The Doctor's Secret

by Heidi Cullinan

  Hong-Wei was pretty sure Simon couldn’t, which was fine. He didn’t want Simon to know. He didn’t want to know, to remember, to talk about it, not for another minute. “What was it you wanted to tell me?”

  Simon wasn’t done, unfortunately. “You don’t have to worry—this isn’t that kind of church.”

  Hong-Wei thought about letting it slide, he really did. Except Jared was right about one thing. Copper Point was a small town, and this sort of thing was going to be an issue again. In the end Hong-Wei decided if he wanted to be with Simon, they might as well face this demon now. “I do understand not all Christian churches are the same. You’ll have to forgive me, though, for not being interested in the differences at this point. I still have nightmares about those years sometimes.”

  He braced for Simon to be sad or defensive, but he only nodded, looking weary. “I’m sorry. I have the feeling all your bullying stories are ten times more intense than mine, now that I think about it, and it makes me feel… sorry. Angry, helpless, ridiculous, and mostly sorry.”

  “It’s not a contest, you know.”

  “Obviously it’s not. But….” He sighed and tucked his hands in his pants pockets, fixing his gaze on the light above the door. “Well, I feel like a complete idiot for hauling you away from the fundraiser to be jealous of Ram.”

  Hong-Wei did a double take. “Ram? Why—because I was talking to him? But we were discussing the artists-in-residence and his community quartet.”

  “Yes, but Ram is cute, and my ex.” Simon’s cheeks were red from more than the cold. “I saw you give him your number.”

  Hong-Wei laughed, warmth blooming and spreading through him despite the cool air. “You think I’d cheat on you on our first date?”

  “Of course you wouldn’t, but Ram—”

  “Doesn’t stand a chance.”

  Simon stared at Hong-Wei for a long, hungry second before speaking. “I sincerely wish I didn’t have to help my mother for another hour. I truly don’t.”

  Hong-Wei wished he dared kiss Simon’s knuckles. “How did you get away from your post?”

  “I bribed my sister. I need to get back, though, because she left her kids to mind my refreshment station, and I’m going to catch the devil from her.”

  “Then by all means, let’s get you inside.”

  Simon closed his hand over Hong-Wei’s. “Are you okay? I won’t be upset if you need to leave.”

  “I’m fine. I promise.” Hong-Wei glanced at the little window in the door. “Do we need to stagger ourselves one at a time? I don’t want to get a lecture from Jared and Owen.”

  “This is a pretty remote section of the church. If someone does see us, we can say we were discussing Mr. Zhang and needed privacy to make sure we didn’t have any HIPPA violations.”

  Hong-Wei was a little surprised at Simon’s change of heart, but he didn’t question it, glad Simon had embraced their relationship and heartened that he too didn’t think there would be that many barriers. This was an auspicious beginning.

  When they entered the hallway, a short, pretty, slightly plump blonde woman stood waiting with her arms folded, and when she saw Simon, she pursed her lips and arched an eyebrow.

  Decidedly pale, Simon turned to Hong-Wei. “Dr. Wu. I’d like to introduce you to my mother, Madeline Lane.”

  Chapter Ten

  SIMON TOLD himself he had no reason to panic. Or rather, if there was, it was because his mother was angry with him for leaving his post and forcing his job on his sister.

  Except something about her expression told him somehow she’d done exactly what Hong-Wei had said was impossible. She’d taken one look at the two of them coming through the door and known exactly who they were to one another.

  He wondered if Hong-Wei had sensed the danger too, because he was playing it smooth, wearing a fourteen-karat smile as he bent over Simon’s mother’s hand. “Forgive me for stealing your son. I had a small work matter I needed to discuss with him in private, and then I got to talking with him. My apologies if I’ve held up the fundraiser.”

  Maddy’s cheeks flushed as she reclaimed her hand. “It’s quite all right, though yes, I do need Simon back. His sister needs to take the kids home. One of them is coming down with a fever, I think.”

  Now Simon felt terrible. “Oh no. Does she need anything?”

  Hong-Wei also looked concerned. “Does she need a doctor?”

