Jolly Foul Play: A Murder Most Unladylike Mystery

by Stevens, Robin

  3

  Kitty pushed past her and stepped forward into the darkness. ‘Binny!’ she cried. ‘Binny! Where are you?!’

  There was a pause. I was holding my breath desperately, and then a voice spoke. ‘Kitty? Whatever are you doing here? What’s wrong?’

  ‘Binny!’ shrieked Kitty, as Binny stepped into the torchlight, rather dirty and with cobwebs in her hair, but seemingly unharmed. Kitty leaped at her, and threw her arms around her, and some of the dirt from Binny’s collar got on Kitty’s cheek. ‘You idiot!’ cried Kitty, stepping back and brushing at her face. ‘You’re covered. Look, I shall never be able to get it off!’

  I saw something glisten in the torchlight, just beneath Kitty’s eye, and on her hand, but did not say anything. Kitty would never forgive me, I knew. ‘What happened? Why are you – why – oh, Binny!’ cried Kitty. ‘Trust you!’

  ‘Trust you!’ said Binny, snorting. ‘Do stop worrying. I’m quite all right, only bored. And hungry. You don’t happen to have a bun I could eat, do you?’

  ‘But what did Una do to you?’ I asked. Why was Binny so unharmed and unworried? We had just come to rescue her from a kidnapping. Why was she not more pleased?

  ‘Locked me up, the beast,’ said Binny. ‘She pulled me over after school and told me she knew I was the one letting out the secrets, and then she dragged me in here.’

  ‘Oh!’ squealed Beanie.

  ‘Oh, Binny!’ said Kitty.

  ‘But why didn’t she kill you?’ asked Daisy. Beanie gasped, and Kitty clutched at Binny. ‘What?’ asked Daisy. ‘It’s a logical question. Why aren’t you dead?’

  ‘Why should I be?’ asked Binny, puzzled. ‘Look, do you have any buns? Or a biscuit would do.’

  Lavinia fumbled in her pocket and pulled out a rather fluffy square of chocolate. ‘Here, have this,’ she said gruffly.

  ‘Because Una is the murderer!’ I said.

  ‘What?’ said Binny through a mouthful of chocolate. ‘No, she only locked me in because she was worried that the murderer might get to me if she didn’t hide me. She pretended to check the tunnel, too, so that the police wouldn’t find me. Una’s never murdered anyone. What are you talking about?’

  And at that moment the door slammed to behind us.

  4

  Beanie screamed. I saw Kitty clutch at Binny, her torch flashing across the tunnel wall, spinning crazily to light up a grey Deepdean uniform and a prefect’s tie. My heart was thudding and my hands were clenched in fists. I felt dizzy and the light from the torch gave me spots in my eyes. But then up went Daisy’s torch. She is fearless, like Kipling’s ‘If’ in the flesh, keeping her head where everyone else is losing theirs – and settled on, not Florence, but Enid. Her face looked set and determined, and in her hand was one of the bits of metal piping that had been lying in Old Wing.

  ‘I’ve found you,’ said Enid, to Binny.

  I gasped in a breath of air and opened my fists. If Una was not the murderer, and Florence was not, and Lettice and Margaret could not be, then – it was Enid, after all.

  But Enid could not be the murderer! We had ruled her out. There was not time, and she was too weak to carry everything and hit Elizabeth. Surely! But here we were.

  My heart flew and plummeted like something dying. In all the cases Daisy and I have investigated, there have been awful moments, times when I have feared for us, but in that instant I knew that I had never really been afraid for my life before. Enid had cornered us, and she had a weapon. Every nerve in my body felt naked and every bone was water. But Daisy did not lower the torch. She held it up against Enid like a shield, and I felt her free hand brush against mine. I snatched at it, my life jacket. She was shaking.

  ‘Did you kill Elizabeth?’ asked Daisy, her voice not betraying her at all.

  Enid blinked. ‘I’m not about to tell you that,’ she said. ‘I’m not an idiot.’ She shifted the bit of piping in her hand.

