Tomcats_Book One

by Honey Palomino

  “Yes, I’m sorry, sir,” he shook his head.

  “Well, what else do I need to do?”

  “I’m afraid a loan like this would require stellar credit and some significant collateral.”

  “I have a truck,” I said.

  “I’m sorry, Mr. King, that’s not sufficient. If you owned a house, or property, something might be able to be worked out, but as your financial standing is now, we have to reject your application.”

  “Well I’ll just fix my credit and come back.”

  “Mr. King, can I be frank with you?” he asked, looking over his spectacles at me.

  “Of course,” I said.

  “The truth of the matter is even if everything was perfectly in order, we wouldn’t give anyone a loan on a business like…that.”

  “A strip club? Are you kidding? This is Vegas.”

  “I’m aware, sir. However, this is a male strip club. My manager believes it's a dying business, even here, I’m afraid. Perhaps, if you come back with another venture, a different industry…”

  “I see,” I nodded. “Thank you for being straight with me. I’ll try another bank.”

  “Mr. King, we’re one of the most lenient lenders in town. I’m afraid you’ll find the same answer anywhere you go.”

  I hated the pity in his eyes. The look that said I’d failed before I’d even tried.

  I stood up, grabbing my papers and thanking him before walking out of the bank and out to my truck.

  I sat behind the wheel, my heart utterly and completely shattered.

  CHAPTER 27

  TILLIE

  With every step, the lacy lingerie I’d spent a small fortune on caressed my newly manicured bikini area. After taking Mario’s advice to manicure my bikini area, I’d paced around the penthouse, grazing on the appetizers to stave off the growling my stomach was doing as I waited for Richie.

  He was an hour late.

  Or, at least I thought he was. Maybe I’d gotten the time wrong, I kept telling myself as I flittered around.

  As much as I’d hoped I’d be able to control myself, I was a nervous wreck.

  Clearly, sex was on the agenda, and Richie’s words last night kept replaying over and over, until I was so wound up I couldn’t sit still. My anxiety was already bad enough, but the last hour had been damned near unbearable.

  Where was he?

  Finally, I opened the wine, desperately needed something to sooth my nerves. I walked out onto the balcony, sitting at the perfectly set table, looking down at the warm summer night, the lights of the city sparkling once again like clockwork. With new eyes, I gazed at the city that had changed everything for me. These last few days were exactly what I needed, opening up a part of me that had been closed for so very long.

  And tonight, making love with Richie was going to be like ripping off a bandage that I’d worn for way too long. A light breeze drifted through the air, a warm caress on my shoulders, lifting my hair around my head.

  Richie's down there, I thought. Probably stuck in traffic, on his way to me, thinking about me, just as I was thinking of him.

  Waiting.

  Anticipating.

  Imagining…

  I shuddered with desire, a deep yearning that began deep in my core, radiating out to my limbs, lighting up my fingertips that begged to run across his skin once more.

  I sighed, turning away from the lights and walking back into the room.

  I considered calling him, texting him. But I hesitated. I didn’t know how to do this. Dating in the modern world. My outdated views didn’t match the way things were done today. It’s probably perfectly natural for a woman to text a man who was late for a date, but I just couldn’t do it.

  Instead, I turned on the television and kept waiting, a cheesy rom-com, the wine and French lace keeping me company.

  CHAPTER 28

  RICHIE

  I went home and locked myself in my room, stripping off my clothes and getting into bed.

  I couldn’t face them.

  My friends.

  Tillie.

  Hell, I couldn’t even face myself.

  Lying in the darkness, the blinds drawn tight against the bright afternoon sun, I ran over every mistake I’d ever made in my life that led me to this colossal failure that I’d become.

  One fact was clear — I’d done this to myself. I couldn’t blame the bank, or Barry, or anyone else. I couldn’t blame the fact that I’d been born into poverty and it was a hell of a job to pull out of. I’d had plenty of time to rebuild my life into something sensible.

