The Nurse Who Stole His Heart

by Alison Roberts

  When had she been the happiest in her life?

  That was easy. When Hana had been born and she’d held the miracle that was her new baby in her arms for the first time.

  Or maybe it wasn’t so easy. Impossible not to also think of the time she had believed she was the happiest it was possible to ever be—when she’d been head over heels in love with Luke Wilson. In that happy bubble that she’d been so careful to protect so that nobody would know and do anything to dim the rainbow shine it had had.

  Such different kinds of happiness. Mother love was deep and warm and for ever, but the in love one was shinier and amazing. Both had a piercing sweetness, but the mother love was more solid and dependable. Nothing could change that.

  Luke had had his first taste of that parent-child bond last night. Was he even more aware of everything he’d missed out on now?

  The guilt was still there but it had changed shape. Now it was about what she had stolen from Luke instead of what she was keeping hidden. Things that she could never give back—like the miracle of Hana’s birth and the milestones of her babyhood.

  Did he hate her even more?

  It hit her like a mental slap that she was doing it again. Making this about herself.

  Being selfish.

  She couldn’t change what she had done, however wrong it had been, but she could try and do the right thing and that was to make up for it in some way, no matter how hard it might be.

  She could welcome Luke back into her life as Hana’s father and she could share the parenting. Hana would get a daddy who loved her and—if she was lucky—maybe he would eventually forgive her and she would end up with the best friend she could hope for.

  It seemed like a big step in moving forward and for a moment Anahera could feel enormous relief. But then her treacherous mind came up with another angle of how it might impact on her. What if Luke got married again and presented Hana with a substitute mother?

  Was the thought so shocking it transferred itself through her hand to Hana and made the little girl stumble?

  Whatever the cause, Hana was in tears yet again and she had grazed her knee.

  ‘I don’t want to walk any more, Mumma. My legs are sleepy.’

  ‘I’ll carry you. It’s not far now. We’ll visit Uncle Sam and then go and see Nana in the kitchen for lunch, okay?’

  ‘’Kay...’ Still sniffling, Hana let herself be lifted and wrapped her arms around her mother’s neck as she settled onto her hip.

  Anahera kept walking up the hill but it was even slower going now. When had Hana become so heavy?

  The sniffles stopped after a short time and she could feel Hana’s body going floppy as the little girl fell asleep, which seemed to make her even heavier. By the time she reached the hospital it was becoming quite a struggle to keep carrying her. Entering the walkway, Anahera headed towards the staffroom, hoping that Sam might be in there for lunch by now, but the only person present was Luke, who had papers spread over the table and was working on a laptop.

  ‘Hi...’

  ‘Hello...’ Luke got to his feet. ‘I thought this was your day off.’

  ‘It is. I’ve brought Hana up to see Sam. She’s...a bit off colour, I think.’

  ‘In what way?’ Luke was close enough to touch Hana within a couple of swift steps. He smoothed back her hair and dipped his head so he could see her face. ‘Hey, Hana...what’s up?’

  Hana moved her head as if the touch was irritating but didn’t open her eyes or make any response. Luke’s gaze flicked up to meet Anahera’s.

  ‘She’s barely touched any food and she’s...just not herself. She keeps crying and she almost never cries...’

  Luke had his hand on her forehead now. ‘She feels a bit warm.’

  ‘It’s pretty hot outside. It was a long walk up the hill.’

  ‘Is she usually this sleepy at this time of day?’

  Anahera shook her head. ‘She gave up on naps by the time she was eighteen months old.’ Oh, help. She could see the shadow that flicked over Luke’s face. Sadness that he hadn’t known this fact about his own daughter? She had to look away. Had to try and change her grip on Hana, too, because her arms were really aching now with the effort of holding her.

  ‘Let me take her,’ Luke said. He matched his words with action and gently scooped her out of Anahera’s arms. ‘It’s probably nothing more than a cold or something coming on but let’s go and check her out.’

  ‘Do you know where Sam is?’

