Seattle Sound Series, The Collection: Books One to Five

by Alexa Padgett

  I’d ruined everything by freaking out to her words.

  From the first moment possible, I’d been the one to push. The engagement. The marriage. I’d pushed her, which wasn’t my style.

  Someone banged on my hotel room door, breaking my train of thought. More was there, floating around in there. More I needed to work out. Work through. Who tried to break down a door at . . . hmm, ten in the morning? Guess that wasn’t an indecent time after all. But we didn’t have to be at the venue until seven tonight in Victoria, British Columbia. Our show last night in Vancouver rocked, even if I didn’t feel it.

  After tonight’s show, we had three days off—days I’d planned to spend with Evie and Paige. That was supposed to be a surprise—something spontaneous to celebrate Evie’s PhD. and Paige’s improved behavior. I’d hoped to take them to Lummi Island and teach Paige to kayak, but that was all before . . . before Evie said she loved me. Before I kissed Jeanine. Before our lives blew up.

  Calling Evie seemed fruitless—what could I say? I hadn’t fucked Jeanine even if the pics online were salacious. I mean, I had kissed her, fondled her. In a public place. Much to my shame and Evie’s when she found out.

  The banging started again. I pulled on my jeans and walked to the door. Nessa raised her fist but she dropped her hand and glared hot enough to scorch my skin.

  “I talked to Jenna. She said she called to ream your ass for having an affair with an actress known for flitting from lover to lover quicker than I change my tampon.”

  I shuddered. Not an image I ever wanted to consider again. “Are you two tag-teaming me?”

  “Evie turned down the job Briar offered her.”

  “She turned down the job with Briar?” I asked, shocked. “Why would she do that?”

  “You should ask Evie that.”

  “She kicked me out of our place.”

  “I hate to point this out to you. But you married her.” Nessa’s voice was snide and her eyes full of the disgust I was used to seeing from my mother. Panic started to rear its ugly head. Nessa had chosen a side, and it wasn’t mine.

  That picture with Jeanine . . . I rubbed my hands over my face. Yeah, Nessa was right. I was the asshole.

  “I don’t want to talk about Evie,” I gritted out.

  “Too bad. We practically ambushed Evie with our good intentions and she handled us all. Until she couldn’t anymore.”

  I flopped onto the couch. “She’s right to get out now. I’m a fuckup. Jenna told me as much when she called.” I leaned back against the couch cushion and picked up the remote. Nessa grabbed it from my hand and threw it across the room.

  “What the hell? I was going to watch something.”

  She narrowed her eyes and slammed her finger into my chest hard enough that I winced. Nails hurt.

  “I’m not supposed to tell you this, but Evie talked to a real estate agent, which sounds an awful lot like she’s planning to move. To D.C. She scheduled a trip there next week with Paige.”

  “What?” Shit. I needed coffee. Or a beer. No. I wasn’t going to be like my brother and abuse substances. I started a pot of coffee.

  “My mom told me I couldn’t stick out a marriage. She was right.”

  “What’s her number?”

  “Yelling at my mother won’t help,” I said on a sigh. I lowered myself to the edge of the bed, clutching the phone in my hand and dropping my head between my raised arms.

  “How’s Evie doing?” My voice was muffled by my arms but I wasn’t ready to drop them. Not yet.

  “She’s putting on a good front.”

  “And ready to move across the country to get away from me and my cheating ass?” I finally raised my head. “Even when I kissed Jeanine,” I said, ignoring Nessa’s deepening scowl, “I didn’t want to. All I could think about was Evie. I knew she’d be hurt if she found out, but I did it anyway. To prove to her she was right to get rid of me. I don’t want to hurt her, Nes. I hate that I did. No matter what I do, I hurt her more.”

  “Dammit! Put away those puppy dog eyes.” Ness stepped in, wrapped her arms around me and squeezed as tight as she could.

  Nessa stepped back and slammed her finger back into my chest. In the same spot. Made it hurt like hell. “Whatever you decide to do, you should know Abbi and I plan to stick by Evie.”

  21

  Evie

  “Glad I was in the neighborhood,” Marilyn said as she bustled around the kitchen, making some of her fudge brownies I wouldn’t be able to eat.

