by Nicole Thorn
I left without waiting for her response or glancing at Hale. I grabbed my chocolate milk from my tray before I threw the rest of the food away. I turned and Hale was back to his conversation with Dottie. Another wave of nausea rolled through me. I’ve never been sick a day in my life and if this is what humans go through, I feel bad for them.
I took one last look at Hale and got the Hell out of there. I walked down the halls and avoided looking anywhere but the floor. My safe place.
But nothing felt safe anymore.
The only consolation was that it happened quickly. It wasn’t years down the road. I wasn’t as attached to him as I knew I could be. I could heal from this. The road to recovery would be a bitch though.
That’s what you get for letting someone in. All this did was show me just how right I was before. People only cause pain and it’s never worth it.
The art room was locked, so I was stuck waiting outside until the teacher showed up. I sank to the floor and pulled out a notebook to draw in. I started on a dragon with red fire and a purple body. I wasn’t sure why, I just liked the colors together.
The picture managed to clear my head for a little while but Hale was still in my head. I couldn’t explain how it felt. Other than it felt like I was going crazy. His face was in my mind always and I didn’t know why I couldn’t just make it go away.
Then the bane of my existence entered the hall as if to cement the image. His eyes were on the floor like mine were before. He stopped at the door and jiggled the handle.
Dumbass. I’m not sitting here for my health.
He leaned against the wall and I went back to the picture. It was well past finished but I needed something to do other than stare at Hale. Eventually I came to my senses and put the drawing in my backpack. But then the next problem came up.
I was starving.
My stomach growled and I heard Hale laugh quietly at me. I opened my milk and downed it in two goes. Then I stared at it, almost hoping it would refill itself if I looked at it hard enough.
If I ordered a pizza would they deliver to a school? I bet I could tip them well.
I stood up and pulled my phone out, just to price it…
“Sorry, sorry,” Mrs. Lore said as she shuffled over to us. “I was talking with my husband. That man has a special talent for driving me crazy. He’s lucky I’m so damn in love with him.” She opened the door and we went in.
She turned when I was walking and Mrs. Lore was still ranting. “Just remember,” she pointed to me. “If you love them, it’s worth it. When you’re my age you’ll understand. All men have a tendency to go about things the wrong way. The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.”
Ha. Tell that to The Devil.
“Well,” I said as I walked backwards to my seat. “Maybe if men were a little smarter and actually thought about their actions, they could save the world a lot of pain.”
She smiled. “Got that right.” Her phone rang again and she picked it up. I sat at my seat next to Hale as she spoke. “Yes, Phil?”
She looked annoyed as he spoke. If I strained, I could hear him. But it was private and I didn’t want to do that.
“Well you could have said it in a gentler way, sweetie,” she said to her husband. “I understand your motives but you chose the absolute worst way to do it.” She pauses while he spoke. “Maybe calling me insane was where you went wrong,” she said with angry eyes. “Still, it was a poor way to get me out of the house this morning. You could have just tricked me. Or made something up. I would have taken the hint and you could have planned the party in peace.” She smiled. “I love you. Of course I love you, dummy. After all, you were willing to risk your bed privileges just to throw me a birthday party.” She laughed. “No, you don’t have to sleep in the tub. But class is about to start and I need to go. The kids don’t need to hear about this.” She hung up and I was left staring at my table.
The kids started coming in and the teacher told us to sketch how we were feeling today. A lame assignment but easy enough. I took out a blank sheet of paper and started drawing a big ball of knots.
I finished quickly and tossed the paper onto the table and sunk into my chair. I stared up at the ceiling and tried to do the math on just how many more seconds were in this class.
“Well this is lovely,” Mrs. Lore said when she picked up the picture. “I can so clearly see the pain in this.”
“Can you?” I said flatly.
“Oh, yes I can,” she didn’t pick up on my sarcasm. “I see new pain mixing with old pain.”
I sat up. “All I am is old pain.”
She looked troubled as she put the picture down. “Hale, what are you working on?”
He turned his paper over and all it was, was a piece of paper colored all black. He was almost done with it.
“Oh,” Mrs. Lore grimaced. “And why is that what you’re feeling.”
I bet I could wager a guess. It represents his lack of a soul.
“Nothing. It means absolutely nothing.”
So I wasn’t off.
Mrs. Lore frowned at him. “Why, dear, would you be feeling nothing? Especially when you’ve got the lovely, if not a little…strange, Aurora. Young love should have you feeling something more than nothing at all. Don’t you think?”
“I don’t love her,” Hale said, cold. I knew it was true but it didn’t make it hurt any less.
“Well then…” Mrs. Lore said. “I see you two are having a fight. Shame, I liked the two of you together. He brought a little color to your art, Aurora.”
When she started walking away I said, “We were never together.”
Even though for a few minutes I thought we were. The second he made it clear that he was going to kiss me, I thought that was it. And it would have been for me. I would have given in, because he made me feel brave enough to face the unknown. As long as he was with me for it.
But that part of me was gone now and I was worse for the experience. I felt like he snuffed out a part of my soul. Smothered it before I could even fight back.
