Broken Song

by Erik Schubach

  Shit! I almost jumped out of my skin when the pile of cardboard shifted and a woman with ratty grey hair and a dirty flannel shirt a couple sizes too big sat up from under it. “Get away from my stuff! It's mine!” she hissed out as she stood and lunged between Sandra and the cart, her face was weathered and leathery like Leo's but she looked severely malnourished compared to him.

  Sandra didn't even flinch, instead she made eye contact with the woman with a smile. She chirped again in her overly cheerful voice. “Hi Alice. I'm Sandra, they call me Dandelion around here and that there is Penny. I'm not gonna take your stuff, though I am here for a trade, I heard you had a red blouse in your cart.” I glanced over and saw some red fabric on the back side. That's what she was doing when she examined the cart, taking inventory?

  The shivering woman's eyes went to her cart then back to the blonde. “What of it? It's mine I found it. It ain't stolen!”

  Sandra simply grinned and replied, “Red just happens to be my favorite color. I'd love to make a trade for it if you don't mind.”

  The woman shook her head. “You ain't got nuttin I need.”

  Sandra looked to be in deep thought then she brightened suddenly like she had just come up with a good idea. “How about my coat for the blouse. It's a really pretty blouse and I just have to have it.”

  This seemed to pique the woman's interest and she was now eyeballing Sandra's coat then looking back at her cart. Then without a word she held out her hand. Sandra just quickly shrugged out of her coat. She was wearing a light jacket under it. Did she know she was going to be doing this before she went on her walk?

  The woman snatched the coat and quickly put it on and then looked back at the cart, stepped to it and retrieved the red blouse. She started to hand it to Sandra but then pulled back slightly. But I could see in her face that she made a mental decision then handed it over.

  Sandra held it out and looked at it front and back. Then excitedly said, “Sweet! This is perfect Alice, I feel like I got the better end of the deal.” Then she cocked her head. “You gonna hang around this area or are you looking for another location? I'd love to do trades from time to time and I know others that like to trade as well.”

  Alice just nodded the affirmative, then said, “This is my alley. Now go find your own.”

  Sandra put a hand on the older woman's arm. “OK, thanks again Alice. And if you find any good pieces of clothing like this for trade, you can send Leo, the man you met today, and I'll come with trading stock.”

  The woman just nodded then Sandra turned from her and grabbed three of the leashes from me and we started down the street again. We turned the corner at the end of the block then she looked at me with a grin. “Brrr... let's get home.”

  I can't figure this woman out. She was off on twenty different topics but oddly I found it amusing and engaging. There was just something, I don't know, innocent? Untainted? Naive, about her.

  Then we turned onto another street and we passed the Second Street Shelter. Without even breaking stride as we walked past, she deftly pushed the red blouse into a freestanding metal box marked for clothing donations to the homeless shelter.

  There were men and women sitting outside of the shelter on mismatched lawn chairs or on cardboard on the ground. All of them were calling out, “Hey Dandelion,” or “Have a good night lil Dandelion,” and similar greetings.

  She was grinning and meeting each one of their eyes as we made our way along, saying, “G'night Kathy. Sup, Brent. Hey, Brian. Lookin' good, Tina,” and so on as we walked past. She seemed to know each and every one of them.

  Three blocks later we turned onto another street and she started up the steps of a dilapidated, crumbling brick building. She unlocked the front doors and released the leashes and the dogs ran through the lobby and up the rickety looking stairs.

  We walked to the second floor and she opened an unlocked door and we stepped into a little apartment with the puppies on our heels. This was her home? This did not match her attire nor her bearing. I know I couldn't have been this far off on her social standing. But the apartment, unlike the rest of the building, was quite clean and charming. There were rabbits in cages on a long table along one wall.

  She grinned at the consternation on my face and spoke like she knew what I was thinking as she took the leashes off the dogs, “I like it here, it keeps me close to my people on the street. It is easier to help them from here than some apartment in the core.”

