If You Don't Know By Now

by Teresa Southwick

  “I’m doing this for you—for her. It was my watch. She got hurt. I should have seen it coming and didn’t. Don’t you get it, Maggie? There’s a pattern forming. I won’t take a chance with Faith.”

  “This isn’t the army and you’re not in charge. You and I are in this together.”

  He shook his head. “I tried. It didn’t work.”

  “You’re running away again. I can’t say that it’s the second time, because in all fairness you didn’t know about her when you left the first time. But you ran away—into the army.”

  She was dead-on about that. And now he knew why. Because he didn’t want to care. When you cared about people, pain followed. He’d never wanted to hurt this bad. Now it was too late. He loved his daughter and Maggie.

  Always Maggie.

  She waited for him to say something. When he didn’t, she took a deep breath. “She made a mistake, Jack, not you. She did imitate what she saw you doing. There’s nothing wrong with learning self-defense. She needs you around to teach her discipline, to help her control the knowledge of how to take care of herself, to show her the lesson when stuff happens, to guide her.”

  “The blind leading the blind.”

  “You think I don’t know how scary it is? You of all people should know that heroes are afraid. But they face the fear and go on in spite of it.”

  “It’s better for her if I just go. Trust me,” he said.

  “Nope.” She shook her head and again the curls swirled around her face. “No way. I was just starting to do that. But I get it now. At the first sign of trouble, you run up the white flag and head for the hills. You’re a coward and you don’t deserve either of us. Trusting you won’t happen. Not again.”

  “You’ll thank me one day. I’m not very good father material.”

  She straightened her shoulders and dropped her arms, her hands clenching into fists. “Do you think good fathers are born that way? Parenting is trial and error. Do you think I haven’t made mistakes? You’re copping out.”

  “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

  She shook her head. “Who’d have guessed? You put your life on the line for your country. I’ve seen the scars to prove it, and your country calls you a hero.”

  He flinched at her words. “You’re the real hero.”

  “Not really. I just show up every day and do the best I can. Because I love her more than anyone else could. Except you.” She sighed. “This isn’t all about Faith, is it? It’s about me.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I know I’m not the same girl I was ten years ago. That girl risked everything to be with you. She broke the rules for the chance to be in your arms.”

  “It wasn’t your fault. I’m to blame.”

  She let out a long breath. “If you can’t care about me, have the decency to say so. I’ll get over it. But don’t run out on her because of me.”

  He studied her, the fierce expression on her face. She’d once called him the family warrior, but she should look in the mirror. She was fighting passionately. And she was so wrong. He’d never loved her more.

  He ran a hand through his hair. “If I didn’t care about both of you—so much—I wouldn’t be doing this.”

  She let out a long breath. “If you really believe that, you don’t know what it means to care.”

  “From the beginning, I warned you about me.”

  “Too bad I didn’t listen. I’m sorry I fell in love with you ten years ago and I’m sorry I love you now. How dumb was that—to let you back in—”

  “Maggie—” He reached out to her.

  She backed away, then gave him a wide berth as she moved around him, closer to the front door.

  “Maggie, wait—”

  “Not ever again, Jack.” She yanked open the door then met his gaze. “You can stay or go. I’ll do my best to not care either way. But you’d better be sure you make the right decision because you won’t get a chance to hurt either one of us again. I got over you once, and it was the hardest thing I ever did. I’ll get over you again.”

  Then she was gone and she took the sunshine with her.

  Early the next morning, Maggie hustled Faith out their front door to the car. Don’t look next door. Don’t look. Don’t you dare look, she warned herself.

  “Dad’s car is gone,” Faith commented.

  The words were like a punch to the gut. Against her own advice, Maggie glanced at the driveway beside hers to see for herself and noted that his car was indeed gone. Silly her. She couldn’t help hoping she’d hammered some sense into him last night. She’d gotten in the habit of hoping since Jack Riley had returned. But habits could be broken. Just like hearts, she thought, steeling herself against the pain.

  He didn’t believe he deserved hap pi ness. Now he was gone, along with any hope she had of convincing him that he was no different from every less-than-perfect human being and was entitled to for give ness. He was a good man. In spite of her resolve, pain got through and stole her breath.

  “Get in, Faith. We’re going to be late.”

  “I don’t care.”

  “I do.” About Jack, her heart cried.

  Maggie covered her red-rimmed eyes with her sunglasses and drove to the day camp at Destiny’s park. Dragging her daughter by the hand, she crossed the grounds to the recreation building and found her way to the director’s office. Christy, the cute, blond, blue-eyed teenage summer employee sat at the desk outside it.

  “Hey, Maggie.”

  “Christy, I’d like to see Mr. Scott.”

  Rick Scott was also a teacher at Faith’s elementary school. During the summer he supervised the day-camp program to supplement his income.

  “He’s with someone at the moment. He’ll be with you in a minute. If you and Faith would like to take a seat,” she said, indicating two plastic-seated chairs lined up against the institutional-green wall.

  “I made an appointment,” she explained. “I have to get to work.”

  “I’m sorry. A parent showed up un expectedly. Mr. Scott will see you as soon as he can.”

  Maggie glanced down at her daughter. “I guess we wait.”

  “Great.” Faith dragged herself to the chairs and plopped herself into one.

  Before Maggie could join her, the office door opened and the camp director stood sideways in the entrance, looking at someone she couldn’t see. The man glanced in her direction and she cringed. But instead of the disapproving expression she’d expected, he smiled a big friendly grin. “Hey, Maggie. Sorry to keep you waiting.”

