The Life You Left

by Carmel Harrington

  James was bringing the alcohol, although she did have a bottle of red and white ready to go too. The kids had made place names for the table; they were excited at the thought of a dinner party. They even made a place name for Benji and put it on the floor beside a bowl of water they put down. She was just going to make some lunch for Ella soon and have her fed before everyone arrived. That way she would hopefully sit happily in her high chair when they all ate. It was all about timings with a little baby!

  Putting Ella into said highchair she spied James out in the garden with the kids. He was a big child himself, he had his shoes off already and was jumping up and down on the trampoline like a lunatic. The kids were squealing with delight jumping on top of him every time he fell down.

  Ella was in high spirits and had picked up that something important was happening. She was a really sociable baby, loved having people all around her, so she was literally bouncing up and down in her highchair, too excited to eat her food.

  James walked in the back door gasping for breath. ‘That trampoline is a killer. That’s better than any workout at the gym!’ he declared with a clink of bottles banging together as he placed the wine on the floor.

  Sarah laughed; he was puffing from the exertion. ‘Grab a beer and sit down. You’ll survive!’

  ‘Something smells gorgeous. Banoffi cupcakes?’ James asked hopefully.

  ‘The one and only.’ Sarah answered.

  ‘Before the others get here, I have to talk to you about Paul.’

  ‘Did you find anything out?’ Sarah asked quietly. Looking at her brother’s face she figured he had and she wasn’t sure she’d be pleased at what he was about to disclose.

  ‘Yeah, I know where he is. You’ll not like it, sis.’ He said slowly.

  ‘Go on, tell me. I’ve been imagining all sorts. Nothing could be worse than my imagination.’ She braced herself for James’s words.

  James wasn’t so sure. ‘Saz, he’s in London.’

  Sarah grappled for the kitchen counter to steady herself. She had imagined many scenarios as to where Paul could be, but none of them involved him being in a different country. She’d just assumed he was in Ireland somewhere, maybe in a cottage in Cork or Kerry like one of the holiday lets they’d had in previous summers with the kids. They didn’t know anyone in London, so she was at a loss as to why he was there.

  ‘Ok, here’s the deal. I rang his company and asked to speak to him. And the receptionist told me that he didn’t work in Ireland any more. I asked her why, and she informed me that he’d been promoted and taken a transfer to their London Headquarters. He moved over there over five weeks ago and has been working there since. I asked her for his new number and she gave it to me. I rang them and they said he was with a client at the minute but I didn’t leave a message, sis. I did ask them if he was now better as I’d heard he’d been unwell. The receptionist in London seemed puzzled and said that he’d not been absent from work at all. So I said to her that I must have him muddled up with someone else and I just hung up.’ James finished, never taking his eyes off his sister. He wished he could do something to take away the look of pure horror Sarah had on her face.

  Sarah felt completely bewildered. ‘If he got a promotion why didn’t he just tell me? Why didn’t he talk to me about moving to London? Did he think I’d not want to go? Why lie and tell me he’s depressed and out sick. What’s he playing at for goodness sake?’

  ‘I don’t know but this is far more serious than him just needing to sort his head out. He’s been lying to you about work and the country he’s in! What else is he lying about? I’m sorry but it doesn’t look good.’ James replied.

  Sarah suddenly felt her body go rigid with anger. She started to pace her kitchen and felt the urge to scream. Here she was coping with the children on her own, scraping to make ends meet whilst at the same time worrying about Paul, thinking he was suffering and depressed. She thought she was doing the right thing giving him space to sort himself out as he requested, but all along he was in London working away, not a bother on him. She’d bloody well kill him.

  He’d always been a bit flaky, she’d often felt let down by him over the years, but this was in a different league. She’d excused him missing birthdays or anniversaries, because in fairness he would always make it up to her. He’d come home and surprise her with a night away in ‘their’ hotel and they would have a blissful childfree twenty-four hours, where she’d remember what it was like to be a wife, a lover. She felt scared again and looked at her back door, wondering if she could simply run away herself. She wasn’t sure she had the strength to take anymore. But then she looked at the children jumping up and down on their trampoline, pure joy on their faces and she knew that she would have to face this, for their sake.

  ‘Do you have the address and number of where he is?’