  ‘Doing an outpatient clinic.’

  ‘We need to head that way, too. We could use one of the treatment rooms in the emergency department.’

  Luke flicked a glance over the mop of curls nestled into his shoulder. ‘Would you rather Sam had a look at Hana?’

  This was the first chance she’d had to show Luke that she wasn’t going to keep him shut out of his daughter’s life any more but she didn’t get the chance to say anything because Luke answered his own question.

  ‘He probably should. I’m not actually working here and you aren’t supposed to treat your own children, are you?’

  ‘But you’re the expert,’ Anahera said quietly. ‘If it is... You know...’ She couldn’t voice her worst fear that this was, indeed, another terrifying case of the dreaded encephalitis.

  ‘Right now, I feel more like a father than a doctor.’ Luke was staring straight ahead now and he spotted the figure in the green uniform first. ‘Hey, Hettie? Could you grab Sam when he has a moment, please? We’ll be in the treatment room with Hana. She’s not feeling so great.’

  ‘Oh, no!’ Hettie was looking worried as they walked closer. ‘We’re almost done with the clinic. We’ll be there in a tick.’

  Hana woke up as Luke put her on the bed in the treatment room.

  ‘Hullo, sleepyhead,’ he said softly.

  Hana just stared up at him. She didn’t smile but she didn’t burst into tears either. For a long moment they just seemed to stare at each other, and Anahera was sure she’d been right. Whether she was picking up on nonverbal signals or if it was some unexplained genetic connection, Hana knew there was something very important about this new man in her life.

  The moment was broken when Sam, closely followed by Hettie, came into the room.

  ‘What’s happening?’ His glance at Anahera was reassuring and his tone was cheerful as he directed his words at Hana. ‘You haven’t gone and caught a naughty bug, have you, chicken?’

  Hana’s head rolled from side to side. ‘I’m not naughty.’

  ‘Not you. It’s the bug that’s naughty if it’s making you feel sick.’

  ‘I’m not sick.’

  ‘Good.’ Sam’s smile was enough to make everyone in the room relax a little. ‘You won’t mind if I have a look at you to make sure, though, will you? Hettie? Let’s get some vital signs.’

  ‘I can do that.’ Anahera was already stretching out her arm to get the tympanic thermometer to check Hana’s temperature but Hettie stepped in front of her.

  ‘My job.’ She smiled. ‘You’re the mummy here, remember?’

  She was. It was her job to reassure Hana and explain what was happening so she didn’t get frightened by any of the tests that Sam might want to include in his examination, and she knew it would be a thorough one because Sam loved Hana and he knew that Anahera wouldn’t have brought her in unless she was genuinely worried.

  But it seemed that she wasn’t needed to keep Hana either distracted or co-operative because Luke was already doing her job.

  ‘Let’s get your T-shirt off. That way Uncle Sam can see if you’ve got any spots—like a butterfly.’ He was helping her to pull it over her head. ‘Do you like the butterflies with spots the best? I do.’

  ‘I like the yellow ones.’

  ‘What about blue ones? Do you
get those really tiny blue ones here like this?’ Luke held his thumb and forefinger a centimetre or two apart.

  ‘Temperature’s well up,’ Hettie reported quietly. ‘So’s her heart rate.’ She wrote on the form, and Anahera had to swallow hard as she watched the clipboard being hung on the end of Hana’s bed. Had her daughter just become an official patient?

  ‘I’m going to feel your neck,’ Sam said as he checked her lymph nodes after peering down her throat. ‘You tell me if it’s sore.’

  Anahera edged closer to the bed to read the figures Hettie had written on the chart. She should have been able to pick up that Hana had a fever. Or had her temperature spiked during the walk when she’d been so hot herself it had been hard to tell?

  ‘Tummy-tickling time,’ Sam announced. ‘And then we’re going to play with the stethoscope.’

