by Lucy King
Dan’s jaw tightened. ‘What does that even mean?’
‘You’ve been judging me against standards set by your ex, someone you knew eight years ago. Why? What the hell is going on, Dan?’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘Yes, you do.’
He looked her, his eyes glittering in the soft light of the kitchen. ‘Maybe I want to be able to trust you.’
‘You can.’
He frowned. ‘Are you sure about that?’
‘Absolutely. When have I ever given you cause to doubt me?’
‘You haven’t. Not yet.’
‘And I won’t. And OK so I didn’t mention doing a pregnancy test, but why would I when there was nothing to say?’ She looked at him steadily. ‘Think about it, Dan. We’ve known each other for what, six weeks? Do you really think it needed a conversation when it was negative anyway?’
‘I guess not.’
‘If the result had been different then I’d have told you.’
‘Would you?’
‘Of course I would. Look, you know as well as I do that I’ve done nothing to justify your belief that I’ll let you down. At every stage of this whole thing so far I’ve been honest and upfront with you, and I don’t plan on changing that.’
He sighed. ‘I’d like to believe that but I don’t know if I can.’
For a moment Zoe didn’t know what to say. ‘Did she really screw you up that much?’
‘She and Jasmine and a handful of others who always seemed to have some kind of agenda. Between them, they destroyed my faith in women, yes,’ he said flatly.
‘So you thought you’d put me to the test?’ she asked, still finding it hard to reconcile the warm attentive man she thought she’d got to know over the last few weeks with this cold, suspicious and obstinate version.
‘No. Of course not. You’re being ridiculous.’
‘I’m being ridiculous?’ she said, now feeling her anger beginning to fire at his constant denial of what she was beginning to think was transparently plain to see. ‘I’m not the one who’s letting eight-year-old hang-ups influence their life.’
‘No,’ he said, suddenly icy in his defensiveness, ‘you’re the one who let fifteen-year-old hang-ups influence her life.’
‘And I dealt with them,’ she said. ‘So why don’t you try dealing with yours? Because I don’t need to be put on trial.’
‘Can you honestly say you haven’t been putting me on trial too?’
It was the arched eyebrow that accompanied his words that did it. ‘Of course I can, you jerk,’ said Zoe, feeling her blood pressure hit the roof as she scraped her chair back and stood up. ‘If you wanted to have complete faith in me you could, because it’s there. So as much as you proclaim otherwise I don’t think it’s a case of not being able to trust women, I think it’s more that you just can’t bring yourself to. And ultimately it’s just safer not to try, isn’t it?’
Dan’s eyes narrowed. ‘Are you calling me a coward?’
‘Damn right I am.’
And with that she left.
TEN
What the hell did Zoe know about anything? thought Dan grimly, standing in the kitchen and listening to the slam of the front door echoing around the house. She didn’t know what it was like to have the heart ripped from you. To have the choice of parenthood removed without even a discussion. To feel so utterly betrayed by someone you thought you loved.
And as for all that crap about putting her to the test... She was being ridiculous because he wasn’t into games like that. He’d never seen the point and he didn’t need the stress. He couldn’t be bothered with games or the people who played them.
So why hadn’t he just asked her about the pregnancy test outright, then? Why had he waited for her to tell him?
The questions struck him like a blow and he glared at the floor, unable—no, unwilling—to answer them.
He tried to ignore them, but they hammered away until he had no choice but to address them. So he skirted round a vaguely possible response or two involving rubbish about wanting to give her time, it being her decision to tell him, blah blah blah. Weak answers and wholly wrong ones too.
Feeling the denial disintegrate beneath the pressure of the truth Dan caved. God, he had been testing her, hadn’t he? Unconsciously perhaps, but nevertheless he had been testing her, because he desperately wanted to be able to trust her.
So why didn’t he? Why couldn’t he? Was he a coward?
Maybe he was, he thought, narrowing his gaze at the floor, because Zoe was right. She hadn’t given him reason to doubt her once in the six or so weeks they’d known each other, and so maybe he ought to take a look at the evidence rather than letting his hang-ups screw up his judgement.
Zoe was very different from the other women he’d dated. She was honest and upfront and direct, and refreshingly straightforward. She didn’t play games and she didn’t dissemble. She’d said she’d wanted fun and passion, which was precisely what she’d gone for and precisely what she’d stuck with. She hadn’t let him down, and wouldn’t.
He’d thought a while ago that it had been time to address his wariness and cynicism with regards to women, and it seemed he couldn’t put it off any longer. Because what was he going to do? Spend the rest of his life alone just because he couldn’t bring himself to trust someone? If anything was ridiculous, that was. It would suggest that his past experiences had a grip on him that he couldn’t escape. That he was somehow beholden to them and the thought of being beholden to anything made his stomach churn.
He wanted Zoe. For how long he wasn’t sure, but if they were going to continue with this then he needed to address this problem he had with trust, and apologise. See if she’d be willing to forgive his idiocy and give him a second chance. Basically he needed to pull himself together, step up a gear and show her he could—and did—trust her.
