The Life You Left

by Carmel Harrington

  ‘Not what Dad would say.’ James replied. ‘Real men don’t cry, sis. Isn’t that what we learnt?’

  Sarah smiled at her brother. She knew that they were both sharing a memory of the time that their grandfather had died when they were only eight years old. When they were in the funeral car, following the hearse, Sarah and James had been both crying. Their father had admonished James strongly calling him a cry baby, telling him crying was for the girls. Sarah could still remember James wiping his face with his sleeve and scrunching his face up in an attempt to stop the tears coming. She caught his hand and gave it a squeeze. James squeezed back, grateful that Sarah understood.

  Following the burial they all assembled back at the local hotel, The Ballyaislinn Tavern, where the Finch’s had provided soup and sandwiches for the funeral party. Sarah hated these occasions but she knew that they were a necessary part of the grieving process. Another tradition steeped in Irish culture, the same as the wake. Funerals were a two to three day affair. First the wake for at least twenty-four hours at home, then the funeral removal to the church, followed by the funeral mass and burial, finished with a gathering of the funeral party for a meal and drink. It must be exhausting for Rachel’s parents, Sarah thought. Looking at them both she surmised that they would much rather have been at home on their own. But maybe they needed this; maybe it was this very tradition that was keeping them going.

  Sarah was sitting with some of the other parents; the kids were playing with their friends in the corner. It was getting late and she wanted to start making tracks home, where Rita was babysitting Ella. She gathered her things together and said her goodbyes, calling to the children that they were leaving. Now, where was that brother of hers? He had said he was going to work the room talking to as many people as possible about Rachel, hopefully picking up some glean of information. He’d also told her that in a large percentage of murder cases, the murderer would actually go to the funeral. It sounded so macabre and very sick to Sarah, but she supposed she really didn’t want to ever get inside the head of a murderer. She said her goodbyes to Rachel’s parents and made her way into the lounge next door and James was holding fort at the bar with five other men. She walked over to them and nodded in greeting to each of the men with James. Most of them were the husbands of the ladies Sarah had just been sitting with. They had children Tommy and Katie’s age too and over the years their children had been in each other’s houses for birthday parties.

  Her eyes moved to the last of the group, she didn’t recognise him at first. But as she got closer she stopped in shock and with her heart pounding she took in his face. Although she had never met this man before, there was no doubt that she did recognise him. He was the man from her dream, the man that was on a date with Rachel Finch. She started to shake.

  ‘Sarah, what’s up?’ James said as he took in his sisters white face. ‘You’re as white as a ghost!’

  Sarah couldn’t answer him.

  ‘Come on over and have a brandy. You look like you need it!’ said one of the men in the group. ‘It’s an awful day for everyone.’

  Before Sarah could protest a brandy was produced and placed in front of her. She picked it up and took a large gulp. The warmth of the brandy immediately hit the back of her throat, burning it, and the sharpness gave her the jolt she needed to finally be able to speak.

  ‘Thanks.’ She nodded at her neighbour.

  James went around the group introducing each of them to Sarah. He finally came to the mystery man.

  ‘And this guy is Mal Wickham. Mal, meet my twin sister Sarah.’

  Mal smiled at Sarah. ‘See she got the looks, James!’ he joked as he shook Sarah’s hand.

  His hands were rough, and scratched Sarah. She shuddered as she remembered noticing the hands in her dream two nights ago. ‘I’ve farmer’s hands,’ he said, holding the culprits up. He flashed a look of annoyance at Sarah and she realised that he had noticed her shudder and he didn’t like it. They were big hands and as he waved them in front of Sarah, she had a flash of something. She flinched, almost feeling the pain as she saw images of a blunt piece of driftwood making contact with Rachel’s body.

  A dog is barking as he tries to defend his mistress. But neither the dog nor the young woman are a match for the man standing in front of them. Rachel screams in horror as she tries to protect her body from the assault. She tries to run but he is too quick for her and she falls to the ground all the time begging him to stop.

  Sarah knew she had to get out of there. She felt like vomiting and was shaking like a leaf.

  ‘James, I have to go. Can you come to the car with me, please?’

