees are too thick for her to see around us in the darkness, and she turns her head toward me.

  "It's nice to be away from everything, isn't it?" she asks. "I mean, I know we're here to work, but it feels like we've escaped, at least a little."

  "It does," I say.

  Finally, the trees start to thin, and more of the late evening light becomes visible. We pull out of the woods at a sparkling lake that stretches out in front of us.

  "What's this?" Julie asks, sitting up higher to look out over the lake. After a second, she gasps. "Is this Lover's Lake?"

  Just hearing the words come out of her mouth makes me laugh. I'm sure there was a time when the great-grandparents of the town called it that without the irony. They would have thought of driving out to this isolated lake to get some alone time as scandalous, and the colloquial name of their meeting spot sultry and forbidden. I think it sounds like a place Scooby Doo would go to solve the mystery of the missing picnickers.

  "Yes," I say. "That's not exactly what we called it when we were in school, but it's the same idea."