Gentle Like the Rain: A Heart's Design Novel

by JoAnn Durgin

  “Think of all you’re learning now that you can teach them later.” Liesel followed her daughter from the kitchen, bowls of ice cream in her hands. From the times Isabella had babysat Bella, she knew the little girl loved playing teacher.

  Isabella turned back to the dishes.

  “You’re not having ice cream?”

  Her pulse raced at the sound of Sidney’s voice. The kitchen had emptied of everyone but the two of them. Isabella wouldn’t be a bit surprised if that was planned.

  “I couldn’t possibly eat another bite. The meal was delicious, wasn’t it?” From her position at the sink, Isabella glanced over her shoulder again. Leaning against the island in the middle of the kitchen, Sidney spooned a bite of the fresh mixed berries into his mouth, watching her with a thoughtful expression.

  “Caroline’s turned into an excellent cook,” he said. “I found out since I’ve been here that Nanny Regina taught her a few things on the sly. I feel a little cheated. And I figure these berries have to make the ice cream healthier. What with the antioxidants and vitamins. Right?” Sidney spooned another bite of the ice cream into his mouth.

  Isabella turned back to her work. “That’s what I hear.”

  “Are you planning on going to the dance tonight?”

  “Yes.” Isabella continued rinsing the dishes, her heart pounding. “Are you?”

  “I was thinking about it. After all, that’s what the challenge with Tommy was about.” Before she could react, Sidney was beside her. “Aren’t you going to ask? I know you’ve been curious.”

  She swallowed. “I’m not sure I should ask.”

  Lord, what’s happening here?

  She knew better than to play with fire, but the more she was around this man, the closer she came to that very thing. The temptation was great, and she was already in deep emotionally.

  “Why not?” His manner was playful, his voice teased. When she didn’t answer and picked up another plate, Sidney put his hand on her arm. “Isabella, stop doing the dishes and talk to me.”

  Wiping her hands on the dishtowel, she turned toward him, fully aware Caroline or someone else could come in the kitchen at any moment.

  “Isabella, I’m very attracted to you.” His voice was quietly earnest. “Am I wrong in believing you feel something for me, too?”

  “No,” she whispered as moisture dampened her eyes. Turning back to the sink, she gripped the edge with both hands. “You’re not wrong. That’s why I’m afraid.”

  “Hey, are you crying?” He set the dish on the counter, and the spoon clanged in the almost empty dish. Moving one hand to the side of her face, Sidney caressed the line of her cheek, her jaw, his touch soft as his gaze sought hers. “Why the tears? I didn’t mean to make you cry. Tell me.”

  She inhaled a quick breath. “Sidney, I made the mistake of falling for a man named Tristan in California.” When Isabella turned her head, he withdrew his hands. How did he expect her to think when he touched her? When he looked at her with such tenderness?

  “I met him in undergrad at UCLA. We went through grad school together, and we were friends. Good friends. The relationship quickly blossomed into a full-blown affair that went on for several years. I ignored everything I’d ever been taught, broke my vow to God, and to myself. He was a brilliant, charismatic man, and I gave myself to him in every possible way.”

  Blinking hard, Isabella knew she had to keep going, no matter Sidney’s reaction. “We became business partners in a marketing firm in Hartford. Tristan took everything I had to give in every sense of the word, and then—once he tired of me—he threw it all away for another woman who offered more than I could.” A tear slipped down her cheek. “I can’t even believe I just told you all that.” She gasped a little and moved one hand over her middle.

  “It’s okay. I’m glad you did. Come here.” When Sidney reached for her, Isabella summoned every ounce of strength within her to resist him.

  “I can’t.” Planting her hands on his chest, she stepped back.

  Caroline breezed into the kitchen, coffee pot in hand. Seeing them, she stopped and stared. “Oh. I’m sorry to interrupt. I’ll just be leaving now.” Quickly setting the coffee carafe on the nearest countertop, she hurried from the kitchen.

  Isabella groaned. She’d been foolish for coming tonight and should have known better.

  “Let me go talk to her.” Sidney dipped his head to catch her eye. “Are you okay?”

  Isabella nodded, her emotions jumbled, feeling somewhat numb. “Go talk to Caroline. That’s more important right now.”