  ‘Back in a minute, guys.’ James said to the men.

  Sarah put Tommy and Katie into the car, checking that they were buckled in ok. She then closed the door so that she could talk to James without being overheard.

  ‘Your new friend in there, Mal, he’s the guy from my dream, I’m sure of it.’

  ‘What the— ? ’ James replied in shock. ‘Mal Wickham? No way! Are you 100% sure?’

  ‘I’m 110% sure. I’ve never met that guy before in my life till just now. But I’d have recognised him a mile away; he’s the guy that was with Rachel.’

  ‘Could it just be someone who looks like the guy you dreamt about? He’s tall and dark, half of the male population in Ireland look like Mal!’

  ‘Credit me with some sense. I’m not making this up. I dreamt about this guy two nights ago. A guy I’d never seen before in my life. He was with Rachel. They were dating, they were intimate. I could tell.’

  ‘I don’t know, Sarah. This guy is married. I met his wife earlier. She’s lovely, a real stunner.’ He replied doubtfully.

  ‘For the third and final time it’s him. I don’t care who he’s married to or what she looks like, he was seeing Rachel. And I’m pretty certain he killed her.’ Sarah said firmly.

  ‘And what makes you think he killed her?’ James asked.

  ‘I just know!’ Sarah said feeling a bit defensive. ‘Don’t go looking at me like that. I know how crazy this all sounds. But I need you to believe me. I saw images – flashes of pain and hurt and anger. Her dog attacked him, trying to save Rachel and I saw him bludgeon the dog too. And standing beside him right now, I can’t put my finger on it, but he just exudes evilness. I can’t shake it. It’s him, I’m sure of it. I’m trying my best to make sense of it all James, but this is freaking me out!’

  ‘Relax, Sarah.’ James said, putting his hand lightly on her shoulder. ‘If you say it was this guy in your dream, I believe you. But unfortunately it’s not enough to go to the guards with. If we can prove they were having a relationship that would be great. And a murder weapon would be handy.’

  It was Sarah’s turn to pull a face at her brother, ‘You don’t want much, do you?’

  ‘Hey don’t shoot the messenger, but I need something more before I can go to Roger and get him to take me seriously.’

  ‘I know that. But I don’t know what to suggest. All I can tell you is what I see or feel. I need your help. What should I do now?’

  ‘What you should do right now is go home. I’m going to go back in and have another drink with the lads and see what I can find out about Mal. I’ll see how much I can find out from him and how well he knew Rachel. It will be interesting to see what he’s willing to admit to.’

  ‘Thank you.’ Sarah said. ‘Be careful though, he’s dangerous. I know that much, even if I can’t prove that he murdered Rachel yet.’

  ‘Go home.’ James repeated with what he hoped was a reassuring smile. ‘I can take care of myself. I’ll follow you home soon.’

  As Sarah drove the two miles back home to her house she tried to digest this latest revelation. Edward was sitting beside her in the front seat. She couldn’t talk to him as the children were behind her, but she was glad he was there. He had a habit of popping up beside her when she needed him. More often than not he’d sit there quietly, as he knew that Sarah couldn’t chat to him, whi
le she was busy being a Mammy. But it was a huge comfort to feel his presence. And right now, she needed that comfort.

  ‘Trust your instincts, Sarah. They are not letting you down.’ He said firmly.

  She nodded in return. Arriving at home she was surprised to see another car in the drive, beside Rita’s. The children realised whose car it was before she did.

  ‘Joey’s here!’ Tommy and Katie shouted with glee. They had really fallen for him and his little dog, Benji. Since he had been with them for lunch, they had talked about him constantly and were disappointed if he didn’t get to them with post before they went to school.

  She went in and Joey stood up from the couch.

  ‘I hope you don’t mind me calling in, Sarah. I just wanted to see if you and the children were ok after the funeral. And I wanted to give the kids this.’ Joey mumbled.

  He handed them a large jigsaw puzzle of a Westie dog.

  ‘That’s the best present EVER!’ Katie squealed and ran over to give Joey a hug of thanks.