  Maddy patted their shoulders. “Naomi’s fine, and the kids will be too. Dr. Kumpel gave Ollie an examination, and he says it’s a regular cold, but she needs to get him home and into bed.”

  Simon put a hand on Hong-Wei’s arm, realized it might look bad, then lowered it. “I’ll… catch up with you later.” Leaving his mother and Hong-Wei in the hallway, he hurried to the fellowship hall, ready to apologize to his sister. He could only hope his mom didn’t give Hong-Wei the third degree in his absence.

  Naomi was already gone, someone filling in for her until Simon could return. After an apology for his prolonged absence, Simon resumed his task of handing out punch, but he was distracted, thinking about what Hong-Wei had confessed about his old church and worrying about what his mother had said.

  She hadn’t guessed they were dating, had she? How? All they’d done was walk through a door together. Literally. They did it all the time. Hong-Wei even had a good lie.

  And then there was the insanity about Hong-Wei’s Texas church. Simon could tell there was a lot more to the story, though the bit Simon had heard had hollowed him out. Should Simon ask about it, or would that be prying and he should leave it alone? Simon couldn’t decide. The idea of a church telling a child they would go to hell was so horrifying to Simon, and yet Hong-Wei had spoken so calmly about it, as if it wasn’t a big deal.

  Maybe it wasn’t to him. Maybe that wasn’t the worst thing that had happened to him.

  Your doctor sure likes his secrets.

  “Simon?”

  Simon jolted out of his thoughts and saw Rebecca and Kathryn standing in front of him, waiting for punch. “Oh. I’m sorry. I was lost in thought.” He ladled them each a cup of punch and handed them over, trying to get his cheerful host expression back. “You have the evening off, Kathryn?”

  “So far.” She sipped at her punch, then all but pouted as Rebecca gave her a knowing glare. “Stop. Don’t give me that look.”

  Simon glanced between them. “What’s going on?”

  Rebecca shook her head with a weary smile. “I want her to ask Hong-Wei to cover her call for a weekend. Just one weekend.”

  Kathryn set down her punch. “I keep telling you, it’s not so simple. He has surgical call. He’d have to hand over regular call to take mine. Or we’d have to have a better system in place for someone to be on both surgical and OB call at once.”

  Simon ladled punch for another guest while he considered. “We used to do it, though. I don’t think H—Dr. Wu would be against it.”

  “See?” Rebecca shook a finger at her wife.

  Kathryn sighed. “I know, but I don’t want to ask him right now. I was about to, and then he had the whole thing come up with Mr. Zhang. Now the board—” She glanced around and lowered her voice. “I should shut up.”

  Simon leaned forward. “The board what?”

  Kathryn spoke so only he and Rebecca could hear. “I heard the board is all excited about him being an intensivist, and they want to capitalize on it. I don’t know how much call he’ll be able to take.”

  Rebecca grumbled and drank her punch.

  Simon frowned. He hadn’t heard any of this. Something told him Hong-Wei hadn’t either, and he wasn’t going to like it.

  He thought about how to bring it up to his boyfriend all through the rest of the evening, and he was still pondering it as the event closed down and his mother approached his table. “Simon, honey, help me load some things into my car.”

  Catching sight of Hong-Wei across the room, he waved a be right back before following his mother into the kitchen, where sh
e stacked boxes into his arms. “Did the fundraiser do well?”

  “It did fine.”

  Okay, she seemed a little curt.

  Doing his best to keep up a brave front, Simon forced a smile as he followed her from the kitchen to the car. “Well, I’m glad to hear it. It was a nice turnout. I’m sure the committee—”

  “Simon, sit in the front seat with me for a second, please.”

  Simon stopped short and stared at his mother, but since she was getting into the car, there was nothing to do but follow suit. Once the doors were closed, he faced her, ready to ask what was going on, but before he had a chance to so much as open his mouth, his mother spoke.

  “If you’re seeing that surgeon the way I think you are, you need to be a lot more careful.”

  Simon couldn’t breathe.

