No Regrets: a contemporary romance novel

by Lexie Davis

  “My family isn’t that bad.” Kaden said observing his wife’s behavior.

  She tried not to glare, but her expression evidently gave her mood away. “Kaden, between telling me I should be at home to raise my child to my job sucks to asking me about my birth control—what part of that isn’t that bad?”

  He drove in silence for a while, and she finally gave up expecting him to answer. “Why did you kiss me today when you were mad? Why did you wipe away my tears and kiss me?”

  “Because I wanted to. You may know all the right buttons to push and let me tell you, you push them well, but you are still my best friend, and I do still care for you.” He shrugged in the darkened car. “You’re also one hot, sexy wife of mine, and even though we agreed to a marriage of celibacy, you didn’t say anything about kissing.”

  Brianna looked down at her slinky little black dress, the only thing in her “before” wardrobe that would still fit her. She had only lost twenty of the thirty pounds she gained during her pregnancy, and a good ten were left all around the lower half of her body. Her size two was now a six, though her bra size went from a B to a full C. Take the good with the bad, she supposed.

  “Whatever,” she mumbled, staring through her window.

  “Brianna,” Kaden reached across the consol, sliding his hand along her thigh. She jumped, then pushed him away.

  “Please, Kaden. I don’t need a series of praises to raise my self image.”

  “Bree, you’re beautiful.” Instead of sliding his hand back to her thigh, he slid his hand to cover hers and squeezed. “Why don’t you believe me?”

  “Kaden, drop it. You don’t see what I see. You only see what I let you see.”

  “So? Show me everything.”

  “No way!”

  “Brianna.” He took the exit ramp that led them home and stopped at a red light.

  “Look, drop it okay. I’m tired, and I want to go home, take a bath, and get some sleep. We have tomorrow to ourselves, and then my mother wants us to go to her family the day after Christmas.”

  “Fine.” He took the route of shortest distance to their house and parked next to her car in the garage.

  Without a single word, Kaden grabbed Shiloh from the backseat and headed for the door. Brianna started unloading the toys, trying to keep her mind from repeating and wondering about Kaden’s words. Beautiful was the women he used to date. She didn’t resemble them in slightest, so how did he draw up that conclusion other than being like her mother and only saying that because she was her daughter. Men didn’t openly say women were ugly if they wanted to keep their balls.

  Kaden slipped behind her and slid his hands along her waist. She jumped with a startled gasp, moving to the side. She dropped the toys and grabbed her chest.

  “You scared me.”

  “Why are you so jumpy?”

  “Because you scared me.” She grabbed for the toys again, but Kaden stopped her turning her to face him.

  “Leave them. I’ll get them in the morning.” He leaned forward and fully prepared herself for his kiss, though when it came it wasn’t where she thought it’d be.

  He pressed a hot kiss to the pulse beating at her throat, his tongue doing a small sweep, tasting her skin before sucking lightly. She tilted her head, giving him better access to press more kisses, which he did. After the day she had, the last thing on her mind was sex, yet with Kaden so close, it quickly became the first.

  His hands slid to her hips, his mouth finding its way back to hers. “Do you still want to talk about the whole sex issue?”

  “What about it?” She pulled his mouth back to her sealing off any answer he threatened to give. Thank goodness, he didn’t try too hard.

  He pulled her to him, pressing his hands into the plump flesh of her behind. His erection was hard against her stomach, his mouth doing wonderful things to hers. She wound her arms around his neck, and he took that as a cue she wanted and needed more. He lifted her in his arms and started walking toward the door.

  “Kaden, this is just a one time thing,” she said breathlessly. “And I’m not on the pill.”

  He grinned, sexy and seductive. “You’re nervous.”

  He had her there. The last time they did this, she could blame the alcohol, though she remembered just about everything. Now, she had nothing to excuse her behavior, especially if it turned out wrong again.

  “You’re cute when you’re nervous.” His mouth sealed against hers as he kicked open her bedroom.

