The Omega Objection

by G. L. Carriger

  Tank was lurking nearby purely by chance, and he sidled over to listen in. Gladdy in a tizzy was always entertaining.

  “Alec, darling, handsomest of werewolves, smartest of biologists.”

  “Hello, Gladiola, my dear. What do you want?”

  They embraced briefly. Alec didn’t have to stand, the lawn chair put him at the perfect height. The Alpha even permitted a tiny neck nuzzle from the kitsune. It was a great courtesy and she was clearly thrilled by the honor. He let her scent him! Not much, but enough for her to know she had attained rank in his eyes. Kitsune and werewolf were different in many ways, but not every way.

  She got straight to the point, a novel approach for Gladdy. Tank suspected she was a little intimidated by Alec’s scent. Which was likely why Alec had permitted her nuzzle in the first place. Alec was crafty with his power.

  “I want Colin to meet this friend of mine in the city. May I borrow him next week?”

  Alec shook his head in confusion. “Colin is perfectly capable of deciding this for himself.”

  Gladdy went wide-eyed in feigned innocence. She tossed a lock of hair (green today). “But it’s a school night.”

  Alec snorted. “It’s college. He can do as he pleases. You persuade him, if you can.”

  “But I should like to know I have your blessing to try.”

  “What’s wrong with this friend that this is such a danger?”

  “Nothing! It’s just Colin is so shy and difficult to socialize.”

  Tank shuddered internally. Imagine being set up on a blind date by a kitsune.

  Alec nodded. “It’d be good if he got out more. Do you want me to chaperone?”

  Tank muffled a laugh just imagining it. Poor Colin!

  Gladdy’s eyes widened. “Uh, no. I don’t think that’s necessary. I just don’t want him to use you or pack duty as an excuse.”

  Alec laughed. “Oh, you know that boy too well. Fine, if you get his promise, I won’t let him cop out.”

  Tank saw Judd, who was also eavesdropping, swallow hard. The enforcer suddenly seemed to find rotating the deer on the spit a vitally important duty.

  Gladdy trotted off to find Colin, her posture battle-ready. Tank pitied the poor kid, he didn’t stand a chance. He was about to be set up on a blind date whether he liked it or not, that was one determined vixen.

  Tank went back to ambling about the gathering.

  Those of the pack who were dating had invited dates. Tank felt a bit like a loser as a result and was trying not to sulk. Until it turned out that Kevin had accidentally invited two (who didn’t know about each other). This caused a scene, food was hurled. Marvin got tetchy about senseless waste, the two ladies stormed out arm-in-arm, and Kevin ended up joining Tank in the losers’ corner.

  “That was one of your finer moments.” Tank bumped the enforcer’s shoulder with his.

  Kevin sighed. “Sometimes I can’t decide if it would be better if I were gay, poly, or perennially single. No, don’t answer that, Solo Sucker. Your opinion doesn’t count.”

  Marvin overheard and perked up. “Oooo, pick gay!” He batted his baby blues at Kevin. Well, baby turquoises, to be perfectly descriptive.

  Kevin rolled his own green eyes in response.

  Marvin was not to be thwarted in his effort to gay-i-fy the universe. “Everyone is doing it!”

  Judd came over, grinning, an unexpected brightening of his normally somber face. “Yeah, Kev, join us.”

  “Come to the dude side – we have cock?” suggested Tank, as a slogan.

  Trickle appeared at that juncture, apparently tired of Pepper and Lovejoy’s perennial food truck conversation. “What are you boys giggling about?”

  Marvin fluttered his eyelashes at her. “Cock, of course.”

  “Always good for a laugh,” she agreed, sipping her wheat-grass soda.

  Kevin gave her a desperate look. “Save me, lesbian, you’re my only hope.”

  “Whatcha need, straight boy?”

  “Wise words of wisdom from one who knows all.”

  “Two fingers, darling. Two.”

  Kevin propped his chin on his hand. “Tell me more.”

  “What?” Marvin wasn’t following until Tank made a rude gesture. “Oh. Yech. Never liked oysters myself. What about you, Tank?”