  Instead, I’d chosen a profession that left me vulnerable and a lifetime of partying that left me with absolutely nothing to show for it. I’d spent my money on frivolous things and let it flow through my bank account like water, always knowing I’d make more the next shift.

  I’d not taken one step to plan for my future.

  Of course, I’d be denied.

  I was a fool to think otherwise.

  I was a fool to think I’d ever be able to break out and become something else, something more than I was now — just a guy who shakes his ass on stage for money. Fuck, I wasn’t even sure I’d still be able to do that.

  How could I go out there and smile and put on a good show, knowing I’d never be anything more?

  Afternoon turned to evening, and even though I knew I was being a complete ass, I stood Tillie up.

  I simply couldn’t face her.

  She was starting a new life, she didn’t need dead weight weighing her down. And that’s all I was. That’s all I’ll ever be. I’ve been slowly drowning myself for so long that I’d not even realized it.

  It was better for her if I let her go.

  She needed light in her life.

  I had no doubt she’d find it. She was pure, sweet and kind. Women like that attract the light. I wasn’t worried about her. She’d be disappointed about tonight, but soon, she’d return home and carry on with her life without my darkness in it.

  It was better this way, even if the thought of never seeing her again broke me in two. I’d grown so fond of her. I’d been so looking forward to spending the evening alone in her hotel room, feeling her body against mine, her lips, her hands, her moans…

  But it would never happen.

  Not now.

  Not ever…

  I pulled the covers over my head and welcomed nightfall, the silence, the darkness, the emptiness, matching everything I felt inside.

  CHAPTER 29

  TILLIE

  Majestically galloping through the meadow, the thoroughbred thundered over the lush grass underfoot, stopping at the edge of a sprawling gorge. Winding through the narrow valley, the roaring river cut through a sprawling forest of swaying, towering evergreens.

  Milo and Leo purred in my lap, the horse continuing down the hill as he carried us through the countryside. Peaceful contentment washed over me as I stroked their fur, the closeness of their warm bodies comforting me.

  We soldiered onward, slowing near a wild patch of sunflowers, the rhythmic sway of the horse’s hips syncing up with the beat of my heart, as their thick stalks danced in the wind.

  I had everything I needed.

  The freedom of the great outdoors…

  The closeness of the one’s I loved…

  Sunshine…

  I stirred, my eyes fluttering open. A slow, smile spread across my face as I remembered my dream. Where everything was right. Where everything made sense merely by being simple and easy.

  I’d fallen asleep with the television on, after warming up the dinner I’d ordered for Richie and me. It was delicious, but I’d ordered so much that I felt guilty for wasting what I couldn’t get down. I’d never been so bummed about having an excuse to eat as much as I wanted in my life.

  But I was. Bummed, that is. I’d been so looking forward to seeing him, to the promise of such a wonderful night. Disappointed didn’t even begin to describe how I’d felt.

  I couldn’t help but wonde
r if I’d done something wrong. I’d been sure he was a good guy and I never expected he’d be the type to stand me up so rudely. I trusted him, the first person I’d really trusted since Reggie.

  Maybe, I thought, when it came time to actually get down to business, he preferred someone younger. I was certainly no spring chicken, that’s for sure.

  Despite my disappointment, I wasn’t going to let it ruin my memories of this trip. Even if I’d not spent the night with Richie, I’d still had a wonderful time, and all the growth I’d experienced was real.

  I’d broken out of my shell.

  Nothing could take that away.

  Not even an incredibly handsome, completely inconsiderate, so-called king of dick.

  My plane leaves tonight, and as I leave, I’ll keep my lessons close. Build on them. Go back to LA and make a life for myself. I had the world at my feet, all I needed to do was take a little initiative and figure what I wanted to do with my life.

  Everything had gone so differently than the girl who left Texas so long ago imagined it would. I’d wanted the life I’d always seen in those films I watched, a house full of love and family. In the end, all I’d gotten was the house.

