Waiting for Mr. Darcy

by Chamein Canton

  “Listen to you with all this Mr. Becker stuff.”

  “That’s his name.”

  “His name is Nathaniel Becker, and most of us call him Nate.”

  “So what? He calls me Ms. Archer.”

  Lauren shook her head. “You don’t see it, do you?”

  “What don’t I see?”

  “The sexual tension between you two. You can practically cut it with a knife.”

  Alicia burst out laughing. “That is completely ridiculous. We can’t stand each other.”

  “There’s a thin line between love and hate, Ms. Archer.”

  “Put a sock in it, Lauren,” Alicia warned.

  Lauren continued undaunted. “What’s wrong with Nate? He’s successful, educated and God knows he’s not hard to look at, in case you haven’t noticed.”

  “In case you haven’t noticed, I seem to be living next to the Westchester version of the Playboy mansion. He’s got women coming in and out of there at all times of the night and day. It’s a wonder he has the time or energy to practice medicine.”

  Just then a volleyball bounced into the yard and two topless women came over to retrieve it. They waved at Kurt. He waved back and turned to Alicia. “Mom, I didn’t know you had a semi-nudist colony next door,” he joked.

  “It would appear so.” She huffed and turned to Lauren. “I rest my case.”

  Ten minutes later the volleyball rolled over again and this time Nathaniel was behind it.

  Alicia leaped up. “Mr. Becker!” she called as she walked toward him.

  He smiled. “Good afternoon, Ms. Archer. It’s a lovely day, isn’t it?”

  “It was. Are you holding the games for the topless Olympics?”

  “We’re just having a little outdoor fun. Care to join us?”

  “No, thank you. Where are their tops?”

  “In the house, I guess.”

  “I’d appreciate if they’d put them on if they’re going to come into my yard. I prefer not to see so much silicone after lunch. It spoils my digestion.”

  “What makes you think they’re not the real thing?”

  “Come now, Mr. Becker, you’re a doctor.”

  “I’m interested to hear your take on why you think the boobs aren’t real.”

  “I don’t know, maybe gravity for one thing. With the way they’re scampering about, real boobs would have at the very least bruised their chins, put an eye out or caused them some other kind of discomfort.”

  Nathaniel chuckled. “I guess I can’t argue the point.”

  “Thank you.”

  He looked over and saw Kurt. “Are you sure it’s a problem? I’m positive your son didn’t mind.” He walked away from her. “Excuse me, I’m going to say hello.”

  “You leave my son out of this.” She was on his heels.

  “Hey, Kurt.”

  Kurt sat up. “Hey, Nate.” They shook hands.

  “How are you?”

  “Good. I’m starting grad school in the fall.”

  “Cool.” He nodded. “Your mother tells me you’re bothered by my guests coming over here.”

  “They don’t bother me.”

  “Kurt!”

  “I’ve seen topless women before, Mom. It’s no big deal.”

  “What!”

  “That’s not an image you want to leave your mother with, Kurt,” Lauren said loudly.

  “Hey, Lauren.” Nathaniel waved.

  “Hey, Nate.” She leaned back in the chair.

  “Kurt, while I appreciate your open-mindedness, I will try to keep the scampering to a minimum.”

  “Thank you,” Alicia said.

  Nathaniel looked over at the sliding doors and saw Harrison carrying a tray. “Here comes Harry with some more lemonade for you and your guests, Ms. Archer. Why don’t you have a glass and cool off?”

  She made a face.

  “Enjoy the day, everyone.” He turned and walked back to his bevy of still-topless beauties.

  Alicia shook her head in disgust. “God help me! I’m living next to a booby wonderland.” She sat back down in her chair while Harrison refilled her glass. “Thanks, Harrison.” She took a long sip. “Not a word, Lauren!” she warned.

  “What did I say? I didn’t say a thing.”

  “No, but I can hear you thinking.”

  “Well, as long as I’m going to get in trouble for thinking it, I might as well say it. He really gets under your skin.”

  “You see what I have to deal with. The man has no couth.”

