Lost & Found

by Kitty Neale

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  Lily threw the documents down. ‘You shouldn’t have done it, Pete, not without asking me first.’

  ‘Look at you, Lily. It’s June and you’re nearly eight months gone. Time’s running out.’

  ‘But Saturday? That’s only three days away and I can’t arrange things by then.’

  ‘What’s to arrange? You said you don’t want the neighbours to find out that we’re not already married and agreed to a quick trip to the registry office. No fuss, no do, just us and a couple of witnesses. The only thing you wouldn’t set is the date.’

  Lily lowered her eyes. It was hard to hide her feelings from Pete, but it had only been four months since Ron died and she was still grieving. She knew Pete wanted to get married before the baby arrived, and in truth she didn’t want their child born out of wedlock either, yet every time he tried to set a date she fobbed him off. How could she marry Pete when the man who filled her mind, her thoughts, was Ron? Even Pete’s touch was unbearable now and she’d been using her pregnancy as an excuse. Now Pete had taken matters into his own hands, set the date for Saturday, and she’d run out of excuses to put him off.

  ‘What’s up, Lily? Don’t you want to marry me?’ Slowly she lifted her eyes to meet his. ‘Of course I do, and Saturday it is.’

  ‘Thank Gawd for that.’

  Lily stood up, pushing her hand into the small of her back as she walked over to the cooker. ‘My back’s killing me,’ she complained. ‘I’ll get your dinner sorted out and then ring Mavis.’ ‘Do you think she’ll come to the wedding?’ ‘I doubt it. With Edith Pugh going downhill, Mavis hardly has a moment to herself these days.’ ‘Alec could look after her for a couple of hours.’ ‘He can’t see to his mother if she needs her commode.’

  Pete pursed his lips. ‘No, I suppose not.’ Lily dished up Pete’s dinner and a smaller portion for herself, but when they sat down to eat she had little appetite. Though she hadn’t actually said so, Lily knew that her daughter wasn’t happy about the baby and, even if she was able to, she doubted that Mavis would want to come to the wedding.

  If only the girl would talk to her, tell her what the problem was. With this in mind, Lily said, ‘Pete, instead of ringing Mavis, I’d rather tell her about the wedding face to face. When you’ve finished your dinner, would you run me over there?’

  ‘Yeah, all right, but you’d better give her a ring to let her know we’re coming.’

  ‘No, we’ll just turn up,’ Lily said, sick of always being put off because of Edith Pugh’s health. She wanted to sort things out with her daughter, and this time nothing was going to stop her.

  Jenny looked up as her cousin walked into the room. He’d been with them since March, with no sign of him leaving. Not that Jenny minded. The money Willy handed over for his keep was coming in handy, and he was no trouble. He was building up his new business, working long hours, and other than on Sundays they didn’t see much of him. He and Stan got on well, and Greg now treated him like a part of the furniture.

  Now, though, Jenny could see that there was something wrong as she took in his grim face. ‘Hello, Willy, I’ve kept your dinner hot,’ she said, ‘but you don’t look too happy.’

  He flopped onto a chair, raking a hand through his hair as he said, ‘You’re not going to believe my flaming mother.’

  ‘Why? What’s she done now?’ Stan asked.

  ‘She came to the yard again, marched into my office with the same demand.’

  ‘What! She still wants you to leave?’

  ‘When I refused last time she fobbed off her neighbours by telling them that I’m here to open a second branch of the business. That sounds very grand, doesn’t it? Right up her street. However, I’m supposed to be returning to my wife and child when it’s up and running.’

  ‘She’s mad to lie,’ Jenny said, ‘but, knowing your mum, I can see why she’s doing it. For years she’s bragged about how well you were doing, how you’d started up your own business. Then, of course, when you got married and were buying your own house, she had more to brag about.’

  ‘Yeah, well, that’s gone now; but worse, I’m divorced and she doesn’t want anyone to find out.’

  ‘But it wasn’t your fault,’ Jenny protested.

  ‘Try telling my mother that. To her divorce is a dirty word and she wants me away from this area before anyone finds out.’

  ‘You ain’t going to let her drive you out, are you?’ Stan asked.

