The Fire Between High & Lo

by Brittainy C. Cherry

  Silence.

  “Do you want to get drunk?” I asked.

  She narrowed her eyes at me, pinched her bottom lip, and swayed, debating.

  ***

  We’d sat on her patio for the past forty-five minutes, and for the first time ever, I witnessed a drunken Erika. Her laughter echoed through their backyard, and every now and then she’d snort before taking a swig from her bottle of whiskey. I smoked a joint which mellowed me out.

  “You’re the best,” she said, slapping my leg.

  “You hate my guts.”

  “I do. I hate your guts.” She reached for the joint between my lips, and I pinched my lips around it, refusing to let it go.

  “I think you should just stick to your whiskey.”

  “‘I think you should just stick to your whiskey,’” she mocked me, before laughing again. “You know what I hate most about you?”

  “What’s that?”

  “Everyone loves you, no matter what you do.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “No.” She nodded. “Really. Especially Kellan and my sister. They think you are some kind of god. Logan Silverstone can do no wrong! They both love you more than they could ever love me.”

  I frowned. “That’s not true.”

  “No, it is. I mean, let’s face the facts. You crashed Kellan’s car. You almost burnt down my first apartment. You broke my sister’s heart when you drove into a building. You ran away, ignored her for years, and still—she’d freaking marry you tomorrow if you asked. Kellan didn’t go a day without mentioning your name. Your mom cried every day after you left. She even managed to get clean for a while because she wanted to make you proud, before your crazy father dragged her back into that crap and landed her into the hospital. Screw whatever kind of crap you used that send you to rehab. The truth is, the biggest drug in this small circle of people is you. They are addicted to you, and they won’t stop using.”

  My throat went dry, and it became hard to swallow. “What did you just say?”

  “Uh, I just said a lot. You want me to repeat it all?”

  “No.” My head shook. “The part about my mom. My dad put her in the hospital?”

  Erika looked up fast, locking eyes with me. “Oh my gosh.” Her eyes bulged and she shook her head. “Don’t tell them that I mentioned that. Please. They didn’t want you to know, because they didn’t want you to feel guilty for not being there. Please don’t say anything.”

  I put out the joint, stood up, and then headed back inside. “Go to bed, Erika.”

  Chapter Forty-Two

  Alyssa

  The next day, Logan asked me to go with him to visit his mom. We stopped by Bro’s Bistro first to pick up some food for her, and as he ran into the restaurant, I waited outside in the car for him. My eyes traveled across the street when I heard yelling from the alley a few steps away from the car.

  Opening my door, I started walking in the direction of the sound and my heart leapt out of my skin as I saw Logan’s father standing over Sadie, screaming at her. She was shaking against the concrete wall of the shop next door.

  “I’m sorry!” she cried as he raised his hand and slapped her hard across the face. I listened to her whimpering as her body slid down the wall into the fetal position.

  “Hey!” I screamed, running down the dark alley, toward the two. “Back off,” I hollered at him.

  He boxed Sadie in with his arms and glanced my way. His eyes were bloodshot and cold, vicious. “Fuck off,” he ordered.

  Sadie’s eyes met mine with nothing but fear. The bruises slowly forming on her face made my stomach twist. I didn’t know what else to do as I watched him bend down and whisper something in her ear that made her cringe with fright. “Leave her alone, jerk!” I screamed.

  His hands wrapped around Sadie’s wrists and he started pulling her in the opposite direction of me. “You stupid bitch,” he muttered to her, dragging her beside him. Without thought, I rushed down the alley and shoved him from behind. “Let her go!” I screamed, slamming my fist into his back.

  He dropped her hand and without any hesitation, swung around and hit me right in the eye and sent me slamming against the wall, making my body slide down to the ground from the sudden loss of balance.

  Before I could stand, all I saw was Logan come charging down the alleyway, and I watched as he slammed his fist against his father’s jaw, knocking him to the ground. Sadie rushed over to me to help me stand. “Are you okay?” she asked, panicked, but I was fine, if not just shaken from the whole situation.

