by Nicola Marsh
He’d given up his first love.
For her.
While she should be jumping for joy, she knew first hand what that kind of sacrifice did to a man, the fallout for the rest of the family and she’d be damned if she put her son through anything remotely like that.
When she didn’t answer he lowered his head and slanted a soft kiss across her lips. “Because I love you and want us to be a family.”
She held her breath, wishing the kiss could go on forever, taking whatever she could get, a last fleeting taste of happiness before doing the right thing.
She wrenched her head to one side and Flynn released her, staring in confusion.
“Isn’t this what you want too?”
He reached for her again and she sidestepped, his confusion exacerbated by a frown. “Us together? A family?”
She stared at his outstretched hand as if it were a grenade about to detonate. He couldn’t touch her again, couldn’t weaken her resolve.
She had to do this: for Adam, for her.
“Why now?”
His hand fell to his side when she didn’t take it. “What do you mean?”
She had to drive him away, away from her, without tainting his relationship with Adam and she knew just how to do it.
Infusing her voice with ice, she said, “You had a chance to give up the army years ago to be with me and you chose not to. Now all of a sudden, you walk. We both know why.”
His blank expression sent a shiver through her. “Why?”
“Adam. Not that I blame you for wanting to be involved with your son but I’m just an adjunct, a means to an end.”
He swore but she wasn’t finished.
“If you’ve left the army to spend more time with your son, build a life with him, that’s commendable. But unless you really follow through, it means jack.”
“Of course I’m going to follow through. Why do you think I did it?”
There was her answer. The truth, hidden behind false declarations of love.
“That’s the first honest thing you’ve said.”
“I say I love you and you call me a liar?”
Dread stole through her veins at his glacial tone, his frigid expression.
She wanted to fling herself in his arms, take it all back but where would that leave them in a month, a year, when the regret festered and bloomed within him and he blamed her — or worse, Adam — for his choice in leaving the army behind?
Drawing a deep breath into her seizing lungs, she summoned every ounce of courage to spit out the monstrous lie that would drive the man she loved away forever.
“This is about Adam. It’s always been about Adam for you since the day you found out. What happened between us? An added bonus. Meant nothing.”
She turned and walked away quickly before the tears rolling down her cheeks made a mockery of the hateful words she’d just uttered.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Flynn threw himself into work, ensuring the training center functioned at one hundred percent capacity to entice prospective buyers. Ideally he didn’t want to sell. He’d envisaged running this place as part of his fresh start: new life, new family. But Lori had ripped that dream apart and he was left contemplating a range of options he hadn’t imagined. Sure, plenty of people co-existed in the same city as their exes but for him, working in Richmond with Lori and Adam a few streets away would be too close for comfort.
He needed physical space from her, couldn’t risk seeing her whenever he picked up Adam. For he wasn’t sure he’d be responsible for his actions. Or words, more to the point.
The sooner he off-loaded the center, the sooner he could get the hell out of Richmond.
The suburb held nothing for him anymore apart from his son and he’d already instigated the necessary procedures to ensure his relationship with Adam didn’t suffer when he moved onto his next venture, wherever that may be.
He’d investigated a few options, mainly artillery teaching posts in rural Victoria, all a couple hours drive to Melbourne. Once the visitation legalities were in place, nothing or no one could stop him from seeing the one person who meant the world to him.
As for Adam’s mother … he dropped his head into his hands and rubbed his temples, wondering how he could’ve got it so wrong.
Lori had played him for a fool. He’d thought their time together had meant something, had been a prelude to a life together, a hint of the family he’d always wanted.
Instead, she’d set the record straight in no uncertain terms. Added bonus? Meant nothing? What the hell had she been playing at? Had she cozied up to him for Adam’s sake? But why? He would’ve hung around anyway to get to know his son.
And what had her jaunt up to Sydney been about? She’d followed him there, resurrecting the passion simmering between them with little effort. He’d thought … well, what he’d thought was completely irrelevant now.
He’d pondered her motivation and come up empty. None of this made sense but he was through wasting time, rehashing the same arguments in his head.
He’d gone through them a million times, always coming back to the big one: he’d left the army for her.
Though that wasn’t strictly true and he knew it.
Pop’s deteriorating condition had been a major catalyst in his change of plans. He’d done his duty to the man who’d given him a home, had paid his dues, and with Pop not conscious … life was too short to spend it doing what he did out of obligation.
Besides, he wouldn’t have started the training school if he didn’t already have plans to leave. In reality, the training school had been about testing the waters, seeing how he coped without the military “family” he’d come to depend on for so long.
The way he saw it, he’d passed with flying colors. And discovering he had a son — and the woman of his dreams single — had been all the incentive he’d needed to take that final step and resign.
But even that hadn’t convinced Lori his intentions were honorable. He’d tried to explain everything but she hadn’t given him a chance. She’d gone off half-cocked, jumping to all sorts of crazy conclusions regarding his motivation, not trusting him enough.