  ‘I’m not leaving the yard. The business is just starting to take off and I’m staying in Battersea, whether she likes it or not.’

  ‘Good on yer, mate,’ Stan said. ‘Mind you, I hope she doesn’t come round here shouting the odds.’ ‘Don’t worry, I’ve found a flat at last so I’ll be moving out.’

  ‘Willy, honestly, you’re welcome to stay here,’ Jenny protested. ‘I’m not worried about your mother. If she turned up here she’d get the door shut in her face.’

  ‘Thanks, Jen, but it’s time I moved on.’

  ‘We’re going to miss you.’

  ‘You’ll still see lots of me, especially for Sunday dinner. The flat’s only about a fifteen-minute drive away.’

  ‘Where is it?’

  ‘It’s near Burntwood Lane, in Wandsworth.’

  ‘Why Wandsworth? Why not stay around here?’

  Willy shrugged. ‘When I went to see the flat I liked the area. I only need one bedroom, but there are two and it’s furnished.’

  ‘It’ll mean a longer drive to your yard,’ Stan pointed out.

  ‘I don’t mind,’ Willy said as he stood up. ‘Anyway, Jen, I’ll just go and have a quick wash before I have me dinner.’

  ‘All right, love,’ Jenny said as she went to light the gas under the saucepan. She wasn’t happy that Willy was moving out. Stan wasn’t much of a talker and spent his spare time tending his precious garden, but when Willy came home, however late, she had someone to chat to.

  That train of thought led her to Mavis. Other than walking the kids to and from school, she saw little of her neighbour these days. With her mother-in-law becoming increasingly ill, Mavis had her hands full, and so far there hadn’t been the right opportunity to mention the bruises she had once seen on James’s body. It weighed heavily on Jenny’s mind, but when they walked the children to school she had to admit that James seemed happy enough.

  Jenny placed a knife, fork and condiments on the table, her mind still on her neighbour. Mavis had told her that her mother was going to have a baby, but she hadn’t seemed happy about it and Jenny didn’t know why. It wasn’t easy to have an in-depth conversation on the short walks and Jenny missed their occasional chinwags over a cup of tea.

  Poor Mavis. She’d had little freedom, and now had even less. With her mother-in-law so ill, she was virtually a full-time carer, and in the last couple of months the weight seemed to have dropped off her. It worried Jenny, but there was nothing she could do, other than to tell Mavis, as she always did, that she was there if she needed her.

  Mavis was close to exhaustion. In between looking after her mother-in-law and Grace, she tried to keep up with the housework, but it was growing impossible. The laundry was a nightmare. Edith was incontinent now, and though Mavis had devised a rubber cover for the mattress, her sheet constantly needed changing.

  Alec was sitting with his mother while she got the children bathed and into bed, and after that Mavis knew she would have to tackle the stack of ironing that was waiting to be done.

  ‘Tell me a story, Mummy,’ Grace appealed.

  ‘Oh, darling, not tonight,’ Mavis said tiredly, but then, seeing the look of disappointment on her daughter’s face, she relented. Grace had been so good lately, playing quietly in her grandmother’s room whenever Mavis had to attend to her, and it wasn’t nice that the child had to be present when she changed Edith’s sheet.

  Mavis sighed. Other mothers could take their children to the park, push them on swings, run and play; but with the exception of the sho
rt walk to take James to and from school, her children were as much prisoners in this house as she was.

  Now that it was June and warm, at least Grace could play in the garden, but when James was in school she was always alone, lacking the attention she needed. Mavis gave Grace a hug, loving her daughter dearly, and wished she had more time to be a better mother.

  ‘Love you, Mummy.’

  ‘I love you too, darling,’ she said and softly began to tell Grace one of the fairy tales she had made up. ‘Once upon a time…’

  Grace closed her eyes, thumb in her mouth as slowly she drifted off to sleep.

  Mavis sat quietly, relishing this moment of peace, but with so much to do before bedtime, she forced herself to stand up and leave the room. She peeped in on James, saw that thankfully he was asleep too, and then went downstairs.

  ‘Alec, I’ve got ironing to do,’ Mavis said, but he was watching Z Cars on television and a brief nod was his only acknowledgement. Edith was propped up on pillows, but her eyes were closed as she dozed, something she did more and more these days.

