Once a Lawman

by Lisa Childs

  “Did you tell her how you feel about her?”

  He sighed with such force that his shoulders slumped. “No.”

  “You do feel something for her?”

  She had made him feel again, and he suspected his friend knew it. So he told Paddy the truth that he’d barely admitted to himself. “I love her.”

  “You need to tell her that,” Paddy advised.

  “She won’t take my calls,” he reminded his friend.

  “That’s because you didn’t tell her soon enough.”

  “Or it’s because she doesn’t love me back.” She had never said the words, had never given him any indication of her own feelings. “Tessa is so independent and stubborn.” And beautiful and sassy.

  “You won’t know how she feels until you talk to her,” Paddy pointed out.

  His shoulders slumped further as he braced his elbows on the polished bar. “She doesn’t want to talk to me.”

  “So you’re going to just give up on her?” Paddy shook his head as if disappointed. “You think that’s going to make her love you?”

  “You can’t make someone love you, Paddy.”

  The watch commander nodded, a muscle twitching in his cheek as he clenched his jaw and acknowledged, “You’re right.”

  “You can’t stop yourself from loving someone, either,” Chad realized. He dropped some money on the bar. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “I bet you’re going to see someone else tonight.”

  “I have to tell her how I feel…even if she doesn’t feel the same.”

  “Good luck.”

  He nodded in acceptance, suspecting he would need luck. As he’d said, Tessa was stubborn.

  A short while later, he gave up knocking on the sliding glass doors of the basement apartment. He couldn’t yell and risk waking up and scaring her family again.

  “Hey,” Kevin called down from the driveway where he leaned against Tessa’s SUV, his baseball bat at his side.

  “She’s home,” Chad said, gesturing toward her vehicle as he climbed the cement steps to join the kid. “But she won’t answer her door.”

  “Why do you want to see her?” the teenager asked, then tossed his words back at him. “I thought you two weren’t anything to each other.”

  While teaching him to drive over the past several weeks, Chad had gotten to know Kevin. Chad had even thought they’d gotten kind of close, but now he detected a belligerence in the boy’s tone.

  “She missed class,” he said, unwilling to share his real reason until he’d spoken to Tessa. “Not the first time she’s missed class, either. She’s violating her agreement with the traffic court judge. She’ll probably lose her license.”

  “So?” Kevin shrugged his thin shoulders. “If she does, I’ll drive her around. Mom’s going to let me get my license this week.”

  “That’s great.”

  Some of the tension eased from the kid, and he flashed a smile. “Thanks for your help.”

  Chad shrugged off the kid’s gratitude. He hadn’t helped Kevin for his sake. He had helped him to relieve Tessa of one of her too many responsibilities.

  “So tell me—why isn’t she answering her door?” Chad persisted.

  The belligerence returned, twisting Kevin’s mouth into a sarcastic grin. “I would guess that she doesn’t want to talk to you.”

  “Okay.” Frustration frayed Chad’s nerves. The woman was so damn stubborn. Too stubborn to give them a chance? Was he wasting his time?

  Kevin sighed. “Or she’s sick again.”

  Concern replaced his frustration. “Did she get the flu back?”

  Kevin shook his head, tumbling his blond hair into his eyes. “It’s not the flu.”

  Fear pressed hard on Chad’s chest, stealing away his breath. “What’s wrong with her?”

  “Morning sickness. Or in Tess’s case, all-day sickness,” Kevin said with sympathy even as he grimaced in disgust. “She’s pretty miserable.”

  “She’s pregnant?”

  Kevin nodded again.

  Shocked, Chad expelled a ragged sigh. “She knew since that day at the hospital, didn’t she? She knew and she didn’t tell me.”

  Not only that but she’d been avoiding him.

  God, he had a right to know. Anger gripped him so tightly that he couldn’t think, he couldn’t speak. He whirled away from her vehicle and stalked to his truck. He couldn’t talk to her now, not when she was sick and he was so damned pissed he could hardly see straight.

