All We Know Is Falling: Fall With Me: Volume One

by Nicole Thorn

  “Ashamed of me?”

  “No. It’s just—”

  “Good,” he moved past me and waited at the door until I caught up to him. He gestured to the door so I’d know to open it. I did, and he walked right into the house.

  My mother was in the kitchen eating my cake. “Oh,” she covered her mouth. “Hello.”

  “Hi,” Hale beamed. “Nice to meet you in person,” he reached out to shake her hand.

  “You too, love.” She looked to me. “Not that I’m not happy to see you,” she looked back at the clock, “but it’s not nearly three yet.”

  Hale’s face darkened when I said, “Walter called. His dad died.”

  “Oh dear. Is he alright? Where is he?”

  “Scotland.”

  Her eyes flashed to Hale and I knew she was trying to form a sentence vague enough for him to not understand and specific enough so I’d know. “Who’s he living with?”

  “A married couple. They work for…Louie,” I went for the easiest name that she’d understand.

  “Ah,” she nodded. “He could have come here.”

  “He said Louie didn’t give him a choice.”

  She looked down. “Yeah, he’s not one to ask what you want. But he always knows what’s best. Don’t doubt that.”

  I laughed quietly.

  “Might I ask,” Hale stepped in. “Who the Hell is Louie?”

  Mom and I looked at each other. She said, “Just a man we know.”

  I stepped in. “Don’t worry, you’ll never have to deal with him. Ever. He doesn’t care much for the lives of us little people.”

  I grabbed Hale’s arm. “Why don’t we go to my room,” I said after a couple minutes of silence.

  “Okay,” he took my hand and we started walking. We got to my room and I led him in. I didn’t have any place to sit other than my bed. I never have anyone over, so it wasn’t a problem until now. We sat on my bed and I took in how awkward this was. I’ve never had a boy in my bed before. Or my room.

  What are we supposed to do now?

  Hale looked around my room, taking in every inch of the place. Probably trying to piece together my personality from all of the things I keep in here.

  “Your bed is quite soft,” he finally said.

  “Thanks…?”

  He laid down and rested his head on my pillows. He closed his eyes and I stared at him. His hand was on his stomach. He was tapping his fingers and there was a hint of a smile on his lips.

  I wanted nothing more than to lay my head down on his chest and have his arm around me. I wanted to feel close to someone.

  Him.

  I wanted to feel close to him. I’ve spent my whole life being detached from people. And I was just as okay with it as they were. No one ever tried to be my friend. Enter Hale. The one person who decided that no didn’t mean no. He kept trying to know me and I was crumbling too quickly. He was in my bed and I couldn’t even remember how we got to this point. But part of me was glad that we were here. And that terrified me.

  What would happen if I really started caring about him? I’d be his friend and then I’d have to watch him get old. Then I’d have to either watch him slip away, or leave. Because it wasn’t safe for him to know what I was. And I couldn’t be the reason he died. I’d never live past that.

  “Rory darling,” Hale said with closed eyes. “Are you watching me?”

  How’d he know?! “No,” I lied and looked out the window, just in case he opened his eyes.

  He reached out for me and he brushed his fingers against my hip. “Would you lay with me?” he opened his eyes and suddenly we were staring at each other.

  I didn’t want to say no. So I just laid down on my side, facing him. He moved so he was facing me too.

  “Thank you,” he said. “For trying to help me today. I appreciate it.”

  “No problem. I’ll find that file for you. I just need to talk to that Brooks guy.”

  He smiled. “Are you going to threaten him too?”

  I shrugged and arm. “If I need to.”

  He didn’t say anything after that. He just brushed my hair out of my face and watched me. His hand moved down from my face to my side and down to my hip, where he kept it. I didn’t stop him.

  Then he moved closer. And I still didn’t stop him.

  He moved so that he was half leaning on me. His nose touched the side of mine and he was so close that when he closed his eyes, his eyelashes brushed my face.