Once class ended I stood up to leave. Hale’s face was miserable and I tried not to care about why. I just left for my next class. I changed and put my stuff away in my new locker.
What happened was over but part of it still remained. The blood had stained the tile a little and apparently it wasn’t coming out. I could still smell traces of it and ever time one of the girls saw the stain, I knew they thought about me. Maybe that was the goal of whoever did it.
I sat on the bleachers with Jenna while we waited for class to start.
“Has he said anything to you?” she asked when Hale walked into the room.
“Yeah. Yeah he did,” I looked down at my feet.
“Well?”
I went over the whole conversation with her, telling her all that was said. It was burned into my head with perfect clarity. When I looked back up at her, her mouth was hanging open and her eyes were wide. “He said all that to you?”
I nodded. “And I said what I said. I wish I hadn’t but it’s already done.”
“I’m surprised that you didn’t do worse. I’ve seen you pissed off before, no one survives.”
“It was a nasty thing to say.”
She scoffed. “As opposed to what he said to you?”
“I thought he liked me. He told me he did…like all the time.” I smiled to myself, “And he kept telling me that he wanted me to love him one day.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry, sweetie. He was always so nice. I can’t believe he would do something like that to you of all people.”
“Yeah, well I guess no one is what they seem. But I think I know when I figured out it wouldn’t work. We were at lunch and he started talking about me, grey haired and old and talking to our grandkids about how I fell in love with him. I knew he was kidding, but it still upset me.”
“Why?”
“Because I can’t ever give anyone that. I can’t get older with someone. The most I can do is watch them get old.
Watch them die. I’m not going to have kids unless their father is immortal. I can’t lose a husband and kids.”
“I understand that. That’s why your mother didn’t have any biological children. She’s strong, but not strong enough for that.”
I looked at her and tried hard to not think about how mortal she was. Soon I would stop aging and she wouldn’t. Then I’d start watching her looking older and older. And she would be gone.
“I was right all along, wasn’t I?” I said, not meaning to speak out loud. “Everyone leaves.”
“No. Not everyone leaves. But when they do, it’s not always their choice. Just because Hale made that choice, it’s no reason for you to ignore how far you’ve come.”
I stood from the bench. “How far I’ve come,” I said louder than I intended. Hale looked over at me but I ignored him. “You mean how stupid I was, and how I broke my own rule? And how I was instantly punished for it? Well guess what, I know now better than I have ever before. I know that I was doing the right thing.”
Jenna stood and moved over to me. “No you weren’t. It was unhealthy. You did a brave thing and just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean you should give up. There will be other people. You’ll love them and you’ll survive the losses.”
My fingers knotted in my hair. “I don’t think I can. Everything in my head hurts and my chest feels heavy when I think about it. I feel like I’m being crushed and I don’t know why it hurts so badly.” The strength in my voice wavered, “What’s wrong with me, Jay?”
Her arms were wrapped around me in the next second. “I know how you feel. And I’m so sorry. But this kind of pain is just something everyone has to deal with eventually.”
When she let go of me I said, “What is? What is this? How do I make it stop?”
She bit her bottom lip. “You don’t make it stop. You just let the pain go away on its own.”
I shook my head. “No. I don’t accept that. I want this gone. I wanna go back to how it used to be.”
“I know. But you can’t. Just believe me when I say that the ache will go away. A hundred years from now, you won’t remember his name.” She tried lightening the mood with a laugh, “Hey, at least you didn’t sleep with him.”
“Yeah,” I almost laughed too. “The second my hands went under his sweater, it ended.”
The humor disappeared from her eyes. “What?”
I wasn’t sure what about that made her pause. “I went to get his sweater off and he left. What about it?”
Her eyes filled with understanding and I saw cogs turning. Then she left me and went to Hale. She said something to him and they left the room. Then I was alone.
I stood off to the side while the students all talked and I waited for Jenna. I tried to not look at anything and to not think about anything. But my peace was short lived as Kenna walked by.
“Aww. All alone, Freakshow? How sad that you couldn’t even hold on to the town murderer. How’d ya blow that one? Were you just too disgusting to look at, even for him?”
My switch got flipped and every ounce of anger I was holding in was trying to claw it’s way out into the sun. “Kenna, I’m going to warn you now, leave me be.”
“Ha. I’m sooo scared.”
I rolled my eyes. “What the Hell did I ever do to you that made you decide that I needed to be your obsession? Are you just that pathetic?”
“Pathetic?!” she snapped as the doors opened again. Hale was alone and I didn’t know where Jenna was. “You have to be kidding me, Mrs. Psycho.”
“I’m really not.”
The other students started catching onto the little cat fight, including Hale. Slowly, they started moving closer to us.
“You’ve always been such a freak. Even before I knew why. It’s so annoying how you just act like you’re so much better than everyone. Never talking, always just sitting there with that holier than thou attitude.”
I laughed. “First, you have no clue what really makes me so different from you. And if you did, I promise you that you wouldn’t be standing here right now. You’d be shaking in the corner questioning everything in your pointless and shallow life.” She’d run in terror, like any sane person would. Kenna—as much as I hated to say it—was smart enough to sense there was something wrong with me.