  His mother conveniently picked out a king-sized bed for them to share, though the one night they had spent together in the house Kaden had slept in the spare bedroom while she took over the huge bed. Separate beds wasn’t something they agreed to, but sharing wasn’t either.

  He laid her on the soft mattress made of expensive foam, pressing her against the bed with his body. No sense in wasting time, she thought trying to accommodate him. But all he did was kiss her, thoroughly and passionately, as if he would die by taking his mouth away from hers. He’d drank whiskey tonight so maybe he would be the one that was drunk this time.

  Finally, when he tore his mouth away from hers, he sat back looking down at her. “How do you take this thing off you?”

  With the look in his eyes, she knew he was seriously thinking about ripping it, so she quickly grabbed for the knot at her waist and began to undo it. She couldn’t feel self-conscious about any of this. She couldn’t. Kaden wanted sex, and she was his wife. Some ignorant part of her said she should be the one to give him what he wanted.

  “I haven’t lost all my baby weight,” she blurted her fingers trying to pull at the knotted fabric.

  “You had my baby so I don’t give a damn.” He pushed her hands aside and tried tackling the knot himself. “And even if she wasn’t my baby, I still don’t give a damn.”

  Finally he pulled the fabric out of the knot and pulled the dress completely open, unveiling her satin and lace panty set. His eyes went molten in the pale light. She knew them to be desirable emerald color, with a spark of mischievousness, but right now, in the heat of passion, they were black and full of nothing but lust. No man had ever looked at her that way, not even the men she claimed she loved, not even Kaden during their first drunken romp in the sack.

  “Brianna,” he breathed, kissing her mouth. “You’re so beautiful.”

  Tears pricked her eyes. He was good, she gave him that much. Looks alone could seduce any woman he wanted, but his words made it more pleasurable. He knew what to say and just the right time to say it. The more he talked, the more she feared she loved him.

  “Hey,” Kaden, pulled back just as the tears rolled down her face. “What’s wrong?

  “Nothing.” She tried smiling at him, but a sob came out. Embarrassed, she covered her face with her hand, hoping if she couldn’t see him, he couldn’t see her.

  Within seconds, he rolled to his side and wrapped his arms around her. He held her tight, pressing small kisses to her face while his hands stroked her back. She felt like a fool for crying yet again in front of him. Crying was all she seemed to do lately.

  Kaden didn’t say any more but held her tight and refused to let her go. She came so close to saying it. So close to telling him she loved him. It’d never be just about sex, or about the baby or about anything else ridiculously thought up in her mind. She fell in love with him the night they created Shiloh, and she still loved him now. Even after everything, she loved him through it all.

  “You want to tell me what I did to lose you?” he mumbled against her hair. “We were going pretty good until I said you were beautiful. What happened?”

  She closed her eyes forbidding the L word to leave her lips. “I have too much on my mind.”

  “Bree, we all have shit on our minds. Why are you nervous to be with me again?”

  Because I’m afraid of falling in love with someone that will leave me in the end. She kept her comments to herself though, refusing to answer his question. Finally, he gave up waiting for a respons
e and rolled to a sitting position on the side of the bed.

  “I’m going to take a long, cold shower.” Without waiting for a response or adding more to his statement, he stalked out of the room.

  She knew she screwed it up. He was now, more than ever, more sexually frustrated than all the males combined on the planet. She led him on and didn’t complete their actions. No, instead she cried like a little virgin for the fear of falling in love. Yeah, they were both sexually frustrated, though she wanted more of a commitment than a few nights with sweaty sheets and limbs entwined.

  Chapter Six

  Kaden lay in his bed with a hard-on. An hour of cold water plummeting against his body, and two orgasms later, he still wanted Brianna. He was hard for her and ached to feel her body surround his senses.

  He rolled to his side, no position feeling comfortable with the ache between his legs. It was well past midnight, and he couldn’t sleep in the condition she left him in. Merry Christmas to me.

  He rolled to the other side, finally kicking the covers off because the room was so damn hot. His skin ached and felt feverish though he didn’t feel sick. He wanted Brianna, and she deliberately played him only to turn him away with her tears.