  Kurt walked over to get some lemonade. “Nate’s a fun guy.”

  “In a Penthouse kind of way,” Alicia scoffed.

  “It’s obvious he likes you, Alicia. Why else would he take the time to bother you?”

  “You should see the way he looks at her when she turns her back,” Harrison interjected.

  “I’ve seen it, too, Harrison,” Lauren agreed.

  “What kind of conversation is this to have in front of my child?”

  “I’m not a kid, Mom. Besides, I think he likes you, too.”

  “Don’t be silly. Nathaniel Becker has his hands full with nubile twenty-something women keeping him busy.”

  “So you’ve thought about it,” Lauren teased.

  “I’ve done no such thing.”

  “Maybe he’s just passing time with these young things until you come around,” Harrison said.

  “Are all of you suffering from heatstroke?”

  Lauren’s cell phone rang.

  “I think you like him, Alicia.”

  “I think your cell phone is ringing, Lauren.”

  She jumped and then rifled through her bag for the phone. “Hello?”

  “Hi.” It was Randy’s voice.

  “Hi,” she said breathlessly.

  Alicia looked at her watch. “Not bad for boy time.”

  Lauren started to walk away. “Can you hold for a second?”

  “Sure” he answered.

  “I’m going to take this in your office.”

  “Be my guest.”

  “By the way, you’re not off the hook. I’ll be back.” Lauren walked away.

  “Take your time,” she called after her.

  Kurt sat in the chair next to her. “There is something between you and Nate.”

  “The sparks always fly when they’re around each other,” Harrison said casually.

  “Stop encouraging him. There is nothing between Nathaniel Becker and me but a shared property line.”

  “If you say so, Mom.”

  “I do.” She turned to Harrison. “Harrison, can you bring those lemon drop cookies out for me, please.”

  Kurt’s eyes lit up. Lemon drop cookies were his favorite. “You made the lemon drop cookies?”

  “Yes.”

  He jumped up. “I’ll get them.”

  “They’re in the white cookie jar.”

  “All right.” He ran into the house.

  Harrison clapped. “You are something else, Alicia. You got him off the subject and onto lemon cookies.”

  “What can I say? I’m his mother and no matter how old he is, he still loves it when Mommy makes cookies.” She sipped her lemonade.

  * * *

  Seated comfortably at Alicia’s desk, Lauren nearly bubbled over with enthusiasm. “So how are you, Randy?” She could hear the bustling kitchen in the background.

  “I was about to ask you the same thing. How’s your head?”

  “Better, thank you. Breakfast helped a lot.”

  “Good. I hope something else helped, too,” he said suggestively.

  She felt a little hot. “It did.”

  “That’s nice to hear.” He paused. “I know this is a little backwards, considering, but I wanted to know if you’d like to have dinner with me tonight?”

  “Tonight?” Her ears perked up. “What time?”

  “Is eight o’clock okay?”

  She looked at the clock. “Sure. That gives me enough time to get back to the city and get ready.”r />
  “Oh, listen, if it’s too much trouble we can make it another night.”

  “No. It’s not a problem.”

  “I’ll pick you up at eight then?”

  “Yes.”

  “Great, I’m looking forward to it.”

  “Me, too. I’ll see you then.” She hung up.

  Lauren felt light as a feather as she walked from the office to the kitchen. Alicia, Harrison and Kurt were having cookies at the table.

  “Hot date?” Alicia winked.

  “As a matter of fact I do have a date, which means I need to get going.” She picked up her bag.

  “Wait up, Auntie. I’ll walk out with you. It’s getting late and I’d better get back.”

  “You’re leaving me, too?” Alicia asked sweetly.

  He got up and kissed Alicia. “I’ll come back soon, Mom.” He paused. “You know, the road goes both ways. You can visit me.”

  “Now that I’m on hiatus and at home for a little, I will.”

  Kurt looked at her in disbelief. “I’ll believe it when you pull into the driveway.”

  “You’re on.”