  The pack was generally obsessed with sussing out Tank’s sexual orientation. Marvin in particular. Tank never felt right saying, “Sexual preference? Strong personality.” So in answer he said, “Big fan of oysters and mussels myself, event the occasional scallop.”

  Marvin blinked at him, lost on the tide of metaphor.

  So the banter continued for most of the afternoon and well into evening. The crowd thinned and evolved as some went home and others arrived – mostly those shifters who preferred to wait until after sunset and those humans who had no sense of punctuality.

  Mana was one of the nighttime folk. By the time the drag queen of their hearts showed up, most of the venison had been stripped away. Lovejoy had saved her a chunk of the liver, of course. Because he was madly in love with her and everyone knows the organs are the best part.

  Mana rewarded him by eating it all, then cupping his cheek with her small hand, staring up into his eyes, and whispering words that caused him to blush beet red and sit down abruptly.

  Tank could not help but wonder if Isaac ate liver. Would it be weird to show up at the bar with an offering of barbecued organs? Yeah, it probably would be weird by human standards. Besides, none of the good bits were left.

  “Looks like Mana thinks Lovejoy hung the moon,” commented Max, noticing Tank’s obvious envy.

  “With his dick,” added Marvin.

  “Off his dick,” countered Max, who was never one to let anyone be more crass than him.

  Tank ignored them both and went to clean up the remainder of the potluck offerings.

  The omnivore shifters had learned early on that a werewolf gathering was not to be trusted on the subject of vegetables. Gladdy and her crew always came with vegans in tow. They lived in the East Bay, after all. But it meant lots of bowls of grains, and grasses, and garbanzos and such. Vegetables were messy.

  Tank didn’t mind, but most werewolves found vegans innately suspicious. It had taken the pack a while to accept that the kitsune came bearing tofu. Tofu was not to be trusted on principal.

  Anyway, it had kinda become Tank’s duty to make sure everyone was reunited with their dishware before they left the party.

  As things died down, Judd got their fire pit crackling cheerfully (this time without the spit over it). By ten it was just the San Andreas Pack and associated lovers left, settled around the fire in an intimate circle. Marvin sat on Alec’s lap. Max nested close to Bryan. Mana leaned against Lovejoy. Even Colin had, cautiously, angled toward Judd. Everyone had paired off. Except Kev, of course, but that was his own dumb fault.

  Mana and Marvin seemed to be engaged in a protracted attempt to persuade Colin he must visit a spa with them.

  “This new shifter-specialty one opened up in Japan Town,” Mana was saying. Tank had never seen her so excited about anything. “It’s heaven! One side is purely for your human form, Korean style. They just scrub the top layer of skin right off your body.”

  Everyone listening grimaced except Lovejoy, who looked intrigued.

  Marvin nodded enthusiastically. “I emerged… reborn. The other half of the spa is all about animal beauty. If your supernatural form has hair, they do the best fluff and blow!”

  Max gave a funny startled cough.

  Alec said mildly, “Babe, I don’t think that term means what you think it means.”

  But Marvin was on a roll. “You should have seen Mana’s coat. So glossy. And her tail was this massive puffiest of puffs!”

  Mana preened. “Thank you, darling. I do like to be the puffiest.”

  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Mana’s coat,” objected Lovejoy.

  “Wha
t kinda fox are you, anyway?” Max was permitted the faux pas of asking about second form (he was human, after all, and didn’t know better).

  Mana arched one perfectly manicured brow. “Arctic, of course.”

  The group laughed. Tank thought it suited perfectly. Mana was bigger than the other kitsune he’d met, older, and likely with more tails. He could see her as a white fox, the rarer larger kind that traced its lineage back to China.

  Marvin continued, “They did this buff and shine on my tail. I mean, my scales were polished to perfection. I swear, I’ve never felt so pampered. Colin you just have to come with us next time.”

  “Why me?” wailed Colin.

  “Cause you’re the prettiest,” said Max with confidence.

  “I’ll go,” said Lovejoy.

  Mana patted him, “Of course you will, honey.”

  Tank and Kevin exchanged looks. This was so not their scene.