  She was paler than normal but the last week had been hard on her, too. Marilyn’s nephew, Lavon, was arrested for car-jacking. He’d been proven innocent, but that was Marilyn’s doing. She’d hired a lawyer and worked the phone endlessly to ensure his quick release.

  “That boy’s more sensitive than most, honey bunch. He can’t make it in a cell with those rough men for long.”

  “You weren’t in the neighborhood,” I said. But I softened the words with a smile. “I’m glad you came by, though. I’ve missed you.”

  “I’ve missed you, too.” She smiled, but it was off, unhappy. She’d seen the pictures of Kai, too.

  “Did you talk to Sue?” I asked, my voice sharper than it needed to be.

  “Of course I did. She’s my friend, and she’s worried about you.”

  I turned away, unable to bear the understanding and disappointment in her eyes.

  “You sure about this situation, sweetie pie?”

  “Paige and I are good. I plan to tell her tomorrow about our trip to D.C. It’ll be an adventure.”

  Marilyn opened and closed her left fist. “I meant your plan to divorce Kai. At least, based on your sad eyes and set jaw, that’s what I assume you’re working toward.”

  No, I wasn’t sure, but I wasn’t going to tell her that. I wasn’t convinced I wanted to live in D.C. with its high crime rates and cost of living, especially now that Briar had offered me another option. But I’d already booked the flight and talked to a real estate agent. I had four schools to look at and . . . and it was all busy work meant to keep my mind off the man who’d wrecked me.

  I loved my house, the large backyard and the bed Kai and I picked out together, using some of my settlement money to splurge on thousand-thread-count sheets and a thick down duvet. Climbing into bed every night was a special treat, but I’d leave it all behind because my bed was empty—hell, I was empty—without Kai. The pain from his walking out ripped at my heart, but the pictures of him kissing that actress brought me to my knees. Once again, the ache in my chest caused me to catch my breath. I gripped the counter, waiting for the worst of the wave to crest and pass.

  I couldn’t cope with this much longer. Last night, I ran away from my friends, too overcome by Kai’s betrayal. I planned to turn down Briar’s generous offer because I couldn’t stay here, in this house where Kai and I had planned to raise Paige. Maybe I could talk Mama M into moving into a place near us, wherever we ended up. But that, too, would be difficult. Paige loved her pink princess room. She loved her friend Mandy next door. The girls planned to be in the same kindergarten class together.

  I sucked in a deep belly breath and let it out slowly. In time, Kai would agree to let me raise Paige alone. It wasn’t any different from the current situation anyway.

  Marilyn made a small sound, somewhere between a squeak and a groan. As I turned back toward her, her eyes rolled back and she crumpled at the knees, right toward the counter. I leapt forward, screaming her name. I caught the back of her sweater and pulled hard, her forehead just missing the edge of the counter.

  “Mama M,” I cried again. I shook Marilyn’s limp body. “Mama M, answer me.”

  Nothing.

  I rolled her over.

  “What’s wrong, Mommy?” Paige asked, running in from the living room, where she’d been playing with her dolls.

  “M-my phone. Up there on the counter. Hand it to me. Please.” I rolled Marilyn on her back and put a hand to her chest. Nothing. With shaking fingers, I press
ed against her neck. No. Dammit. No. I could not lose my mother.

  “Why is Mama M on the floor? Is she sick?” Paige’s voice was too high and thin. Much as she needed reassurance, I was too busy giving Marilyn mouth-to-mouth. “Why are you doing that? Mommy, what’s wrong? Mommy!” Paige’s voice ended on a wail.

  I started the compressions to Marilyn’s chest, hoping my three-year-old course was still accurate for CPR. “Phone. Now.”

  Paige’s hand trembled as she offered me the phone. I lost count on my repetitions for chest compressions. My skin turned clammy and my heart raced. I opened my phone and dialed 911 as quickly as I could. As the call connected, I breathed into Marilyn’s mouth twice more.

  As soon the dispatcher picked up, I started talking. “My mother just had a heart attack. I need an ambulance ASAP.”

  I began the chest compressions again. The dispatcher, who sounded bored, damn him!, asked for our location.

