The worst had happened.
Or had it? Maybe there was worse to come. Maybe Luke wouldn’t have tried to take her daughter away from her when he’d loved her but now he didn’t know who she was and he didn’t even want to know so there was no chance he would ever love her again, which meant that there was no barrier to him doing something that might hurt her. When he’d had time to think, would he decide that it might be a good idea to take Hana away from someone who treated the people she loved the way she had treated him?
Oh... God...
Telling the truth was supposed to lessen guilt, wasn’t it? So why was it worse? The need to protect her family and her life by keeping the truth hidden had outweighed the guilt until now, but now that side of the scales had been replaced by fear and it seemed in perfect balance with the guilt on the other side.
Whatever was going to happen, she had brought it on herself.
But that didn’t mean she couldn’t still fight to protect her mother and Hana and herself, did it?
Her hands were steepled on either side of her nose. Moving them apart, she scraped away the tears beneath her eyes as she took in a deep breath that sounded like a final sniff. Sitting here, crying, wasn’t going to help anyone.
Luke wouldn’t be sitting around anywhere. He was probably swimming by now. Powering through the ocean as he cleared his head and decided what he was going to do next.
Or had he gone to find his daughter?
The thought was appalling. What if Luke told Hana who he was before Anahera had had time to prepare her for something that would be confusing and probably frightening?
It was enough to propel her from her chair and through the door. It was only luck that stopped her barrelling straight into her mother.
Vailea rarely left her domain of the hospital kitchens to come into the staffroom and, by the look on her face, she hadn’t come to check the supplies of cold drinks in the staff fridge.
‘So Sam was right...’ Vailea shook her head. ‘Oh, love...’
‘Sam doesn’t know...’ Anahera stepped back. She could see the fear in her mother’s eyes. She knew... Did everybody know now? ‘What did he say?’
‘Just that you seemed to be upset about something. That Luke was, too. And it had been something he’d said about Hana that had caused it. About how old she was...’ Her breath came out in a sigh. ‘It wasn’t hard for him to guess, love, and...and I’ve always had my suspicions.’
‘You never said.’
‘I thought he was married. I thought...last night that you’d decided to tell the truth and it seemed like the right thing to do was to tell him first.’
‘I didn’t get the chance. And now he doesn’t believe that I was ever going to.’
‘Well, I can tell him that isn’t true.’
Anahera shook her head. ‘It wouldn’t make any difference. Not now. I should have told him before...before...’ Tears threatened again. Before she’d made things worse by deliberately not telling him? Before she’d given in to the temptation of making love with him again?
‘He’s not even here now. I don’t know where he is and I’m scared he might have gone off to find Hana...’ The need to get to Hana first came back with renewed strength, and Anahera started to move but Vailea caught her arm.
‘Hana’s safe. Luke went storming off towards his bure and Sam’s gone after him.’
‘Why?’
‘To talk to him. To try and help.’
‘Talking won’t be enough. I need to get legal advice. Maybe Caroline or Keanu could help me find someone while they’re still on the mainland. I’ll ring and talk to them tonight. I’ll fix this, Mum. I won’t let him take Hana away from us.’
‘Oh, darling...why would he want to do that?’
‘Because...’ The calm tone of reason in her mother’s voice was taking the wind out of the sails Anahera had hoisted in readiness for the new fight she might have to protect her family. Her voice dropped to a whisper. ‘Because she’s his daughter...’
‘And I suspect that the only thing he’ll want to do right now is to meet her properly. And he has every right to do that, hasn’t he?’
‘Yes...’
‘That’s why I told Sam to bring him round to our house later. For dinner.’
‘Mum...’ Anahera was horrified. Home was her safe place, only secondary to these islands. Having the truth in the open was making her feel vulnerable enough. Having Luke in her home with her daughter—their daughter—was a terrifying prospect. Were they going to tell Hana who Luke really was? How? And when?
‘It’s a start,’ Vailea said quietly. ‘Remember what I said to you last night? About the only thing to do being the right thing?’
Sometimes her mother could make her feel like a child again. A child who still had a lot to learn. Anahera nodded.
‘Well, this is one of those right things. Now, why don’t you go and pick up Hana and go home? See if you can find some pretty flowers on the way and she could help you make a bowl for the table. I want to go down to the boats and get some nice fresh fish.’
‘He won’t come. He doesn’t want to see me at the moment.’ Her voice dropped. ‘He...he hates me, Mum. Because I lied to him.’
‘He doesn’t hate you.’ Vailea touched her daughter’s cheek gently, and the expression in her eyes made Anahera want to cry.
‘If he hated you, how could you both have made something as perfect as our little Hana?’
‘That was then. It’s different now.’
‘True love never dies. He’s angry right now and he has every right to be like that. He’s probably confused, too. It changes you, being a parent. You had nine months to get used to the idea. Imagine if someone just handed you a baby and told you that you were a mother now. How would you feel?’
‘Terrified,’ Anahera admitted. ‘I wouldn’t have the first idea what to do.’