  He obviously hadn’t been turned off by them, but she sure did put a halt on things. He couldn’t stop seeing the sexy lingerie she wore underneath that piece of fabric she called a dress, and dammit if he didn’t become impossibly harder.

  Finally, he sat up, giving up on any sleep. He could jack off all he wanted to, but only Brianna would satisfy the ache. Dammit, she even got him hot at his parents’ house, sitting so close to him, her perfume infusing in his senses. She smelled good and tasted even better.

  “Kaden?” He turned to see Brianna’s small body standing in his doorway.

  “What?” he grumbled, rubbing his eyes.

  “I can’t sleep.” She stepped into his room, though she stayed close to the doorway.

  “Bree, what is it you really want?”

  “You.”

  A bolt of lightning couldn’t have hit him harder than that single word coming out of her mouth. He turned toward her, and she stood sheepishly in her lavender gown, clearly wearing nothing underneath.

  Her nipples beaded underneath the silk, while the dark thatch of hair, shadowed the area between her thighs. He wanted her so bad he wouldn’t last long if she kept saying things like that to him.

  “Brianna, come here and talk to me.” Talking was the last thing he wanted to do, but he needed to know what she thought about when he was kissing her, and how to get her mind off it.

  She came around to his side of the bed and sat on the edge, prim and proper. Nothing about her seemed seductive or brazen but at least she was there.

  “What did I do wrong?”

  “Nothing.” She pursed her lips. “My only real experience is when we created a child, and I guess I’m scared of screwing up again.”

  She was afraid of not knowing what to do and of ending up pregnant because of it? Women never ceased to amaze him. Unable to hold it back, he grinned and slid an arm around her body.

  “Bree, you know exactly what to do, and I promise, this time we’ll use condoms.” If her eyes even glanced at his lap, she’d know how well she knew what to do.

  “Yeah. Right.” She played with the hem of her nightgown. “You’ve been with plenty of women. Why would you pick me?”

  He wanted to strangle her, yet at the same time to pull her close and kiss away her fears. He settled for a hug, forcing her to face him eye to eye.

  “Listen to me. If you don’t stop demeaning yourself I’m going to paddle your fine behind.” He kissed her, holding her cheeks in his hands. “Yes, I’ve been with plenty of women, yet none of them matter so I’m not rehashing the past. Never in my life had I ever not used a condom, until I slept with you, and you know what, I don’t regret it. I haven’t got a clue where I’d be right now if we didn’t have that baby, if I didn’t have you. I’d probably be desperate and alone.

  “I used to get drunk on nights when women didn’t satisfy a need of companionship, thinking ole Jack would be my best friend.” He kissed her, taking his time into coaxing her to believe him. “I want you, Bree. Just as you are. You’re beautiful and smart and so fun to be with when you let your guard down. You’re a wonderful mother—I couldn’t ask for a better parent for my child and—” He wiped her tears. “Sweetheart, you put yourself down way too much.”

  She sniffled, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. “I’m afraid it’ll be a mistake.”

  He went through the list of cons in his head. “What’s the worst that could happen? You end up pregnant again? Come on, sweetheart. Shiloh needs a little brother sometime or another. I prefer it later in life, but if it happens, so be it.”

  “Yeah. So be it.” She stared at him. “You want another child with me?”

  Did he really say that? “If the second is anything like the first then, hell yeah, I want all my children to be with you.”

  “Really? You don’t even love me, Kaden. Why would you continue to have kids with a woman you didn’t love?” She stood, pacing around the small area next to his bed.

  “Who said I didn’t love you?”

  “Who said you did?

  They stared at each other for a moment, and he realized their conversation going to hell in a handbasket. This was not something he expected in the list of cons had he gathered in his mind. Pregnancy he thought would be the worst, because of what she went through with Shiloh. As with all women, love always came into the relationship at the wrong possible time, every time.