  “I’m good, I’m good,” I said. My eyes fell to Logan who was standing over Ricky slamming his fists into his face over and over again. His eyes were hard, his stare cold, and he kept swinging.

  “Logan, no!” I shouted. I yanked on his arm. His eyes were wild, the fire inside of him burning him to ashes.

  Logan.

  Lo.

  My most painful low.

  “Logan, that’s enough. He’s passed out. It’s okay.” I kept my voice gentle, trying not to show how scared I was. He went back to swing at his father, but I held onto his arm. “Look at me, Lo. Please,” I begged. “Logan, you are not him,” I promised, making him pause. “You are not him. You are not your father.”

  He stopped.

  “You’re okay, Logan Francis Silverstone,” I swore, tears falling down my cheek. “You’re okay. Give me your hand,” I ordered.

  He took it.

  I helped him up.

  I watched his breathing slow as he climbed off of Ricky, and he stared at his bloody knuckles. I reached for his hands, but he yanked them away. His eyes fell to Sadie’s face, which was almost as bad as his father’s. “Shit,” he exhaled. “Come on,” he said, walking off. Sadie and I followed behind him as he led us to TJ’s doctor’s office.

  After banging on the door, TJ came down in his pajamas and unlocked the door. “What the heck, Logan? It’s Sunday. Sunday is rest day.”

  Logan didn’t say anything, but he stepped to his side, revealing Sadie and me.

  “Shit,” TJ muttered. “Come in.”

  We stayed there until we were all fixed up, and TJ checked on Sadie’s baby, who was thankfully okay. When we left, I told Sadie she could stay with me, but before she could reply, she received a text from Ricky.

  Ricky: tell your hero that he’s going to pay for this. starting with his mom.

  “Oh no,” I murmured, as Logan’s eyes widened with fear. “Call the cops.”

  Chapter Forty-Three

  Logan

  Rushing to Ma’s apartment, I pushed the door open, my chest heaving. “Ma! Where is he?” I shouted. My heart almost stopped beating when I saw Ma on the ground, being kicked in the stomach repeatedly by the devil himself. I leapt at him and tossed him across the room with all my strength. I hurried to Ma’s side, trying to wake her up.

  A snicker was heard behind me as he stood up. “Well isn’t this a grand family reunion? Don’t mind your mama there. She’s just taking a nap.”

  I stood up and charged at him, wanting to tackle him to the ground, but I paused, hearing Alyssa in my head. You’re not your father.

  “Just leave us alone, Ricky.” He looked a mess, as if he’s been using a lot of his own drugs.

  “Not until I get Sadie back. You had your fun. Now give her back.” He hollered, walking toward me.

  “Ricky…you need help, man.”

  “Fuck off, asshole. Give me Sadie.”

  “She’s not your property. She’s not going with you.”

  He ran his hands through his hair, pulling on it out of anger. “I was there for you, boy! When you had nobody, I took you under my wing.”

  “Getting me hooked on drugs? Yeah, how thoughtful of you.”

  He rushed toward me and wrapped his hand around my neck, pressing our foreheads together. “You don’t talk to me any damn way you want, son.” Even though I wasn’t the tiny kid I used to be, Ricky was still much bigger than I was. He was even scarier when doped
up, too. There was no telling what he’d do, but all I knew was I’d rather him do it to me than those two girls sitting in the car downstairs.

  “Go home, Ricky. It’s over.”

  “It’s over?” He pushed me away and then swung his fist into my eye. The pain that followed was hardcore. I stumbled backwards and tried not to fall, gripping the sagging sofa.

  “I’m not going to fight you, Ricky,” I muttered, my fingers falling to my eye.

  “Yes, you are,” he muttered, moving in and slamming his fist into my gut.

  I felt the vomit rising up from my stomach, and I did my best to push it down. “No, I’m not.”

  “Why not?” he asked, pushing me to the ground and slamming his foot into my stomach. “Why not? Because you’re weak? Because you can’t be a real man?” he screamed, kicking me repeatedly.

  “No,” I muttered, spitting out the blood that was in my mouth. “Because if I did, I would be just like you.”

