Today Only

by D. Love

  "I do," I reply. "Would you mind saying that prayer you taught me, when I was a little girl?"

  Mom is standing there, numb and still. Finally Madison gets up and takes her hand.

  "Is it okay if we say it together?" he asks me.

  I nod.

  "Now I lay me down to sleep…" they start.

  I close my eyes.

  "I pray the Lord my soul to keep…"

  I silently tell them all I love them one last time.

  "If I shall die before I wake…"

  I take a final breath and stop fighting my soul’s will to continue on.

  "I pray the Lord my soul to take…

  Amen."

  Chapter Twenty-Four: Jett

  My precious Rye is gone by the time we finish the prayer. Thank goodness Dad has a hold on Dee. She breaks down after Rye’s final breath. I cannot pull myself together yet enough to stand; the hurt is too deep. It renders me immobile, and I sob, Rye clutched in my arms, for what seems like an eternity.

  Mark calls the funeral home to pick up Rye. Only when I hear them knock at the front door do I find the strength to move. I kiss her face tenderly then stand.

  She’s gone. I don’t think I can do this.

  I go to the living room and somehow make it to the sofa. I sit, unaware of anything around me. They take Rye away. I’m not sure how much time passes: five minutes? Five months? It feels like every second without Rye is an eternity. A painful, horrible, agonizing eternity.

  I don’t notice Mark, until the couch sinks under his weight beside me.

  "Rye asked me to give you this, Jett," he says.

  I look down. It takes a lot of effort to focus on anything right now. He’s holding an envelope with the words My Love written across the front. It’s Rye’s handwriting.

  I take it from him and place it in my lap. I have no will power to read it.

  "Maybe it’ll help," Mark urges. "Read it, man." Then he gets up and walks to the kitchen, leaving me alone with my thoughts and my letter.

  The phone is ringing, and there are a lot voices around me, but my shocked mind can’t make sense of anything, except that I’m holding a note my sweet Rye left me. I slowly open the envelope and pull out the letter.

  My Sweet Love Jett,

  Please don't think of me as leaving you. I will always be with you, whether it’s in Emily’s smile or Mom's gentle heart or in an event that reminds you of me. My life has been so full. Most people never experience the love and life that I lived, and I am grateful to have lived it. Please understand that where I go now, I will have no more pain or suffering. I will be at peace. Most importantly, I hope you know that my soul will always love you.

  Take care of our precious Emily. Be the daddy she deserves. On her biggest milestones in life, please remind her how much I loved her and how proud I am of her. Always keep her close to Mom, and please make sure she learns good values and respect for all of God’s creatures. Her biggest fear is forgetting me, so please, my love, help her always to remember me.

  Please care for, love and adore my mom. I have tucked away a piece of paper in your wallet with her friend’s phone numbers. Call them and tell she will need them. They will come. The gift of helping her is one I give you. The power of love will heal you all. Jett, don't let her stop living. Make sure she continues to touch people lives. Most of all, never let her forget how much she touched mine. Please don't let her stop believing in life or love.

  My Love, I am going to start my journey now. Never forget how much you are loved by me, I will always love you. Thank you for bringing joy to my life and for completing my life. You are my breath, my heart, my other half. Thank you for being strong enough to stay with me. Everyone has prayed for a miracle. I hope they know I did receive one: you. I love you.

  Pass on to Emily the question of "what is beautiful in your world today." Make her tell you everyday. My beauty today is you.

  Your loving wife,

  Rye

  Her words touch my heart, the same way she did. Unable to control the tears, I break down and sob.

  Several days pass. I’m struggling, but I found a new reason to push through the pain: Em. She hasn’t left my side, since Rye passed away. Last night, she looked at me and said her mama wasn't hurting anymore. I agreed. She’s turning out to be a source of strength for me. I’ve been busy the past few days. I did as Rye asked me, dug out the piece of paper from my wallet and called all Dee's friends to let them know she needs them. My dad has slept in the guest room since Rye left us. I’m still having difficulty using the word die or died when it comes to my love.

  Today is the day we lay Rye to rest. The family meets us here, so we can go to the funeral home together. We get into the vehicles and head to the last place I will ever see her. Mark drives Em and me. I’m overwhelmed, and he offered.

  We attend a beautiful ceremony at the church. It’s difficult standing at the church doors as everyone comes by to say farewell to Rye. The condolences to the family seem to last forever, and I keep looking at Rye. There’s color in her cheeks, and she appears so peaceful. It helps me to know that she’s in no more pain.

  Finally, we leave the church and follow the hearse to the cemetery. The car slows as we near Rye’s final resting place.

  The past few days have been a blur. Today, it’s real. I’m putting my love into the ground, and I’ll never see her again. Oddly enough, real death is nothing like the movies. I keep waiting for the sun to shine or a dove to fly by me. Nothing like that happens. Nothing soothes my heartbreaking loss.