  “I think we made a big mistake by getting married.” Brianna said and finally made her way back to the doorway. “I guess you had it right last night. You stay on your side, and I’ll stay on mine.”

  He should have gone after her, but the muscles in his legs wouldn’t move. He sat frozen to the bed, stunned out of his mind. Bree wanted love, something she knew he couldn’t give her. He didn’t fall in love. He had a good time, played around, and came back home. He’d never been in love, or even thought about being in love.

  Finally, when he could move, he walked to the doorway and stared down the hall at the empty, silent house. If life could have gotten more complicated, he didn’t see how. Taking the few steps necessary to Shiloh’s room, he peeked inside to see the baby standing up in her crib. She didn’t cry—hardly ever in fact, except when Brianna left home—but stared at him with a sloppy grin on her face. He smiled back, going to the crib to pick her up, and settled in the gliding rocker in the corner of the room.

  For a while, they sat quietly rocking, while Shiloh sucked on her hand and stared up at him in amazed wonder.

  “I think I really screwed up things with your mother.” He told the baby, smoothing her wild hair to her head. “I’ve never really loved anyone outside my family, but then again, I’ve always considered your momma to be part of my family.”

  The baby settled in against him as if he were reading her a story. “I do love you though, how could I not?” He pecked her cheek, gaining a grin from the sweet baby. “You’re a lot like her, you know? Your smile’s the same, as well as your temperament, which is definitely a good thing. Your grandma likes ruffling your momma’s feathers, and I don’t know what I’m going to do about that. Grandpa says it’ll all blow over, but women are complicated creatures.”

  He smiled down at the half-dozing baby in his arms. “So what’s your advice for me, sweetheart? I really need some. I think your momma is afraid I’m going to leave the two of you high and dry when the year is up, but you know better than that. I’d miss our popsicles for breakfast, and our sneaking cookies behind your momma’s back. Don’t tell her I gave them to you. She’d paddle my behind if she knew.”

  Softly snoring in his arms, Shiloh went back to sleep. He smiled, kissed her on the forehead, and situated her back in the crib. He stood awhile rubbing her back and watching her sleep. He couldn’t have asked for a bett
er child.

  “Good night, angel. Merry Christmas.” He flipped the small lamp off, making it completely dark in her room, except for the small nightlight beside her bed.

  He turned toward the door and saw Brianna standing there with a ready-made bottle in her hand, waiting.

  “I thought she was hungry, but it looks like all she needed was her daddy.”

  “I just rocked her back to sleep.” He stepped the side, moving past Brianna to his room.

  “Kaden, wait. I’m sorry about what I said a minute ago.” She sat the bottle on the changing table and came to his room, sitting on the side of his bed. “Did you really mean what you said in there, when you were talking to Shiloh?”

  “Eavesdropping?” He leaned back against his pillows, knowing full and well she heard everything.

  “So what if I was?”

  He suppressed a grin. “What’s your point?”

  She huffed, falling back against the bed. Her breasts flopped with the movement, bringing on the ache again. This woman was definitely going to resort him to having blue balls if she kept it up.

  “Why is it so hard for you to give me a straight answer? You talk to Shiloh, telling her more things in a few minutes than you’ve told me since we got married. Just give me a straight answer.”

  “Fine. Did I mean it? Yes. I don’t lie to my kid. Do I want you? Yes. My balls are turning blue as we speak. Do I love you? Yes. Am I in love with you? Don’t know. You’re stubborn and aloof, and I can’t comprehend my own crap without worry about what you’re going to think or how you’ll react. Did I give Shiloh popsicles for breakfast? One time just because it was banana flavored, and she wanted some of mine. We were out of real bananas so I gave her the next best thing. And yes, we sneaked cookies behind your back more times than I can count, but don’t ruin it for her, because that’s how I get her to stop crying when you leave. I think she’s playing me now, but we’ve got a good thing going, and I’m not about to give it up.”

  She stared at him as if he spoke in a foreign language, trying to comprehend what he just said. And then she grinned. “Only a guy would give a baby a popsicle for breakfast.”