  Chapter Sixteen

  “Kevin!” Tessa yelled at her brother as she pulled open the sliding glass door where she’d been straining to eavesdrop. “Why’d you tell him?”

  Kevin shrugged. “I didn’t know it was supposed to be a secret.”

  Tires squealed against asphalt as Chad’s truck peeled out of the driveway. “I have to talk to him.”

  “I can drive you,” Kevin offered. “Chad taught me to be a real good driver.”

  She’d heard Kevin’s thank-you. Despite their lowered voices, she had caught every word of their conversation and every rap of Chad’s knuckles against her door. But she’d ignored him. She couldn’t ignore him anymore. She had to stop being a coward.

  Grabbing her keys from inside, she ran up the steps and jumped into her SUV.

  Chad had slowed down slightly, but he was still driving too fast when she caught up with him by the park. She flashed her lights—on and off, on and off—and tooted her horn until he finally pulled to the curb. She jumped down from her vehicle and ran up to his, then knocked on his window.

  He rolled it down with a warning, “You don’t want to talk to me right now.” His deep voice vibrated with anger.

  “Chad—”

  “You’ve been avoiding me for weeks. Now I understand why.”

  “It’s your baby,” she said.

  His brows furrowed. “Of course it is.”

  Just like that, he had allayed one of her fears. Avoiding him had been foolish, she realized now. Even though he was furious with her, he wasn’t hurtful. She curled her fingers around his window frame. “Do you know how fast you were going?” she asked.

  He blinked, probably unable to follow her change of subject. “I don’t know.”

  “I know. You were going at least five, maybe ten, miles over the limit,” she scolded.

  He grimaced, but then a slight grin lifted his mouth. “There’s no one else on the roads right now.”

  “I’m on the roads right now.”

  He opened his door and stepped out of the truck, then leaned against the side of the pickup cab. “Why’d you come after me if you didn’t want me to know about the baby?”

  “It’s not that I didn’t want you to know,” she said. “I was afraid to tell you.”

  “Why?” His face paled in the glow of the street lamp. “Don’t you want to keep it?”

  She placed her hands over her stomach protectively. “I do.” At first she’d been overwhelmed, but now she looked forward to having a child, to having Chad’s child.

  “Then why not talk to me?” he asked.

  “I didn’t think you were ready,” she admitted, “to move on. I know how much you loved your wife—how much you still love her.”

  “I lost Luanne, but that was out of my control. It wasn’t my fault,” he said, almost as if he really believed what he was saying.

  “No, it wasn’t,” she agreed. “You have to stop feeling guilty over her death.”

  “I have,” he insisted, “because of you.”

  She believed that he had finally let go of his guilt, but she wasn’t convinced she had had any part in it. “I’m glad.”

  “If I lose you, though,” he said, “that will be my fault.”

  “You can’t control me,” she warned him, worried that he wouldn’t trust her to drive, that he’d want to take away her independence now that he knew she carried his child.

  “I know,” he said. “You’re fiercely independent.” He grinned, “And stubborn.�
�

  Unoffended since he spoke the truth, she nodded.

  “That’s why I fought so hard against falling for you,” he explained.

  Her heart warmed with hope. “Are you still fighting?”

  “I stopped fighting my feelings the night of the ride-along. I was going to tell you how I felt when you woke up, but you disappeared on me,” he said, his deep voice rough with emotion.

  The last thing she’d wanted to do was hurt him; the man had already endured too much pain.

  “I was in shock,” she explained. “From the accident, but also from finding out I’m pregnant.”

  His hands, shaking slightly, covered hers on her stomach. “I’m in shock, too. We used protection.”

  “I know,” she said with a sigh, still surprised it hadn’t been effective. “That’s why I didn’t know if you’d believe me.”

  His brow furrowed. “Why wouldn’t I?”