  ‘You did, didn’t you?’ said Daisy. ‘You were terrified that Elizabeth would let out your secret. You were stoking the fire at the beginning of the evening, when you saw the rake propped against the wall of the pavilion, and the hockey stick lying beside it. The stick was the perfect weapon, and the rake the perfect cover. You realized you could kill Elizabeth with the hockey stick, get rid of it on the fire and plant the rake beside her, and everyone would think it was an accident. You – oh! – you were still stoking the fire when the fireworks began going off, you made sure of that. You used your last journey to pick up the rake and the stick with some other bits of wood, then you walked up behind Elizabeth and you hit her with the stick. You put down the rake, pulled the Scandal Book out of her pocket, and went towards the fire to throw the book and the stick on it. But the book fell out of your hand, and you couldn’t find it in the dark, and then the stick didn’t burn properly – the fire had died down when Lettice didn’t stoke it.’

  I saw Enid twitch, and knew that it was most important that we did not stop talking, did not give her a moment’s silence to gather herself and decide what to do.

  ‘Is that how you found the book?’ I asked Binny.

  ‘I trod on it,’ said Binny, ‘just after the fireworks. I looked down and there it was. I picked it up and began to read through it, and then I realized what dynamite it was. Why, it was marvellous, spreading those secrets and seeing the Big Girls afraid for once!’

  ‘You little beast,’ said Kitty faintly. I knew she understood that I was stalling for time. Enid might be small, but she was older, and she had a weapon, while we were all defenceless. And if she had murdered Elizabeth, she must be less weak than she pretended.

  ‘Did you know it was Binny letting out the secrets?’ I asked Enid. ‘Before now, I mean?’

  ‘I had an idea,’ said Enid. ‘I thought it must be a third former. That’s why I came back to House on Thursday, to search their dorm. But I never found the book, and then Binny vanished.’

  I remembered meeting Enid in the main hallway and felt cold. We had been so close without knowing it!

  ‘How did you manage to hit Elizabeth?’ I asked, because I had been wondering about that as well. ‘With the rake and the wood in your hands, how were you strong enough?’

  ‘I put them down, of course,’ said Enid, sneering. ‘I hit her two-handed. But I never told you that. And I’m stronger than I look. You believed me when I said I was weak, didn’t you? Everyone does.’

  I felt myself fizz, and Daisy squeezed my hand.

  ‘And you know why Enid did it, Binny?’ I asked. ‘You must, if you had the book. She’s been cheating on tests, so she’ll get into Oxford.’

  ‘That’s not true!’ said Enid sharply, and I knew that had been the wrong thing to say. My stomach curled. ‘You can’t prove it!’

  ‘What do you mean?’ asked Binny. ‘That secret’s not in the book. None of the prefects’ secrets are. It was terribly frustrating – I couldn’t spread them! I wish I could have, I would have done them first. Do you know, I think that’s what Una thought as well, that I was going to reveal her secret. I told her I didn’t have it. It must have just been in Elizabeth’s head.’

  So Elizabeth, for all her faults, had, in her own strange way, kept her followers’ secrets. She might have been going to tell them to Miss Barnard, but she had not written them down. It made me, just for a moment, feel kindly towards her.

  Then I looked at Enid’s face. It was horrified, enraged, confused – and then excited. I saw what she was thinking. If the secret was not written down, then only we knew it. And that meant that we were in terrible danger.

  She stepped forward. ‘You little beasts!’ she said. ‘I’ve been studying so hard. My parents won’t know what to do if I don’t get in. They’ve been coaching me for years. I’m their hope. They’ve saved and saved, and didn’t send my little sister to a good school so that I had the best chance. And Elizabeth was going to ruin everything. I couldn’t let her do it, and you won’t either!’

  ‘Wait!’ said Da
isy quickly. ‘Don’t be an idiot.’

  ‘I think I’m being perfectly sensible,’ snarled Enid, and she raised her arm.

  With a yelp, something darted past me.

  ‘NO!’ shrieked Beanie, and before any of us could stop her, before any of us even knew what she was doing, she had hurled herself on Enid. ‘YOU SHAN’T HURT MY FRIENDS!’ she screamed, and Enid’s hand came down.

  I screamed too, and so did Kitty. Lavinia bellowed. Daisy dropped the torch, and there was a loud bang. I could not see what was happening – everything was rushing and confused, and my head was pounding. What would we do if Beanie was hurt? Someone was yelling, someone else was sobbing, and then light burst out again, in a long beam from a torch that swung around, catching all our faces. Enid was gone – no, she was on the floor, and someone was kneeling over her, pulling her arms behind her back. I knew that greatcoat, and that hat. It was the Inspector.

  ‘Don’t move!’ he said fiercely to Enid. ‘That’s enough of that! Now, now, stop!’