And that sucked, for if there was one thing he’d built his life on, his career, it was trust. He’d trusted Pop despite everything, he’d trusted his superiors, he’d trusted his charges in the heat of battle when trust was the only thing you had to grasp onto in the fierce onslaught.
Considering Lori had let him bond with Adam, had welcomed him into their lives, he’d thought he’d found the same life-supporting trust in Lori.
He’d been wrong.
So time to do what he knew best.
Shape up and ship out.
Lori slid several sheets of paper from the large envelope and collapsed onto the nearest chair.
“Bloody hell,” she muttered under her breath, gripping the document so tightly her knuckles stood out.
“What’s up?”
Jane rushed to her side and slid an arm around her shoulders.
Lori flipped through the papers, the fine print blurring before her eyes until she couldn’t read a thing. “Flynn has instigated legal proceedings. About Adam.”
“He’s what?”
“Give me those.” Jane snatched the offending papers and Lori released them, leaned her head back and closed her eyes. “I’ve read enough legal stuff over the years to know what’s what.”
“He’s not filing for custody, is he?”
The thought of losing her precious son made the room spin as nausea swept over her with sickening speed.
“No, this is about visitation rights, that’s all.” Jane squeezed her shoulder. “Sweetie, this is a good thing. It’ll clarify things for Adam and keep that no-good son — of — a — you — know — what away from you. It says here arrangements for drop off and pick up can take place with the help of a third party so you don’t have to see him ever again.” Jane slammed the papers on the table. “In fact, it’s not a good thing, it’s a grea
t thing.”
Lori took a steadying breath and the spots before her eyes gradually disappeared.
“You’re right, the sooner this gets sorted the better. I’m tired of making excuses to Adam about why I can’t go with him to Flynn’s place and the big dufus obviously hasn’t said anything to him either. This way, we can explain the situation to him in a logical way and hopefully make it less traumatic.”
“Do you think Adam’s noticed anything is wrong?”
Lori shrugged, wishing she could’ve been smarter and prevented this whole disaster from happening. She’d raised her son’s hopes with her behavior, carrying on like a girl falling in love for the first time and now she had to let him down. Hopefully, the presence of Flynn in his life would compensate for the fact his parents would never reunite despite previous indications to the contrary.
“Adam’s smart. I’m sure he’s wondering what’s going on though he hasn’t asked.”
She brushed away the beginning of tears whenever she thought about her son and how this fiasco could affect him. “I’ve seen the way he’s looked at me over the last week whenever I’ve said I can’t come to dinner at Flynn’s. It’s like I’ve betrayed him or something.”
“Poor kid.”
Jane glanced at the papers again. “Flynn must have a stack of money stashed away.” She pointed to the letterhead. “The largest, most prestigious law firm along the eastern seaboard is representing him. Pirelli, Francs and Associates charge their clients a small fortune.”
“Who knows? Who cares?”
Lori leaped from her chair and busied herself at the sink, washing vegetables for dinner. “I want this mess sorted out once and for all so I can get on with my life.”
The sad thing was she didn’t know what that entailed anymore. The last week without Flynn had left her bereft, drained, empty. She’d come to rely on his presence in such a short time, now he was gone she struggled to pick up the pieces.
“Good thinking, sweetie.”
Jane joined her at the sink, armed with a peeler and reached for a potato. “Once this is over we’ll have a girls’ night in, complete with double choc brownies, strawberry ice-cream and Castle re-runs. If Nathan Fillion can’t help you forget him, nothing will.”
Lori managed a wan smile, hoped her friend was right.
“I don’t get it.” Michael laid the latest figures on the table in front of Flynn and sat opposite him. “This place was your dream and now you’re selling up?”
Flynn barely glanced at the papers, knowing Michael was an expert at his job. Besides, nothing about this place interested him anymore.
“Put it down to the wanderlust soldier in me. Can’t stay put in one place for long.”
“Bull. You quit the army because you wanted to settle down. What’s changed? Or should I say who has changed it for you?”
Michael was wrong. He’d quit the army because he’d finally paid his dues to Pop. And with Adam in the picture, the motivation to put down roots had been pretty damned strong. Too bad he’d screwed up with Lori.
“If you value your job don’t go there.”
Michael sat back and folded his arms. “Go ahead and fire me. I’m asking as your friend, not as your business associate.”
“Don’t you know when to quit?”
“No, so start talking.”
Flynn fiddled with the pen in his hand, tapping it impatiently against his thigh.
“My plans have changed.”
“Melbourne not big enough for the both of you?”
He fixed Michael with a glare that would’ve stopped a lesser man dead in his tracks. He’d perfected it to deal with recalcitrant recruits and it worked most of the time.
Michael merely grinned.
“I thought you and Lori were getting along fine then this? I don’t get it. You have a woman who loves you, a son who adores you, and a new business which promises to rake in the dollars yet you want to throw it all away? What gives?”
“She doesn’t trust me, basically called me a liar.”
After he’d told her he loved her, something he still couldn’t quite believe. How could he have got it so wrong?