  “It’ll be a few minutes. Can you give me a status so I can update the EMTs? They’re on their way. Lucky for you, you’re near a fire station.”

  I gritted my teeth. No luck about it. The woman closest to me, my surrogate mother, was dying under my very hands.

  “Paige, sweetie,” I said, “I need you to go open the front door. An ambulance is going to come here. You remember what the ambulance is?” I bent over Marilyn’s prone body and offered more breaths.

  “Y-yes. I can do that. But I’m not supposed to open the door.”

  I went back to the chest compressions. Was I doing this right? Should I press harder? I winced, remembering how much broken ribs hurt, but it was better than losing Marilyn. I couldn’t lose her, not if I’d already lost Kai.

  “That’s good to remember the rules, but this time I need you to go to the door and open it. Paige, I can’t help Mama M and also open the door. Please do this for me. Please.” My voice cracked on the last word, but Paige nodded her head in solemn acknowledgment and headed toward the door.

  I had no idea how long I compressed Marilyn’s chest. My arms ached. My shoulders ached. My throat ached from holding back the sobs that continued to choke me. Finally, the screaming siren broke the evening’s quiet. Help was here.

  “Hi, sweetie,” a deep male voice said. “Where’s the problem?”

  “My mommy’s in the kitchen with Mama M. She fell down,” Paige said.

  “Can you show me where?” the man asked.

  I continued to do chest compressions as I listened to the sound of Paige’s light steps followed by the heavier ones of the EMT. They rounded the corner and Paige pointed to where I was huddled over Marilyn on the floor.

  “You’ve done great,” the man said. He was in his late thirties, early forties maybe. He scooted me out of the way with gentle insistence and started checking Marilyn. I stood on shaky legs and gathered Paige into my arms. Another man entered the house, carrying a stretcher and more equipment.

  “Status?” the second asked.

  “Possible thrombus. Orthopnia.”

  The first EMT had attached a breathing device to Marilyn’s face and was pumping it steadily. The second man had a defibrillator in his hands. He checked something on the monitor before saying, “Clear!” He pressed the paddles to Marilyn’s chest. I huddled over Paige, trying to shield her from Marilyn’s body jerking into the air.

  “Yes!” The second guy fist-pumped the air. “Steady but low.”

  “Cardiogenic shock?”

  “Looks like.”

  They hoisted Marilyn onto the gurney the second EMT had rolled into the house. I continued to clutch Paige to my chest, who clung to me just as tightly.

  “What’s happening?” I begged. While I knew the terminology, I couldn’t process the terms. My arms continued to shake even as I wrapped them tighter around Paige.

  “Her heart’s beating again. We’ll transport her to Swedish Medical Center. You can follow with your daughter.”

  “But she’s okay?” My voice cracked as the fear caught up with me. “Wait! Can you take her to Harborview? We know the nursing staff there.”

  The two of them passed a glance.

  “Please. I can call my friend Marcy. She’s a nurse there. Please.”

  “All right, but only because it’s a couple of miles. Follow us, ma’am. We’ll get her there as quick as we can.”

  The ride to the hospital was a blur, one that, later, made me shake because I couldn’t remember much of it. Paige and I hustled into the waiting room where Marcy was waiting. I threw myself into her arms, my breathing still too fast for words.

  “She’s stable.”

  “I’m sorry,” I gasped. I nodded to Paige. “I wanted to get here sooner, but we had to turn off the oven and get her something to do while we’re here.”

  Marcy pinched my cheek. “No worries. Marilyn is hanging in there, tough as nails as usual.” A shadow passed over her face, her eyes darkening with concern. “You, however, look exhausted. How you holding up, hon?”

  “I—I’m fine. As long as Marilyn’s okay, so am I. The EMT said she was stable. You said it, too. She’s going to be fine. Everything’s fine.”

  Marcy squeezed my shoulders in a strong grip. I winced. “Breathe Evie. Relax.”

  I did the opposite. I collapsed.

  Kai didn’t come home. I’d checked my phone after Paige said she’d called him—nearly twenty times. It was late, much too late to still be tossing and turning, wondering if he’d at least call back. But no, he didn’t. And from the photos I’d found from the show earlier, he’d done a mighty fine job of performing while I was struggling to keep what was left of my family together.