  ‘I do.’ He handed a piece of paper over to her.

  ‘I’m going to ask Rita to take the kids for a few days next week after the funeral. I’m going to London. I’ve got to see him face to face and find out what the hell is going on.’ Sarah said, making the decision as she spoke.

  ‘You can’t go on your own. I’m in the middle of two cases at the minute in work, so leave it a week or so till I sort out some time off.’

  Sarah shook her head. ‘You’re a star, as always. But no, this one I’ve got to do on my own. If I need you, I’ll tell you. But this is my marriage or what’s left of it anyhow. I’ve got to sort this one out on my own.’

  ‘You’re taking this better than I thought you would.’ James said, a little surprised at how unemotional she seemed. He had expected tears at the very least.

  ‘I’m too angry right now. I’m furious with him, putting me and the kids through this. It’s all so unnecessary. I’ve wasted too many tears on him already; I’m not wasting any on him today.’ She finished defiantly.

  ‘Good for you!’ James responded, squeezing his sister’s shoulder. ‘You hold onto that anger. He deserves it, every bit of it. Sock it to him when you see him.’

  He jumped up and pulled out a bottle of red. ‘Pinot Noir for the young lady?’ Glancing at Sarah as she shook her head, he ignored her, deftly opening the bottle and pouring a glass for her. ‘You need this, you have to be in the right frame of mind for luuurrrvvve, Cilla!!!’

  Laughing half-heartedly, Sarah accepted the glass, taking a sip. ‘Cheers, bro. What I’d do without you I just don’t know.’

  ‘You’d be lost, alone and miserable, that’s what you’d be. A lucky girl you are that I’m your twin!’ He said with a big grin. ‘Now, wipe your daughter’s face, she’s covered in that orange mush she calls food!’

  Ella looked like she’d just pressed her face into the bowl; she had butternut squash and sweet potato puree all over her. ‘You little monkey!’ Sarah said laughing at her baby. Ella delighted that she was making her Mama laugh, started to bang her hand on the highchair table repeatedly, squealing loudly. She was such a joy to Sarah; she really couldn’t understand how Paul could just walk away from them all. She felt sorry for him for a minute. Had he any concept of what he was missing out on?

  Then the doorbell rang. Sarah indicated to James to take over with Ella and ran to the door. Joey was standing there with Benji in his arms. She didn’t know why, but she expected Benji to be a big dog. Joey was a big man, well over 6 foot and carried a bit of weight. He was as her mother would have said, round. So she’d expected a big old Labrador or something of that size. But Benji was a tiny Westie, a little white ball of fluff sitting comfortably in Joey’s arms.

  Sarah welcomed them both in and warned Joey that the kids would probably drive him mad, they were so excited.

  On cue Katie and Tommy ran into the house shouting in unison, ‘Can I hold him first?’

  Joey laughed at their enthusiasm. ‘I tell you what, Tommy. Let Katie have the first hold. Ladies first I always say. We men have to be gentlemen sometimes.’ He finished with a wink.

  Tommy stood up even strai
ghter and agreed immediately. ‘You can hold her first, Katie.’ He said loudly. Then turning to Joey he whispered loudly. ‘She’s younger than me, so I have to let her have most things first you know.’

  Joey ruffled his hair saying, ‘Good boy. Now, Katie, sit down over there on that couch and I’ll put Benji in your lap. He loves been tickled under his chin. Yes, just like that!’

  Katie was giggling as she stroked Benji. ‘He’s lovely, Mammy! He’s so cute.’

  ‘I have a joke about a dog you know.’ Tommy said to Joey. ‘Do you want to hear it?’

  ‘I most certainly do!’ Joey answered. ‘I could always do with a good laugh!’

  Tommy took a deep breath and said, ‘What did the cowboy say when a bear ate Lassie?’

  Katie started to giggle and Joey declared he didn’t know.

  ‘Well doggone!’ Tommy shouted in his best cowboy voice, beaming as everyone started to laugh.

  ‘Tommy’s our resident comic.’ Sarah said to Joey.

  Within a few minutes both Rita and Mary had arrived and Sarah and James were introducing them to each other. Benji was a great icebreaker, as was Ella. It gave them all something to ooh and aah about as they got used to each other.