  “I’m so tired of you,” he muttered, running his hands against his mouth before reaching into his back pocket and pulling out a gun. “I’m tired of you interfering with my life. I’m tired of you stepping in between my situations. I’m tired of your face. So we’re just going to end this now.”

  He pointed his gun toward me, and I shut my eyes, but when I heard the sound of the bullet, I felt nothing.

  My eyes opened, and I saw the cops standing behind me, and Ricky lying on the floor, shot in the shoulder.

  The cops and paramedics rushed into the scene. It was all a blur as I watched them race to Ma and then to Ricky. Alyssa spoke to the officers with Sadie, explaining what happened. I tried to open my mouth, but my jaw was so swollen that it hurt to speak. A paramedic came over to me to check out my face, but I shrugged them away.

  “I’m fine,” I choked out, my throat burning. They ignored me, and started cleaning my cuts, speaking of stitches to my nose and chin.

  “We’ll have more questions at the hospital,” the officer told Alyssa. “We’ll follow behind you as you drive over.”

  She nodded, then headed over to me. She grimaced as her fingers lightly touched my face. “Oh, Lo…” she whispered.

  I huffed out a chuckle. “Yo-yo-you…” I paused, cringing at the pain in my jaw. “You think I’m bad, you should see the other dude.”

  She didn’t laugh.

  I guess because it wasn’t funny.

  “Come on,” she said. “Let’s go get you fixed up.”

  I wanted to say something sarcastic. I wanted to make her feel better because I could tell she was distraught. But no words would leave me. My mind was whirling, thinking about Ma, if she’d be okay. I couldn’t stop wondering how long she had been hit before I arrived. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I should’ve been there to protect her. I couldn’t stop thinking about how many times I swore I hated her, but the truth was, I loved her.

  I loved her so much. And I let her down. I let her down when I went away.

  ***

  Logan, thirteen-years-old.

  Grandpa sent me a documentary on hamburgers for my birthday. I’d already watched it three times, but I placed it back into the DVD player. It was pretty interesting, and I was pretty bored before I got the documentary because I watched most of the ones at the library already.

  “What are you doing?” Ma asked, standing in my doorway.

  “Nothin’,” I replied.

  “Can I do nothing with you?”

  I looked up, and gasped. Ma looked beautiful. Her hair was combed into a high ponytail, and she had tied a red ribbon around it. She was wearing make-up, something she never did, and she wore a pretty black sundress that normally sat hanging in the back of her closet.

  “You look amazing,” I breathed out.

  Her muscles were twitching, but that was kind of the norm with Ma. She was always fidgeting and twitching with tremors, but after a while it didn’t bother me. It was just a part of her. “Yeah? I don’t know. I’m going to this meeting later today.” She smiled and curtsied. “It’s a meeting about helping people get clean, ya know? I want to stop using, Logan. I want to be a better mama for you.”

  My eyes widened. I felt like I was floating, as my stomach fluttered. “Really?” Ma never talked about getting help. She always said no one could help her.

  “Yeah.” She sat down on my mattress. “You’d have to go stay with Kellan and his dad for a while, though. I want to go to rehab. I really want to make something better for us.”

  “You’re leaving me?” I said, my hands clammy.

  “Only for a little while. Then I’ll be back better than ever.”

  “You’ll come back for me?”

  “I’ll come back for you.”

  I sighed in relief.

  “You think you can take a break from watching your DVD and come make a lasagna? We can celebrate before I leave.”

  My eyes beamed and I nodded my head. “Yeah!”

  We cooked together. I made the sauce, and Ma layered the noodles and cheese. After it was done, she had me move the small television from my room into the living room. We sat on the sofa, watching the documentary on hamburgers, and ate our hot lasagna out of the pan.

  “Ma?”

  “Yeah, Logan?”

  “Why are you crying?” I asked. She gave me a tight grin and shrugged.

  “Just happy, that’s all, sweetie. I’m just happy.”