  I looked at her, trying to understand her. “This is what you do? Help out homeless people? Are you like a councilor or something?”

  She giggled. “No, I'm not smart enough for that. I just help out my friends on the street and the kids in the hospital. What I 'do' is sell tickets to the duck boats downtown or help out at Silent Bob's. Well it's Valentine's now that Bobbie married Blake.”

  I tilted my head then asked what I had been pondering since we met Leo and Alice, “You knew you would be trading your coat tonight to that woman didn't you. It was all your plan?”

  She nodded with an adorable look of pure mischief on her face. “Yup. Some people are too proud to accept my help. So I give it in ways that benefit everyone. Tonight was a triple whammy and I feel like doing one of those touchdown dances for making a home run or whatever the sports-y thing is. Now she has a coat and gloves and I won't worry so much about her exposure to the cold tonight. Though she's smart, a veteran, she had her cardboard until she can scavenge something better. And now she has cash so she'll eat well at least tomorrow. Then the trifecta, I had a piece of clothing at the end to donate to the shelter. This helped Alice save face and it didn't hurt her pride. She took no charity.”

  She was grinning like an idiot now. I was smiling too despite myself. “How will she eat...” Then I suddenly remembered and said, “That's why you stuffed the twenty in your coat pocket.”

  She was almost vibrating in excitement and nodding in mischief.

  Then I shook my head. “And that's why you were wearing the jacket under the coat.”

  She giggled and nodded again. “Duh. It's cold out there, I didn't want to walk home shivering.”

  I tilted my head. “But in the end you are out twenty damn dollars and your damn coat.”

  She shot me a reproving look, I was immediately sorry for cussing again. Then she shrugged. “It's only money. And that wasn't really my coat. I bought it today for when I located Alice.” I swear to God she looked as pleased as a chipmunk who just found a cache of a thousand acorns.

  I snorted. But my mind went over everything that she had set up perfectly from Leo to Alice, the coat, the money, the trade. It was like a well choreographed dance that was executed to perfection.

  Then I looked at her as I wondered about something I observed and something she said, “What's with the cardboard? Leo was on some, Alice covered herself with some and I saw some people outside the shelter sitting on pieces of it.”

  She shrugged with a look on her face that told me it should be obvious. “You ever sit down on cold concrete? That cold soaks right into you, right into your bones. Corrugated cardboard is a good insulator and you can find it anywhere. It provides a barrier between the cold ground and you. It also holds heat well so any homeless person worth their salt has a piece to sleep on if they can't get one of the limited number of cots in the shelters each night. Alice built a little cocoon of it around her to hold in the heat until a dumpster dive can come up with a discarded blanket or tarp.”

  Then she motioned toward the couch as she went toward the kitchen. “Coffee? Tea? Beer? Juice?”

  I just shook my head at this intriguing woman. I couldn't for the life of me determine if she was simple minded or a calculating mastermind. I shrugged. “Coffee would be fine.”

  And as she started a pot she offhandedly said, “Oh, and before it is too late, happy birthday Penny.” I looked at the clock on her entertainment center, two minutes after eleven, then couldn't help but look at this frustratingly random, pretty woman. A part
of me smiled in recognition that she somehow knew my birthday.

  She came to the couch with a tray that had a cupcake with a lit candle on it and two cups of hot coffee, the grin on her face was priceless as she had me blow out the candle.

  “So where you staying Penny? I can call a cab for you after you tell me your story,” she asked.

  I thought for a second and actually snorted. How ironic is this? I replied in an almost sarcastic tone, “Well it so happens that I appear to be homeless myself at the moment. Husband wound up with the home in the divorce. I've been in a hotel ever since and I flew here because this is where I want it all to end. Seattle, my real home.”

  I took a bite of the colorful cupcake. OMG this is good! What the hell am I doing? I shouldn't be enjoying this. I should be floating face down in the lake right now.

  She shook her head then stood and started looking at the sides and back of the couch with a scrunched up, thoughtful look on her face as she spoke, “Nonsense, we are friends now. You're staying with me until we finish our deal. You can tell me your story in the morning, right now, you need the rest.”

