Seattle Sound Series, The Collection: Books One to Five

by Alexa Padgett

  Had I changed so much that she couldn’t lean on me for help? Reckon so.

  At first, it’d been self-preservation, but somewhere along the line, when the songs wouldn’t come and Hayden stepped up, I became a walled-off hoon. Sure, I couldn’t create new songs, but I could still perform. I was the band’s greatest asset at live shows.

  None of it helped me in this situation. Thrown back to the night Mila left, my chest ripped open, and I was just as empty as I’d been then but I had a year’s bitterness sloshing through my midsection.

  Mila’s gaze pleaded with her friend, who pretended to ignore her. Nice sheila, Noelle. Anything she wanted, Noelle could have as far as I was concerned. Noelle narrowed her eyes, darting them back to Mila. No idea what Noelle was trying to tell me but, as I’d told Jake, Mila came first. Protecting her from her uncle and . . . well, finding a way to put the past to rest.

  My teeth clacked shut as a growl built in my throat. Mila forced me into debt I didn’t want to owe but had no choice but to repay.

  “You sure you’re up to your rounds?” I asked. “I could get you home and settled. Rather, my security team can. I’m sticking close to Mila till the wanker’s caught.” Once again, I ignored Mila’s stink eye she sent me.

  “That’s okay. I’ll probably stay with a friend.” She took a shuddering breath. Jordan had said more to her than Noelle shared with Mila. Much as I appreciated her discretion, Mila needed to understand the peril. “Rather not meet him again. Especially now that he has a reason to hate me, too.”

  Mila flinched. Her pale skin faded to an intense white. I shuffled in a bit closer, ready to wrap my arms around her in case she fainted.

  “Well, then, how about you call Mila after your shift? Voice, not text. I want to make sure you’re okay, too. And Mila will feel better knowing.”

  Mila glanced up, surprise and gratitude swirling through those brown depths. Yeah, yeah, I still remembered how to take care of others.

  Noelle grinned, her eyes lighting with impish excitement. “Sure will. So you’re staying with Mila? That’s good. I won’t have to worry.”

  “Noelle—”

  “Yes,” I said, cutting Mila off. I reached out and squeezed her shoulder. Her breathing paused before she exhaled hard.

  “I can’t worry about you and also focus here,” Noelle said, her attention back on Mila, her face falling into stern lines. “I need you to do this for me. Please.”

  After an interminable moment, Mila dipped her dark head in agreement. I rubbed my thumb up and down the side of her neck, trying to say thank you. I paused on her hammering pulse. From nerves or excitement? Both at the moment, I reckoned, and I didn’t like it.

  I’d moved years beyond sweating over what a girl thought of me. The last time was before I asked Mila on a date. Some things never changed.

  “We’ve got to find a place to stay,” I said.

  “I have to go home,” Mila said, her voice filled with tension.

  “No you don’t. We should go somewhere Jordan won’t look for you.”

  “I have to check on Alpie. My pet,” Mila said.

  Bollocks. Of course the woman had a pet. She’d always been too softhearted—didn’t matter if the hurt being was an animal or a person, Mila wanted to take away the hurt.

  “We’ll go by your place then,” I said.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Murphy,” she replied.

  “Let me help,” I ground out. Being noble was bloody hard. Or maybe I wanted to punch something and that was why I struggled to get my desire under control.

  In response to my tone, Mila’s spine shot straight and her chin tipped up to a defiant angle. She pulled back, but I settled my hands along her spine and held her hips. “I don’t need your pity.”

  “This isn’t pity,” I coaxed. I sucked in a gulp of air, released it along with some of the tension building in my neck. “I—I need to hear your story. From your mouth. Please, Mila.”

  Her cheeks flamed with color. My words dropped liked stones onto both of us. I didn’t want to rehash our pain in such a public place, and Mila’s stiffening body didn’t bode well for us to move our very important convo private.

  “Will you do one thing for me?” I waited but she didn’t raise her head. “We’ve always been truthful. At least I thought we were. I promise, no matter how hard it is to say, I’ll tell you the truth. Just as I always have.” She tried to push me, gain some space but I just outwaited her. Our dynamic snapped back into place that fast. And it was so fucking perfect. I’d missed this. No. I’d missed Mila.