  But if the Inspector was here, who was holding the torch? And how had he known to come? How was he here to save us?

  The torch dipped, and at last I saw who was behind it. It was Miss Barnard, and with her was a small figure I knew very well.

  ‘Hello,’ said Binny’s friend, Martha, shyly. ‘I found you!’

  5

  ‘Beanie!’ cried Kitty, and I saw that Beanie was on the floor as well, in a little crumpled heap. My heart lurched as Kitty rushed to her. She rolled her over, and for a moment I felt dizzy again. Beanie was quite white, and she flopped in Kitty’s arms.

  Kitty shook her, and there was an endless, awful moment. Then Beanie let out a soft little sigh and blinked her eyes open.

  ‘Oh,’ she said. ‘Oh. What happened?’

  ‘You’re not dead, Beans?’ said Kitty, gulping.

  ‘Of course not!’ said Beanie. ‘Ow, my head hurts. Why are you crying?’

  We all piled on her, and for a moment everything else was forgotten.

  ‘Girls!’ said Miss Barnard sharply. ‘Take care! Don’t crowd her.’

  ‘I’m all right!’ said Beanie. ‘Only … my head does hurt.’

  The Inspector had Enid firmly in his grip now, handcuffed and pinned against the tunnel wall. He shared a glance with Miss Barnard, and then she turned to us. ‘Miss Martineau may have concussion. Miss Freebody – both of you – you will accompany her to San at once. Tell Mrs Minn I sent you. Good grief, Binny Freebody, do you know you’ve had the whole school, and the police, looking for you?’

  Binny smirked.

  ‘Una locked her in to keep her safe,’ I said. ‘She couldn’t get out!’ I could hardly believe I was defending Binny, but then, I could hardly believe any of what had just happened.

  ‘You have all behaved in a most shocking way,’ said Miss Barnard. ‘I shall have words with you tomorrow. Miss Freebody, take your sister and Miss Martineau and go! You others, you can go with them. I want you all out of this place at once.’

  ‘Not us!’ protested Daisy. ‘Hazel and I need to speak to the Inspector!’

  ‘Absolutely not,’ snapped Miss Barnard.

  ‘Miss Barnard,’ said the Inspector, ‘could they stay for a moment? I would like a brief word with them.’

  I could see that Miss Barnard was scowling. ‘Inspector!’ she said unhappily.

  ‘They were helpful to me before,’ said the Inspector. ‘I have reason to believe that they may be so again.’

  Miss Barnard paused, and then she sighed. ‘Oh, very well,’ she said. Lavinia craned backwards hopefully. ‘Not you, Temple! To San, immediately!’

  Lavinia led Binny, Kitty, Martha and Beanie out of the tunnel, but although I knew that she was cross not to be staying with us, I had never seen her so proud of herself before. Perhaps detecting agreed with her after all.

  Once the others were gone, the Inspector led me, Daisy, Enid and Miss Barnard out of the tunnel too, and into the deserted Hall. I stared up at the tiers of seats around us, the dim vaulted ceiling far above, and the panels painted with vague murals of enormous women who glared down at us as though we were slightly disappointing. When the Inspector spoke, the whole room echoed.

  ‘So,’ he said as Miss Barnard looked on. ‘Explain yourselves, girls.’

  6

  Daisy explained our case, in a rush, and I put in all the bits that she forgot (as usual, Daisy gets excited about the end of a case, and forgets to be entirely scientific). We explained how Elizabeth’s death had been a murder, not an accident, how Enid had killed her with the hockey stick, but left the rake next to her for cover. She had tried to destroy the stick later, but then, when it was discovered, tried to cover her tracks further by writing down Margaret’s secret and signing it with Florence’s name. The Inspector looked more and more serious, and Miss Barnard gasped in confusion and horror. She could not stop looking at Enid.

  I tried not to. Enid had stopped struggling, and was sitting quite quietly on a chair, but she was looking at us with a despairing stare and it made my heart stumble. This is always the way of it – knowing who the murderer is does not make them a different person, but what they have done somehow overlays who they are, and turns them quite horrible. I had been wrong. I was not like Enid at all. I may not be a heroine, but I would never hurt one of my friends, not deliberately. Many things matter more to me than being good at lessons.

