Broken Illusions (His Agenda Volume 3)

by Dori Lavelle

  “Just a quick one,” I said, handing her the tulips I brought. “He'll be here in ten minutes.”

  “These are gorgeous. Thank you so much.” Rachel raised the flowers to her nose.

  Dustin’s mother and I had gotten off to a rocky start. It had taken a while for her to forgive me for putting her son in danger, even though Dustin had known perfectly well what he was getting himself into.

  A couple of weeks after Jude died and I moved back to Serendipity, Rachel had sat me down and poured out her heart. She told me I should have walked away from Dustin when I knew I was being hunted down by a murderer.

  She understood that I’d needed someone on my side, someone to protect me, but she wished I had convinced him to do that from a distance, not move to his ranch. She had cried when she told me she had feared for her son’s life. Then in the same breath she admitted that she had never seen Dustin more committed to any woman, and that he must really love me.

  She was just a mother looking out for her son. It would take a while for the shock to go away, she’d said, but she wanted me to know that she wouldn't stand in our way. She was not one to meddle in her children's relationships. As long as I made Dustin happy, she was happy.

  Knowing Jude was gone probably made it easier for Rachel to accept me, or come close to it anyway. She didn't seem like someone who even knew how to hold a grudge.

  Rachel led me into the kitchen. Cole was sitting at the table, typing on his laptop. He gazed up and smiled when I entered, then stood and gave me a hug. His skin was tanned and his hair slightly longer than the last time I had seen him.

  “I haven't seen you in a while,” he said. “How have you been?”

  It had been almost six months. Cole had been busy investigating the murders of two sixteen-year-olds in Chicago.

  “You're one busy man, Cole Brannon.” I smiled at him.

  Since the Jude incident, which had put Cole on the map, he had been getting assignments right and left.

  “And I hear you're one busy lady yourself. I'm so proud of you for leaving that nasty past behind and creating a future for yourself.”

  “You two sit in here for a bit,” Rachel interrupted. “I'll go check on the meatloaf. I hope Dustin will be here soon. I can’t handle another child of mine cancelling the one dinner we have together as a family every month.”

  I was honored to be attending the monthly Brannon dinner. Rachel had started inviting me a year ago. Before then, the wounds were probably too raw. At first I asked myself if she wanted me there, or if I was invited because Dustin refused to come without me.

  But the first night I attended, she pulled me aside and told me I was welcome in her home and she was happy I was doing all right. Now, I never missed a family dinner. Even though Dustin and I were not married and I had no idea when and if we'd ever be, I felt like a part of the Brannon clan. I appreciated Dustin and his whole family for embracing me into their hearts, since I had no family of my own to speak of.

  I sat on one of the beige couches in the living room, and Cole poured me a glass of Rachel's homemade lemonade.

  “How are you doing, really?” he asked, getting serious. “Some people never recover from the kind of trauma you went through.”

  I took a sip of my drink. My tongue welcomed the sweet and sour tastes, accompanied by gentle coolness. It was delicious. “I'm fine. I take it one day at a time.”

  “That's the only way you can do it, I guess.”

  “True.” I didn’t tell him that even though from the outside it seemed I was coping, inside I was as much of a mess as I'd been the day I saw the coffins of the women Jude had killed because of me. I couldn't tell him I feared I might never heal, that no matter what, I would spend the rest of my life running from the past.

  I was grateful when Rachel returned and we talked about how excited she was that Shaun, another of Dustin’s brothers, would be bringing his son to stay for a week while he and his wife, Kelsey, were visiting Ireland to celebrate their wedding anniversary.

  She was showing me some photos of little Carmine that Kelsey had sent her when Dustin showed up.

  “Sorry I’m late, Mom. I promise it won't happen again.” He kissed his mother on the cheek and she laughed.

  “You say that every time, honey.”

  Dustin hugged Cole and looked back at Rachel. “And you forgive me every time.”

  Rachel ruffled Dustin’s hair as if he were still a small boy. “Work is taking over your lives. That's why I insist on these family dinners.” She picked up a basket that lay at her feet and extended it toward all of us. We knew what we had to do.

  I removed my phone from my bag and dropped it inside. Cole checked some messages on his before doing the same, followed by Dustin, who was typically unable to go five minutes without his phone.

  We had already started dinner when Shaun showed up with Carmine. Rachel was too distracted by her four-year-old grandson to care about the rest of us, so we carried on with pleasant conversation.

  When dinner was over, Dustin and I went for a short walk down the road to enjoy the balmy evening air.

  He pulled me close to him as we walked. “Do you know how lucky I am to have you?”

  I leaned into him. “No, but I do know how lucky I am to have you.”

  He stopped walking and turned me to face him. “I know I work a lot. But I'm going to take some time off soon. I promise to take you to an exotic place where no phones are allowed.”

  “There's such a place in this day and age? Apart from your mom’s house, of course.” I laughed and kissed him.

  “I'll find one.” He held me tight and pressed his head to mine. “As you know, in a week and a half, I’ll be going to that conference in Dubai. I’ll be gone for three weeks. When I get back, I'll take time off to spend with you. You choose when. Then after that we’ll move in together.”