  She shrugged. “You might think that I was like my mother.”

  “You’re not like your mother, Tessa.” He squeezed her hands. “You have better taste in men, for one thing.”

  She smiled and teased, “I wasn’t so sure about that.”

  “I’ve been a jerk,” he said, his eyes dark with regret.

  “You weren’t alone in acting that way,” she admitted. “I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you.”

  “I’ll talk to Paddy and the judge about the classes you’ve missed,” he assured her. “I’ll make sure that you don’t get in trouble with the traffic court.”

  “You don’t have to take care of me.”

  “I know I don’t have to,” he said. “You’ve been taking care of yourself and everyone you care about for a long time on your own. But I want to take care of you now.” He tipped up her chin so her gaze met his serious, intent one. “I want to marry you.”

  She wanted to throw her arms around his neck and shout her acceptance, but she couldn’t risk the disappointment and the pain that might follow if she didn’t know the truth. “Why?”

  He stared down at her, his green eyes glittering in the glow from the street lamp. “Because I love you.”

  She wanted to believe him, but she remembered those photos and Kevin’s description of that house.

  “Would you want to marry me now,” she asked, her heart aching with the question and with fear of his response, but she had to know. “Would you love me if I wasn’t pregnant?”

  “I started falling for you that first time I pulled you over,” he professed.

  “I thought my flirting didn’t affect you,” she reminded him.

  Chad grinned. “I lied.”

  She couldn’t help but think he was lying now about his love so that she would let him do the honorable thing.

  “You brought me back to life.”

  “I don’t want to be a replacement for Luanne,” she said with panic, and she pressed her fingers protectively against her belly. “I don’t want my baby to be a replacement for the one you lost.”

  He entwined his fingers with hers. “Our baby. And you could never replace Luanne.”

  She closed her eyes against the threat of tears at his words. “This is why I fought my feelings for you,” she murmured. “Because I knew you could never love me as much as you loved her…”

  Realizing he’d hurt her, Chad shook his head. He cupped her face, tipping up her chin so that she opened her eyes and met his gaze. “You don’t understand—”

  “I saw the pictures,” she interrupted. “I saw how much you loved her. If she hadn’t died, we wouldn’t be here. Together. You’d be with her, happier than I could ever make you.”

  “Tessa, that’s not fair,” he said. “What if one of those guys you’d gone out with had stuck around, had loved you like you deserved to be loved?”

  “But I didn’t love any of them.”

  His heart lifted with hope. Could she—did she—love him? “Just because I loved Luanne doesn’t mean I can’t love you, too,” he insisted, trying to make her understand what he had struggled so long to accept.

  “You married her because you loved her. You want to marry me because I’m pregnant.” Her voice trembled with the threat of sobs. “Eventually you’ll come to resent and hate me—”

  “I could never resent you and hate you.”

  “You already have,” she reminded him.

  He sighed. “God, you’re stubborn.”

  “And right…”

  “I hated you for making me feel again,” he admitted. “I resented you for making me love you. I loved you before I knew you were pregnant. And I’ll love you forever.”

  Tessa dashed away tears with the back of her hand. “I know about the house. Kevin told me. About her mural in the baby’s room. If I say yes, will you move me and the baby in there as your replacement family?”

  “You can’t replace her,” Chad said again, and as Tessa drew in a sharp breath, he wrapped his arms around her, “because you’re nothing alike. What I felt for Luanne is completely different from what I feel for you. Luanne is my past.”

  He suspected Luanne would be happy that he could finally leave her there, that he could finally let her go and live again. Luanne had been all about living.

  “Tessa, you are my future,” he declared, “if you’ll stop fighting your feelings for me.”

  Tears streaking her face, she nodded. “I stopped during the ride-along. Watching you do your job, seeing what kind of man you are, I knew I couldn’t help myself anymore. I was in too deep.”

  “That’s another reason you’ve been avoiding me,” he realized.