  It was certainly a very thorough examination. Anahera could see Luke nodding at some unspoken question that came from Sam and then he started on a neurological assessment, checking strength and sensation and pupil reaction, and all Anahera could do was stand there and wait for the verdict and try—unsuccessfully—not to be reminded of Sam doing all these tests on little Hami when he’d come in with the fever that had been the first sign of his fatal encephalitis.

  This small treatment room seemed crowded with people who had all the knowledge in the world that could be needed but it was still possible that they might all be helpless in the face of a disease they couldn’t control.

  Anahera had never been more scared in her life.

  * * *

  There had been times in his career when Luke had wished there was more he could do for his patients. Times when he felt frustrated—angry, even—like he had when he’d been powerless to save Tane. He’d had patients he’d grown very close to, like Harry, and many that he’d cared about deeply enough to experience memorable joy in their recovery or sadness for their outcomes.

  But he’d never, ever felt like this.

  Scared...

  Hana looked so little and fragile, sitting on a bed that was too large for her, in nothing more than a pair of knickers that had—surprise, surprise—a butterfly print.

  He could see her ribs clearly outlined beneath that perfect olive skin and the wave of protective tenderness that washed through him was almost unbearable.

  He could also see the flushed cheeks of a rising fever and the concern in Sam’s gaze as he looked up, still moving the disc of his stethoscope gently over that small chest and back.

  ‘Something’s certainly going on,’ he said quietly. ‘The question is—what?’ He took his earpieces out. ‘It could just be a cold. Her throat is slightly inflamed and her ears are a bit red. Chest’s clear, though, and there’s no sign of any rash. Let’s get a dose of paracetamol on board and I’ll get some bloods off but...’

  His raised eyebrow invited Luke’s input and he had to say it. ‘Given the history of the mosquito bite, a lumbar puncture would tell us what we really want to know.’

  Anahera’s intake of breath was audible, at least to him. It wasn’t a pleasant procedure for parents to watch. He could feel his own gut tightening at the thought of a needle being stuck between those tiny vertebrae he could see protruding from Hana’s back as she sat with her little shoulders hunched.

  ‘I can stay with her,’ Hettie offered. ‘And we’ll put a good dollop of anaesthetic cream on now. By the time that’s taken effect, it’ll be painless.’

  She would still have to be held very still and it would be frightening.

  ‘I’m not going anywhere,’ Anahera murmured. ‘If anyone’s going to hold her, it’s going to be me.’ She took the dose of paracetamol syrup from Hettie’s hand.

  ‘Of course it is,’ Luke said. He caught Anahera’s gaze as she stepped closer to give the medication to Hana and he held it, trying to offer what reassurance he could. Trying to let her know that he was in her corner. That Hana had both her parents here to worry about her. As her gaze clung to his for a heartbeat, and then another, he was aware of a new strength coming from somewhere. Something strong and good. He could do this and he could help. He was helping already because some of that fear was ebbing from Ana’s eyes.

  ‘In that case, I’m probably superfluous.’ Hettie smiled. ‘I might go and get on with some work in the ward, unless...’ The glance in Luke’s direction was curious but everybody knew he was the encephalitis expert. Of course he’d want to be involved in this case.

  ‘I know my way around a manometer,’ he told her. ‘I can assist Sam.’

  Hettie paused on her way out of the treatment room. ‘Want me to get a bed ready?’

  ‘I think so.’ Sam nodded. ‘We’ll want to keep an eye on her for a while yet.’

  Hana was intrigued rather than frightened by the application of the topical anaesthetic cream both to her back and the crook of her elbow beneath sticky patches, and her eyelids were drooping noticeably as Anahera gave her a cuddle and then tucked her up with a light sheet as a cover. She was asleep—yet again—almost instantly.

  ‘We’ll give it an hour to make sure it’s done its thing,’ Sam said. ‘I might grab a bite of lunch and I’ll let Vailea know you’re here. Can I bring you a sandwich or something, Ana?’

  She shook her head. ‘I’m really not hungry.’

  ‘Neither am I,’ Luke said. ‘We’ll just stay here and look after Hana.’