  I was speechless. We were complete strangers and she was opening her home to a crazy woman who is trying to kill herself.

  Then she seemed frustrated. “ I'm so stupid, I can't figure out the bed thingy on this couch. The lady at the store said it folds out.” She finished with a shake of her head as she got on her hands and knees looking under the couch. She seemed genuinely upset that she couldn't figure it out. How dense is this woman? Has she never seen a sleeper sofa before? She was getting frantic.

  I placed a hand lightly on her shoulder as I stood up and spoke quietly, “Sandra.” She calmed down then stood and I removed the cushions and handed them to her. She stacked them by the coffee table and I grabbed the handle and pulled as the bed hinged out.

  She looked almost gleeful. “You're so smart Penny!”

  She jetted off and returned with sheets and blankets and went to work making the bed. Then I had a random though. Wait a minute. Is she stalling me? She didn't want to talk about my story while we walked, she changed the subject somehow here, and I'm now I guess I am staying with her and she wants to postpone our talk until tomorrow. Then the forty eight hours starts.

  She has somehow taken total control of this situation. I'm not used to this. I'm always the one in control. How did this ditsy woman maneuver things so effortlessly? Does she even realize she is doing it? I swear there is a hell of a lot more to this woman than you can see on the surface. And her odd pale looks are fascinating, they remind me of... of a porcelain doll I guess. She's sexy in a totally bizarre way. I tilted my head and admired her figure.

  She looked at me and blushed when she caught me staring, “Let me get you a nightshirt.” She disappeared into another room then popped back out a few seconds later with an oversized tee that had McKay Air Tours on it. “That's one of my favorites, it is Jane's.”

  Then she suddenly looked afraid, like she had forgotten something important. Then she pulled her cell phone quickly from her purse and dialed someone. A minute later she was talking quietly as she ground the ball of her right foot into the area rug shyly, tilting her head. Once again, I found it inordinately cute. I looked away, aware I was staring at her... again. “Hi, Jane. I'm back now. OK. Sorry I took so long, I got sidetracked. OK. Goodnight. I love you bunches, too. Bye.”

  She hung up then looked at me sheepishly. “Jane doesn't like me out walking the dogs after dark. I told her I was going and I would call her when I got back. It's one of her rules.”

  Isn't this Jane person married to Crystal? It is obvious that Sandra here has a huge crush on her. Why is Jane giving her rules? I voiced my confusion, “Why the fuc... umm... why is Jane giving you rules? You are your own person.” I don't know why I care, but it is bugging me that someone is telling her what to do.

  The little blonde looked at me and studied my face for a moment then her eyes went wide. “Oh. No. Jane is just really protective of me. We have known each other literally our whole lives. She's like my big sister though I'm really four days older than her.” She looked proud at that admission.

  She continued speaking, “I do lots of stupid things and people take advantage of me, mostly to get my money. So Jane made some rules for me. Like to call her if I go out at night and when I get back so that she knows I am safe. And if I go to the Ballyhoo, I can't go alone. I know I'm not real smart and some of the girls can trick me into things and take advantage. But I get lonely sometimes and I'm working on being more aware. Really I am.”

  She looked so... I don't know. I was getting mad at the thought of anyone taking advantage of this sweet, naive person. I smiled softly at her. “I'm sure you are Sandra.” Wait, why the hell should I care? I caught myself staring at her and smiling again.

  She nodded then pointed down the hall. “The bathroom is beside my bedroom there. You get some rest and we can talk in the morning. I want to hear your story.”

  With that she was gone with a flood of puppies following her to her room.

  Chapter 3 – Good Morning

  I woke up to the sun streaming in through the living-room window. I was roasting! It seems that the dogs decided I was a comfy spot to sleep as I seemed to be covered by them like a thick heated blanket. The odd looking one was sitting on my chest staring down at me, what was her name? Daisy? The moment she saw my eyes were open she yipped and started mauling my face with her tongue. This was apparently a call to arms for the four others who were quickly swarming all over me licking my face. I couldn't help but giggle at their onslaught as I called meekly, “Help?”