  Except under that missing was a sea of anger. She’d lied to me, broke up with me.

  “Fine. I’ll tell you everything.” Her shoulders slumped in defeat.

  “Not what I want, love. I want you to promise you’ll tell me what you’re thinking and feeling. Even when it’s hard.”

  The silence stretched between us as she studied my eyes and I studied hers. I would never understand how people overlooked brown hair and brown eyes. Jake once called such women monochromatic, but Mila wasn’t. In her eyes, green swirled deeper and richer against the brown. Her hair spanned an amazing array of colors from the palest blonde to a rich auburn.

  “I’ll start,” I said. “I’ve been very, very angry with you for a long time. It’s fucked with my head. I don’t want to be that bloke anymore. Hell, I haven’t wanted to be him ever.”

  She pulled back, out of my arms, but I followed. “You can’t blame me for that, too,” she said, struggling against my grip.

  “I’m not blaming you for anything. I’m explaining to you that I made mistakes.”

  “You are blaming me! I can’t take on your emotions. I won’t.”

  I sighed as I wrapped her tighter in my arms. “I handled losing you poorly. Now, I’d like to take you home so that we can talk. Because we have a lot to speak about.”

  She stilled, a gazelle having scented a lion, waiting, preparing to run. I caressed her careening pulse, as much in comfort as to point out my effect on her. Finally, she gave a little nod. I maneuvered her out the door, and we met Officer Reims in the waiting room. He held a Styrofoam cup filled with a foul-smelling substance—no way to confuse that with coffee—while chatting up a nurse. Must be a mutual love of uniform because the woman never bothered to glance at me. Usually, women loved to gawp at me. Ten minutes in her company, and Mila destroyed my mojo. Not that I cared, really, but still . . .

  Chalking it up to a surreal experience, I reached out my arm and tucked it over her shoulder. As we walked to the lift, I adjusted my stride to hers, just as I used to. I’d missed her, the rightness of her scent and the warmth of her hip against my thigh. She pressed herself tighter into my side as we walked, just like she used to. Like she wanted to get closer, be nearer me.

  For the first time, I wondered if she was trying to hide from her uncle. Anger settled low in my gut, burning in sharp bursts. Mila wouldn’t have run from me if her mum helped her go to the police the first time Jordan tried something—she’d been young, just twenty-one, when she left her first uni and fallen into the anonymity of Sydney’s less savory side. A side she dressed to fit into—all tight tops and ripped jeans, too much makeup, and a don’t-mess-with-me vibe. Over time, as more of the real woman appeared from that hard shell, I learned she’d lived fearful, alone, long before we met.

  Why hadn’t I read the signs then?

  In part because I was too dazzled by the woman. The vulnerability and intelligence just under the layer of hard-rock girl. The desire to protect her was still strong, and if she turned to me, I wanted her to burrow into me, trust me to take care of her.

  We’d just . . . ended. We’d just never quite gotten to the closure part everyone made such a big deal about.

  We stepped out of the elevator as Hayden and Briar turned the corner toward the lift. For a long moment, we stood there, mouths gaping.

  “Officer?” I called. He’d continued toward the door. “Would you mind
staying with Mila? I need to speak with them.” I pointed at Hayden, whose mouth tightened.

  Officer Reims nodded, his hand dropping to his holster as he glanced around. Mila tilted her head back so she met my gaze.

  “I thought you and Hayden weren’t getting along,” she murmured. A frown formed as her cheeks reddened. So Mila kept an eye on me via gossip sites. While flattering and scary as hell—spectacularly stupid and I became best mates this past year or so—I needed to set things to rights with Hayden and Briar if I could. And this was a chance I couldn’t let pass.

  “You’ll give me a mo’?”

  Her brows pinched tighter. “Mind if I say hi?”

  Right-o. She knew Hayden. Not as well as Jake, but I should’ve known her feelings would be hurt—she’d assumed I wanted to cast her off. Which I did because . . . didn’t. I just . . . well, sometimes karma’s a bitch. Grovel in front of her it was.

  I sucked on my lip ring, fiddling with it as I headed toward Hayden and Briar. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to his body much as I’d done moments before with Mila.