  Sam’s gaze travelled from him to Hana and then to her mother and back to him. His slow nod suggested that this arrangement was exactly as it should be.

  ‘Come and get me if anything changes. Won’t be long.’

  Luke arranged chairs on each side of the bed, and they sat with their sleeping child between them.

  ‘I can’t believe this is happening,’ Anahera whispered.

  ‘Try not to worry. We don’t know if it’s anything to worry about yet.’

  ‘When it’s your baby, you worry about everything.’

  ‘Yeah...’ Luke’s voice cracked. ‘I’m discovering that.’

  There was a long silence and then Anahera spoke in no more than a whisper. ‘I’m sorry, Luke. I’m sorry for everything but most of all that I didn’t tell you about Hana. That you’ve missed so much...’

  ‘I could have gone my whole life not knowing what I was missing,’ he told her. ‘Without knowing what this could feel like. It’s... It feels like...a new beginning.’

  ‘I don’t blame you for hating me...’

  ‘I don’t hate you, Ana.’

  It was true. He might not trust her any more and he might be angry that she could have gone as far as to make love with him and still not told him the truth. He might be feeling betrayed and hurt as well, but hate didn’t come into it. That coin would never land on that side because he had truly loved her once.

  Anahera’s head was bent now. Was she trying to hide the fact that she was crying? She reached out to smooth an errant curl that was stuck to Hana’s flushed little cheek and as she put it back where it belonged, her hand stayed there, gently cupping her daughter’s head.

  Luke could feel the strength of that love. A bond that nothing could ever break. He could feel the fear, too.

  ‘It’ll be okay,’ he murmured. ‘I know it will.’

  Anahera didn’t look up. ‘You don’t know that.’ Her voice was raw. ‘We had a little boy come in once, not long after I came back home. His name was Hami and he was the same age as Hana. His mum brought him in because he had a fever and she couldn’t wake him up properly and...and...’

  ‘He had encephalitis?’

  Anahera nodded. She didn’t have to tell him how the case had turned out. He could see the fat tears rolling down her face. He could imagine what it must have been like to have a patient who reminded you of your own child. How devastating it would be to lose the fight. He’d only d
iscovered he was a father yesterday but he knew already that his interaction with paediatric patients would never be the same. He might have thought he understood how precious they were to their parents and how hard it was, but you never really knew, did you, until you walked in their shoes? How amazing that he’d only needed to take a few steps to feel like he’d stepped onto a new planet.

  A planet that put a whole new perspective on everything, and there was a downside that was all too obvious now because it gave you new things to be afraid of.

  Anahera was afraid. She’d been afraid of him when he’d turned up so unexpectedly in her life and he’d felt like a complete jerk because he’d assumed that fear had sprung from how badly he’d hurt her by not telling her the truth about Jane.

  But she’d been afraid of losing Hana, hadn’t she? Just the way she was now.

  He recognised that fear because he could feel it himself. This feeling of needing to protect a vulnerable child might be very new but it was astonishingly powerful. He would do whatever it took to make sure Hana was safe.

  Anahera thought she had been protecting Hana by not telling him the truth. Protecting herself, too. Trying to hang on to the safe place she’d thought she’d found for her family.

  And hadn’t he done exactly the same thing to her?

  He hadn’t told her about Jane because it would have destroyed the safe place that Wildfire Island had been for him. It would have destroyed the miracle of finding love, which had been the last thing he’d expected.

  It hadn’t felt like lying, though...

  He’d been protecting himself. Just the way that Anahera had been.

  Luke was staring at Anahera, even though he could only see the top of her head. That shiny, soft black hair that rippled down her back because she wasn’t working today and hadn’t braided it. His fingers tingled as they reminded him what it felt like to have the weight of that hair slipping through them. She had taken her hand from Hana’s head and traced it over the little, bare shoulder and down the arm until she could take her daughter’s hand gently in her own. Bowing her head even farther, she lifted Hana’s hand to touch it with her lips.