  “No problem. But I’d like to speak with you to get Faith reinstated so that I can go to work.”

  “Everything is settled,” he said.

  Maggie blinked at the man. “What?”

  “All Faith has to do is apologize to Logan and all will be forgiven.”

  The girl in question bounced out of the chair and stood rebelliously beside her. “I’m not sorry. I won’t say it to that dweeb,” she declared hotly. “You wouldn’t want me to lie, would you?”

  Unfazed, Rick Scott moved forward and stared at her. “You and Logan are going to sit down and apologize to each other. You’ll talk this out. With a mediator. Your father and I decided it was the best course of action.”

  Father? Maggie’s gaze shot to the doorway where she saw Jack now filling up the entrance.

  He looked at his daughter. “Rick is right, kiddo.”

  Rick? He’d just met the man and now they were on a first-name basis, Maggie fumed.

  Jack’s intense gaze skimmed over Maggie, then returned to the child. “We figured there were skirmishes on both sides and it’s time for a diplomatic solution.”

  “I don’t know what that means,” Faith said stubbornly. “But if it means kissing up to Logan Peterson, forget it.”

  Jack moved to stand in front of her and went down on one knee to look her in the eyes. “Some times we have to do things we don’t want to because it’s hard. That’s life. Get used to it,”
he said in a firm tone that allowed no dissension in the ranks.

  “But Logan started it,” Faith argued, beginning to weaken.

  Jack nodded. “Okay. But you two are going to finish it together—with words this time.”

  Maggie stood in stunned silence watching him deal with the situation like a commander who handled mutiny in the troops every day.

  He hadn’t deserted. Her heart soared.

  Mr. Scott looked at their daughter. “Come on, Faith. Let’s go find Logan and the three of us will work this out.”

  “Dad?” she pleaded, looking at Jack.

  “March,” he said. “Get it over with.”

  “O-okay.”

  The camp director disappeared with their daughter and Jack stood, right in front of her. “Hi.”

  “Hi, yourself.” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “I have the most insane urge to say—this is so sudden.”

  “Nope. After we talked last night…” He let out a long breath. “Actually, you did most of the talking—”

  “Jack, I—”

  He held up a hand. “I did some soul searching. You were right. I don’t deserve you and Faith. I grew up an army brat moving around. Leaving my friends every time hurt. Eventually I learned to keep people out because I knew I was moving on.”

  “You must have been very lonely.”

  He nodded. “Until I moved to Destiny. There was Gran. I made some friends—Mitch Rafferty, Dev Hart and Grady. Not to mention a spunky redhead who was ready, willing and able to go AWOL for me.”

  “That was ten years ago.”

  “But you’ve always been in my heart, Maggie.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Gran knew it. She fixed me good, so I couldn’t run away.”

  “You could have. And Destiny’s rock lovers would have been pretty happy.”

  “What about you?”

  After what she’d said to him last night, there was nothing left to lose. “I’d have been pretty unhappy.”

  He grinned. “When I came back to settle her estate, I didn’t know who I was anymore. I was looking for myself, my soul. I found you and Faith. Gran knew I was lost and she knew you were my destiny. She made sure I found both of you right next door.”

  “I wish I could thank her.” Her heart started to pound like the bass drum in Destiny’s Fourth of July parade.

  “Yeah. And I have to thank you, too. Because I wanted to run. But you made me face up to my past. You showed me that I could forgive myself, that I was worthy of love. You were right about me. I am a coward.”

  “Oh, Jack—I didn’t mean it. I was angry.”

  He shook his head. “No. You were dead-on. But I found I was more afraid of spending the rest of my life without you and our daughter than being a failure.”

  “Well, you sure handled Rick,” she said dryly.

  The corners of his mouth turned up. “Last night, I almost came to you a thousand times to ask for another chance to do better. Then I realized words wouldn’t cut it. Somehow, I had to show you I meant it. So I handled Rick. I plan to stay in Destiny for the long haul.”

  Maggie knew he was talking about their daughter. “Faith will be glad to hear that.”

  “What about you?”

  “I’m glad you’ll be staying for her.”

  “No, I mean how do you feel about you—and me?”

  “I bared my soul last night.” She met his gaze. “Now it’s your turn. If you want.”

  “Oh, I want.” The intensity in his gaze added power to the simple words. “I love you, Maggie. It’s ten years late, but I mean it ten times more. I need you. Somehow I think you already know that.” The expression in his blue eyes was so earnest it tugged at her heart. “If you haven’t changed your mind about what you told me last night, I’d like to ask you to marry me.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay I can ask? Or okay you will?”

  “You can ask and I will. You’re a good man, Jack Riley, and I plan to spend the rest of my life convincing you of that fact.”

  “Does that mean you still love me?”

  She moved against him and wrapped her arms around his waist as she pressed her cheek to his heart. The pounding made her smile and she tightened her hold.

  “Yes, I love you. It’s always only been you. If you don’t know by now—”

  The tender kiss he placed on her lips showed her without words how he felt. Jack Riley was her past, present and future. Her destiny. She would love him forever and always. Ten years ago she’d known it. Now, finally, he believed it, too.

  ISBN: 978-1-4268-6660-9

  IF YOU DON’T KNOW BY NOW

  Copyright © 2001 by Teresa Ann Southwick

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