The Jack & Jill Series

by Ann, Jewel E

  Jillian clenched her teeth, blinking back her tears. In so many ways the greatest love story of her life was not with Luke or AJ … it was with Jackson. He was the constant in her life. His love defined unconditional. Someday she would tell him … someday.

  Jackson left.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  “When did she stop giving you IV fluids?”

  Jillian heard Luke’s voice, but it was still Jackson’s words claiming her every thought.

  “It had to have been days ago. They’re going to keep you here for several days to replenish lost fluids and electrolytes. They’re kind of important to keep your heart beating and kidneys working properly. Your hand and shoulder were infected too. They’re treating it with antibiotics.”

  “K,” she whispered.

  “Did you hear anything I said?”

  She stared at the water and smoothie he set on the tray in front of her.

  “I’ll take that as a no.”

  “Sorry.” She met his eyes.

  “Don’t.” He sat in the chair next to her bed. “I need you to promise me something.”

  It felt impossible to promise Luke anything. Their life together was nothing more than broken promises—shattered dreams.

  “Don’t ever apologize to me.”

  “Luke …”

  “I mean it.”

  She didn’t respond. It was best left hanging in the air. It was an impossible request.

  “I need you to do something for me,” she said.

  “Anything.”

  “I need you to go home.”

  The pain of her words reflected on his face, but she wouldn’t apologize. He didn’t want her to do that.

  Luke shook his head. “I can’t. You’ll disappear. I can’t lose you again.”

  She gave him a sad smile. “You haven’t really found me yet.”

  His eyes searched hers. Only Luke would understand the complexity of her statement.

  “I didn’t have to leave. Last year? I. Didn’t. Have. To. Leave. Irene was responsible for my parents’ deaths. It wasn’t related to my father’s job.”

  Anger. Luke’s features hardened. She understood.

  She swiped the tears that fell to her cheeks. “But here’s the thing … I did leave. And a lifetime happened in that year. I don’t have to be Jillian Knight anymore, but I don’t feel like Jessica Day. I just feel lost and angry, and the pain is … unbearable. AJ is dead and you’re alive, right here, and yet … I’m grieving the loss of both of you.”

  If she recognized one thing, it was when the man before her fought with the desire to be Luke and the need to be Dr. Jones.

  Dr. Jones pulled Luke out of the chair. Luke blinked back his tears. Dr. Jones smiled and brushed the back of his hand against her cheek, catching her tears. Then the doctor and the man she’d love for a million lifetimes walked to the door.

  “Jessica?” He didn’t turn and for that she was grateful, because she was a breath away from begging him to stay even if it would eventually destroy them.

  “Yes?”

  “Are we over?”

  She clenched her fist next to her heart and swallowed back a sob. “We’ll never be over.”

  *

  Three days.

  They were the longest three days with nothing but her thoughts and grief. Jillian swallowed her stubborn pride and called Jackson to come get her from the hospital when her doctor gave her the OK to go home.

  “You wearing that gown home or would you like some clothes.” Jackson stood in the doorway holding up a bag.

  She walked over to him, her bare ass peeking out of her hospital gown. “I think my skin will reject clothes…” she grabbed the bag “…but I’ll give it a go.” Lifting on her toes, she planted a kiss on his cheek. “I know you don’t need it, but my love … you have it.”

  He returned a sad smile.

  “Jujube, you were the first boy I ever loved.”

  His smile grew.

  Jillian stepped into the bathroom to dress. “Where do we stand with G.A.I.L.?”

  “We don’t.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Our parents died and so did their killers. We don’t work for the DEA or any other government agency … hell, we barely exist. They’ve ‘cleaned up’ the situation from the past couple of weeks. I said we wanted out.”

  “Cleaned up? I didn’t want that place cleaned up.”

  “Don’t worry. It’s been burned to the ground. I requested a park be put in its spot.”

  “Did I mention I love you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Though I still don’t understand. Nobody leaves G.A.I.L.”

  “We do. Knox is dead. Someone will fill his shoes, but we’re out.”

  Jillian peeked around the corner. “You’re serious?”

  “Dead.”

  “So now what?”

  “Now we decide who we want to be. Live within the law and … I don’t know.”

  “Can you live within the law?”

  Jackson smirked. “I can manage.”

  “No killing.”

  “I know. I’ve checked everyone off my wish list anyway.”

  “You had a ‘killing’ wish list?”

  “I guess ‘wish’ sounds a bit self-indulgent. It was more like a to-do list.”

  “And you’re done?” She stood in front of him.

  “I’m done.”

  “Let’s go then.”

  *

  They headed back to San Francisco with their freedom. Like all freedom, it was tainted with blood and unimaginable loss.

  “Where am I taking you?” Jackson asked.

  “The airport.”

  “Portland?”

  “Yes.”

  “Will you be home for Christmas?”

  She shrugged. “Where’s home?”

  “I think you know.”

  She did, but home had changed. Like her freedom, it, too, was tainted.

  “Where are you going?”

  He grinned. “Home.”

  “She’s a good home.”

  “She’s the best home.”

  Jackson dropped Jillian off at the airport.