  I leaned up and parted my lips slightly in anticipation. His lips brushed mine a quarter of a second before the door opened.

  “Aurora, I—” My sister said before she saw us. Hale moved off of me and I sat up on the bed. “Oh…sorry. Were you guys about to, like, do it?” she asked. “Totally didn’t mean to interrupt,” she took a step back.

  “Hadley,” I said with anger and annoyance. “No. That isn’t what we were doing.”

  She waved her hand. “S’okay. You don’t need to lie. I’m actually relieved. I thought that you were asexual or something. But—”

  “HADLEY!” I yelled. “We’re just friends. Stop.”

  She eyed us. “Really?” she said, doubtfully.

  “Yes.”

  Hale stood up and walked to Hadley. “Nice to meet you. But I think I should be going now.”

  “Oh,” Hadley looked disappointed. “Sorry to cock-block you.”

  He laughed. “That really wasn’t what was about to happen. I care far too much for your niece to rush into something like that.”

  She smiled. “Life’s short, sweetie. Enjoy the time you’ve got.”

  Hale looked back at me. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Rory.”

  

  I sat down in History and I was still deciding if I was going to ditch the class. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to handle seeing Hale and I’d been freaking out about it since he left my room.

  His lips were practically on mine. It would have taken less than a second for it to become real. It was a dangerous road to go down and I refused to entertain the thought.

  But I knew why it happened. I knew what kind of guy Hale was. He was a sweetheart—an annoying one, but sweet none the less—but he liked girls. Lots of girls. And we were in a bed. He was just doing what came naturally to him. I was too shocked that it was happening to try and stop him. Plus, his lips looked soft. God knows that boy would be good at kissing…

  But again, didn’t want to entertain the thought. He was absolutely beautiful. And kind. But I couldn’t go there. Not with a human. Not with him.

  Hale walked into the room and I quickly removed my gaze from the door and focused on the study packet in front of me. Surely if I focus on the stupid homework then I won’t launch myself at the boy that just sat beside me.

  After a couple minutes of trying desperately not to look at him, I felt fingertips tapping on my shoulder. I glanced over as Hale was moving my hair from my shoulder.

  “Good morning,” he smiled.

  “Morning,” I nodded.

  His hand moved from my shoulder and he folded his hands together on the table. “How are you?”

  “Fine…”

  He moved his chair closer to me and I had to cover my mouth with my hand to keep from laughing. Our chairs were touching and my hip was about an inch from his.

  “Good…Good,” he nodded. “I’ve been thinking about our date—”

  “Date?” my eyebrows went up. “Since when is it a date?”

  “Oh,” he gave me a look that made me feel cold and white-hot at the same time. “It’s always been a date.”

  I looked down at my hands because I thought if I was looking him in the eye, I wouldn’t be able to say what I needed to. “I don’t date.”

  “I know. But that changes soon.”

  “It doesn’t…”

  He leaned over but I wasn’t aware until his lips touched my shoulder. He hummed against me and my heart started racing. “Are you sure about that?”

  I shut my eyes.
“Yes.”

  He moved back and I opened my eyes. “Alright. We don’t have to call it a date if you don’t want to. Though it is a date. But no matter. Things will change soon enough.”

  I shook my head and rolled my eyes. “So confident.”

  “I am.”

  I turned back in my chair and class started. I didn’t need to give Hale the attention he wanted. Even though I was starting to want to give it to him. How that boy entertained me was mystifying.

  To distract myself, I went back to figuring out my plan with Brooks. Now that I had a name and a face, it shouldn’t be too hard. I might not need to resort to violence. Doesn’t mean I won’t…just that I don’t have to.

  Sure, the Brooks kid thought that Hale did something wrong. Maybe in his head he was justified. But what he did was cause permanent damage that will follow Hale for the rest of the year. He couldn’t escape it.

  And for that, I might get violent. And I might enjoy it.

  I thought about being civil with the boy first. Maybe he’s stupid enough to just hand over the file. If not, I break all of his fingers then threaten him some more ‘til he gives up the location.

