Make It Count

by Megan Erickson

  Alec stepped in front of her, blocking her way. “He just teases,” he said flatly. “Seriously? Is that what you tell yourself?”

  Kat clenched her jaw, but stayed silent. Because yes, as long as she told herself the words and tone were all teasing, they couldn’t hurt her. Words only hurt if you let them, right? She’d keep telling herself that until she believed it.

  “You stood up to that meathead dude at the bar, but you can’t tell your boyfriend to treat you better? You told me you don’t want me to think you’re dumb, which I don’t. But why do you let Max—”

  “Because it’s different with you!” she blurted out, and then immediately wished she’d kept her big mouth shut when Alec froze, his eyes bugged out of his head.

  “What—”

  “Nevermind,” she snapped and tried to walk around him. But Alec wasn’t satisfied with that because he flung out his hand and grabbed her arm. They stood shoulder-to-shoulder, facing opposite directions, but Alec’s head was turned, his eyes boring into her temple like a pistol held to her head.

  “What do you mean it’s different with me?” His voice was soft and cautious, like he was talking to a traumatized child.

  No way could she tell him how she lay awake at night thinking about him beside her, a place currently being held by his best friend. No way could she tell him no one had been this patient with her since Mrs. Ross, her sixth grade teacher. No way could she tell him that with him, she felt smart and respected.

  No way could she tell him that given a chance, she’d be his. Because he would leave, like all the rest of them, and she’d be in pieces.

  She turned her head slowly, so now that pistol he held was aimed right between her eyes. “Because you see me like no one else does.”

  He released her arm like someone sprung a trap and the rush of blood back to the constricted area was almost painful.

  She was at the top of the stairs leading into the house when he called her name. She turned around.

  Alec’s jaw was set, his spine a steel rod. “You know I’d never treat you like that. If you were my girlfriend.”

  So he’d fired the gun, right in her noggin. Like it mattered. Her brain was messed up anyway. But the pain still seared with the knowledge she’d never be on his arm, and with that came the anger.

  “Yeah, well, we’d never know for sure, right? I don’t have the GPA to be the girlfriend of Alec Stone.” Her lip was curled in a sneer and she wanted to smack herself for being so mean. But she couldn’t help it.

  Alec didn’t skip a beat, firing back, “Right, because I always give SAT tests to all my dates. What the fuck?”

  She was over this conversation, needing to get away before she said something really bad that wouldn’t be forgiven. She turned around and pushed open the screen door.

  “Kat, wait . . .” he began.

  She paused and turned her head, shooting him a wobbly grin. “It’s okay. We all know guys aren’t with me because of this.” She tapped her temple with a forefinger before slipping into the house, slamming the door behind her.

  When she returned to the living room, Max was still mopping up his book, red-faced. Kat sank into the seat beside him, took the book from his hands and wiped it herself.

  She bent her head, intent on her task.

  “Babe,” Max said quietly.

  “Hm?” she said distractedly, turning the book in her hands for any remaining soda.

  “Babe,” he said again. “Look at me.”

  She looked into his chagrined face.

  “I’m sorry for being a dick,” he said, rubbing his hands nervously on his pant legs. “I was pissed about my book, but I shouldn’t have said that shit.”

  Drained from the conversation with Alec, she sighed and gave in. “I know. It’s okay.”

  “So, we’re fine? Everything’s fine?” he asked eagerly.

  So many times a boyfriend had asked her that question. She always answered the same. “Yep, everything’s fine.”

  Kat wondered when she’d actually mean it.

  Chapter Ten

  ALEC SAT IN his room, staring at the wall, hearing Kat’s voice again and again in his head because you see me like no one else does. And it was killing him.

  He did see Kat, all sides of her. The smart, witty side that made jokes about managing tight ends, the daydreamer side that mumbled about covered Segways, the sex-kitten side that could make drinking a smoothie look erotic, the bighearted side that gave him his favorite candy bar every single tutoring session as a thank-you, and the honest, sensitive side that was trying to find a place in the world. And fuck if he didn’t like all of her.