  The doorbell rang and Alec looked round briefly to say, ‘Who on earth is that?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Mavis said. She went to answer it, her face stretching with surprise. ‘Mum! What are you doing here?’

  ‘I’ve got something to tell you.’

  ‘You’d better come in,’ Mavis said, ‘but how did you get here? Where’s Pete?’

  ‘He’s popped down the road for a drink. I told him to pick me up in an hour.’

  As her mother stepped inside, Alec appeared, looking none too pleased when he saw her. ‘Mrs Jackson. Mavis didn’t tell me you were coming.’

  ‘That’s because she didn’t know.’

  ‘Mavis, my mother isn’t up to seeing anyone.’

  ‘It’s all right. I’ll take my mum along to the kitchen.’

  ‘Very well,’ Alec said, his feelings plain as he went back into his mother’s room, closing the door firmly behind him.

  ‘Still a pompous git, I see,’ Lily observed as she followed Mavis along the hall.

  Mavis didn’t respond. She was stunned to see her mother and wondering why she hadn’t telephoned to say she was coming. ‘Why didn’t you ring me?’

  ‘Because you’d have fobbed me off as usual,’ Lily said as she flopped onto a chair.

  Mavis’s eyes avoided her mother’s stomach as she too sat down. ‘It isn’t that I don’t want to see you. It’s just that my mother-in-law is too ill for visitors.’

  ‘Yeah, and judging by the state of you, she’s running you ragged as usual. You’ve lost weight and look awful.’

  ‘Thanks, Mum.’

  ‘I ain’t having a go at you, girl. I’m just annoyed to see you looking like this and I’ve a mind to have a word with that no good son-in-law of mine.’

  It sounded like her mother really cared, but, of course, Mavis knew it was just an illusion. ‘Alec has to work, Mum. When he’s home he is trying to be a bit more helpful.’

  ‘I should think so too, but you still look worn out. He shouldn’t let you be a slave to his mother. It ain’t right.’

  ‘What choice is there?’

  ‘He could get you some help, a cleaner or something.’

  ‘Yes, maybe,’ Mavis said tiredly, ‘but, come on, you said you had something to tell me.’

  ‘Yeah, well, it’s just that Pete’s booked the registry office. We’re getting married on Saturday.’

  Mavis had been expecting this and was in fact surprised that her mother had left it this long.

  ‘Say something, Mavis.’

  ‘What do you want me to say?’

  ‘I dunno, maybe congratulations? I’d like you to be there.’

  Mavis knew it wasn’t true and the resentment she’d long held in check flared up. She was foggy with tiredness, the words leaving her mouth without thought. ‘You don’t want me there. You’ve never wanted me.’

  ‘Mavis, how can you say that?’

  She saw that her mother had flushed, cheeks red, and now that she’d started Mavis found that she didn’t want to stop. ‘You’ve always been ashamed of me and…and you wouldn’t listen when I said I wanted to take up art. All you thought I was fit for was taking that pram out, begging for cast-offs, and then you sent me out to work as a cleaner.’

  ‘Oh, Mavis…Mavis…don’t…’

  Mavis ignored her mother’s cry as she reared to her feet, the words spewing from her mouth. ‘You’re having another baby now and if it’s perfect you’ll love it, which is more than you can say for me. You…you never loved me.’

  Spent, Mavis slumped, tears on her cheeks that she angrily rubbed away. There was only silence for a while, but then her mother spoke.

  ‘Mavis, listen to me, please listen. I wish I could deny everything you’ve said, but I know I can’t. You’re right, I haven’t been much of a mother, but I do love you, honestly I do.’

  ‘You…you love me?’

  ‘You’re my girl, ain’t you?’ Lily said as she stood up, pulling Mavis awkwardly into her arms.

  Mavis could feel her mother’s swollen stomach as it pressed against her, but she didn’t move away. Her mum loved her and joy filled her heart.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  Alec was surprised to hear Mavis humming as she prepared his breakfast on Friday morning. He’d expected her to be sulky, resentful that she couldn’t go to her mother’s wedding, but instead she seemed lighthearted, happier than he’d seen her for a long time.