  James made sure that they all had a drink and they all sat down at the dining room table. Sarah placed the platter down in front of them all and watched happily as they all tucked in.

  ‘I’ve never had anything like this before.’ Joey said to Sarah in between mouthfuls, his eyes wide with awe as he took in all the colours and smells on the big platter.

  ‘What’s these fellas called again?’

  ‘Bruschetta.’ Katie and Tommy said at the same time.

  ‘Bruschetta.’ Joey said, rolling the word over his tongue. ‘Never heard tell of them before. But they’re lovely. Very tasty, Sarah.’

  Tommy and Katie kept repeating the word Bruschetta over and over, laughing away at their own jokes. It was good to see them so happy, there had been far too much sadness in this house lately. Ever since Paul disappeared it was as if his departure also took a lot of the joy out of their house too. Sarah vowed to find ways to make her children laugh again, every day. ‘You’ve gone to so much trouble.’ Rita said to her daughter in law.

  ‘Ah, it’s nothing. It’s worth it, just seeing those two so happy.’ Sarah said, nodding at the children. ‘We eat like this every day don’t we kids?’

  Tommy picked up his napkin and dramatically dabbed the side of his mouth before saying, ‘Yes, Mama, we dine every night with three courses and the good silverware!’

  Everyone burst out laughing at his mimicking of somebody ‘posh’!

  Tommy was delighted with himself for making the grownups laugh. Katie started to dab her mouth too, wanting to join in the fun. Sarah smiled as she looked around the table. It was going well.

  When the starters were finished, Sarah got going on the risotto while the others all chatted away easily with each other. James joined Sarah in the kitchen.

  ‘Well I left Mary quizzing Joey about his hobbies. She’s got her sights on him alright!’ James said with a laugh.

  Sarah threw a tea towel at him saying, ‘Behave, you. Everyone seems to be getting on ok though don’t they? What do you think of Joey?’

  ‘You were right. Sound as a pound that guy. I like him a lot as it happens. And he’s very good with the kids. Very patient when they asked him hundreds of questions about dogs! Katie just asked him what dogs dream of every night. Poor man was trying his best to come up with an answer for her.’

  ‘I’m glad you like him. I do too. I think we might see a bit more of him in the future. I’m going to ask him over again. He needs some friends, he’s lonely.’

  The risotto was a great success too. Joey declaring that it was the nicest rice he’d ever had. It was creamy; packed with lots of flavour from the chorizo and prawns.

  Everyone declared themselves stuffed after they finished. Sarah jumped up and took the plate of Banoffi cupcakes from the fridge saying to everyone as she placed them on the table, ‘Nobody will have room for these then I suppose?’

  ‘Oh you’re a wicked girl!’ Mary said with a glint in her eye as she took in the sight before her. ‘Cupcakes are my absolute favourite. They look divine!’

  ‘Wait till you taste these, Joey,’ Rita said. ‘They are incredible. I’ve always said that Sarah could sell her cupcakes.’

  Joey agreed as he took a bite of his. The sweetness of the caramel combined with the soft, light vanilla sponge was just heaven.

  ‘That’s the best meal I’ve ever had.’ Joey said to his host. ‘Thank you for having me.’ He looked so grateful, Sarah was chuffed.

  ‘You’re so welcome. Thank you all for coming. Now dig in. Plenty more if you can manage it.’

  Once everyone had finished Joey suggested bringing Benji and the kids for a walk.

  ‘Can I get the present, Mammy?’ Katie asked excitedly. ‘Is it time?’

  ‘Yes, it’s time.’ Sarah said with a smile and watched her daughter run to the utility room and pick up a little gift bag.

  Joey looked gobsmacked when Katie handed the little bag to him. ‘It’s for Benji!’ Katie shouted. ‘Mammy bought it for him.’

  Joey was completely stunned that these lovely people had bought his little dog a present.

  ‘Thank you so much. Oh my, would you look at that lead, it’s very fancy.’ Joey said admiring the red lead with the little studs around the collar.

  ‘I picked it, all by myself!’ Katie said beaming.

  ‘I’ve never bothered with a lead before.’ Joey said to Sarah. ‘We don’t even own one so this is his first one ever!’ he declared affectionately patting his dog on the head.

  Sarah smiled at him and said, ‘He doesn’t know this area so I thought a lead would be good especially the way cars drive so fast these days!’