  ‘Thanks, Joey.’ Tommy agreed. ‘Mammy, can we make it now?’

  ‘’Course you can guys. Do it at the kitchen table.’ Turning to Joey she added, ‘Thank you so much. It’s very thoughtful of you to do this for the children. And of course I don’t mind you calling in. The kids and I love seeing you.’

  ‘Ella has been as good as gold. She’s still trying her best to crawl. Thought she was going to do it a few minutes ago, but she just flopped down instead!’ Rita told her.

  Sarah laughed. The whole family were waiting with bated breath for Ella to start. At the minute she moved around the room by rolling and could get from one side of the room to the other quite effectively like this. But she was very close to crawling; it was coming very soon.

  ‘I’ll make you a coffee. Joey, fancy another one? White, two sugars isn’t it?’ Rita said.

  ‘Oh, you’ve a great memory! That’s the way I like it. Thanks Rita.’ Joey said a big smile breaking out.

  ‘You’ve a great smile, Joey.’ Sarah said to him. ‘You look really handsome when you smile.’

  ‘Ah, go away out of that!’ He answered with delight.

  Rita came back in with coffees for them all. ‘So, how was it?’ She asked Sarah.

  ‘Tough, sad, senseless.’ She answered quietly. ‘The kids were amazing. They were obviously upset and scared at times, but they got through it all very bravely. Art, was fantastic. You couldn’t have faulted him. He has a quiet strength that seems to calm everyone around him.’

  Changing the subject, Rita asked, ‘You all set for tomorrow, Sarah?’

  Sarah sighed. ‘I’m dreading it to be honest.’

  ‘What’s tomorrow?’ Joey said with concern.

  It was strange. She’d only just become friends with Joey, but she knew instinctively she could trust him. He was a good man.

  ‘I’m going to London tomorrow to find Paul. James found out that he’s working over there. He took a transfer with his job, just didn’t bother to tell me or the children he was doing it.’

  ‘Or me either.’ Rita said with a sigh of her own.

  Joey patted Rita on the hand and said, ‘What kind of an eejit is he? Does he know you’re going?’

  ‘Nope, even if I wanted to tell him, I’ve no number for him. And I’m not having this conversation on the phone anyhow. Tomorrow, I’ll be playing the mad wife surprising the runaway husband. I’m on the early flight in the morning. I’m going to go to my hotel, check in, freshen up, and then head to his office early afternoon.’

  ‘I just don’t understand it. I didn’t raise my son to run away from things.’ Rita said, distressed.

  ‘Not a word to the kids. They don’t know that I’m going to see Paul. They are finding it extremely hard to believe that Daddy’s still away on business this long. I’m going to have to give them some answers soon enough. I just hope I get the answers that they will want to hear tomorrow.’ She ended softly.

  She had tried her best not to think about what might happen when she saw her husband, but whenever it came into her mind, which was every five minutes it seemed, her stomach started to heave. No matter which way she looked at this, it couldn’t be good news.

  Chapter Ten

  Why on earth had she booked a flight at 7.15am Sarah asked herself again. She could blame nobody else; she’d decided it would be good to get going early. But that was before she knew that she would have spent the night before tossing and turning with bad dreams. It was getting to be a horrible habit and one she was not thankful for right now.

  ‘Coffee, Tea?’ the air hostess asked with indifference. Sarah normally would pass on inflight coffees, but she needed this one. She handed over her €3.00 and took the small cardboard cup from the girl who was looking slightly irritated at the handful of change she had just received. Sarah had emptied her purse and counted out all her small cent coins. Seeing the girls irritation appealed to Sarah’s mischievous nature and she held back a giggle. It’s the small things that get you through a bad morning, she thought to herself.

  Sarah picked up her journal from her handbag. She had taken Mary’s advice and was now keeping a record of everything she either sensed or dreamed. She looked at the notes she had made yesterday after James had called in on his way home from the Ballyaislinn Tavern. Joey had gone home and Rita was playing Monopoly with the children. She had walked into the living room and closed the door firmly behind her.

  ‘Well, did you find anything out?’ Sarah asked him.