  Mark stops the car. Emily grabs my hand as we get out. We begin the long walk towards the grave and find our seats beside Dee and my dad. We take our seats.

  "Look, Daddy," Em says, pointing.

  Coming towards us is a flock of beautiful women: Dee’s friends. They are all holding hands. They surround us to form a support circle around all of us, including Rye. I look at each of them and marvel at how far many of them have traveled to be here for Dee and our family. The sight of them lifts my spirits. I glance at my wedding ring that matches the band Rye still wears.

  TODAY ONLY.

  I can do this. I can be strong for Em and Dee and the rest of the family. Dee’s friends are living proof of what Rye wrote in her letter.

  The power of love will heal you all.

  She’s right. The power of love is stronger than anything in this world.

  Epilogue: Jett

  Journal Entry

  On the one-year anniversary of Rye’s passing, we all gather for a memorial at Dee’s. Dee and I invited everyone, in hopes that they will help Emily remember her mother for the sweet, loving person she was. Emily is getting ready to enter the seventh grade. She and I just went school shopping, and that was a job, picking colors and styles and fashions. I’m not sure I’m looking forward to next year’s school shopping trip, when she’ll be even closer to being a teen!

  Throughout the year, we all went through our own trials. Emily and I continued to participate in the March of Dimes walks and made a pact to do it every year, in Rye’s memory. It seems as though everyone’s trying times have passed with grace and the focus on living one day at a time. Emily and I decided to continue living with Dee in order to keep an eye on her and help out where needed. I eventually sold my house to a young couple that was expecting their first child.

  As for my Dad, he has been spending more time with us. Sometimes, Emily and I tease Dad and Dee about getting married. He told me last month – on the anniversary of my mother's death – that he thinks Rye and Mom are together in heaven, helping each other. He also shared that he believes Rye helped ease the pain he’s always felt since my mother died. Rye was able to touch so many people with her strength and power of love.

  A day hasn’t gone by that I haven’t thought of Rye. Today will be hard for me.

  Mark, Katy and Angie arrive at our home. We gather at the breakfast bar in the kitchen, our favorite place to congregate. Emily walks into the kitchen t
o grab a bottle of water out of the refrigerator. I ask her to grab me one, too. When she turns her head to say okay, I see it: My sweet Rye in her beautiful smile. I spent so much time mourning the past year that I didn’t realize just how much Em looks like her mother, until about a month ago.

  Emily had taken me outside to show me a trick she taught Rily. Once I sat on the patio, she began her show. Rily actually behaved and performed her trick – rolling over – flawlessly, making Em beam. At that very moment, I saw Rye in her features. It was a surreal moment that left me breathless and aching for my wife. An intense emotion ran through my body, a sensation that life might be something greater than we can imagine. I got goose bumps that left tingles.

  It was that day that I decided to stop mourning, that the best way to remember Rye was to look for her in Em’s smile and the world around us. My nights are still very hard to get through. I force myself to sleep, knowing that I can seek out Rye in more places when I wake up.

  I think I was scared that, if I moved on with life, Rye would be forgotten. But the fact is that moving on helps her memory stay alive. One of the toughest aspects of having a loved one pass: the soul-consuming grief that follows. It feels unbearable at times, and I keep reminding myself that grief is a healing process, not a final destination. I won’t always feel this way.

  Not long after Rye passed, Dad went to a therapist to get me some brochures. I guess he thought I might not be able to cope by myself. One of the brochures described the five stages of grief: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. At the bottom of the brochure, it urged people to be gentle towards themselves and not to force themselves to accept death too fast, because we need time to heal and go through all the steps of the grieving process.

  Here I am today, one year later, still standing, and coping. I’m staying strong for my beautiful daughter and trying to be the daddy she deserves. Rye told us all once that everything happens for a reason. Emily is that reason. God knew she was going to need me, and I would need her, so we could both make it through this.

  One heart brought two souls together.

  It’s almost time for us to go to the gravesite now. I will continue this tomorrow.

  Each day, I will try to live as I did when Rye was alive.

  Always, Today Only

  About The Author

  I live in Maine. My biggest passion is for my family and friends. I adore loving others as if it is the biggest gift life can offer. I'm a read-a-holic, loves chocolate, cowboys and everyone on Young Adult & Teen Readers Facebook page. My dream is to travel to Australia one day and see a kangaroo. I am nothing but simple. I do a lot of volunteer work. I have 2 beautiful daughters. 4 grandchildren, that constantly ask me if I lived in the black & white days.

  My inspiration would be my daughters. Rita for her strength to keep fighting and constantly try to take care of me. Even though sometimes she cant get out of the bed. Kayla, for helping pick up all the pieces that seem to fall, when times get rough. And the love they have for me.

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