  ‘You best just do as Mammy says. She will just keep nagging you till you do.’ Tommy said with dramatic seriousness to him.

  ‘Hey, watch the cheek!’ Sarah said, half-laughing.

  ‘Benji will wear this lead every day with pride.’ Joey declared firmly. ‘The nicest day I’ve ever had to be honest. Can hardly believe it.’ He muttered.

  With the new lead now adorning Benji, Joey, James, Rita and the kids went off for their walk.

  Mary insisted that she would stay behind to help Sarah with the tidying up.

  ‘He’s a lovely man, Sarah and such easy company.’ Mary said as she stacked the dishes in the dishwasher.

  ‘He is, isn’t he? I’m glad you like him. Think he enjoyed your company too.’ Sarah teased.

  ‘Would you stop, pet.’ Mary said with a laugh. ‘I don’t think that there’s any sparks flying between us, but he’s good company and I think I’ve found a new friend. That’s always a good thing.’

  ‘No sparks at all?’ Sarah asked hopefully.

  ‘None at all, pet.’ Mary replied laughing.

  ‘Do you think that I’ve done enough?’ Sarah asked her.

  ‘Well, that I cannot answer, we just don’t know that yet. You’ve taken him away from where Benji could have been killed today. But his fate was to be killed and we can’t always change our fate. At least you have befriended Joey now. You’ve given him something else in his life other than friendship with his dog. You’ve opened your home and your heart to him. That’s something worth living for in my book anyhow. Hopefully it will be enough for Joey too.’

  Mary pulled Sarah in for a hug. ‘You’re a good woman.’

  Sarah wiped a tear from her eyes. ‘Oh, stop being nice to me. I’m trying hard not to cry at the moment.’ She filled in Mary on the latest news from her wayward husband.

  Mary was horrified.

  ‘Can you help me understand something about my gift? I’m struggling with one thing. I can see things. I get that. But why couldn’t I see this coming? Why couldn’t I see that Paul was lying to me? Surely that’s the one thing I should have been dreaming about?’

>   ‘Ah one of life’s great mysteries. Why can’t I pick the winning numbers for Saturday night’s lottery? For me, I dream about all sorts, but never anything that directly affects or benefits me. Maybe you’ll be different and be able to see things to do with yourself. But in my experience it doesn’t work like that.’

  ‘Not sure I think that’s fair.’ Sarah moaned. ‘There has to be at least one perk!’

  ‘I agree!’ Mary laughed. ‘And I hate to break it to you, but the pay is rubbish and the holiday’s non-existent!’ Mary quipped.

  Sarah pulled a face and picked up her wine for a sip. She’d only had one glass all day, hated to drink while the kids were with her.

  Mary continued. ‘But back to Paul. For what it’s worth I think you’re right to go to London. Confront Paul and demand answers. And, pet, demand money too. If he’s left you, he owes you maintenance for those kiddies of yours. He’s such a silly man; does he not know what he’s left behind?’

  Later on, when everyone was back, the kids talked Sarah into putting the Wii games console on. Dividing them into two teams, with Katie and Tommy as captains, they started playing Wii Sports Resort. It was hilarious watching Mary and Rita try to get to grips with the Wii remote. Joey on the other hand was a natural, taking to the virtual world of games like a pro.

  It was a great afternoon and it went by very quickly. Before long it was 7 o’clock and time to get Ella down for the night. Rita, Mary and Joey all took their cue from this and said their goodbyes, all thanking Sarah for her hospitality. It had been a good day and the kids had enjoyed themselves so much. They had relaxed for the first time in days and forgotten about Rachel Finch and their missing Daddy for a few hours.

  Sarah knew she had to start thinking about the funeral and she was dreading it. She knew that it was going to be very a really tough couple of days for the children.

  Chapter Eight

  ‘What’s up with you today?’ James asked Sarah as they drove to the Finch’s house. They were on their way to the wake, prior to the removal to the church. Rita was at home with the kids. Sarah felt that bringing them to the actual funeral service in the morning was going to be enough for them to cope with. They didn’t need the added trauma of going to the wake. She’d not heard if it was an open casket or not and the chance that it might be was enough for her to keep them at home. That was too much for most adults, never mind a seven and eight year old.