‘Exactly. And how much harder would it be if the baby was big enough to have her own opinions and tell you what they were?’
Being terrified was not something she would ever have thought Luke would have to contend with but her mother’s words were making sense. Whatever emotions Luke was experiencing had to be strong enough to need an outlet, and anger was usually the fastest route to ease the initial pressure, wasn’t it?
It had been for her.
That apparent betrayal in finding out that Luke was married had made her angry enough to slam the door on his attempt to see her again and put things right. She had convinced herself that the last thing she ever wanted was to see him again.
Luke couldn’t slam that kind of door because Hana would be left on the other side and however difficult it might be for him to face the woman who’d betrayed him, Anahera knew instinctively that Luke would never contemplate turning his back on his own daughter.
Neutral ground would have to be found. If nothing else, maybe they could end up with a kind of friendship and that would be better than nothing, wouldn’t it?
Vailea looked over her shoulder as she turned to leave. ‘Let’s make Luke welcome in our home, love. He’s part of our family. And we have something to thank him for, don’t we?’
Anahera was still trying to answer the question she had just posed for herself. ‘Do we?’
‘Think about it.’ With a smile, her mother was gone.
But Anahera’s thoughts were still on her question about whether friendship would be better than nothing and she’d found her answer by the time she headed out into the heat of the late afternoon to collect Hana from the Lockhart mansion.
No. It definitely wouldn’t.
Friendship with Luke would be a minefield of memories that would taunt her with ‘what might have been’ and it would reinforce the level of where a bar had been set and she would never meet anyone else who could possibly
match that level.
But what could she do?
If she fostered a less-than-amicable relationship with her child’s father, she would be bringing nuances of hostility into the life of a little girl who had never known—or shown—anything other than love.
The smile on Hana’s face when she saw her mother was more than enough to convince Anahera that she couldn’t do something that would affect her daughter’s happiness. Especially something that would prick the happy bubble she lived in right now, where everybody loved each other and nothing could threaten that ultimate security. The tight hug she received from those tiny arms was enough to remind her how incredibly lucky she was to have this small person in her life.
And that was when the penny dropped.
This unimaginable joy that loving and being loved by Hana bestowed was what Luke deserved thanks for.
Without him, Hana would not have existed.
CHAPTER NINE
LUKE HAD FACED life-changing moments before.
Like the moment his pager had sounded as he had been preparing for an early-morning ward round to relay the message that his wife was being rushed to the emergency department of his own hospital, under CPR.
He’d known that his life was never going to be the same and he would never forget the way he’d felt as he’d run through those corridors, dodging people and beds and trollies—barely seeing what had been around him as he’d run headlong into an unknown and frightening future. That feeling of fighting against a force that had the potential to suffocate him. A force that could make it impossible to breathe and make his whole world grow dark. A force that he had no ability to control.
Even if he hadn’t been able to remember it so well, it would have come flooding back right now, as he walked towards the village beside Sam and Bugsy. How, exactly, had Sam persuaded him to come here?
‘You need a bridge,’ he’d said, ‘to get past the gap that’s just appeared in the ground in front of you. It’s much, much harder to build a bridge like that by yourself. When you’ve got other people around you, they can help find what you need to build it with. Besides, it’s about time you met your daughter properly, isn’t it?’
Maybe the beer had helped, when Sam had taken him to the conference centre’s bar. And maybe it was the reminder that this was the exact spot he’d first seen Anahera again had been why he’d had another one.
Whatever. He was here now, silently walking up the garden path that led to the village house where the Kopu family lived.
His daughter was inside that house.
Or maybe not. A tiny figure was crouched beside a bushy, flower-laden shrub and she hadn’t noticed the new arrivals until Bugsy sat beside her, his feathered tail waving vigorously enough to tickle a small brown bare leg.
‘No, Bugsy! You can’t eat it.’ Hana’s head turned and there was a worried frown above those huge, dark eyes that Luke remembered from the one time he’d seen her. ‘Make him go ’way, Uncle Sam.’
‘What’s up, chicken?’
Stepping away from Luke, Sam crouched down beside Hana with an ease that gave Luke a pang of something that felt like jealousy. Sam already had a relationship with Hana—clearly one they were both very comfortable with.
‘Oh, I see... It’s a caterpillar.’
Hana nodded her head. ‘A patercillar. And Bugsy wants to eat it and if he does, it won’t turn into a flutterby.’
It brought a smile to Luke’s lips, the adorable way Hana jumbled her words, but the smile wobbled and he realised—with horror—that he was on the verge of tears.
‘Bugsy won’t eat it,’ Sam was saying reassuringly. ‘He knows that caterpillars don’t taste nice. And he thinks he’s a person, not a bird or a gecko. He wants some of that yummy food that your nana is cooking for us.’
Hana heaved a relieved sigh and scrambled up to throw her arms around the dog’s neck.
‘I love you, Bugsy.’