  ‘James, Grace, come on, breakfast’s ready,’ Mavis said, and as the two children scrambled onto chairs, she placed the plates on the table.

  The morning routine was different these days, earlier, and Alec still found it trying. At six o’clock Mavis got up to see to his mother, inevitably disturbing his sleep. The children usually woke at around seven, but by then Mavis had usually changed his mother’s sheets, washed her, and he didn’t have to worry about the children as he shaved and got dressed for work. Breakfast, however, was a different matter. There had been a time when he could read his morning paper in peace, but nowadays he had to keep an eye on the children while Mavis fed his mother. ‘Grace, eat your porridge,’ he ordered.

  ‘Don’t want it.’

  ‘I said, eat it,’ Alec said forcefully, and, though sulky, at least Grace picked up her spoon. He rarely had to reprimand James, and glancing at his son Alec saw the boy’s wary look. Alec felt a surge of satisfaction. It was discipline, of course, the boy knowing better than to misbehave at the breakfast table.

  As soon as Mavis returned, Alec would look in on his mother before leaving for work and now, as he pushed his bowl to one side, he glanced impatiently at the clock. Lateness was something Alec wouldn’t tolerate in his staff and he led by example, making sure he was always at his desk before the others arrived.

  At last, he thought, as Mavis returned and, rising to his feet, he said, ‘I’m off.’

  ‘All right, see you later,’ Mavis said, leaning away from him as he tried to kiss her cheek.

  Alec was fed up with tiptoeing around his wife, fed up with the way she avoided his lovemaking. He’d made allowances because she’d been grieving for her father, but it was three months now and he’d had enough.

  It was time to assert his authority again, to demand his marital rights. He no longer feared Mavis’s threat of leaving him. He’d seen how small her mother’s house was, and now that Lily Jackson was having a baby, there’d be no room for Mavis. No, his wife couldn’t go to Peckham. She had no alternative but to stay here.

  Jenny left her house at a quarter to nine. Mavis was just leaving too, and they joined up to walk along Ellington Avenue together. ‘Good morning, Mavis. Isn’t it a lovely day?’

  ‘Yes, it’s gorgeous,’ Mavis agreed, smiling happily.

  ‘You look chirpy today. Is your mother-in-law’s health improving?’

  ‘No, she’s just as bad, but my mum came to see me yesterday. She’s getting married tomor
row.’

  ‘Oh, so that’s why you look so happy. You’re getting out of the house for a change and going to her wedding.’

  ‘No, I can’t leave my mother-in-law for that long.’

  ‘Alec won’t be at work. Surely he can see to her?’

  ‘I’m afraid not. She’s incontinent now, and lately she’s been messing the bed too.’

  ‘Yuk, how on earth do you cope with that?’

  ‘It isn’t easy, and I must admit it makes my stomach turn, but I can’t leave her lying there in that state.’

  ‘No, I suppose not, but if you can’t go to the wedding, why are you looking so cheerful?’

  ‘I’ve just found out that my mother loves me,’ Mavis said, her eyes bright with emotion.

  ‘But she’s your mum. Of course she loves you.’

  ‘Yes, I know that now, but all through my childhood I thought she was ashamed of me, that she didn’t want me.’

  ‘Blimey, you should have my cousin’s mother. She wants him out of the area and is making his life a misery.’

  ‘Oh, dear. I’ve seen a van parked outside now and again, and though I haven’t seen him, I guessed he was still staying with you. What is he going to do?’

  ‘Willy’s business is doing well and he isn’t budging. I’m not surprised you haven’t seen him. With the hours he works we hardly see him either, but he told us last night that he’s found a flat,’ Jenny said as they stopped at the school gates.

  She bent down to kiss Greg goodbye, Mavis kissed James, and then the two boys dashed into the playground.

  They made their way home again, but with Grace playing up there wasn’t much chance to talk. As usual the child wanted to get out of the pushchair, but Mavis didn’t give in until they were back in Ellington Avenue.

  ‘She’s cooped up indoors too much, that’s the trouble,’ Mavis said as she helped her daughter to push the pram.

  ‘A nursery has opened just around the corner. They take three-to five-year-olds for three hours a day, and if they’ve got any places left I think Grace would love it.’