Dragging his hands through his hair, Dan looked up and his gaze fell on the invitation to his cousin’s wedding that had landed on his doormat a month ago. When it had arrived he’d answered it, sorted the logistics, then propped it up on the mantelpiece and pretty much ignored it. Now, though, he was thinking about the ‘and Guest’ that followed his name.
Generally the idea of taking a date to a family event was about as appealing as swimming through soup. The grief he got from his mother and various random aunts about his perennial bachelorhood made his insides curdle at the best of times, and if he were to ever show up with a date at something they’d all have him up the aisle within seconds.
But maybe that was another hang-up he ought to get over, he thought, because making it his life’s mission to avoid the female side of his family was a bit pathetic for a man of thirty-three, surely.
He was the CEO of one of the country’s leading advertising agencies, for heaven’s sake. He managed people and handled challenges on a daily basis. Deflecting the speculation of female relatives—ignoring them if he had to—was something he should have no problem with.
Besides, he was sick of always going to these things by himself. Sick of being an object of speculation and talk, and the target of unwanted female attention.
So tomorrow he’d ask Zoe to go with him. Because he would ordinarily go alone, introducing her to his family would show her how much he liked and valued her. It would show he trusted her. It would certainly prove he wasn’t a coward. She might well say no—probably would, in fact, given his recent idiotic mule-headedness—but he’d just have to work on her, because, unless she genuinely didn’t want to go, now he was set on this course of action there’d be no dissuading him.
* * *
‘So do you think you’ll ever see Dan again?’ Lily asked Zoe the following morning.
Wasn’t that the million-dollar question? thought Zoe despondently as
she looked at her sister and shrugged. ‘I really don’t know.’
After the horrible end to last night it didn’t seem likely, but, God, she hoped that whatever she and Dan had it wasn’t over. She hadn’t slept well. She’d tossed and turned all night, reliving the conversation, silently cursing his unflinching denial and driving herself crazy with all the things she’d said but probably shouldn’t have. Who was she to try and tell him what his problems were? She was hardly fault free.
‘Well, frankly, why would you even want to?’ said Lily with a sniff. ‘He might be the most eligible bachelor on the planet and whatever but he sounds like he was a complete arse last night. I mean, fancy doing something like that. To you, of all people. You’re the most loyal person I know. He’s clearly got baggage you do not want to end up with.’
‘Probably.’ Definitely, more like, and an entire train carriage full of the stuff. ‘But he has his reasons.’ Not that she’d be divulging any of them, even if she hadn’t signed that confidentiality agreement.
Lily snorted. ‘Well, he’s a man so that’s one pretty good reason. Self-centred to the hilt, no doubt, so what can you expect?’
After a brief but turbulent marriage to what she tended to describe as a weak, pathetic, unfaithful louse, Lily didn’t have the highest opinion of men. And after last night, neither had Zoe, but nevertheless self-centred wasn’t an adjective that sprang to mind when she thought of Dan.
‘Actually, I don’t think he is,’ she said, recalling the zest with which he’d adopted the role of her boyfriend all those weeks ago and all the recent effort he’d been putting into building up her self-esteem.
‘Well, it sounds like he could definitely work on his interpersonal skills.’
‘His interpersonal skills are fine,’ she said.
‘You’re hardly one to judge,’ said Lily archly.
‘Hey,’ she said, indignation momentarily pulling her out of her despair.
‘What? You’re the first to admit you can be a bit odd and socially inept at times.’
‘I prefer quirky.’ Dan had come up with that one night when she’d been explaining her love of numbers and she thought it sounded rather good.
‘I’m sure you do. And what about “socially inept”? Do you have a euphemism for that too? Because it seems to me that “socially inept” is a euphemism for the messes you sometimes get yourself into.’
‘Gee, thanks.’
‘You’re welcome. But why are you standing up for him when he’s behaved so appallingly?’
Zoe sighed. ‘I have no idea. But he’s not altogether bad. Just a bit misguided.’
‘Now that is a euphemism,’ said Lily darkly.
Maybe it was. ‘Did I tell you he asked me to sign a confidentiality agreement?’
Lily’s jaw dropped and her eyes widened. ‘No! Really?’ Then she frowned. ‘God, who the hell does he think he is?’
‘Someone in the public eye who’s been burned before?’
‘How long have you been seeing each other?’
‘A month or so.’
‘And hasn’t he got to know you at all in that time?’
‘I’d like to think he has,’ she said with a faint smile as she recalled all the long lazy conversations they’d had.
‘So has he ripped it up?’
‘I haven’t asked him to.’
Lily looked outraged. ‘You shouldn’t have to.’
Her sister’s outrage was catching and Zoe found herself thinking, yes, why hadn’t he suggested they forget about it? ‘It’s complicated,’ she said with a sigh.
‘It always is. Well, it sounds like good riddance if you ask me,’ said Lily, swivelling round to pick up the phone that had just started to ring. ‘You’re way better off without him.’