  “My goodness,” I heard from beside me. I looked over to see a wide-eyed Hale. “You have the sexiest evil glint in your eyes. Are you thinking up an evil plan?”

  The corner of my mouth went up and Hale said, “Four.”

  I ignored him. “I am coming up with a plan. One that might make me want to take a bath in bleach. But at least it has a shot at working.”

  He looked concerned. “And what might that plan be, Lamb?”

  I was a little worried to tell him. “Well, he’s a boy. And, no offence,” I held a hand up and he gestured for me to continue. “Boys can be really stupid, as my research would lead me to believe. So, if I were to—”

  “I already don’t like this.”

  “—flirt a little with him. Maybe—”

  “No,” he said like it wasn’t an option.

  “Why?”

  A half light half dark eyebrow went up and he shot me a look that suggested the answer was clear. But he explained anyway. “I don’t want you flirting with him. Or anyone.”

  “A bit much don’t you think?”

  “No. I think it’s fine.”

  I tapped my fingers on the table. “What the Hell are you trying to do here, Hale? Cuz I truly don’t know.”

  “I don’t understand what you mean,” I could see the lie right on his face.

  “Since the day you walked in this room, you’ve been following me, stealing my clothes—”

  “I only did that once.”

  “—Going out of your way to talk to me. Trying to set up a play date. Bringing me home. Almost kissing me… Then leaving,” my cheeks turned bright red, I was sure of that. “I just don’t understand what you’re trying to get out of this.”

  He smiled at me and I had to look away. “I’m sorry, I thought that my intentions were clear.”

  “No.”

  “Ah. Well, I’m trying to make you fall in love with me.”

  I stared up at him stupidly. And said something even stupider. “Why would you want to do that?”

  He looked at me in a way that confirmed my stupidity. “Why do I want you to love me?” he seemed confused by my confusion.

  “Yeah. Seems like a bad idea.”

  “Not at all.” I stayed quiet and then he said, “I understand that that might have been a lot to hear.”

  “Yeah…”

  “Don’t worry. Once you accept our fates then everything will be much better. I promise.”

  I stared blankly at him. Was he trying to mess with me? Pull some kind of trick for his own entertainment? I wasn’t sure. I couldn’t believe that he actually wanted me like that. I had too many issues to be seen that way.

  “I told you I didn’t want a friend,” I started. “What makes you think I’d want more than that?”

  “You will,” he assured me. “Soon, I’m sure. I just need to try a little harder.”

  I scoffed. “That suggests that the constant attention isn’t as all consuming as it is.”

  “Oh, it can be worse. And it will be,” he beamed with self pride.

  I rolled my eyes. “You’ve known me for two weeks. Why did you pick me?”

  He looked a little upset. Angry even. “What kind of question is that?”

  “Answer it.”

  His features softened. “Two weeks is more than enough time to decide something like this.”

  I rubbed my face. “And you said I was the insane one here.”

  “Maybe we’re both a little insane. But that changes nothing. I like you. Very much so.”

  “And you need me to love you?” I asked doubtfully.

  “Well yes. That’s the goal.”

  I just shook my head and went back to my homework. He wasn’t thinking clearly. He’d get over this soon. Especially if he spent much more time with me.

  When the bell rang I got up to leave and Hale followed me out. I turned and he stopped short of bumping into me. “Can I help you?”

  “No. Is there something wrong with me wanting to walk my girl to lunch?”

  That earned another eye roll. “You’re going today?”

  He shrugged and we started walking. I’d need to try and get him to cut out that my girl thing. I didn’t need that being said.

  We got in line and he was right behind me the whole time. I got my food and tried not being hyperaware that he was so close. I paid for my lunch and started walking to my table, not waiting for him.

  I sat down and glanced up. Hale was just finishing up with the cashier and heading over. His eyes went to the table of girls he sat with his first day and a few after. They all recoiled when he walked by, like he was poison. The look on his face devastated me. He then looked to an empty table far from the girls and headed over to it.

