by Jamie Pope
“I don’t know, but it’s real and it’s powerful and we would both be better off if we just admitted it.”
“I was fine sparring with you and keeping my distance. You changed the rules. You started being nice. You started kissing me.”
“Don’t act like it was one sided, Nova. You feel the same things that I feel.”
“I was feeling boredom.”
“I hope you’re feeling full of shit too, because that’s what you are.” He stood up. “I’m getting the hell out of here.”
“Good. Get out.”
He grabbed his boots and he left her. Nova had never felt so relieved, and so much like she had just pushed away one of the few good things in her life.
Chapter 5
“Tanner.”
He turned around at the sound of Wylie’s voice. It was near the end of their workday. It had been a busy one, but Tanner wasn’t ready to quit just yet. He thought after his run-in with Nova a few days ago that he’d welcome the solitude of his big empty house. But he didn’t. The house felt even emptier now that he’d spent a few hours with Nova and her kid. Maybe it was a size thing. Maybe a man wasn’t meant to live alone in an estate home, and an apartment would serve him better. He made a mental note to start looking for places.
“Yeah?” he responded.
“Cass has issued an order for me to invite you over for dinner tonight. She wants to have a bonfire on our beach and told me that if you don’t come she’s going to cry. If my wife cries, I’ll be forced to kick your ass, so just do me a favor and agree.”
“Is she really emotional these last few weeks of her pregnancy?”
“She’s really happy. She’s nesting. I’ve told her to stay in bed and let me handle everything, but she’s been cooking all day. And every time I come home there is something new in the nursery. One day I caught her trying to put the crib together by herself. She’s going to give me a heart attack.”
“I’ll be there. What should I bring?”
“Nothing, but she told me she wants you to make your special hot chocolate that you made for us at Christmas. She says she wants to drink it by the fire.”
“Far be it from me to ignore a pregnant woman’s request. I’ll go home and shower and be over after that.”
Tanner went home and took a quick shower before dialed his grandmother’s number. She answered immediately. “Tanner! I’m so happy to hear from you.”
“How are you, Gram?”
Tanner and his grandmother didn’t speak often. He couldn’t say they were close, but out of everyone in his family, his relationship with her was the least complicated. He liked her. For a woman whose blood was as blue as could be, she was pretty down to earth. “I’m alive, sweetheart, and that’s means I’m wonderful.”
“That’s good to hear.”
“To what do I owe the pleasure of this call?”
“I was wondering about your hot chocolate recipe. I tried to make it at Christmas, but there was something missing.”
“What did you put in it?”
“Milk, chocolate hazelnut spread, sugar, and cocoa powder.”
“You forgot to add a pinch of salt. It makes all the difference.”
“Is that what it is?”
“That’s all. I’m surprised you made it. I didn’t think you noticed much of what we did when you were a boy.”
“I noticed. I remember a lot of things we did when I was a kid. I remember my time on the island.”
“Those were good summers, weren’t they?”
“Yes, and then I turned fifteen.”
“It was like an adrenaline junkie demon possessed you. I’m glad you’ve calmed down some.”
“Drag racing loses its thrill when you’re dodging IEDs.”
“I’m so glad you’re done with your service. I hated when the phone rang. I always thought it was going to be bad news on the other end.”
He had survived. No calls had to be made about him, but he had been the one to notify a family once. It hadn’t been his job to, but he had been there. He had watched the kid die and he had felt responsible. He put in his papers three days after that.
“I made it out.”
“I’m infinitely grateful for that. Why don’t you come to see us? Your grandfather will have spring recess soon. We could meet in Miami or even out of the country. Someplace warm. It has been a dreadfully cold spring in D.C.”
“Things are just starting to pick up for us again. We had to slow building down in the winter months. The goal is to have all thirty families moved in by summer.”
“There was a time when your grandfather and I were sure you were going to end up in prison, but you are more dedicated to your work than most people I know.”
“I guess I have my grandfather to thank for that.”
“You don’t have to thank him. He’s happy enough, just seeing how you turned out.” She paused for a long moment. “Listen, sweetheart, your mother is here. Would you like to speak to her?”
“Does she want to speak to me?”
“I don’t see why she wouldn’t. Did you find out the truth about . . . ?” She trailed off. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll get her.”
“Wait!” he said but she was already gone. He knew that there was something his family wasn’t telling him, something that they had kept hidden from him for years, but he couldn’t figure out what the hell it might be. He knew it had to do with him. His grandparents always watched him, looked at him a little too long, studied him a little too closely. But his parents were the opposite. They acted like he didn’t exist.