  Maybe he’d decided to stay in Canada. Kai had clearly been into Jeanine. I hated that woman almost as much as I hated Kai.

  I blew out a breath. I wished I hated Kai. But I didn’t. I loved him and part of me wanted to forgive him because he hadn’t cheated. He’d almost cheated. And that was different—wasn’t it?

  I didn’t feel any better now that I’d awakened in a hospital bed, the IV dripping a steady stream of fluid into my dehydrated system.

  “Glad you’re awake,” Marcy said.

  “Paige?”

  Marcy waved her hand to the small couch on the other side of the room.

  “Marilyn?”

  “She’s doing well. The doctor’s going to put in a stent. She doesn’t need a bypass surgery.”

  “Mommy?” Paige’s wispy voice floated across the space. “Mommy!” she cried, throwing herself into my arms.

  I wrapped my arms around her, wincing when the IV pressed deeper into my arm.

  “What’s wrong with me?”

  “Exhaustion and dehydration,” Marcy said with a frown. “What’s going on with you, girlie? You look like you’ve aged.”

  Marcy didn’t know the half of it. Not that I planned to tell her, either.

  The ache was searing but my eyes remained dry. What good would crying do? Kai had made his choice. Maybe . . . maybe I still had a chance at professional happiness. I squeezed my eyes closed. Not that I had any idea of what I was going to do with Paige. At least she hadn’t fallen into one of her rages yesterday. Probably because she was too scared, which meant I’d have to deal with the buried pain and fear later.

  Raising a child, my life was so much harder than I’d expected. But it was time to get up and get us home. Paige needed stability, normalcy, and I was damn well going to provide her with both of those.

  Checking out was relatively quick, the drive home quiet. I carried Paige to her bed and entered my own with trepidation. An ache built in my heart, one I couldn’t combat. Now, hours later, as I lay in my bed, I couldn’t help but wonder what Kai was doing. Rather, who.

  I curled up under the covers and wished for morning.

  “Mommy? I had a bad dream,” Paige sniffled. “Can I sleep with you?”

  Not like I was doing a masterful job of it on my own. I pulled the covers back. A brief waft of Kai’s scent filled the room, reminding m
e of the burning passion we’d shared just a few nights ago.

  Didn’t matter. I pulled Paige closer and tucked the blankets around her. “Want to talk about it?”

  “No.” She scrubbed her fists over her cheeks. The warm puff of her breath hit my cool cheek. “I heard Marcy tell the other nurses I was a handful, making your life hard and that Daddy isn’t helping.”

  She sniffled and my heart broke all over again. Before I could speak—my brain was still slow, foggy from lying awake so long.

  Paige rushed on. “I’ll be good, Mommy. Please don’t fall down again.”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I’m sorry you had to see me lose it like that.”

  “You’ve cried a lot since Daddy left last time. Did Daddy leave because I’m a handful?”

  I pulled her closer and rested my cheek against the top of her head. “No, sweetie. Daddy’s not mad at you. And I’m not crying with you here. You make me feel better.”

  “I wanted Daddy to come home. But I’m mad at him for kissing that lady.”

  “Yeah, me, too,” I whispered. I took a deep breath and released it slowly. I could do this. Kai had always told me we’d divorce. It was just so much sooner than I’d thought . . . . Starter marriage. I shivered. That’s what people would label this wreck I’d turned my life into.

  At least I had Paige. And thanks to Briar, a great job. Yeah, I’d take her offer so I could stay near Marilyn, who would need me around as she rebuilt her strength. I’d keep the house and build my life. I’d be okay. So would Mama M. I’d make sure of it.

  “I promise I won’t be naughty anymore. So I don’t breaks your heart.”

  Oh, this girl. I kissed her hair, my arms wrapped securely around the best part of my disastrous relationship with Kai.

  He wasn’t going to take Paige from me. Not only was I her mother legally, I’d been her only parent for the past few months. Sue had pulled me aside when she came over to tell me I could fight for primary custody. That, as long as I had a steady income, I’d likely get the rights since I was the one who’d been so integrally involved in Paige’s life.