  “Because I love you so much, you could hurt me so badly if you didn’t return my feelings,” she sniffed, her voice betraying her vulnerability.

  He cupped her beautiful face in his hands and lowered his head until his lips brushed across hers. “I’m sorry I took so long to realize how much I love you. Hell, I knew—I was just too scared to admit how much I love you.”

  “You really do?” she asked, her eyes damp with tears and wide with awe as if she still struggled to believe him.

  “I don’t want to move you into my old house,” he insisted, trying to allay all her fear and doubts. “I’m ready to sell it now, to let go of every part of the past.”

  “I don’t want you to forget about Luanne,” she assured him. “I don’t want you not to love her anymore. I just want you to love me—really love me, too.”

  He nodded, so glad she understood. “She was my first love. You’re my last love.”

  She sighed with relief as if she finally let go of all her doubts. Then she smiled and said, “I might have a buyer for your house.”

  “You’re not in real-estate sales,” he reminded her.

  “But I know the perfect family for it. Mine,” she suggested. “My mom and the kids.”

  He nodded. “That’s great. Then I can move into your house because I don’t want to spend another minute apart from you.”

  Her mouth curved into that sassy smile that had drawn him in the first moment he’d met her. She asked, “You want me to ride along again?”

  “I want you to ride along with me for the rest of our lives.” He knelt right there, in the street, next to their vehicles and proposed. “Will you marry me?”

  “Yes.” She threw her arms around his neck and held on tight. “I love you so much!”

  “I love you…”

  A siren squawked and lights flashed as a police car pulled up next to them. The window rolled down, and a familiar, deep voice asked, “Everything all right here?”

  Chad grinned at his friend and colleague. “Everything’s perfect here, Paddy.”

  Tessa could not have agreed more. Brimming with happiness, she leaned over to peer inside the car. The watch commander wasn’t out on patrol alone. Erin Powell sat in the passenger’s seat, her notebook open across her lap. Her eyes sparkled with unshed tears as she smiled up at Tessa. “Congratulations,” she said, obviously understanding that Chad had proposed.

&
nbsp; As the two drove off, Tessa turned back to her fiancé. “Well, our secret’s out,” she mused.

  “I don’t intend to keep my feelings a secret anymore,” Chad promised. “I want the world to know how I feel about you.”

  She smiled, her heart full with her love for this man—and his love for her. “I doubt we’ll get mentioned in Erin’s column in the Chronicle.”

  He shrugged. “Then we’ll have to put in our own announcement of our engagement.”

  Her happiness brimmed over. “I know you’ve done the big wedding before,” she said, remembering—without any jealousy this time—the photos from his ceremony with Luanne. “But with my family and the other members of the citizens’ police academy…”

  “And the entire department,” Chad added with a grin. “We’re going to have to have a big wedding.”

  “You don’t mind?” she asked, knowing and accepting that Chad would always have some painful memories. But they—and Luanne’s love—had made him the man Tessa loved.

  “Not at all. I have only one stipulation about the wedding,” he said.

  She gazed up at him, at the love flowing from his beautiful eyes, glinting in those flecks of gold. “And that is?”

  “That we hurry! I want you to be my wife as soon as possible.”

  She rose on tiptoe and pressed a kiss against his sexy mouth. “Too bad we hadn’t gotten this on tape,” she murmured against his lips.

  “What?”

  “Lieutenant Chad Michalski urging me to speed…” She slid her mouth across his, savoring the sweetness of the kiss. “But there’s no reason to rush,” she assured him.

  He kissed her back. “We have the rest of our lives.”

  ISBN: 978-1-4268-2811-9

  ONCE A LAWMAN

  Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Childs-Theeuwes.

  All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, is forbidden without the written permission of the publisher, Harlequin Enterprises Limited, 225 Duncan Mill Road, Don Mills, Ontario M3B 3K9, Canada.