The prickle of tears was more insistent. Luke cleared his throat to regain control, and the sound made Sam glance up.
‘Hey, Hana. This is Luke. He’s a friend of mine and Mummy’s.’
Her cheek was pressed against Bugsy’s golden coat but two eyes swivelled to look directly up at him. He could sense the shyness. The space, hanging in time, that would eventually lead to a decision about whether or not he would be granted entry into her special world.
That space felt like an impassable distance.
‘Luke comes from London,’ Sam continued. ‘That’s a country a long, long way away over the sea. Do you reckon they’ve got butterflies in London?’
‘No-o-o...’ Hana giggled and peeped up at Luke again.
He smiled. ‘We do,’ he told her. ‘In a place called the London Zoo there’s a special house that got built to look like a big caterpillar and inside there are hundreds and hundreds of butterflies.’
Had Sam provided the perfect foundation for a bridge to span that daunting space? It certainly felt increasingly easy to talk to this little girl.
‘Big ones and tiny ones,’ he continued. ‘All different colours, like black and white and orange and red and yellow.’
Hana’s eyes widened. Sam was grinning.
‘How would you know that, Luke? Don’t tell me you’re a butterfly fanatic, too.’
‘I do love butterflies,’ Luke admitted. ‘Always have. I’ve got a big book about them that I got given for my birthday when I was about Hana’s age.’
‘Are there blue ones?’ It was the first time Hana had spoken directly to Luke. ‘Blue ones are the bestest.’
‘There are loads of blue ones.’ Luke’s smile widened. ‘They are the bestest.’
Sam snorted. ‘Let’s go inside,’ he said. ‘Before your skills in the English language deteriorate any further.’
Standing up, Sam extended a hand as if it was an automatic thing to do, and Hana scrambled to her feet and put her hand in his. And then she looked up at Luke and it felt like a completely natural thing to do to extend his hand on her other side.
And, dear Lord...the feeling when those tiny fingers curled around his was...indescribable.
Huge...
He couldn’t find even a single word of greeting as he reached the steps to the veranda, and Anahera appeared at the door of the house. Not that she was looking at his face. Her gaze was fixed at a lower point. At where his hand was holding Hana’s.
Maybe they could all feel the shock wave emanating from Anahera because they all stopped moving at exactly the same time. Even Bugsy, who was happily trailing in their wake.
For a heartbeat they were all frozen. Sam wasn’t going to find it easy to suggest any building materials for the bridge that was needed here because they would need to be quite substantial.
The help came from a very unexpected direction.
‘Mumma...’ Hana’s face split into a wide grin. ‘Bugsy tried to eat my patercillar and Uncle Luke said he loves flutterbies and he said he lives in a patercillar house.’
* * *
‘You need to wash your hands, darling.’ The words were a little difficult to get out from a suddenly dry mouth. ‘It’s time for dinner.’
How could Luke have done that? Won her daughter’s trust so easily? Had he used the knowledge he’d had of Hana’s passion for butterflies to his own advantage?
But... Uncle Luke? He certainly hadn’t taken any unilateral decision to let Hana know who he really was.
A small percentage of the tension in every cell of her body drained away. Enough to relax her lips to allow a subtle curl to the corners of her mouth.
‘A caterpillar house? Really?’
Luke looked embarrassed. ‘I was telling her about London Zoo. They have a butterfly house that’s shaped like a caterpillar.’
Hana had got as far
as the front door. She tugged on her mother’s skirt. ‘Can we go, Mumma? To the flutterby house?’
Anahera’s smile vanished. So the conflict of parents living in worlds apart was beginning already. She couldn’t help the tight tone to her voice.
‘We’ll see. Now scoot—I’m going to check in a minute to see if all the dirt gets washed off those hands.’
Hana’s disappearance left a silence that could have been awkward except that Sam started moving up the steps. ‘Come on, Bugsy. You stay on the veranda. I’ll go and get you a bowl of water.’
The distraction increased as Vailea came to the door, wiping her hands on her apron.
‘I can do that. Why don’t you all sit out here on the veranda? It’s much cooler. I’ll bring you boys some beer. One for you, too, Ana?’
‘I’ll get that.’ The excuse to escape for a minute or two and try to get used to what was happening was irresistible. She opened bottles of beer and put them on a tray, along with some glasses. Her mother was filling an old enamel bowl with water at the sink.
‘You’re doing well,’ Vailea said quietly. ‘And it’ll get easier. I’ll feed Hana first and then she can go to bed. I don’t imagine Sam and Bugsy will stay late and I’ll get out of your way later so you and Luke can talk.’
The prospect was terrifying. Anahera had to make an effort to keep her hands steady so that the rattle of glass wouldn’t betray her nervousness as she returned to the veranda.
At least she didn’t have to try and start a conversation. Hana had beaten her back to the veranda and she was standing beside the low table, her hands clasped together and her face shining with pride as Luke exclaimed over the bowl with its petal mosaic framed by the turquoise glaze.
The Nurse Who Stole His Heart Page 12