  I was used to Dustin traveling, but I never wanted him to go away for too long. On the other hand, maybe some time alone would give me the opportunity to sort out my sleepwalking issues.

  “I'll miss you so much,” I said, leaning in for another kiss.

  Chapter Thirteen

  I poured myself a cup of green tea and sat on the couch to read a romance novel. Since perusing some of Grace’s novels in Stony Creek, I found I actually enjoyed reading love stories. I made sure to take some time out of my busy schedule to read even a book or two a month. When I did the wedding shoot in Stony Creek, Grace had given me a box full of old novels to keep me occupied for a while, and I’d bought a few of my own as well.

  Now that Jude was out of the picture, I was starting to believe in love and romance again—the healthy kind, without one person holding power over the other.

  Dustin went to Stony Creek for a few days, as he had a lot to take care of there before his long trip to Dubai. I decided to take the weekend off to run some errands and catch up on overdo chores. I also wanted to use the downtime to relax and reflect.

  Four days ago, I did as Becca suggested and went to see a doctor. She ran some tests that revealed that I was in excellent physical health. She also suggested I return to therapy. I nodded in agreement, even though I had no intention of sitting on a shrink’s couch again.

  I was at an interesting part of the romance story when I heard thumping noises coming from the outside corridor near the elevator. I ignored the noise for a while, but it started getting to me, so much so that I found it hard to focus. With a sigh, I went to the front door and opened it a few inches.

  The corridor was empty apart from five or six boxes stacked on top of each other near the elevator. Probably deliveries for an eighty-something-year-old woman two doors down who rarely stepped out of her apartment. I’d seen her only once or twice from a distance. But she got a lot of things delivered to her home, including groceries.

  I hardy mingled with my neighbors, apart from a hello here and there at the front door or when we met inside the elevator. Most of them were college students who were new in tow
n. Some hadn’t been in Serendipity long enough to know who I was, and they were more interested in their friends and parties anyway. That was fine by me, and it was actually the exact reason I had chosen this apartment. The parties could be loud at times, especially on weekends, but it was a small price to pay for anonymity.

  As I moved to close my door again, the rusty elevator doors slid open and my elderly neighbor walked out, carrying a basket.

  I closed the door, leaving only a slit open. I peered out, hoping she wouldn’t see me as she passed the door.

  “Hi, dear,” a voice said, and I jumped. She was standing right in front of my door. I was caught red-handed. The only thing I could do now was open the door wider and show my face. She was already peering through the slit, and I smelled her minty breath.

  “Hi… hmmm…” I opened the latch and then the door. “Good afternoon.”

  “What a beautiful girl you are. I don’t think we’ve ever been introduced. I’m Mary Lou.”

  I swallowed hard, my cheeks hot with shame. “I’m Haley.” I reached out my hand and she shook it. Hers was warm and soft.

  “Nice to meet you, Haley. A lovely name for a lovely girl. I don’t see you around much.” She smiled. She had about five teeth inside her mouth, and those few were stained and crooked.

  She lifted the striped dish towel covering whatever was in her basket. She took out a flower and handed it to me. “I’m having a small dinner party for my nephew. These always make wonderful centerpieces, especially when combined with roses. But I don’t mind giving you one. Have a beautiful day.”

  She left me rooted to the floor, my breath coming in quick gasps and my body cold all over. I dropped my gaze to look at the flower in my hand. A pure white calla lily. Could it be a coincidence? How would the old lady know I had a connection with calla lilies? And why would she give one to me, a stranger?

  I peeked my head out again in time to see her enter her apartment.

  I went back into mine and shut the door, leaning against it for support, my breath still bated. When I was able to feel my body again, I rushed to the kitchen and tossed the flower into the trash bin. I couldn’t do this to myself again. I refused to let a flower control my life. Calla lilies were everywhere. It had been two damn years. I had to get rid of my fear of them, and of a dead man.

  Staying at home for the rest of the day would lead to more worrying, so I gave Becca a call. She only had to work the night shift and was free to meet up for lunch.

  When I told her about the flower, she shrugged it off as coincidence. After lunch, she even told me to face my fears by buying myself a bouquet of calla lilies to take home.

  I followed her advice. It was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Dustin walked out of the huge marble bath, a towel wrapped around his waist, looking hotter than ever. We’d just had sex, but my insides were melting again. I couldn’t get enough of him. How could anyone, with him looking like he’d walked off a movie set?

  “Have you decided yet whether we should go?” he asked.

  I threw myself back against the pillows and forced myself to focus on his question. “You really think it’s a good idea for me to be there?”

  Today, the first day of summer, was bittersweet for me. It was the same day I’d followed Leon to the Devine Resorts Hotel, the day that had changed my life forever. But to the residents of Serendipity, it was a special day. At midnight, almost everyone would be at Serendipity Lake to throw rose petals on the water, some on foot and others in boats. They believed they were releasing their wishes and desires of love to the universe.

  Last year, I didn’t go. Dustin had instead flown me to his beach house in Martha’s Vineyard. We’d spent the weekend curled up on the couch, watching movie after movie to distract me, until I fell asleep in his arms and he took me to bed. I didn’t want to be at the festival, surrounded by the people who judged me and blamed me for the many deaths that shook the town.