  His jaw tightened, but he didn’t sound angry. “Fine, but this conversation isn’t over.” Sidney headed out of the kitchen after his sister. “Caroline, wait!”

  Not knowing what else to do, Isabella plunged her hands back into the dishwater. This might be a good time to say a prayer.

  Chapter 19

  Following Caroline across the hallway, Sidney caught the curious stares of the others in the family room. Small wonder since his sister had flown out of the kitchen and he’d been in hot pursuit, calling her name. Going inside the small study, he quietly closed the door.

  Crossing her arms over her middle, Caroline paced the floor behind Seth’s desk. Purposeful or not, it put a barrier between them, an invisible wall that bothered him.

  Sidney approached the other side of the desk and raised both hands. “Before you say anything, nothing happened between Isabella and me. Don’t read anything into what you saw. We were only talking.”

  Caroline stopped pacing and stared at him. “I was beginning to believe you’ve changed, Sidney, even in the past few days. Now, I’m not so sure. Nothing might have happened yet, but the way you looked at her during dinner wasn’t platonic. I didn’t want to discourage a friendship between the two of you, but I also warned her about you. She’s my friend, but I can’t stand by and watch while you hurt her. If that’s your intent, then you can pack your bags and leave now.”

  He’d try not to take offense at her cutting remarks, but Sidney felt sucker-punched. “And I’m your brother. I guess I can see where your loyalties lie.” He rested his forearms on the back of a wing chair, leaning on it, gathering his thoughts. “Isabella was just telling me about Tristan when you came into the kitchen. That guy was a user. I’m not. What makes you think I’d ever hurt her?”

  “She was devastated by that man’s betrayal,” Caroline murmured. “Sidney, you date a woman a few times, probably long enough for her to form an emotional attachment. Then you drop her, walk away, and never look back. You don’t want a woman so much as a career. Isabella’s not the type of woman to have a one-night stand or an affair. She’s learned her lessons, she’s recommitted her life to the Lord, and she’s one of the best friends I have in the world. Neither is Isabella the type of woman to take a backseat to your career. She deserves so much more than that.”

  His heart dropped along with his jaw. Wow. His sister had an even lower opinion of him than he’d thought. Swallowing hard, Sidney tried to grasp the reality that Caroline held his character in such low esteem. “I hope you’ll believe me when I tell you I’m not the cad you clearly believe I am. I don’t date women for sport, sleep with them, and then dump them.”

  “What about Kat?” Her tone and expression reflected her disbelief.

  “Your actress friend, Kat?” Sidney blew out a sigh. He’d tried his best to push that memory from his mind. “We had some drinks and danced at a club a couple of years ago when she was in Boston with a press junket for that independent film she did.” She’d been one of Caroline’s best friends from Wellesley, even come to Evergreen with his sister on her first trip. Kat was a gorgeous tease who’d manipulated and used him for the purpose of generating publicity.

  “We exchanged a few flirty emails and phone calls, and Kat invited me to the Hamptons for a weekend. I was exhausted after a long trial, and like a fool, I mistakenly thought it’d be a good way to wind down, get away, and have a little fun. Kat clung to me
from the minute I arrived. When the flashbulbs started popping, I should have turned around and gone straight back to Boston. I put her off for two days—nothing happened that shouldn’t have, not that I owe anyone an explanation—and then went home, but the damage had already been done. Photos of us surfaced in some of those tabloid magazines.”

  Shaking his head, Sidney ran his hand through his hair. “I felt used, and the publicity wasn’t good for my professional reputation or the firm. Kat’s not known for being truthful. That’s why she’s such a successful actress. If I were the lowlife scum you seem to think I am, then I would have had a no-holds-barred, wild weekend with her. Give me some credit. I’ve tried to be a decent man in that regard. If not for moral reasons, I try to uphold the family name and keep my professional reputation intact.”

  Caroline stared at him for a long moment. “Forgive me for bringing it up, but as long as we’re getting everything out in the open, I should ask what happened with the girl in your first year of law school.”