  It might be too late for family, but it wasn’t too late for anything else. I could still live a full life, I could find my tribe. I just needed to step outside of my comfort zone and search for it.

  Pushing thoughts of Richie away, I stretched and pulled myself out of bed. It was a beautiful day, just waiting for me to take advantage of it. I still had a few hours to myself before flying home tonight and I wanted to play a little more roulette. I’d grown quite fond of it and a part of me couldn’t wait to do a little more traveling and find other places to play. Atlantic City maybe, the Bahamas, even Monte Carlo sounded nice…

  I could go anywhere.

  Do anything at all…

  I was walking over to turn off the television when I froze. Reggie’s face stared back at me, his name displayed across the bottom of the screen, the reporter for TMZ saying his name.

  Quickly, I turned up the volume.

  “Sources tell us Reginald Thorne wasted no time in moving on from his recently-official divorce from Matilda Thorne, his wife of twenty-five years. Rumors have been spreading for weeks that he’s been shacking up with Hollywood’s latest starlet, twenty-two year old Angeline Marchand. Marchand is the star of Thorne’s latest production, the much-anticipated winner of this year’s best picture award at the Cannes Film Festival. The picture was filmed a year ago, but Thorne’s divorce just became final in the last few weeks, so you do the math. But here’s the bombshell, folks,” he continued, beaming like the cat who’d caught the canary. “Marchand’s been laying low for the last few months. Now we know why,” he said, smiling mischievously. “Stay tuned after the commercial break and we’ll show you exclusive footage obtained by TMZ that explains exactly why sightings of Angeline Marchand have been scarce. We’ll give you hint before we go. It rhymes with ‘maybe’! Now, a word from our sponsors. Don’t go anywhere!”

  The show cut out to a commercial and I sank onto the edge of the bed, trying to make sense of what I’d just heard. I had no idea Reggie was seeing anyone, especially not some — some — child!

  Twenty-two? Angeline Marchand?

  I shook my head in disbelief.

  This couldn’t be happening.

  And the rest? Could it be true? A baby?

  My stomach retched and I ran to the bathroom, all of the food I’d gorged on last night coming up in a violent heave. I stood up, wiping my mouth, returning to the television just as the show came back on.

  “Watch this,” the extremely pleased reporter beamed, before cutting away to a video. I recognized the location right away. Shot outside the condo Reggie kept near the studio, the one I’d helped him decorate many years ago, the camera zeroed in on a couple walking towards a car. Both of them wore sunglasses and hats, but they were easily recognizable. Reggie held Angeline’s hand tightly, their heads down.

  She wore a long, thick sweater that she held tightly closed around her waist, which was out of place in the hot California sun. Just as she passed the camera, the breeze picked up, lifting the hat from her head. Her hand reached up to catch it and the sweater blew back behind her, revealing a baby bump the size of a bowling ball.

  I backed away, shaking my head, the enormity of what I was seeing hit me all at once.

  She was pregnant.

  That woman was having the baby that I never could. How could this be happening?

  After all these years, Reggie was finally getting what he wanted, what I’d wanted — his own child — and I was the one left all alone.

  Somehow, it didn’t seem fair.

  It wasn’t right.

  I turned off the television, my heart throbbing in pain.

  Why did she get to live my life? Why did Reggie get to start over completely, as if the last twenty-five years hadn’t happened? As if he’d never skipped a beat, he was just going to go on and start a family.

  As if I never happened.

  As if I never existed.

  I thought of Richie again, the way he’d made me feel, the way he’d looked at me, as if he saw me. As if he knew me…

  I’d never felt that way with Reggie.

  I’d never been happy.

  But neither had he. Maybe now, he’d get what he always wanted, and who was I to have anything to say about it? The sting I felt now would fade, I knew that, and I refused to let it linger for too long, but it stuck around the rest of the day, putting a hamper on my last roulette session and leaving me with a sadness that was slow to lift.