  “Run?” suggested the enforcer.

  “Please.”

  Kevin cleared his throat and announced to the cozy circle. “Hey, Alpha! Monster Truck here and I are gonna run the perimeter, if you’re okay for a bit?”

  Alec waved them off merrily.

  They went to the big house to strip.

  “I’ll take the backyard and parklands, I need the exercise. If you’d stick closer to the front?”

  Tank would rather it was the other way around but Kevin outranked him. The incident earlier when both girlfriends had un-girlfriended themselves seemed to have affected Kevin more than he let on. Well, Tank was equal opportunity, but he did find women more stressful as a rule. Not that he’d ever do two of anything at once – he liked to focus.

  “You doing okay?” Tank pulled his shirt off, annoyed to find he’d dripped something greasy on it at some point that night. What a slob. I can’t even eat properly.

  “I guess. You know, I actually really liked Tiffany. Amazing tits.”

  Tank snorted. “Fine, no sympathy from me. Go sulk in your heterosexual man funk.”

  Kevin said with dignity, “I will. I guess you’ve decided you aren’t one of us, then?”

  Tank said, “Wasn’t a decision.”

  “Well, yeah, I know that. I’m not totally insensitive. It’s just we speculated, you know, bi or something. Because you never have much to say on the subject.”

  Tank raised both eyebrows. “Never have much to do on it, either.”

  “Well, you never talk about anything.”

  “I’m not as fascinated by discussing my sex life as the rest of you bozos.”

  “Fair point. You also never seem to date anyone.”

  “Perhaps I just don’t invite them home because then they might meet each other and start screaming and pulling hair and shit… oh, wait, that’s you.”

  “Touchy fucker, aren’t you?”

  “Go run, Kevin. I’ll take vanguard.”

  Kev went suddenly serious. He was, after all, an enforcer. “You’ll keep them safe?”

  “Judd is right there.”

  “He’s distracted.”

  Tank sighed. He was naked now and getting cold. He wanted to shift. “Yes, Enforcer, I will keep them safe.” It was a vow to his pack superior. Hold the line, defense. Pack protector, throw yourself on the grenade. Then he shifted and left Kevin in a tangle of his own clothing.

  The group by the fire waved as Tank’s massive dark form ghosted by them toward the driveway. Tank ached with longing and pride and love for them all. Mine. Theirs. Pack. Then he sped away, because it was also overwhelming.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Rejection on the Side

  Isaac slept most of Sunday. The full moon left him feeling like his skin was stretched too tight over his bones. He returned to Saucebox that evening, looking just as ill as he’d claimed he’d been. Clara sent him home early because the bar really didn’t need two of them on a slow Sunday night.

  Monday and Tuesday were Isaac’s nights off.

  Wednesday, Hayden tried to approach him inside the club again. Oscar was alone on the door and the barghest managed to slip past him. Oscar was a good bouncer, but no match one-on-one to a determined black dog. However, the barghest picked the wrong evening, because Isaac was deep in a counseling session and his patient was not at all patient about being interrupted.

  Isaac’s Wednesday regular was a berserker with woman troubles. Isaac had been seeing Kettil since the beginning, and managed to help him quite a bit in the romance arena. Kettil liked him, in the manner that bear shifters can like, which is kinda gruff and mixed with mild disinterest.

  When Hayden interrupted the session, Kettil turned the full force of four hundred pounds of bear shifter on the black dog, crossed his huge forearms, and glared.

  Hayden slunk off, cowed.

  “He giving you trouble?” Kettil asked.

  “A bit.”

  “Want me to take him in? He banned?” Kettil also happened to be in the shifter branch of the SFPD. Quite a few of the local bear shifters were, since the police actively recruited berserkers. They made decent beat cops, given the right incentives. (Limited exposure to bicyclists, regular bakery rounds, and absolutely no bocce ball. Bear shifters had weird pet peeves.)

  Xavier showed up then, looking more grim than ever. “Yep, he’s banned, and I’ll press charges for harassing my staff.”

  “He touch you?” Kettil narrowed his eyes at Isaac.