  His mother stared straight ahead at the dashboard. “I suspect you thought you were being cautious, but you’re a terrible liar, honey. You always have been. People already whisper because Dr. Wu hangs out with the three of you so much, and since you’re all gay, they assume he must be too. Don’t lecture me about that assumption being ridiculous. This town is ridiculous most of the time. I thought maybe you just had a crush on him. Then I watched the way you reacted when he talked with Ram, and at this point it’s clear you’re either dating him, or you think you have a shot. I don’t know who else got an eyeful, but you need to mind yourself. I don’t want you to lose your job.”

  Simon melted into his seat. “I thought I was being careful.”

  “I’m telling you it’s not enough.” She sighed and leaned back, rubbing her cheeks. “Somewhere in heaven, your grandmother is laughing so hard right now.”

  “It’s this stupid rule. Why can’t we date people at the hospital? And why would Grandma laugh at this?”

  “The hospital-wide edict is a bit strict, but it’s not bad to say people shouldn’t have superiority over each other and be romantically involved. Such policies are common in a lot of workplaces.”

  “We do fine.” That was a bit of a lie. They hadn’t dated twenty-four hours yet. “You still didn’t answer my question about Grandma.”

  She turned in her seat to better face him, clearly gearing up for an unpleasant conversation. “Because I’m having the same talk with you as she did with me when I was having an affair with your father while he was still married.”

  Simon’s eyes bugged. “She—you—he… what?”

  “You heard me right. Your father was still married when we met. He was in the process of getting a divorce, but it was messy because of the kids and the business, and Grandpa Lane was angry because he felt your dad should have tried harder to save his family. Here I was a secretary at the accounting firm to boot. Grandma Petersen told me to quit and come work for the furniture store, or we’d get found out for sure. Eventually we both quit the firm, but we didn’t make our relationship public until his divorce was final. A lot of people suspected, but they let us have our fiction because we’d played by the rules.”

  Simon felt as if he’d had the wind knocked out of him. “I had no idea. Literally no idea. Does Naomi? Rob? Lia?” He tried to think if his siblings had ever dropped any clues about this that he’d naively missed, but he couldn’t come up with a thing.

  “No one knows but your father, Grandma, and you, and since Grandma’s not with us, now it’s just you, your father, and me. Well, and as I said, the people who suspected us.” She patted his leg. “I became quite good at hiding how I felt for your father in public. Now I’m going to teach you how to do the same.”

  By the time she let him out of the car, everyone had left except for Hong-Wei, Jared, and Owen. The three of them stood by Jared’s car, talking about when Hong-Wei’s vehicle was due to arrive, and when they saw Simon approaching, they waved. Simon waved back, still dazed. He wasn’t sure where to look or what his face gave away, so he avoided making eye contact with Hong-Wei as much as possible.

  “We’re all going to the house.” Jared aimed a finger at Hong-Wei. “Don’t think you can weasel out of our conversation, either.”

  “Wouldn’t dream of it.” Hong-Wei stood beside Simon, not touching him, but Simon could feel his body heat. “We’ll catch up with you.”

  Owen frowned at Simon. “You feeling okay?”

  His mother was right. His face was an open book. Simon did his best to school himself. “Fine. Just tired. It was a long night.”

  Winking at him, Owen opened the door of Jared’s car. “We’ll be sure to put you to bed early, then.”

  Simon did his best not to panic as they walked across the gravel. No one else was around. No cars were left. It was only the two of them. Still, when Hong-Wei touched his elbow, he startled and stepped to the side.

  “Simon?” Hong-Wei stood in front of him, calm but serious. “What happened? Talk to me.”

  “Can we get in the car?”

  Hong-Wei stopped him as he headed for the driver’s side, taking firm hold of his forearm. “Give me the keys. You’re shaking life a leaf.”

  Simon handed them over without a word. In fact, he didn’t say anything even once they were both inside, and Hong-Wei didn’t press him. He also didn’t take them to Simon’s house, instead meandering a long path around the edge of town until they were driving out toward Arastra Park. Still neither of them spoke a word, not until Simon’s phone sitting in the cupholder rang and the caller ID showed it was Owen.