  Harrison got up and handed Kurt a bag of take-home goodies. “Here, take this home with you. Maybe Sally would like to try your Mom’s jambalaya, too.”

  “Thanks, Mr. H.” He kissed his mom again. “Remember to take it easy.”

  “I will.”

  Kurt walked out with Harrison.

  Alicia turned to Lauren. “Don’t forget to call me. I want to hear all the details, unless of course you’re otherwise occupied.” She had a glint in her eye.

  “A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste, Alicia,” she said drolly.

  “But it’s mine to waste. Have a good time.”

  “Thanks.” She kissed her on the cheek and headed out.

  She met up with Harrison and Kurt in the driveway.

  “You have a good time tonight, Lauren. I’ll keep working on her majesty in there.” He kissed her and hugged Kurt before he went back inside.

  Kurt opened Lauren’s car door. “Here you go, Auntie.”

  She mussed up his hair. “You’re still such a good boy,” she said as she got into the car.

  He closed her door. “Thanks. Maybe you can help with my mom, too. It kills me to think of her alone.”

  “I’ll do my best. You know how stubborn she is. However, I can promise you that Gabby and I will tag-team her.”

  “Thanks, Auntie. Have a good time tonight. Drive safe.”

  “I will.” She put the car in gear.

  * * *

  Gabby sat at her kitchen table going through photos she’d taken of the artists she and Nigel had seen earlier in the day. She couldn’t help but smile when she came across a photo of her and Nigel one of the artists had taken for them. “He is cute,” she said softly.

  “Do you need something, Ms. Blanchard?” Rosie, Gabby’s petite brunette maid, entered the room.

  “No, Rosie. I’m fine.”

  “Very good, ma’am.”

  The phone rang. Rosie answered and handed it to her. “Hello?”

  “Hey there. You’ve been awfully quiet today. How’s it going?” Alicia lay back on her bed.

  “Hey, Alicia, I’m good.”

  “Did you find the next big thing in art?”

  “I wouldn’t say that, though I did see some good stuff.”

  Her happy tone made Alicia smile. “I can hear you grinning. What’s up?”

  “How can you hear someone grin?” she asked, incredulous.

  “It’s just the way you sound. You always have that little lilt in your voice when you smile.”

  “We have known each other a long time, haven’t we?”

  “Yes. Now spill the beans.”

  “I ran into Nigel in the park.”

  “It must have been kismet at work. I mean, what are the chances you’d run into him in Central Park? That is where you were, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Go on.”

  “We spent the morning and some of the afternoon together, talking, looking at artists…”

  “Did you have lunch?”

  “Not exactly. We had a couple of ice cream sundaes.”

  “Sounds sweet. No pun intended.”

  “We had fun and the time flew by.”

  “It always does when you’re having fun, my dear. So how did you leave things?”

  “We’re having dinner tomorrow night.”

  “Fantastic,” she exclaimed. “Hmm, there must be something in the air this summer.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I take it you haven’t spoken to Lauren.”

  “No. What’s going on? Did she and Ken get back together?”

  “Hardly. He served her with divorce papers.”

  “What? How is she?”

  “She’s fine. In fact, I’d venture to say she’s as right as rain.”

  “Am I missing something?”

  “She met someone who took her mind off Ken Jones.”

  “Who did she meet?”

  “Randy Rivera.”

  “He’s the chef owner of Ricardo’s, isn’t he?”

  “Yes.”

  “Wow. Tell me more.”

  “I’ve already told you too much. Give Lauren a call and let her fill in the rest of the details for you.”

  “You can bet I will, now that you’ve whetted my appetite.”

  “But you’re going to have to wait until tomorrow to call her. She has a date with Chef Rivera tonight.”

  “What a difference twenty-four hours makes.”

  “I know. The same goes for you, too. Nigel certainly doesn’t sound like the usual hair club rejects your mother tries to pawn off on you.”