  After losing way too much money, a fitting end to my trip, I walked back to my room and packed with a heavy heart. Drinking in one last view of the strip, I hung out on the balcony and watched the sun set for one last time. My head was haunted with Richie’s smile and I wondered what he was doing tonight.

  I wondered if he regretted not showing up last night.

  I wondered if he was thinking about me.

  If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that life has a way of throwing you curve balls. I’d never expected anything to happen when I arrived here. I remembered how nervous I was just to leave my room alone. And then, how I slowly opened up, letting a little bit of happiness in, bit by bit.

  Maybe Richie was just a small part of that. Maybe the connection we shared was supposed to be temporary. I’d been imagining a future with us, at the very least a visit after I’d gone back home. But I’d never expected him not to show up at all and end our time together so abruptly.

  It felt so wrong, not saying goodbye.

  I wanted to accept it as just the way it was ‘supposed’ to be, but it was like I was wearing my shoes on the wrong feet, it just wasn’t something I could get used to.

  Maybe in time, I thought, as I followed the valet down to the limo with my luggage. Maybe in time it will get easier, but I knew the memory of Richie would never fade. I slid into the back of the car, watching with regret as the fountains of the Bellagio faded behind us.

  I hated unanswered questions.

  I hated the unknown, the uncertainty and the thought that I’d always carry that with me, that I’d never know what happened with Richie.

  It was almost too much to handle.

  So handle it, a voice sounded in my head.

  I shook my head, trying to make sense of it all.

  You’re a grown woman. If you want answers, go get them.

  I took a deep breath and nodded firmly, hitting the button that lowered the glass between me and the driver.

  “Excuse me? I’d like to make a detour.”

  CHAPTER 30

  DAINE

  “Any luck?” Blaze asked, as we stripped off our clothes in the dressing room of Cowboys.

  “Nope,” I replied. “Just the three of us again. Fox is on his way.”

  “He’s taking this way too hard,” Blaze said. “There’s gotta be something we can do.”


  “I don’t know, man,” I replied, shaking my head. “I’ve tried everything. Food, booze, I even bribed him with a trip to Mexico. We got all that cash together, might as well do something fun with it. He gets out of bed to eat and piss and that’s it. He just lays there in the dark like a fucking mushroom or something.”

  “This isn’t like him at all,” Blaze said.

  “I know,” I shrugged. “Maybe he just needs time. I’ll give him a day or two to lick his wounds, but then I’ll blast a firehose into his bedroom or something.”

  Fox walked in, shaking his head.

  “Richie’s a mess, man.”

  “Yeah, we were just talking about that,” Blaze said. “He’s gonna lose a lot of money tonight, there’s three bachelorette parties booked.”

  “I stopped by his room before I left the house. He told me he’s going to quit. That he’s never coming back here.”

  “What the hell?”

  “Yep,” he nodded. “He sounded pretty serious. Should we tell Barry?”

  “No, not yet,” I said. “Is Barry still pissed?”

  “Oh, yeah,” Blaze said. “He said if we ever call in like that again at once, he’s going to fire us.”

  “Whatever, he knows we’re all he’s got, unless he wants to get stuck with the end of his lease. Fuck him. I don’t care what he thinks. If I didn’t need the money myself, I wouldn’t be here, either.”

  “Well, we gotta make the best of it,” I shrugged. “It’ll all be over soon.”

  “Any thought on what you’re going to do?” Fox asked.

  “I talked to my pirate. He’s going to see if they need help. I’ll keep you guys posted.”

  “I’ve got an audition at The Man Cave next week,” Fox said.

  “What!” I cried. “You do? Good for you, man. When did this happen?”

  “This morning. I can’t afford a gap in employment. Who knows what Barry’s going to do? Maybe he won’t last another six months. I wouldn’t put it past him to just randomly lock the doors someday without even telling us first.”