  The Rose Petal Festival wasn’t a completely happy day for Dustin either. A few years ago, his brother Shaun had been shot right by the lake in front of his family and they almost lost him. But Dustin said he was ready to attend the event again this year, as a way to leave the past behind and prove to fate that it didn’t hold all the cards.

  Dustin sat next to me on the bed, smelling of shampoo and toothpaste. “I think you should go. Many people have moved on to other stories now. It will be packed. They might not even notice we’re there.”

  “There’s always someone to notice. It’s a happy event and some might not think I deserve to enjoy it.”

  “It’s not for them to decide. You have as much right to be there as anyone else.”

  I rested my head on my arm and bit my lip. It was so much easier to keep a distance. I had gotten used to some people still giving me funny looks. “And there are some people who kind of like me, right?”

  “And the ones who don’t, do not matter.” He tucked a stray lock of my hair behind my ear. “Tell you what. We can take one of my boats. We’ll sail as far away from prying eyes as possible. We’ll throw our petals on the water in peace and no one will be there to judge us.”

  “Judge me, you mean?”

  He shook his head, meeting my gaze. His eyes were filled with love for me. Sometimes I wondered what I’d done to deserve him, especially after everything I had put him through. Would any other man have stuck with me through all the mess I’d made of my life? I doubted it. Now he was asking me in not so many words to allow us to move on—to live our lives, to enjoy our time together. How could I say no?

  “I think that’s a sweet and romantic idea. Let’s take a boat out. I’d like that very much.” I got out of bed. “I better head to Patty’s Petals then, before all the flowers are gone.”

  “Get back into bed and relax. It’s all taken care of. I’ve ordered a few blooms from out of town. My girl doesn’t stand in line for flowers.”

  I smiled wide. He must have known I was going to say yes. No matter how much he gave me, he never made me feel guilty for taking it. His love and his heart were free for me. I knew deep down that I’d never have to pay him back for making me feel loved. Our relationship was a breath of fresh air, and tonight would be wonderful. Who cared what everybody else thought of me? The only person whose opinion mattered was Dustin.

  “I can’t go back to bed. I have to meet some clients for lunch.” I kissed him hard on the lips. “You are the most wonderful boyfriend ever.”

  “Another wedding?”

  “A double wedding that will take place in Tennessee in four months.”

  “What do you mean by a double wedding?” Dustin threw down the towel and walked buck naked into his walk-in wardrobe. I stared openly at his lean, well-defined body before I turned to head to the bathroom.

  “Twins getting married to another set of twins. Should be fun,” I said over my shoulder.

  “Sounds like loads of work.” Dustin was back in the room carrying a pair of jeans and several shirts.

  “They’re willing to pay well for it.”

  “They better. Your work is amazing.”

  I often showed my work to Dustin before handing it over to my clients. He was always willing to look at the final photos and give me his opinion, and never had anything negative to say about them. He was so impressed that he often carried my business cards around to hand over to his business partners looking for a photographer. Since most of the people he rubbed shoulders with were loaded, I always made good money off them, and in turn they recommended me to their own friends and relatives. Quiet months were rare for me these days.

  Dustin was the perfect partner. He didn’t want me to remain the small person Jude had made me. He wanted me to be the best I could be. And being my best for Dustin helped me see past the weak person I had once been and embrace the strong woman I had become.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Before heading over to the lake, we had a late dinner at
the Lux Hotel restaurant. It was a somber event; my mind was running wild with thoughts of my past.

  How would my life have turned out if I hadn’t agreed to have sex with a client that night? Which course would I be on now if I had not chosen to work for Bruno at all? Would I still have ended up here, with Dustin? Would Jude still have found me and destroyed my life?

  So many unanswered questions. In the end, I forced myself to shut off the spotlight shining on the past and focus on Dustin and our romantic night ahead.

  “You hardly ate anything. Are you okay?” he asked, sipping his water.

  I smiled and looked down at my full plate. “I’m just not hungry. I ate a big meal at my meeting.”

  He leaned forward and took my hands. “I can tell when you’re lying, you know.”

  I sighed and squeezed his hands. “You know me too well.” I paused and looked around the almost empty restaurant. Many people were already at the lake. “It’s hard not to think about it.”

  “It will always be hard. Just live your life. One day it will be less painful.” He winked. “Take it one step at a time. Start with being here with me.”

  “I am. I promise. No more talk of the past. At least not tonight.”

  This was exactly why I couldn’t tell Dustin about all the weird things that had been happening around me in the past few weeks. His tone of voice told me everything. He wanted to be there for me, to help me heal, but he also wanted us to move on from the pain. I was finding it hard to let go of that pain and all my fears, but I couldn’t tell him that. I didn’t want him to worry, didn’t want to put our lives on hold.

  Still, something was eating at me. I had no idea what. It was more than pain, more than fear. It was a deep-rooted dread that something was not right, the kind of knot in the stomach that never goes away, no matter what. Even after two years, I was still waiting for the other shoe to drop.