  Sidney groaned and ran his hand over his brow. “Caroline, that was a trumped-up accusation by some girl I met at a bar in Cambridge. Sorry to be blunt, but she wanted to stick it to the rich guy. Nothing happened, the truth came out, and the judge exonerated me. Dad didn’t buy me off, and justice prevailed. You can choose to believe me or not, but the truth is that I’ve dated very few women since Olivia, and not one of them more than a handful of times. Yes, I go to bars sometimes, but I go home alone.”

  Seemed he’d surprised her with that revelation. “Olivia from prep school and undergrad? That Olivia?”

  “Yes, that Olivia. For a long time, the end of that relationship soured me on getting involved with anyone else.”

  Caroline’s eyes narrowed. “Why do you think that is?”

  “We were young and stupid, full of dreams. Not that I’m blaming her for anything. I loved Olivia in the way I haven’t loved another woman since—physically, emotionally, every way. I was in it for the distance, but Olivia decided she didn’t want to play second fiddle to my career path. Looking back, I can’t say that I blame her.”

  Sidney cleared his throat. “I haven’t allowed myself to get close to another woman since for the simple reason that I haven’t taken the time. To reach my professional goals, I concentrated on my studies and establishing my career. I had a focused, one-track mindset where everything else took a backseat, including my personal life. So you’re right in that regard. Until now, I’ve pushed aside any other serious relationships, and I never allow them to get to the point where anyone gets hurt.”

  “Olivia broke your heart,” Caroline murmured. “I never realized that.” She dropped into the chair behind the desk.

  He stared at his hands. “It’s part of growing up, I suppose. I know I haven’t always been a very nice person, Caroline. I’m working on trying to be a better man, and I think that’s another part of the reason I’m here.”

  His sister’s eyes were bright with emotion. “I hope you can forgive me, Sidney. I’ve assumed things about your character that aren’t true. We haven’t really known one another for years, have we?”

  Sidney slumped into the chair. “That’s because the Prescotts of Boston have always kept everything hidden deep inside where no one on the outside could see our dysfunction. We rarely discussed the important things.”

  There wasn’t a family on the planet that didn’t have their secrets and issues, but his parents seemed to have had more than their fair share. To a certain degree, the three Prescott children were left to deal with the fallout. At least his younger siblings seemed to have fared better in the personal arena than Sidney had.

  He swallowed hard. “I saw how Dad’s affairs devastated Mom.” He stared at his hands on his lap. “I made a vow a long time ago that I’d never do that to a woman if I ever found one to share my life.”

  Caroline slowly shook her head. “After all these years, you’re afraid of being hurt again.”

  Resting one elbow on the chair, Sidney’s chuckle held no humor. “Mom sent me to a psychologist in Cambridge for a couple of years after the breakup. As much as anything, she didn’t want me to lose my focus. I was what, all of twenty years old?” He’d been furious she’d insisted he go to those sessions. “It’s like a Prescott wasn’t allowed to have a broken heart without getting therapy.”

  Sidney waited for Caroline to look at him. “I never want to hurt Isabella. You have my word on that. I’m attracted to her, yes, and I’d like more. Above all, I want her to be happy, and I’d like to be her friend.”

  In truth, he was getting in deeper by the minute whenever he spent time in Isabella’s presence. He hadn’t felt this way about any woman since Olivia, but at this point, saying that to his sister would only create more tension between them.

  Caroline’s shoulders heaved with her sigh. “When I first came to Evergreen and met Seth, he was a strong Christian. I’d only begun to understand that I needed the Lord in my life.” Taking the paperweight he’d given her, his sister cradled it in her hands. “At the time, I knew God brought Seth into my life for a reason. In a lot of ways, the friendship between you and Isabella mirrors what Seth and I shared in the beginning of our relationship.”

  “I agree,” Sidney said. “There are definite parallels. Are you aware that Mom talked with me about her faith?”

  Caroline blinked hard and stared at him. “No. You never mentioned that before.”

  “Part of me didn’t accept what she said. It was the last time she was truly coherent, three days before she died. Considering how weak she was at the time, Mom grabbed my hand in a surprisingly tight grip. Then she ordered me to be quiet and listen for once in my life.”

  “Sounds like her.” Caroline smiled through watery eyes.