  “Hayden,” I said, dipping my head. “Briar. I didn’t fancy seeing you here. Thought to call you once I got Mila settled.”

  Hayden’s eyes darted down to Mila’s face, his widening before a slow smile crept over his lips, lighting him up. Briar studied Hayden, then Mila, and finally me. I held my breath as she met my gaze, wishing I could take back the worst of my mistakes. No, all of them.

  “Mila! If you aren’t a sight,” Hayden said. He didn’t let go of Briar, but he did grab Mila’s hand. She stiffened, her body much more rigid than seemed normal. I pulled my gaze from Briar’s intense scrutiny to gauge Mila’s mood.

  “G’day, Hayden,” she said. She exhaled softly, her body loosening, then a smile built across her lips as well. “It’s nice to see you again.”

  “Crikey. It’s been ages! Where have you been?”

  Mila dropped his hand and licked her lips, eyes darting around the lobby. People had stopped, many were openly staring. Not every day two of the biggest names in indie rock stood in a hospital lobby.

  I leaned in closer, kept my voice low, even as Hayden stiffened, his jaw tightening. “Mila’s got a stalker, mate. You saw him accost her at our show last night. Well, he attacked her friend this morning.”

  Briar leaned in to hear my comment and Hayden jerked her back, away from me. I understood his reaction—instinct most likely—but his lack of trust still cut deep. I pressed my lips together and stepped back out of their space. This was one more emotional minefield. One I misplayed.

  “That’s terrible,” Briar murmured. “Do you need anything?”

  She directed the question toward Mila, but Hayden clutched Briar closer to his side, almost expecting me to physically harm her. Shock detonated through my gut. I was Hayden’s version of Mila’s stalker. Bloody perfect. He turned her toward the open elevator without answering me.

  “Briar’s late for a meeting,” Hayden said, his voice cooler than his eyes. “Are you in town for a while?”

  I glanced down at Mila, who watched the byplay, her eyes darting between the three of us. “I hope so.” I ran my tongue over my lip ring. “I’d like to talk to you.” I forced my gaze back to Briar’s. She deserved to hear the words more than Hayden. “And I need to apologize for the way I treated both of you.”

  Briar opened her mouth but Hayden jerked his head in a curt nod and turned away. I sighed, regret making it harsh. Mila turned toward the doors so I followed suit. Officer Reims stood nearby, hand hovering near his gun.

  “Didn’t seem like a friendly conversation,” he said. “I wasn’t sure if I should intervene.”

  “Hayden’s right angry with me,” I said.

  “Don’t you normally have a security team?” Officer Reims asked.

  “Yes. But I asked Kevin—he’s my guard—to get my mum and brother to the airport. He’ll be back around four thirty. Wherever we are, he’ll meet us.”

  “Good.” Officer Reims set his arm in front of me and stepped through the sliding doors. I instinctively moved closer to Mila, doing my part to block her from any potential harm.

  “I’m in this lot. There.” I pulled the key fob from my pocket and pressed the button. Officer Reims motioned us on, standing near his patrol car parked a few rows in front of my rental.

  “You’re driving a Chevy?” Mila asked.

  “What they had at the rental place.”

  “But you’ve always been a car snob.”

  “Have not. I just appreciate a beautiful machine.”

  “Not as much as you do a beautiful woman, though.” Mila clapped her hand over her mouth and turned a funny shade of yellow. Shock reverberated through me just before satisfaction slicked over the top. She was jealous. Of the other women. Unexpected but not unwelcome because I hated the idea of another man touching her.

  “So who’s your current chap? There has to be one. You’re too gorgeous for the blokes to ignore.”

  “You know very well I don’t have a boyfriend,” she snapped. “Officer Reims thinks we’re together. You should correct him.”

  Didn’t plan to. Not now. “Well, then in the past year. I had to fend off more than a few interested parties whilst we were together.”

  “Unlike you, I haven’t been interested in screwing my way through life. I spent more than a week in ICU and then several more in physical therapy.”

  My guts hollowed out, all teasing and even the jealousy overcome with remorse. “You shouldn’t have gone through all that.”