  Well, if he couldn’t be the one to treat her right, at least he could try to convince her boyfriend to be less of a shithead.

  Alec rapped on the open door of Max’s room later. His friend sat on the end of the bed, slipping on his shoes. It was Tuesday, two days after the Great Soda Textbook Sabotage and he hadn’t spoken to Max since their terse words.

  Max turned around at the knock and Alec caught a flash of guilt over his friend’s face. If only Max knew the guilt Alec was battling.

  “Hey Zuk.”

  “Hey.”

  “You here to call me an asshole again?”

  Alec sighed and walked over to stand in front of Max. “I’m not going to apologize. You know you were an asshole.”

  Max ran his tongue over his teeth. “Look, I do care about her, but I think you’re blowing it out of proportion. She knows I kid around with her and I don’t really mean it.”

  “You sure about that?”

  Max clenched his jaw. “Yes.”

  “Well then I think you aren’t paying attention. You hurt her feelings and it’s a shitty thing to do.”

  Max waved his hand. “Kat isn’t some delicate flower or damsel in stress or whatever. She’s tougher than you think.”

  “Distress.”

  “Huh?” Max frowned.

  “It’s distress. The saying is ‘damsel in distress.’ ”

  Max rolled his eyes. “Dude. Whatever. Quit trying to be her white knight. Bet you didn’t think I knew that term, did you?”

  “Okay, first of all, I don’t think she’s a damsel in distress, and I don’t think she needs a white knight. She needs a decent boyfriend. What’s been with you lately? You’ve never treated girls badly.”

  Max snapped his chin into his neck. “What do you mean what’s been up with me? Nothing’s up.” His voice was a little high, his denial forced.

  Alec steeled himself. “You’ve been different, and then that phone call with your dad—”

  A vein in Max’s forehead had its own pulse. “You don’t know shit.”

  “You’re right, I don’t know shit, because you don’t tell me anything.”

  Max sucked his lips between his teeth and made a strangled sound in his throat. “Look, leave it, okay? And stay out of my relationship, all right? Kat’s fine.”

  Alec was sure he had a death wish for continuing this conversation. “Did you ask her if she’s okay?”

  “Yes. I said ‘Kat, is everything fine?’ and she said ‘yes.’ She said she’s fine, what else is there to say?”

  Alec shook his head in bewilderment. “How you get laid is a mystery to me. Because you don’t know shit about girls.”

  Max’s face relaxed, and he puffed out his chest. “Me. Tarzan. I flex me big muscles and woman squeal.”

  Alec blinked slowly. “You’re an idiot.”

  Max flashed his brilliant white-toothed grin. And Alec remembered that’s how Max got girls. “I might be an idiot, but that’s never hurt my love life.”

  “Riiigght.”

  “Come on, you have to admit I’m an excellent wingman, even if you’ve never fully utilized my skill set. Which reminds me, you need to put yourself out there, my bespectacled friend.”

  Alec pushed his lips out and cocked his head to the side, as if he was talking to a baby. “Aw, has little Maxi Pad been hitting the thes
aurus again?”

  Max rose and punched Alec in the arm. “I told you not to call me that, assface.”

  Alec snickered. “Okay, Kotex.”

  Max growled and reached for Alec, who ducked and dodged his friend’s arm.

  “Hey, watch it. Remember this?” Alec bugged out his eyes and pointed to the scar on his left eyebrow, caused by a ten-year-old Max and a broom standing in as a hockey stick.

  “Look who’s talking.” Max raised his pant leg and pointed to a ragged red line, courtesy of sixteen-year-old Alec and a runaway golf cart.

  “Damn, that was funny. I never saw you run so fast in my life.”

  Max growled again, and Alec laughed, managing to make it to the door unharmed. “I gotta go. My mom’s meeting me at the diner for lunch.”

  “Tell Mrs. Stone I said hi. And watch your six, Zuk. I’ll get you back.”

  “I always watch my back!” Alec said and leaped out of the door while Max groaned.