  Isaac grimaced. The last thing he needed was some kind of legal trial. Xavier, no doubt, kept a string of sleazy lawyers on retainer, but Isaac’s past couldn’t take that level of scrutiny. “Not in front of witnesses.”

  Kettil growled. “Pity. Don’t matter much. If he’s still hanging about after I’m done with you, I’ll haul him in just to scare him a bit.”

  Isaac bit his lower lip. “I don’t think that’s necessary.”

  Xavier’s eyes gleamed. “Well, I’d appreciate it.”

  Kettil eyed Xavier’s tattoos suspiciously.

  Xavier gave him a shrug.

  Isaac suspected that not all of Xavier’s deals were on the right side of the law, but his boss played everything close, and in the matter of Isaac’s safety, apparently Xavier and the cop were in agreement. Because Kettil gave his boss a curt nod.

  Xavier added, “We got extra muscle returning to the door tomorrow. I might try to bring him in most nights that Isaac is on. If this continues.”

  Tank, thought Isaac, not pleased by the joy and relief that suffused his body. He’s thinking about hiring Tank for regular shifts.

  His wolf rumbled in pleasure.

  Isaac was compelled to protest. “I don’t need a fucking bodyguard.”

  Xavier ignored him and explained to the berserker, “Been getting more and more shifters in here since I did that mixer.”

  Kettil grunted. “Started before that. Since you hired this one.” He pointed at Isaac with his thumb.

  “True that. So I think a shifter on the door with Oscar might be good for business, as well as safety.”

  Kettil nodded. “Agreed. You getting one of my kind?”

  “Naw, all the best berserkers are on the force. Off-duty cops are way too expensive.”

  Kettil only grunted again.

  “I got me this werewolf I like.”

  Kettil nodded, looking thoughtful. “One of that new San Andreas Pack?”

  Wait a second, Isaac blanked out, pack?

  “Yes indeed. Name’s Tank.”

  So Tank’s not a loner, he comes with family attached. I really should think about moving. Last thing I need sniffing around me is an Alpha.

  His wolf whimpered, either in need or fear.

  Kettil nodded. “I’ve not heard of him, but in my line of work that’s a good thing. That pack’s got a decent reputation, and werewolf is a good choice for a bouncer.”

  Xavier puffed up, pleased by the praise. “Well, I’ll leave you to it, then. If I want him more than just
Thursdays, I got some negotiating to do.”

  Isaac felt he should protest further. It seemed like Xavier was bringing in Tank mainly to act as Isaac’s protector, which seemed a huge waste of money, but Xavier was already gone. Kettil looked at him expectantly.

  “So, what exactly did she say when she dumped you?” Isaac asked, getting back to the big man’s dating issues.

  * * *

  Alec stopped Tank as he was heading out the door into the city for his bouncer gig on Thursday.

  “He wants you regular.”

  “Yeah, I know, every Thursday.”

  “Yeah, no. Now he wants you five days a week.”

  Tank grimaced.

  Alec looked sympathetic. “I know, bouncing isn’t really your thing. I offered him Judd or Kevin. But the owner’s a prick and specifically demanded you.”

  “Because I’m familiar and didn’t fuck up last time.”

  Alec frowned. “What happened last time?”

  “Nothing out of the ordinary. One of the bartenders is real popular, got himself a bit of a stalker problem.”

  “Shifter or human?”

  “Human bartender, shifter stalker.”

  Alec nodded. “That might be why they want you more frequently. I take it their regular bouncer is a human?”

  Tank inclined his head.

  Alec sighed. “You’re not complaining as much as I thought you would.”

  This way I get to see Isaac, walk him home, keep him safe. “It’s not like I got anything better to do,” was what Tank said to his Alpha. “Plus, we want to finish the deck and buy those chairs Marvin’s been cooing over. Extra income can’t hurt.”

  Alec shook his head, smiling. “How did I get so lucky with you, Tank? Such an easygoing dude.”

  Tank smiled at the praise and at the pain, because easygoing was code for dull.

  Kevin came wandering into the hallway at that juncture, scratching his naked chest. “Someone has to make up for the rest of us assholes.”