  Bunny Blanchard’s second mission in life was to find another appropriate suitor for her only daughter. Bunny had taken the divorce harder than Gabby or even her grandchildren did. She mostly wanted to save face amongst her friends, so she set Gabby up with their boring-as-melba-toast sons, much to her daughter’s chagrin. Gabby was sure that Nigel wouldn’t pass muster with Bunny, but as far as she was concerned, he passed with flying colors with her and that’s what mattered.

  “Thank God.” She paused. “You know, he might even be a little younger than me.”

  “Oh, you naughty little cougar,” Alicia teased.

  Gabby laughed.

  “All kidding aside, I am happy for you.”

  “Thanks. You know you can get in on this action, too.”

  “Are you proposing a ménage a trois, Gabby? I’m shocked,” she said facetiously.

  “Ha, ha, very funny. You know what, or should I say who, I’m talking about.”

  “If you say Nathaniel Becker, I’ll scream.”

  “Then go ahead and scream because I don’t think he’s all that bad.” She sighed. “Do you want to be single for the rest of your life?”

  “I’m a widow, remember? I’m not exactly an old maid.”

  “I know, Alicia. Still it would be nice to have someone to snuggle up to at night.”

  “As Emma said, ‘It is only poverty that makes celibacy contemptible. A single woman of good fortune is always respectable.’ In other words, I have all I need to keep me happy.”

  “I still think you’d be happier with Nate.”

  “Why does everyone assume he likes me? The man goes out of his way to antagonize me.”

  “Right. Why would he bother if he didn’t feel something for you? Besides, he is cute.”

  She relented. “I’ll give him that. He has all his own hair, teeth and he’s in pretty good shape.”

  “Sounds like the perfect man to me.”

  “I already met and married my perfect man.”

  “I loved Kurt, too, Alicia, but I’m sure he wouldn’t want to see you cooped up in an ivory tower for the rest of your life. He’d want you to move on. Besides, if I remember correctly, despite her proclamation of being a single woman of good fortune, Emma wound up marrying Mr. Knightley. Isn
’t that right?”

  “You know how much I hate it when you use Jane against me.”

  “I’m not so much using it against you as I am trying to make a point. I know you’ve got your media empire, but would it hurt to have love in your life?”

  “I do have love in my life. I’ve got Kurt Jr., Harrison, Lauren, my parents and you. What more could a girl ask for?”

  “You’re impossible.”

  “You love me anyway.”

  “God help us.” Gabby heard the doorbell ring and glanced at her watch. “Who in the world would come by now?”

  “What’s going on?”

  “Someone just rang the doorbell.”

  “Were you expecting anyone?”

  “No.”

  A minute later she heard Victor’s distinctive voice.

  “Oh, boy,” she sighed. “Victor is here.”

  “Oh, dear, I’d better let you go see what has his silk boxers in a knot tonight. Good luck.”

  “Thanks. I’m going to need it. I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Okay, baby.”

  Gabby hung up and made her way to the foyer where Rosie was trying to calm Victor down.

  “Ms. Blanchard.” Rosie looked relieved.

  “It’s okay, Rosie. I’m here.”

  “Thank you.” She took off.

  “Hello, Victor. What brings you by, besides getting another chance to terrorize my maid?”

  At five feet, six inches and dressed like a chic preppy in a polo shirt and Dockers, Victor didn’t look like a diva until he put his hands on his hips. “For one thing, you can tell me why you’re making my life miserable.”

  “How am I making your life miserable?”

  “I spent all day at the gallery trying to figure out how to stage the exhibit now that you’ve upset the balance of the universe.”

  She looked at him. “I’ve upset the balance of the universe?”

  “Okay, you’ve upset my universe. I’ve done my feng shui and I finally have the perfect flow of fifteen. Then you go and add one more.”

  “Come now, Victor, it’s not like I added twenty more. It’s one artist and we have the space.”

  “That’s not the point.”

  “Then tell me what the point is?”

  He stopped to think.

  “I’m waiting.” Gabby tapped her feet.

  “Okay. So there isn’t a problem. I just wanted to register my complaint. We have been doing the future fifteen for six years or something, you know.”

  “I know, Victor, but we can embrace change, can’t we?” She put her arm around his shoulder.