  “Mom told me her biggest regret was that she didn’t live out her faith in front of us. Then she cried and said”—he sniffed and rubbed his hand over his jaw—“‘Sidney, when you came into the world squalling at the top of your lungs, I knew you’d be the stubborn one.’ She could barely rasp out the words, but then Mom told me she hoped that I’d meet Jesus one day and give Him a place in my heart.”

  Overcome with emotion, Sidney averted his gaze and focused on a framed photo of their family on the wall. He’d been about twelve at the time, the good son standing behind his mother, one hand on the chair where she sat, wearing an appropriately solemn expression. He remembered the session photographer advising them to think about something sad. Ironically, he didn’t want them to look happy or carefree. As though wealthy Boston families listed in the Social Register couldn’t laugh or have fun. How absurd.

  He had a family portrait hanging in his penthouse. Painted by some famous Italian artist, he’d been sixteen then and complained because he’d missed a swim meet in order to be there for the last portrait sitting. That portrait had hung in his parents’ bedroom until his mother’s death, and she’d specifically bequeathed the heirloom to Sidney in her will.

  Now, he was immensely thankful he’d missed that swim meet, and he’d give anything to have that time together with his parents again. Perhaps that’s why building stronger relationships with Bryce and Caroline meant more to him now.

  “I didn’t tell her, Caroline. I couldn’t tell Mom what she wanted to hear.” A tear slipped down his face and onto the carpet, but Sidney let it go. He wasn’t ashamed to cry like he’d once been. “I look at Dad now and see the man who was my hero reduced to a shell of the man he once was. For all his brilliance, what does he have left? A lasting legal legacy without question. But what else?”

  “I like to believe he will leave behind a legacy in his three children.” Caroline gave him a sad smile. “We’re not perfect, but we have each other. I happen to think that’s something very special.”

  He pushed himself up straighter in the chair. “I’ve had an epiphany in recent days. I want what you have with Seth. I want what Bryce has with Tiffany. I want a wife, marriage, children, family. At the end of my life, I wan
t to say I experienced love.” Raising his hands, Sidney gave her a helpless look. “There! I said it. This is a personal breakthrough.”

  Lifting from the chair, her eyes never leaving his, Caroline walked around the desk and stood beside him. “Stand up.”

  “You sound a lot like Mom right now. I have to say, it’s a little scary.”

  When he rose to his feet, she wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder. “Mom wouldn’t have wanted you to lie to her, Sidney. I had one good talk with her toward the end, too. She didn’t expect you to change overnight, or to grant her dying wish before she died, but she wanted you to know about Jesus, and she planted the seed in your mind. Everyone comes to Jesus in their own way, in their own time. And now you’re here, asking questions, and reading Scripture.” Pulling back, his sister’s green eyes softened. “He’s preparing your heart.”

  Caroline lowered her head briefly before looking back up at him again. “Forgive me for misjudging you. I know Isabella’s confused. I know you’re confused. I’m confused. She doesn’t want to be hurt, you don’t want to hurt her, and I don’t want either one of you to be hurt. I love you both dearly, and you haven’t known each other long at all.”

  “Admit something to me, Caroline. Did you fall in love with Seth when you first came to Evergreen? That hiking trip when you met him?”

  “I fell in love with the idea of a man like Seth, yes.”

  Sidney gave her a look worthy of one he’d given countless jurors.

  “Yes, a part of me fell in love with Seth that first weekend here in Evergreen.”

  “A big part,” he said.

  She smiled. “A pretty significant part. Are you happy now?”

  “Yeah, I kind of am because you, of all people, understand how it’s possible to form a lasting connection with someone in a very short period of time. Maybe there is something here in this magical town.” Sidney chuckled. “In the water, the trees, the people, everything.”

  “No, Sidney.” Caroline put both hands on either side of his face. “It’s not nature. It’s not the people. It’s God. You may not have taken that step of faith to invite Him into your heart, but He sees all, He knows all, and God knows you’re searching. My prayer for you is that you stop long enough to hear His voice and seek His will in regard to your feelings for Isabella and your future direction at the firm. Work on you and get straight with Him, and then, I promise you, everything else will fall into place.”