She shoved at my shoulder and I didn’t budge. It was like a feather hitting me. And she looked angry about it.
“FIGHT!” One of the boys in the crowd yelled.
I smiled. “Hear that? They want a fight. What do you say?” I took a step closer to her. I bet knocking her lights out can make me feel better. At the very least, it could give me a five minute break from the aching.
One of Kenna’s little followers said, “Oh come on, Kenna. You can take her.”
“Lets find out,” I raised an eyebrow.
The doors opened again and Jenna walked through. She was holding a basketball in her hands. When she saw the circle of students around us, she ran over.
“Break it up!” she said when she got inside of the circle.
“LET EM FIGHT, COACH!” A boy yelled. Several others agreed with him.
“Not happening,” she said sternly. Some of the students booed her and a few walked away now that the show was over.
Kenna crossed her arms. “Of course not. You just don’t want teachers pet to get hurt.”
Jenna laughed. “I’m not doing this to spare Aurora. Believe me. If the two of you fought, you’d be lucky to walk away after.”
A boy cupped his hands around his mouth. “Then let her do it. KICK HER ASS, FLYNN!!”
“Kenna, Aurora, go to the principals office until school is over. I don’t want you two fighting.” She tossed the ball to someone. “And the rest of you can pick teams.” The students all started moving while Hale stayed where he was.
“No way, coach,” Kenna said. “I’m not being sent away cuz the freak got me in trouble.”
“You’re the only one who got you in trouble, Kenna. You keep poking at a bear, what the Hell do you think is gonna happen.”
Kenna scoffed. “Oh, what’s the freak gonna do to me? Glare?”
“No,” I said without an ounce of doubt. “I’ll hurt you, Kenna.” And I bet there won’t be a single consequence for me. “I have nothing to lose so nothing can be taken from me. Don’t find out the hard way how right I am.” My voice wasn’t threatening. It was just dead and lifeless.
Kenna flinched back but I knew that wouldn’t last. No fear would keep her from harassing me. She walked over to the crowd and I was left with Jenna.
She poked me in the shoulder. “What were you thinking?” she almost shouted. “You know what happens if you fight?” She dropped her voice. “If people figure out that you’re stronger than any normal human being, God knows what’ll happen. And you know who might just pop up for a visit.”
“So?”
Her face scrunched up. “I know your hurt,” she turned back to glare at Hale. “And even though your friend is a dumbass who didn’t even try and stop the fight,” she turned back and lowered her voice so he couldn’t hear anymore. “That doesn’t mean you’ve got nothing to lose. There is always something to lose. Always.”
“Not for me.” I’ve already lost it.
Chapter Seventeen: Can You Picture That?
My mom and sister were starting to catch on to my newly acquired sadness. As much as I tried to hide it, I’d see them staring at me and I just knew that they knew. But they were kind enough to not ask me about it. They weren’t the type to pry. They know that if I wanted them to know, I’d tell them.
I grabbed something quick to eat from the kitchen before I showed up in Hell. The Sage was feeding Darwin when I popped down.
“I hate you,” he said to the bird as he was tossing out seeds.
I laughed and he looked up. “I’ve just gotta ask. Why is there a bird in Hell?”
He sat up straight. “Well, we also have a couple kittens. But they’re not dead. They just live here
.”
“Darwin’s dead?”
He nodded. “Wrong place at the wrong time. He met his end at the edge of a sword.”
“Still doesn’t explain why he’s in Hell.”
“The sword in question was made by your father. It’s made to send souls to Hell…long story.” He waved his hand and crossed his legs. “You’re going to be late for school.”
I wasn’t even thinking about that. “I am. I’ll see you later.”
“Not today,” he said while I was dissipating. I popped up again in the wooded area by school and I started walking. I had about five minutes to get to class.
I was running right up until the second I wasn’t. I landed on my face on the concrete. I groaned as I rolled onto my back. The sun was high in the sky and I stared at it in defeat.
“Aww,” I heard familiar laughter. Kenna entered my field of vision and I nearly went back to Hell. “Have a little accident?”
“Because you tripped me,” I said as I sat up.
She gasped. “How could you say such a thing? I would never hurt you, Freakshow. Not when you’re doing such a spectacular job in fucking up everything you care about.”
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t care about anything, Kenna. But maybe you should start. Get a hobby.” I looked down at my leg and I almost panicked when I saw all of the blood. But my attention was taken from it.
“I know something you might care about. Like Hale and his new girlfriend. Kinda funny that he moved on so quickly. But, Dottie is a lot prettier than you.”
“What the Hell are you talking about?” I was trying to pay attention even though the smell of blood was getting overwhelming.
She smiled wide. “I might have seen Hale and Dottie going at it after school yesterday. But,” she held her hands, palms up and shrugged, “maybe I didn’t. Guess you’ll never know.” She walked away laughing.
I looked back at the wound and the blood was absolutely everywhere. When I looked closer, I saw a piece of glass in my leg. I pulled it out and mumbled, “Why the fuck is there broken glass on the ground!?”