  Alec made it to Hot Cakes Diner in less than ten minutes, which didn’t even give his junker car time to heat up. He jogged inside, spotting his mom in a corner booth. She’d driven the forty-five minutes from his hometown of Tory on her day off.

  “Mama.” He exhaled softly when she rose from her seat to hug him. The warmth of her embrace seeped into his bones and the contentment only she could provide washed over him.

  “Alec,” she murmured, her bobbed brown hair tickling his neck. They broke apart reluctantly and sat down, grinning at each other over the scarred formica table. She wore a pair of jeans and light green sweater that matched her eyes. The telltale lump under her neckline showed she still wore her wedding bands on a chain around her neck.

  “How are you?” he asked.

  She smiled. “I’m good. I got a raise at work because they promoted me to manager at the day-care center.”

  “Really?” Alec grinned. “That’s awesome. Pie for dessert to celebrate. On me.”

  She pursed her lips and shook her head. “Nope, on me. I’m the one who got a raise.”

  “Whatever, we’ll see who’s the quickest on the draw when the check comes.”

  She narrowed her eyes, so like his own. “You’re on. So how you doin’, baby?” she asked, taking a sip of her tea, the familiar scent of peppermint wafting across the table.

  He never lied to his mom. Not even by omission. “I don’t know. Kinda stressed.”

  She frowned. “Classes okay?”

  He rolled his lips between his teeth. “Yeah. I mean, they’re hard but I’m doing okay. Just . . . stuff.” He mumbled the last of his sentence and looked down at the table, running a finger over a crack in the top.

  A waitress approached their table and they ordered sandwiches for lunch. Grilled cheese and tomato soup for his mom, tuna melt for him. When the waitress left to fill their orders, the bell over the front door sounded, and Alec turned to see the new customers. Kat walked in with another girl he didn’t recognize. Kat scanned the room with her big blue eyes. When she saw him, she smiled slowly and gave him a tentative wave. He hadn’t seen her since their . . . tiff at his place.

  When he turned back around, his mom’s eyes were on Kat. Then she turned those intelligent pale green eyes on him.

  “Who’s that?”

  Alec took a sip of his water and swirled the glass around in its little island of condensation.

  “Alec?” She said his name slowly.

  He looked up. “That’s Max’s girlfriend.”

  She shifted her eyes to where Kat sat in a booth with her friend. “Something I need to know about?”

  She could read every emotion on his face. Damn her.

  “It’s kind of complicated. I’m actually tutoring her and . . . I think I’m starting to like her. I mean, like her like her. She just . . . she needs to be treated a little differently than a lot of girls and Max . . . doesn’t do it. He doesn’t get her and I don’t think he ever will. It drives me nuts.”

  His mom cocked her head slightly to the side. “And you think you could treat her right?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m sure I’d screw up but I’d at least try.”

  “She’s really pretty.”

  “Hell yeah. I mean. I know she is. But I don’t even notice that as much anymore. I notice her laugh and her wit and . . .” Alec widened his eyes in horror. “Shit. I do really like her. Fuck me.”

  “Stop swearing.”

  “Shit. I mean, shoot. Sorry.”

  “But Max—”

  “I know, Mom. I know. Even if they break up, I’d be a shit—er, I mean, crappy friend if I tried to date her.”

  His mom sighed. “This is one area I don’t have advice for you, honey.”

  “Yeah, I know. It’s my problem to figure out. Right now, I want to help her with her grades so she passes her classes.”

  And that’s when Kat suddenly bounced up to their table.

  “Hey, Alec,” she said, her smile wide, and his chest hurt at the sight of how pretty she was, having been reminded of her looks by his mom.

  “Hey, Kat. This is my mom. Mom, this is Kat Caruso.”

  “Hi!” Kat beamed. “Nice to meet you.”

  “Nice to meet you, too,” his mom said. “You’re also a student at Bowler?”

  “Yep. Your son is my statistics tutor. He’s great at it.”

  Alec smiled. It was easy to get into his mom’s good graces. Just praise him in front of her and she’d love you forever.

  “Yes, by high school, he was teaching me trigonometry functions I didn’t even know existed.”