  I heard a giggle and looked down the hall and Sandra was walking from the bathroom in a robe drying her platinum blonde locks. “Children behave,” she said in a singsong manner and all the dogs obediently hopped off the couch and swarmed around her feet except Daisy who just sat on my chest looking at me.

  Sandra shot me a cute crooked smile. “Good morning.”

  I nodded at her. Then she walked over to the rabbit cages as she brushed her hair and checked the food and water in each cage. “We're gonna have to clean your cages tonight you little fuzz balls.”

  Then she looked at me. “You look to be about Jane's size. I think I still have some of her clothing here that she donated to the shelters that I haven't delivered yet. Just a minute.”

  She went into her bedroom, the dogs followed her, even Daisy who jumped off my chest and ran after them. Traitor mutt.

  I took a moment to really look around the room. I wouldn't have believed it, judging by the outside of the building, but this small apartment was stunning. It looked like something out of a high class magazine. It fit in with the way she held herself and her clothing.

  The wood floors looked original, aged and with character but resealed and polished perfectly. The walls were textured and painted in soft earthy tones and the furniture all screamed high end, except a well worn walnut rocker next to a small end table with a reading lamp and a light blanket. There was a beautiful walnut secretary desk near the window, next to the long table with the cages.

  I stood and straightened out the bed covers and folded it back up and set about rearranging the cushions on the couch. Sandra reappeared with a robe, a towel and some clothing. She blushed. “Sorry it isn't all rock and roll-y like your other clothes. We can get you some stuff while we are out today.” She held the offerings out to me and moved to turn away but her eyes were looking me up and down. They seemed to be taking everything in that is me. It felt more like she was looking inside me rather than at me.

  She paused at my legs with a little smile, then her eyes went wide as she looked away blushing again as she bit her lower lip, making me want to do the same. I took the offerings. She almost skipped away toward the kitchen looking down at the dogs. “Lets get you fed little ones.” They followed her, wiggling with excitement.

  I couldn't help but grin at the sight, then I made my way to the bathroom to get ready
for the day. My mind kept drifting to this odd woman that seems to have adopted me. I shook this out of my head and reminded myself why I came home, I didn't want to feel anymore. This frigging girl can play all the damn games she wants. First I'll show her the true nature of the world, the sooner she learns, the sooner she can join us all in reality, then I can finish what I came here to do.

  I looked in the bathroom mirror. God I looked terrible. My heavy dark makeup had run during the night. I don't know why I even bother keeping up my punk rocker image, the label doesn't own me anymore. I'm forty fucking years old not twenty! I never grew up and have just lived in denial these past few years.

  The only thing that helped me keep my sense of self was... God I miss my children. I fought back the tears yet again.

  As I showered I looked down at my chest. Thinking about what the doctors had said and then silently wept.

  I got control of myself and finished my shower and then got ready for the day. I used the hairdryer in the bathroom to dry out my long black hair. I have forgotten the real color after the last couple decades of dying it black for the record label. It was a dark auburn with natural chestnut highlights if I remember right. I'm sure it would be full of gray streaks by now.

  Maybe that's where it had all started falling apart. Maybe that's when I lost myself. When the record label sunk their claws into me.

  I dressed in the clothing she provided, using my bra and panties from yesterday. I almost laughed. Looking at myself in a white t-shirt with a lilac tank top over it. Showing a good amount of my abs. That's one good thing about the label they forced me to stay in shape for my image. Then the capri style white jeans.

  I seriously cannot remember a time when I was not wearing all black. It was almost like the color was a part of me now, seeping into my soul; to me I looked downright silly in these clothes. If I were anyone else I'd say I looked trendy, normal, almost cute for a washed up forty year old nothing. But I'm Penny fucking Franklin, I'm not normal or cute. My life hasn't been my own for as long as I can remember.