  I smiled, too, and went back to eating. The lasagna burnt the roof my mouth, but I didn’t mind at all, because Ma was going to rehab. Then she’d come back to me, and we’d start our real lives together. We were getting better. Soon our normal life would be eating dinner together and watching documentaries. She’d come to my parent-teacher conferences, and graduations. She’d slow dance with me at my wedding. She’d read my future kids bedtime stories.

  We’d have a future together, and it would be perfect.

  I kept smiling, and smiling, and smiling.

  Because I’d never been so happy.

  Chapter Forty-Four

  Alyssa

  Logan walked away with a fractured nose, two black eyes, and a broken wrist. He was lucky, seeing how the damage to his face looked fifty times worse than it actually turned out to be. We sat in the lobby, waiting to hear about his mother’s condition. I closed my eyes, praying that she was going to be fine. I knew Julie had always brought so much pain into Logan’s life, but there was no doubt that she meant the world to him.

  The cops came over to speak with us.

  “Sorry to interrupt, you guys, but we just wanted to update you. After everything we spoke about, we are currently obtaining a search warrant for your father’s house. The gun he had was illegally in his possession, and we found drugs on him at the scene. He has quite a history of coming in contact with the police, so I think we’ll be able to really nail him this time. For now, we’ll keep him in custody for the attack on your mother. That should give us enough time to get the court’s warrant. We’re going to get this guy.”

  Logan nodded. I thanked the officers, and they wished us the best, saying they’d be in contact.

  “What a relief,” I sighed.

  Logan’s head rested in his palms, as he kept nodding. “Yeah.”

  I rubbed his back as the doctor approached us. “Hey, so just an update.”

  “A lot of updates today,” Logan murmured.

  The doctor gave a tight grin. “Yeah. So your mother’s condition is improving, but the level of narcotics in her system is pretty worrisome for us. We’re going to keep her here for the next few days to help flush her system. She has two broken ribs from where she was kicked, but can’t give her too much medicine for the pain due to the narcotics. We’re kind of playing it by ear at this point. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

  I thanked the doctor, and Logan’s head remained in his palms.

  “See, Logan? Everything’s okay. Everything’s going to be fine. Do you want me to call Kellan and let him
know?” His brother hadn’t been informed of anything. Logan didn’t want to worry him until he knew all of the details.

  He groaned, looking up. “No. I should be there to tell him in person. Just in case he reacts badly. I don’t want to tell him over the phone.”

  “That makes sense. That’s a good idea.”

  “High?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I just want you to know you have the right to opt out now. Out of all of this.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “My life,” he said, strain evident in his voice, hinting at the pain in his jaw. He cringed, and started rubbing it. “My life is a mess. It always has been, and I’m giving you a ‘get out of hell’ free card. I’m in love with you, and that’s why I’m giving you an out. You deserve more than this messed-up life.”

  “Hey,” I whispered, moving closer to him. My lips fell against his ear, and I combed his hair back. My heart broke seeing the blood on his face, and in his hair. It was all so heartbreaking—the life he’d lived. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  He constantly nodded, clasping his hands together, his eyes glassy. “I’m a mess, High. I’m a mess. I’ve always been a mess. I’ll always be a mess.”

  “Logan, stop. You’re not who you were back then. Okay? You’re not the product of your yesterdays.”

  “But you deserve the world. You can do better. You deserve more.”

  “I could have a decent life with someone else,” I said. “I could have the white picket fence. The normal job, the normal kids, the normal husband. I could have a comfortable life with someone who I’d be content with, but never fully love. But that’s not what I want, Logan. I want you. I want the scars. I want the burns. I want your mess. Your scars, your burns, your mess—that’s my heart. You are everything I ever wanted and everything I’ll ever need. Your hurt is my hurt. Your strength is my strength. Your heartbeats flow through mine. So no, I’m not going to opt out. I don’t want to run away because things are hard sometimes. I want you. All of you—the good, the bad, the pain, the anger. If you’re walking through hell, I’m holding your hand the whole way through. If the fires in our lives keep rising, we’ll burn as one. You’re it for me, Logan. Yesterday, today, tomorrow—I’m yours. You’re my eternal flame.”