  I imagined the moment: Enid raising the hockey stick in both hands and then bringing it crashing down on Elizabeth’s head. She must have been horribly afraid, to plan such a thing and then carry it out. But then, that was what Elizabeth had done to everyone: trapped them, so they could not escape. It was awful that this was the only way Enid felt she could be free. And now her secret would be out anyway.

  ‘Elizabeth was going to tell everyone she was a cheat,’ I said to the Inspector. ‘She wouldn’t have been able to go to university, and her parents told her she had to.’

  Daisy snorted. ‘Imagine!’ she said. ‘Doing a murder for that!’

  ‘It wasn’t just that!’ cried Enid suddenly. ‘It was – it was everything. I had to get in, don’t you see? Daddy would have never forgiven me. My life wouldn’t have been worth anything.’

  ‘Indeed,’ said the Inspector. ‘It certainly won’t, now.’

  I felt dreadful, all over again.

  ‘In this case,’ said Inspector Priestley to us, smiling rather, ‘I must say I am rather glad that you honourably decided to break into school property in the dead of night. You recovered a missing person and revealed a murderer. As always, I must congratulate you, although as always, I must also point out that you have been fearfully foolish.’

  ‘Fearfully foolish!’ echoed Miss Barnard. ‘Why did you not think to tell anyone where you were going?’

  ‘We told the shrimps!’ said Daisy. ‘See? That’s how you know.’

  ‘We might not have done,’ said the Inspector. ‘I only happened to come into the house to speak to your Matron. I was accosted by young Miss Grey, who seemed desperate to talk to me. She told me that you had escaped House, and where you were going, and that she had seen Enid follow you. I telephoned Miss Barnard immediately, and rushed down to find you myself. You ought to congratulate Miss Grey. I believe she solved the case before any of you.’

  ‘Huh!’ said Daisy. ‘Don’t be ridiculous. We knew exactly what had happened.’

  ‘Did you?’ asked the Inspector. ‘According to Miss Grey, you were sure that the culprit was Una Dichmann, but Miss Grey was terribly worried, because she could not work out why, if that was so, it was Enid Gaines who had crept out after you.’

  ‘A lucky guess,’ said Daisy airily. ‘And we had everything in hand. Even if you had not appeared, we would have triumphed.’

  ‘Daisy!’ I said. ‘That isn’t true!’

  ‘It’s close enough!’ said Daisy. ‘Anyway, we’ve solved the case now.’

  ‘Miss Martineau was hurt very severely,’ said Miss Barnard
sternly.

  ‘I can’t control the idiotic things my assistants do!’ said Daisy crossly. ‘I didn’t ask her to throw herself on Enid like that!’

  ‘I assume she thought she was helping you,’ said Miss Barnard.

  ‘She was trying to be brave,’ I said. ‘Will she be all right?’

  ‘I’m sure she will,’ said Inspector Priestley. ‘From experience I’d say that she has very mild concussion, at worst. The blow glanced off her, it was not a direct hit. Nurse Minn will sort her out.’

  ‘And will you bring back Jones?’ Daisy asked Miss Barnard. ‘He’s innocent! It was murder, not an accident, so he can’t have had anything to do with it.’

  Miss Barnard sighed. ‘I will,’ she said. ‘And I will give him my full apologies. Now, if you’re ready, you need to go back up to House, if you please. I think your Matron will be missing you.’

  ‘Where will I go?’ asked Enid, and she sounded very frightened.

  ‘To the station, with me,’ said Inspector Priestley sadly. ‘There is work to be done, and a trial to prepare for. Since you have confessed, things should be easy.’

  Enid made a gulping noise. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said softly. ‘I had to do it.’

  ‘I’m not sure you did,’ said the Inspector. ‘Although the judge and jury may see things differently. Now,’ he said, turning to us, ‘you’ve been very successful detectives. I’m sorry I ever doubted you, but now it’s time for you to be schoolgirls again. Think of it as an elaborate cover. Are you ready?’

  Daisy nodded. She turned to me, and I could see she was grinning. ‘All right, Hazel?’ she asked. ‘Let’s go and pretend to be ordinary.’

  7

  Matron was quite furious, of course, and she could not understand what we had all been doing down at school – ‘and in a dirty tunnel, too!’ she cried. We both got rather stern slaps about the head, and were banished up to the dorm at once. But I think the Inspector and Miss Barnard must have spoken to her after that, because the next day we were given extra pudding at dinner, and Matron rather unexpectedly gave us a hug.