  “I did. And then I moved to Seattle because Noelle bought me a ticket and set me up with a great residency here so I can continue to practice medicine. The first few months were hectic, studying for my certification, and they were also scary. America isn’t that much like Australia, no matter how much telly you’ve watched. Took me months to feel settled here.”

  “Sounds like a lot to handle. But even with all that, no one would expect you to be celibate, Mila.” Yes, I was fishing. No, I didn’t feel bad about it.

  “Seeing as how Noelle loved to lecture me on my lack of love, I’m sure she also told you and anyone else who’d listen all about it.” She stopped walking, shading her eyes. “Is this part of that honesty thing you were pushing, Murphy? Want to hear the words straight from my mouth? Here you go: I haven’t dated anyone else.”

  She opened her car door while I gawked at her. No bloody way. She slammed her door shut.

  I stepped back. Between Jordan’s attack and the loss of the baby . . . was something wrong with her physically? Mila was too beautiful, too smart and too fun-loving to sit at home, wasting away in solitude.

  But she was also the victim of sexual assault.

  7

  Mila

  Even as the words tumbled out, my skin flamed with mortification. I never spoke first and thought later. That was my mum’s philosophy in life, and I’d vowed, at the age of nine, not to be like my mum.

  I squeezed my eyelids shut. Hard. My phone beeped. Probably the hospital needing me to read some lab results. I was too mortified to open my eyes and focus on someone else’s life let alone pretend mine was normal.

  Why did Murphy have to come back into my life? Sure, I bought a ticket to his show last night on the off chance I might see him, but my life had taken a turn straight back into a scary, unpredictable mess. All because Jordan’s obsessive need to control me kept growing. Initially, I liked having a father figure in my life, and I assumed he wanted my mum, who boasted a handful of years on him.

  Over about ten months his desires built, but once I realized what he wanted, what he’d tried to take from me that night midway through my third year at uni, I ran away.

  As fast as I could. I changed schools from the University of New South Wales, and I took fewer classes and worked two jobs to complete my undergraduate and then my medical degree at the University of Sydney. Not far, but I used only my initials on my application and tr
anscripts. I didn’t list my name on a lease, and I applied for a job in the school clinic and also as a waitress in a ratty bar instead of the doctor’s office I’d originally lined up, hoping Jordan wouldn’t find me.

  But I hadn’t been smart enough to keep my picture out of the paper, inciting Jordan’s wrath by having a boyfriend. Jordan told me not to get serious about anyone else that night he pinned me to my bed. That my body belonged to him and only him.

  I hadn’t listened.

  Mum coming home when she did, her shocked expression, her babbling questions, was the reason Jordan never actually assaulted my body. He’d wanted to, and that’s why I ran.

  I shoved the heels of my hands into my eye sockets, trying to force my mind back to blankness. My phone beeped again.

  Murphy opened his door and settled into the small sedan. Once upon a time, I would’ve kept teasing him about the inexpensive car. Instead, I sat, frozen by my words and memories.

  “So do you want me to ignore that or should I forge ahead and get all the hard bits out of the way now?” His voice dropped, deeper than usual. I couldn’t pinpoint why.

  I dropped my hands and cleared my throat. How to answer that? Finally, I said, “What do you want to know?” I kept my head toward my window, unable to look at him while I answered his questions.

  “Could we—” Murphy cleared his throat. “I’d like to know about the baby,” he said, his words rushed together. “I read about your miscarriage in the paper,” he said.

  I’d expected it, sure. He’d read about it but never bothered to call. The weight of those words smashed at my crumbling control. He hadn’t wanted me enough to find out if the child was his.

  “I was almost five months pregnant with him when I miscarried. Everything had been going great. The trauma from the accident . . .” I trailed off. I hated talking about that day. I’d flipped over the handlebars and landed on my side, trying even then to protect my baby. I broke my three lowest ribs and even my leg trying to stop my fall. As soon as I hit the ground, as the sting of scraped skin seared through my awareness, I’d known I wasn’t going to last long without support. I didn’t go straight into shock, but my body shut down from my injuries within minutes. I didn’t get to the hospital fast enough for the initial blood transfusion to stabilize the baby’s supply as well as my own.