  “Choose it.” He held out two envelopes. One said Day, the other said Knight.

  “What’s this?”

  “It’s G.A.I.L’s parting gift. How are you going to get on a plane without any identification or money?

  “Good point.”

  “Pick.”

  She needed more time, but maybe time wouldn’t make the decision any easier. Pulling the envelope from his right hand, she smiled. “New Year’s in Omaha?”

  “Omaha.”

  *

  A cab took her to Willamette National Cemetery. She had no idea where he was, but it felt like part of her journey to find him. Bundled in a coat and gloves under a cloud-covered sky, she took her time searching. Every headstone had a story, some far more tragic than anything in her life.

  Then he appeared.

  Aric J Monaghan

  She touched her gloved hand to her lips as her eyes filled with tears. “Hey, Aric James.” She squatted down, tracing the writing engraved into the granite. The days of guarding her emotions were over. The only way to move forward was to water his grave with her tears.

  “The napkin … God … the napkin. I should hate you so much … but I don’t. I forgive you. I know … you’re probably not sorry, but you should be.” Biting her lips, she swallowed hard. Her heart thundered in her chest as if it felt his nearness.

  “I never wanted to love you, until I did. Then for a perfectly beautiful moment in time I didn’t want to love anybody but you.”

  She dropped to her knees. “Do you miss me as much as I miss you? Because I do, I miss you every day.” Closing her eyes, she let the tears flow and welcomed the pain. It would forever remind her of the love.

  “I don’t know if I’ll ever truly find my path again, but if I do, you’ll always be my favorite detour.”

&nb
sp; “Jillian?”

  She turned. Wiping her cheeks, she stood. “Hi.”

  AJ’s parents gave her sympathetic smiles.

  “You should have told us you were coming to Portland.” Char hugged her.

  “I’m leaving tonight. It’s just a day trip.”

  “How are you? We’ve been so worried about you.” Char stepped back, wrapping her arm around Jim.

  “About that … I can’t tell you how horrible I feel about missing the funeral.”

  Char’s eyes shifted to the cuts and bruises. “You look … what happened?”

  “I … I fell into a bit of bad luck on my way to the funeral.”

  “A car accident or something?” Jim asked.

  “Yeah, something like that,” she mumbled the last part. “I’ve been in the hospital.”

  “Oh my God … we had no idea.” Char reached for Jillian’s hand and squeezed it. “You look terribly thin and fragile.”

  She nodded at Char. “I’m going to be fine. I just … needed to talk to him.”

  They looked past her to AJ’s grave. “We come every day, but if you need some more time alone we can come back.”

  “No. I’ve said…” she batted away a few more tears, drawing in a breath of courage “…all there’s left to say.”

  She turned around one last time. “Goodbye, Aric James Monaghan,” she whispered.

  Chapter Forty

  The lady at the gate took her ticket before she boarded the plane home.

  “Enjoy your flight, Miss Day.”

  Jessica nodded. “Thank you.”

  At every corner, happiness eluded her. Then when it was right there, she still felt undeserving. Luke was at the hospital, he held her, she saw the depths of the love in his eyes, but … there were still so many buts.

  A hotel would have been the smart choice, but at nearly midnight Jessica found herself at Luke’s door instead. She wasn’t sure why or what she expected.

  The door opened, sucking the breath from her lungs.

  Luke answered in a pair of lounge pants and a white T-shirt. He squinted against the light, rubbing his sleepy eyes. “Hi,” he said in a raspy voice.

  “Hi. I … I just…” she shook her head “…don’t know why I’m here.”

  Luke opened the door wider. “Do you want to come in while you figure it out?”

  The instant she stepped inside, Jones trotted down the hall toward her carrying her red hoodie in his mouth.

  “Hi, Jonesy.” She hugged him, tears stinging her eyes. “I missed you so much.” When she released him, he picked up the hoodie and retreated to the guest bedroom, content with her return.

  “When did you get out of the hospital?”

  Jessica hugged herself, feeling like a stranger in what used to be her home too.

  “This morning.”

  “How do you feel?”

  She took a deep breath then released it slowly. “Like I’m going to live.”

  “I’m glad.” His eyes inspected her.

  She chuckled, hugging herself. “Me too.”

  An uncomfortable silence settled between them.

  “Where are you staying?”

  “Oh … I …”

  He closed his eyes and sighed. “I don’t know how to navigate this. You’re welcome to stay here. You know that, right?”

  “I don’t … I don’t know anything anymore. I didn’t even know if you would be alone tonight.”

  He flinched.

  “I’m not being cruel, or at least I’m not trying to be. The day I died, I gave up my right to walk uninvited into your home. I gave up the right to know what you’re doing and whom you’re with.”

  “I’m here, with Jones.”

  “I wanted you to move on. Not for me or any sort of guilt. I just wanted you to be happy. That day in the closet, you promised me you would.”

  He lifted his shoulders. “I tried, but then I saw a ghost.”

  Jessica wanted to tell him everything, but she couldn’t. Not yet. AJ still lived in her heart and sharing that time with Luke would require her to let AJ go completely. When she opened herself up to Luke, he would flow into every inch of her heart and take everything. That was the only way she could be with him.