  Kat wrinkled her nose. “Ew, trig. ”

  Alec’s mom laughed.

  “Well, I have to get back to my table. Nice to meet you Mrs. Stone. Alec, we have a session tomorrow, right?”

  He nodded. “Yeah. But I can’t make our meeting time. I have a group project for one of my classes. Can you meet later?”

  “Yeah, um . . . do you want to come to my place when you’re finished? I’ll be around all night.”

  Red flags flashed in front of his eyes but he decided at that moment to be color-blind. “Sure.”

  “Great, see you then!” she turned around, light brown hair swirling around her shoulders, and walked back to her table.

  His mom turned to him, her eyes sparkling. “She’s adorable.”

  Alec groaned. “I know. Fuck me.”

  “Stop swearing.”

  Alec sighed.

  “So, the real reason I came is because the victim coordinator from the district attorney’s office contacted me.” She fidgeted and took a deep breath. “Samuel MacEnroe is up for parole.”

  Alec swore his blood leaked out through his pores and was replaced by warm, fuzzy cotton. Because he didn’t think his heart was beating his blood through his veins.

  He hadn’t heard that name for probably ten years. They didn’t talk about him. They didn’t talk about that cool February day when Sargent Michael Stone never came home. They didn’t talk about how they hated Sam MacEnroe with every breath.

  He opened his mouth but the words stuck in his throat. Could you talk without blood? He took a sip of his drink and then cleared his throat. “Okay, so . . .”

  His mother shifted in her chair, the cracked pleather squeaking under her weight. “The coordinator asked if we wanted to write a letter.”

  “A letter?”

  “To protest his parole.”

  Alec did the quick math in his head. MacEnroe would be in his late sixties by now. He’d been in and out of prison his whole life, and had just served a lengthy fifteen-year sentence for ruining Alec’s family.

  “I don’t . . . Do you want to?”

  His mom rolled her lips between her teeth. When she released them, Alec watched the blood rush back to the abused area. “I know this is a lot to ask, but I’m leaving it up to you.”

  “Mom—”

  She turned away from him, and did that teeth-clench thing she always did when she was trying not to cry. He
had to fight to keep his own eyes from blurring.

  She spoke without looking at him. “He was the love of my life and I . . .”

  Her voice trailed off and Alec leaned across the table to grab her trembling hand. “It’s okay, Mom. It’s okay.”

  She shook her head.

  “I’ll think about it, all right? I don’t know what I want to do.”

  She nodded tightly and then took her hand from his to dig into her purse. She slid a business card across the table. “Here is the victim coordinator’s information from the DA’s office. You can speak to her directly, if you want.”

  He didn’t even look at the card, just stuffed it in his pocket. He’d deal with it later. “Thanks, Mom.”

  She turned back to him now, so he could see the tears glistening on her cheeks. “If I didn’t have you—”

  “Yeah, well, you do have me, Mom. None of that, okay?”

  A tear dripped off her smiling lips when she nodded.

  “All right, now let’s eat some pie.”

  Chapter Eleven

  KAT SAT CROSS-LEGGED on her bed in a tank top and sleep shorts, her notes in front of her on the comforter. Alec spun lazily on her computer chair, his eyes drifting around her room, as if avoiding landing anywhere on her person. It gave her uninterrupted Alec-admiring time, when she was supposed to be studying her notes so he could quiz her.

  Alec had stripped down to a T-shirt because of the wacky heat in her campus suite, his Converse-clad feet propped up on her desk. He had a hole in his jeans and she kept staring at it, wanting to take one of those taunting white threads and pull until the whole thing unraveled in a denim pile on her floor.

  “Your mom is cute,” she blurted. After meeting his mom that morning, she could see where Alec got his cheekbones, eyes and mouth.

  Alec finally turned his attention on her. “Thanks, she’s great.”

  “Yeah? She seems like it. So, you said something before about it being only you and your mom growing up?”

  Alec’s lips shifted and his jaw worked, as if he was biting the inside of his cheek. “Yeah.”

  Since when was Alec not wordy? She pried, unable to help herself. “So are your parents divorced?”