“Doesn’t sound like Lori. What did you do?”
“Just give it a rest.”
“No.”
Michael shook his head. “I don’t get this. Lori’s a hardworking woman who’s done it alone. She didn’t want a cent of her father’s money, stored it away in a trust fund for Adam. Only accepted the colonel’s help to attend uni and buy a house but why do you think she did that?”
Michael pointed a finger at him. “To support your son. And she never goes out, never dates. So the very fact she let you into her life speaks volumes.”
“Oh yeah, she’s spoken loud and clear.”
Michael ignored his bitterness and plowed on.
“She loves you, probably always has if her sparse dates over the years meant anything. Not to mention I’ve heard it from … ” Michael trailed off and looked away, as if he’d made a terrible mistake.
“From who?”
Flynn leaned forward, desperate to hear the rest of what Michael had to say. “And how do you know all that stuff anyway?”
“I shouldn’t have said all that.” Michael stood and picked up his briefcase. “Forget I even mentioned it.”
“Michael, please.”
Flynn was a proud man but he’d willingly get down on his knees and beg if his friend knew anything at all that might change the current situation with Lori.
Michael sighed. “Though this wasn’t told to me in confidence, I’ll get shot if either woman ever gets wind of who told you this.”
“If they don’t shoot you I will, so spill.”
Hope was a terrible thing yet he couldn’t douse the small flare sparked with his friend’s implication Lori might have feelings for him despite what she’d said.
“Damn, you’re bossy. I’m surprised they didn’t make you commander of the whole bloody army.”
Flynn glared at him and he continued, “I had a pseudo-date with Jane. She said Lori’s in bad shape. Pining away because she’s quote ‘lost the love of her life again,’ end of quote.”
Flynn’s flicker of hope flared to life. Lori and Jane were close and Jane wouldn’t invent something like that. There had to be some basis of truth to it and he intended to find out exactly how much.
He leaped to his feet and grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair.
“Thanks, mate. I owe you one.”
He charged out the door, ready to mount a full frontal attack to secure his objective: convince the love of his life they had a future together.
Lori switched off the smart-board and sank onto the chair behind her desk, thankful for the end of another week. This term had flown and she looked forward to a break when she could recharge, regroup, and refocus her energy on getting through the rest of the year.
Try getting through the rest of her life.
She pushed that thought away, not willing to indulge in her latest favorite pastime of rehashing old memories.
Wishing things had been different was a waste of time.
Wishing Flynn had been a different person was futile.
She had to forget before she fell apart. And she couldn’t afford to do that, not when she had a son to raise.
She stared at the empty classroom, wondering how much longer she could keep up the pretense everything was fine. Her nerves were stretched to breaking point and she’d been unusually short-tempered with Adam over the last week, a fact that left her feeling like the world’s worst mom.
Maybe now she’d signed the legal papers to sort out visitation things would become easier. Her life would have more structure and she wouldn’t have to set eyes on Flynn again. She’d heard on the grapevine he was leaving town and not a moment too soon. She should’ve been thrilled at the way things had worked out.
Instead, she felt like the bottom of her world had fallen out and she took an angry swipe at the tear t
hat dared roll down her cheek for the hundredth time since she’d driven him away from necessity.
A knock on the door made her sit up and wipe under her eyes for telltale moisture before she said, “Come in.”
Jane stuck her head around the door. “Ready to go grab a latte?”
Glancing at the stack of papers on her desk for marking, she waved Jane in.
“Give me five more minutes to sort through these then we’ll go.”
“No worries.”
Jane bounced into the classroom, squeezed into a small chair behind a desk. “Were these always so tiny? Or is the fact I’m a heifer now have something to do with the set up being out of proportion?”
Lori smiled. She could always trust her friend to cheer her up. “You’re gorgeous and you know it.”
“Apparently Mick thinks so.”
Lori’s head snapped up, intrigued by Jane’s coy smile.
“Something going on between you two?”
Holding her hand at arm’s length, Jane pretended to study her nails, her indifferent act vanishing the second she clapped her hands together excitedly.
“We’ve had three dates. He’s lovely.”
“That’s great, I’m happy for you.”
And she was, though Lori wouldn’t be human if she didn’t feel a tiny sliver of jealousy that everyone around her could pull off the happy couple thing except her.
“Thanks. Though its early days and you know what guys can be like.”
“Oh yeah, I know.”
Jane’s face fell at her acid tone and she winced. “Sorry.”
Lori waved away her apology. “Don’t worry about it.”
Jane paused, chewed on her bottom lip, before blurting, “Do you think you’ve misjudged Flynn?”
“What?”
Lori gripped her desk to prevent herself falling off her chair. Flynn wasn’t Jane’s favorite person and for her to mention him let alone suggest she’d misjudged him …
“Look, I know what you said about the army being his first love and you’d just be a stand-in and later that would affect your life together, but the guy’s worth millions and that could be a good safety net for you and Adam.”