Hmm, maybe she was, thought Zoe, finally deploying the logic and reason that had been strangely absent these last few weeks. It wasn’t as if they were madly in love or anything. They’d simply been having a hot affair, and, while the sex was great, frankly if Dan was prepared to suspect the worst of her quite so quickly, did she need him? No, she most certainly did not.
‘Think of him as a stepping stone to bigger and better things,’ said Lily, before turning her attention to the call.
‘You’re right. I will.’ Eventually. Once she’d got over the disappointment that they were over she’d maybe start online dating again. Surely great sex and a great man couldn’t be all that hard to find...
‘What?’ she asked, dragging herself away from thoughts of great sex to find Lily watching her, an odd expression on her face.
‘The stepping stone.’
Despite everything that had happened in the last twelve hours Zoe’s heart lurched. ‘What about him?’
‘He’s here.’
Her mouth went dry. ‘Here?’
‘Downstairs. To see you, apparently.’
‘Why?’
‘Well, how would I know?’
‘Does he know I’m here?’
‘Yes, but I could always fob him off and tell him you’re in a meeting or something.’
Ignoring the brief temptation to tell her sister to go for it, Zoe reminded herself that she no longer shied away from conflict, and set her jaw. ‘No, it’s fine,’ she said. ‘I have a few things I’d like to set him straight on anyway.’
Lily grinned and punched the air. ‘Way to go, sis.’
* * *
Quite what sort of reception Dan had been expecting he wasn’t sure, but the minute the lift doors opened and Zoe stepped out he could see the one he was getting.
He watched her approach, her stride efficient and purposeful, her expression cool and haughty and her smile neutrally professional and nowhere near her eyes, and he half expected her to hold out her hand for him to shake.
She showed no sign of the kind of disturbed night he’d had. She didn’t look as if she’d spent the early hours pacing the width of her bedroom asking herself how she could have been such an idiot to put into jeopardy a fling she’d been enjoying. She looked gorgeous, magnificent and, unsurprisingly, as inscrutable as the Sphinx.
‘Dan,’ she said coolly, her voice echoing around the lobby and her heels tapping against the marble floor as she came to a stop in front of him.
‘Zoe,’ he replied, reminding himself why he was here and why he couldn’t just haul her into his arms and kiss the daylights out of her.
‘I didn’t think I’d be seeing you again.’
‘I don’t blame you.’
‘What do you want?’
‘Well, now, that’s not very polite.’
‘I’m not feeling very polite.’
No, well, in all honesty he couldn’t blame her for that either. In fact, the blame for everything that had happened in the last week or so lay entirely with him. ‘That’s fair enough, I suppose.’
‘And I’m extremely busy this morning,’ she added with a pointed glance at her watch.
‘Then I won’t take up too much of your time.’
She folded her arms across her chest and arched an eyebrow. ‘Well?’
‘I’d like to apologise for last night,’ he said.
‘Fine.’ She shrugged as if she couldn’t care less about his apology and for a horrible moment Dan had the nasty feeling that he’d lost her.
He cleared his throat to get rid of the sudden tightness. ‘The whole pregnancy thing freaked me out a little.’
Her eyebrows shot up. ‘A little?’
He shoved his hands through his hair. In his imagination this conversation had gone a damn sight better than it was in reality and he’d been far more in control. ‘OK, a lot.’
‘Are you still freaked out?’
‘No. But I am sorry for unleashing my baggage on you like that. It wa
sn’t fair.’
She nodded. ‘It wasn’t. You wildly overreacted.’
‘I did.’
‘Look, Dan, I can understand that a pregnancy scare might have brought up a whole host of memories you’d rather forget and I get that you were feeling jet-lagged and vulnerable and spooked and whatever, but, you know, not all women are the same.’
He stifled a wince at the mention of vulnerability and focused on what she was saying about all women not being the same. ‘I know.’
‘Do you?’ She sounded sceptical.
‘Well, I’m beginning to learn through you.’ Her expression softened a bit and he felt a stab of hope that maybe he hadn’t messed it up completely. ‘I’m sorry for doubting you,’ he said, wondering if she could possibly be aware that he’d apologised more in the last ten minutes than he had in his entire adult life.
‘If I had your issues I’d be asking you to prove it.’
‘I’m glad you don’t.’
She frowned and alarm began to trickle through him. ‘I don’t like these games, Dan.’
‘There’ll be no more.’
‘Are you sure?’
He nodded, once. ‘I’m sure.’
Zoe didn’t say anything to that, just regarded him so thoughtfully and so lengthily, winding the tension so tightly within him that Dan couldn’t stand it any longer. He shoved his hands in his pockets, fixed his face so it didn’t look like he cared too much about her answer and asked, ‘So are we OK?’
* * *
Well, really, what could she say in response to such a swift and heartfelt apology but yes? thought Zoe, the last grain of her crumbling resolve to be all cold and steely disintegrating.
She’d never been one to bear a grudge—on the rare occasions she and her sister had come to varbal blows, she’d found a hug and an apology went a long way to clearing the air—and for someone who in all likelihood wasn’t used to doing it, Dan’s had been so sincere and so unexpected that her resistance had begun to crumble the minute he’d issued it.