  “Hale?” I called out to him. He paused and looked over at me. I pulled the chair next to me out. “Sit with me.”

  He sat beside me and stayed quiet. I couldn’t stand him being so upset over something like those moronic girls. I tapped on Hale’s shoulder and he looked at me. Then I pulled him to me and put my arms around his neck so I could hold him to me until I knew he felt alright.

  Hale tried pulling back. “I don’t want people seeing you hugging The Psycho. I don’t want them torturing you for it.”

  I held him tighter. “Let ‘em do their worst.” I kissed him on the cheek and held him for a few more seconds before we parted. I looked him in the eye. “You are not a psycho.”

  He tried smiling. “You’ve heard what they’ve been saying about me.”

  “I don’t believe any of it.”

  His face was dead serious, “Maybe you should.”

  “I don’t care about who you used to be. Or if any of that stuff is true. People can change.” Most people can change. Unlike me, he didn’t have evil in his DNA. He could escape it. As long as he escaped me.

  “You claim not to be a lamb, yet the trust you have in me shows the depths of your innocence. It’s dangerous.” He set his milk in front of me. “And I hate that you trust me as much as you do. I don’t deserve it. But I want it.” He stared at the carton so he didn’t need to look at me. “It makes me feel worse, like I’m taking advantage of you.”

  I shook my head even though he wasn’t looking. “You’re not the liar here. And you’re not the one taking advantage,” the words came out quietly.

  His eyes went up. “What are you lying about?”

  Everything. “Things that I can’t be truthful about,” I sat forward and started eating so he wouldn’t press the issue. He never did.

  This was getting to be too much. Going farther than I should have let it. And I was paying for it. I couldn’t kick him to the curb. I didn’t know what it would do to him but I knew it wouldn’t be good. Especially now, when everyone was terrified to be near him. I was the only friend he had. I just needed to be careful. I neede
d to keep it at this. Just be his friend.

  Shouldn’t be too hard.

  “Aurora?” I heard my name squeaked and I looked up.

  I barely kept my mouth from dropping at the sight of the girl before me. I knew instantly who she was, though I hadn’t seen her in nearly two years. She’d grown a couple inches, setting her at around five-nine. She’d chopped her curly blonde hair to her shoulders.

  “Hi, Dottie,” I said, trying to keep the guilt and fear out of my voice. “It’s…been a while.”

  “Yup,” she rocked up on the balls of her feet. “I just wanted to say hi. I’m back now. Dad wanted me to finish up senior year with my friends.”

  “Ah,” I nodded my head. “How are you doing?”

  She beamed. “Better. I’m better now.”

  “Good. Good…”

  “Okay,” she said, still smiling wide. “Well I should go. I don’t start up again ‘til Monday but I need to go meet my teachers. See you around.” She walked around the table and hugged me. Out of nowhere. She lingered before she took off into a pile of waiting friends.

  I stared blankly after her and I went over the interaction in my head. That couldn’t have been real. The last time I saw her she wanted to kill me. She hated me. And she should.

  “Rory,” Hale said like he’d been calling to me for a while. I blinked and looked at him. His face was expectant. “Well?”

  “What?”

  “Who is she? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  I rubbed my eyes. “Maybe I did.” At least Hale confirmed for me that the girl had been real. “I used to know her.”

  “Clearly. Peppy but a little rude. She didn’t even introduce herself to me.”

  I groaned. “Jesus…Oh,” I realized that he spoke. “Don’t worry about that. She has more than enough reasons to only see me when she was here.”

  “Why’s that?”

  I looked up at him as I prepared to let him in on just one of the things that made me a monster. “I got her mom killed.”

  His face turned to stone and I though he might get up and leave. He had plenty of reasons to. “You what?”

  I swallowed. “When we were fifteen. Her mom died in a car accident, and it was my fault.” He waited for me to say more. I took a moment before I launched into the story.