  “Leave it,” Hong-Wei said when Simon started to answer. “They’re just being busybodies. They know we’re together, and they saw your face too. You don’t have to force yourself, though. If you want to talk, talk, and if you want me to keep them off your back instead, let me know.”

  Hong-Wei calm was what undid Simon. Until then, Simon had been enthralled by Hong-Wei, swept up in their new romance. He admired him as a medical professional and as someone who had clearly overcome so much in life and done such amazing things. His casual vow, though, tipped Simon over. Such a small thing, Hong-Wei taking the keys because he’d noticed he was upset, making sure other people didn’t bother him, promising to leave Simon alone if that was what he wanted—such a simple gesture, and yet this was the moment, Simon knew, that he’d begun to fall in love.

  Which was likely why his voice wavered as he replied.

  “My mom says she could tell we were dating right away, that I need to be more careful. She gave me some pointers on how to meet secretly with my lover without getting caught in Copper Point, which she has some authority on, it turns out, because she revealed to me for the first time she had an affair with my dad when he was still married to his first wife.” Simon’s gut clenched, and he tried to laugh, but the sound came out hollow. “Nobody knows that, so keep it to yourself.”

  Hong-Wei laced their fingers together. “Is the affair what’s upsetting you?”

  “No. It’s a bit of a shock, but it was a long time ago.” Simon loved the warm feel of Hong-Wei’s hand. He squeezed it tight. “I can’t put my finger on why I’m upset. Or if I’m scared or angry or what. Both, I think. And ashamed.”

  “Why ashamed?”

  “I almost gave us away on the first day, and I was being petty when I did it.”

  “You were being possessive. I approve of this, for the record. I’ve never had anyone drag me away from another man before. It was thrilling. I love you thinking of me being yours. I thought I was the only one who felt that way.”

  His remark interrupted Simon’s spiral of dark feelings. “You feel possessive of me too? But who in the world would try to steal me away?”

  Hong-Wei grunted and lifted Simon’s hand to kiss it. “Who or what are you angry at? Are you upset with your parents?”

  “No. With this policy. But I can’t do anything about it, which is why I’m scared.” He stared out the window. “It dawned on me while my mother was talking to me how much work it’s going to be to hide. How much we’ll have to lie. I’m a terrible liar. I’ll have to act like I don’t have feelings for
you when I do. When women or even other men flirt with you, I can’t be possessive. I have to stand there and take it.”

  “Do you think I enjoy being flirted with by anyone but you?”

  “Not the point.”

  “I know.” Hong-Wei stroked Simon’s hand with his thumb.

  Simon tangled his thumb with Hong-Wei’s. “This is making me realize how spoiled we are. Hiding like this, being afraid—this is how it used to be for all queer people. How it still is for plenty of them. Which is also why I’m ashamed, because it’s finally hitting me this policy isn’t going anywhere, so I don’t know how—”

  Simon cut himself off and shut his eyes.

  Hong-Wei tapped Simon’s wrist. “Don’t back out. Finish what you were saying.”

  Simon didn’t want to. What if it’s too bold? He already felt tired and lost. When Hong-Wei stopped the car, turning to him and waiting with the same patience with which he’d begun driving, Simon caved and plowed ahead, accepting his fate.

  “With this no-dating policy at the hospital, I don’t know how our relationship is supposed to go anywhere.” Panic made Simon scramble. “I don’t expect you to feel the same way—”

  Hong-Wei stopped him with a kiss, soft and tender on the lips. He lingered close as he spoke quietly. “We just got started, which is what makes it unfair to have such an unnatural roadblock to consider in advance, making us alter our behavior in a way that could affect the natural course of our relationship if it weren’t present. Is that what you were going to say?”

  A tear escaped down Simon’s cheek, and he hurried to wipe it away. “Stop being so perfect and making me like you more, making me think about how much I want to be with you instead of how I should be smart. It isn’t fair.”

  “Who said this was going to be fair?” Hong-Wei smoothed the hair around Simon’s ear. “Besides, if I can’t think straight around you, I think turnabout is simple justice.”

  With a sigh, Simon leaned against Hong-Wei’s forehead, not stopping the tears as they slipped out this time. “I don’t want to lose my job.”