  ‘I managed to learn quite a bit actually. Marie and him have been married for two years with no kids. He’s a farmer, cattle, I’m pretty sure he said, out Rosslare direction.’

  ‘I knew most of that already.’ Sarah said irritably. ‘Did he say anything about Rachel?’

  ‘Well, I could hardly ask him outright if he was having an affair with her and then killed her. Could I?’ he said exasperatedly to Sarah.

  ‘Ok, sorry. You’re right, it’s just so frustrating knowing this but not being able to prove anything!’ Sarah replied.

  ‘Listen, it’s early days. I’m going to do some digging into this guy. Have a chat with Roger about the case. I’ve got to tread carefully though, I’ve got to come up with a reason as to why I’m focussing on Mal Wickham all of a sudden. I can’t say for definite but I think he’s not even on the Gardaí’s radar right now. And I certainly can’t tell them that my twin sister is having psychic dreams about the murderer. Not until you dream something that I could use as actual evidence.’

  ‘I hate this. I wish I knew something else. Sorry, go on.’ Sarah said earnestly.

  James felt sorry for his sister, but there wasn’t much he could do to help right now.

  ‘He didn’t say much else to be honest. Bit of a closed book when I started to question him a bit more deeply. His wife came over though and she was far chattier. They met only two and half years ago and they got married within six months. It was a whirlwind romance by all accounts. She’s from Dublin, a real city girl, and he’s the farmer from Wexford so polar opposites. She’s like a fish out of water, from what I can gather, out in the sticks on the farm.’

  ‘Did they seem happy?’ Sarah asked.

  ‘Well, at first glance I would say yes, she was all over him, calling him baby. But when you look a little closer, there are a few cracks.’

  ‘How so?’ Sarah said. This was getting more interesting now.

  ‘He seemed a little less amorous than her,’ James replied. ‘like she was trying very hard to please her husband, but he wasn’t as bothered about pleasing her if you know what I mean. He was quite short with her as if she irritated him. I did find out though that she went to college with Rachel and they were pretty good friends back then. So that’s the connection. At least we know how they all know each other. Marie did say though that they had drifted apart since she got married.’

  ‘That’s a bit strange isn’t it? Marie marries a Wexford man and moves here but her best friend and she don�
�t reconnect?’ Sarah commented. ‘I’d have thought that living in the same county again would mean that they would be even closer than ever.’

  ‘Exactly what I thought. Marie said to me that Rachel was at their wedding and that after their honeymoon the three of them went for a drink one night. But they didn’t really stay in touch much after that. She whispered to me that Mal hadn’t really liked Rachel and wasn’t keen on them spending much time with her.’

  ‘Well, that much we know to be untrue. I wonder if Marie has any idea that her husband and friend were having an affair?’ Sarah wondered out loud.

  ‘I don’t know, but it wouldn’t surprise me if she had a slight inkling of something. Everyone had a good few drinks yesterday but I wasn’t drinking, just sipping the same pint, so I was in a good position to keep my eyes and ears open. When I realised that Mal wasn’t going to say much about him or Rachel, I focussed on Marie. I liked her as it happens. She’s a nice girl, a little bit dim, but nice.’

  ‘Imagine being married to him.’ Sarah said and then stopped suddenly as a thought struck her and made the hairs on the back of her neck stand. ‘Maybe it was her that I saw in my first dream. Maybe Marie was the woman in danger!’

  ‘Oh man, this is getting serious.’ James answered, feeling more and more alarmed every second.

  ‘Did she say anything else?’ Sarah asked.

  ‘I asked her if Rachel had a serious boyfriend or not and she made a face. I asked her what the face was for and she just said, ‘Let’s just say that Rachel liked a lot of boys. She was a real flirt. The night we went for a drink she was practically all over my Mal.’

  He laughed at Sarah’s face, her jaw had dropped open.

  ‘Now, that’s when I started to get real interested in what she had to say.’ James continued.

  ‘So do you think she knows that they were having an affair?’ Sarah asked excitedly.

  ‘Not sure about that. But she definitely had the hump about Rachel flirting with her husband. I reckon that’s the real reason why she lost touch with her. She was afraid of what might happen between the two of them.’