  Everything.

  Forever.

  “Can I stay? For tonight?”

  “Stay as long as you want.” He turned and walked toward the bedroom. “The sheets in the guest room are clean, unless Jones has been on the bed. Sleep wherever you feel comfortable sleeping.”

  After saying goodbye to AJ, there was nothing she wanted more than a warm body next to hers. She followed him down the hall. He turned into the master bedroom, and she continued to the guest room.

  Having nothing but the clothes on her back, she stripped down to her undergarments and slid under the sheets. “Get up here, Jonesy.”

  He lumbered onto the bed, taking up most of it. She threw an arm and leg over his mammoth body and nuzzled into his neck. “Thank you for taking care of him,” she whispered.

  *

  Morning came too soon. Luke didn’t wake up, he just got out of bed. Jessica being under the same roof again made it impossible to sleep. Jackson called after he dropped her off at the airport, asking Luke to just “be there” for her. She went to Portland to say goodbye to AJ. At some point he planned on allowing his own feelings to surface, but they would wait.

  After a shower he decided to make coffee. The moment he walked around the corner to the kitchen, he stopped. The unfamiliar blonde sat at the table wearing nothing but the familiar red hoodie, her legs tucked up into it, the extra six inches of sleeves doubled as hot pads for her coffee. With her back to him, she stared out the large windows, taking the occasional sip of her steamy morning jolt.

  He hated the color of her hair. He hated that another man had loved her body and her heart. He hated that she sat ten feet away and yet she felt so out of reach. If he dwelled on all the things he hated, it would make it impossible to love her. And if he only chose to do one thing for the rest of his life … it would be to love her.

  “I missed this view.” Of course she knew he was there.

  She missed his car, the dog, and the view. Did she miss him?

  “It’s a breathtaking view today.” Luke poured a cup of coffee then leaned against the counter with his legs crossed at his ankles. “Jones has slobbered and chewed on that sweatshirt for nearly a year.”

  She scooted around to face him. “I just slipped it on. I only have the clothes I had on yesterday. Today might be a shopping day for me.”

  He hid behind his coffee cup so she didn’t see the guilt on his face, the everything-you-owned-is-exactly-where-you-left-it-in-our-closet look.

  “It’s Friday. I hope you didn’t take the day off on my account.”

  A breathy laugh accompanied Luke’s grin. “I’ve had the whole week off. I flew to Chicago a week ago today.”

  Jessica narrowed her eyes a bit.

  “Then I rented a car and drove to Omaha.”

  “What was in Omaha?”

  He sipped his coffee then rubbed his lips together. “Come to find out … not much.”

  “You should have looked me up. I could have given you the ten-cent tour.”

  “Mmm … why didn’t I think of that?”

  Jessica stared at her coffee. “You came for me,” she whispered.

  “I came for you.”

  “You could have died.” She looked up.

  He nodded.

  Setting her coffee down, she stood. “I’m going to shower then go buy a few things to wear, maybe some makeup to hide my scars and soften the appearance of my gaunt-looking face until I can gain a little weight. I look hideous.”

  “You’re—”

  “So help me, Jones … if you even think of trying to compliment my looks, I will make sure your face matches mine.”

  He looked her body up and down, taking note of how much muscle mass she’d lost. “I think for the first time ever I could
take you on.”

  Jessica narrowed her eyes. “Don’t test me.”

  He jerked his head toward the hall. “I’m glad to see you didn’t lose your sass. Go shower. I’ll take you shopping.”

  Chapter Forty-One

  Friday.

  Ryn needed a stiff drink and a merit badge for making it though the week. She went from planning a Monday elopement to confessing her past to Maddie in the most graphic way, followed by her daughter hating her, then the cherry on top—Jackson left, forever.

  While she cleaned her two houses for the day, Omaha received another eight inches of snow, making the drive home a crawl through the busy late day traffic.

  A needed grin crept up her face as she pulled into her driveway that was shoveled and covered in a good inch of ice melt. “Funny, Drew.” She rolled her eyes at his attempt to make fun of Jackson’s over-the-top ice melt incident. Payback would be fun.

  After knocking the ice melt off her boots she opened the door. “Hey, baby,” she said to Gunner. Then she flipped on the light.

  “Oh. My. God.” Her words were barely a whisper. Anything louder would have required her to have air in her lungs.

  Breathless.

  The walls were painted, the furniture was new, bookshelves, lamps, throw rugs. However, the shocking part was she’d seen everything before because every detail was a photo from her Pinterest boards.

  She continued to the kitchen, but she knew how it was going to look before she rounded the corner—new appliances, light fixtures, even the wine rack—all from her Pinterest boards.

  On the small, white, built-in desk by her back door was a new computer. The screen saver flashed photos of Ryn, Maddie, and even a few of Gunner. She clicked on the mouse, revealing a message on her home screen.

  I changed my mind … wait for me.

  Ryn swallowed her heart and turned around. There he stood wearing the sharpest black suit and tie she had ever seen.