“Hello, baby boy!”
He hadn’t heard his mother’s voice in nearly two years. He would get a birthday card, an occasional e-mail, but that was it. Now she was on the phone sounding as if they spoke every few weeks.
“Hi, Mom. I heard your news.”
“Isn’t it wonderful? I can’t wait for you to meet Ilario. You’ll adore him.”
“It’s great that you’ve found someone to make you happy, but I’m wondering why you couldn’t be bothered to tell me that you were getting divorced.”
“I was sure your grandfather would have told you. You speak to him much more than you have ever spoken to me.”
“And whose fault is that?” he asked, unable to hide the edge in his voice.
She was silent on the phone for a long moment. “Are you trying to imply something, Tanner?”
“No, Mother. I’m not implying anything at all.” He thought about Nova in that moment. She told him to tear into his parents, confront them, but something inside of him made him pause. “Is there something you need to tell me? Something you’ve been keeping from me?”
“Why would you ask that?” she asked in a way that was so defensive, he knew she couldn’t be innocent. “Your father and I are getting a divorce. We were unhappy together. That is all.”
“I really don’t think it is.”
“Well, that’s all you are getting from me. I have to go, Tanner. I hope to see you at my wedding.”
She disconnected and Tanner sat in his chair just staring at the phone still in his hand. There was something gurgling in his chest. It was the anger returning. That sick, hot burning anger he used to feel so much of as a child. When he was a kid he would do something destructive, punch a wall, break something, pick a fight, but he was too old for that now, too disciplined. He was a grown man, but it didn’t seem to matter how old he was; his parents still managed to disappoint him and he still was having a hard time letting it go.
* * *
Nova glanced down at the diamond ring Elijah had just given her. It was a large marquise-cut diamond in an old-fashioned setting. It was real. She could tell it was real, and it was expensive and it was on the tip of her tongue to ask her where he had gotten it from. Or,more importantly, how he got it. She wanted to think he just walked into a store and purchased it with the money he had been saving for the past few months. But in her gut she knew that wasn’t the case. Her ring had belo
nged to someone else, and she knew if she asked him who, it would cause him to lie, or worse, get angry.
They had been dating for six months now. Elijah was true to his word. He took care of her. He moved her out of the rundown hotel and into a one-bedroom apartment. The neighborhood wasn’t the best, but the apartment was nicer than any she had ever lived in. He had a king-sized bed and a big-screen television. There was a state-of-the-art stereo system, and every video game imaginable. At first she thought his parents had bought these things for him. They were good people. His mother was a college professor. His father was an author and historian of Native culture. They made good money. They had a big beautiful house. They were the kind of people Nova wanted to be, but they had cut Elijah out of their lives.
He had brought her to his parents. Showing her off to them. Making sure they knew that she was Native, too. He thought that that would make them proud, that it would get him back in their good graces. But she could tell they weren’t impressed by her. Why would they be? They were two Ph.Ds. She still hadn’t finished high school.
Elijah seemed so disappointed when they didn’t care that he was in love with her and planning to settle down. Nova wondered if it was because he wanted his parents to love the woman he loved, or if he had wasted his time courting a girl who couldn’t get his parents to reconsider letting him back in their good graces. Nova had been worried for a while. Worried that he really hadn’t loved her. Worried that it was all a game, but then he gave her this ring and promised her that they would make their own home and have a family of their own.
And the thought of that warmed her, but it didn’t prevent that little voice in her head from speaking.
There was a reason his parents cut him out of their lives. There was a reason he had hushed meetings in the living room that she wasn’t allowed to be involved with. There was a reason all of their possessions just appeared in the apartment and nothing ever seemed to come from a store.
“Come on, Nova.” Elijah came up behind her and grabbed both of her breasts. “I got rid of everyone. Why do you still have all your clothes on? You said you wouldn’t do it if my friends were in the house. Now they’re gone.”
“I know.” She swallowed hard. Sometimes she liked the way Elijah’s hands felt on her body, but there were some times when he was too rough with her. Tonight was one of those nights and it made her think twice about going through with her promise. There was a heavy scent of alcohol on his breath and his eyes were glassy. The air in the house smelled like whatever it was that they were smoking before she walked in. “Maybe we should wait until after we’re married. We’ve waited all this time. What’s another week?”
“Fuck that, Nova! I’ve never waited more than a week to get with a girl and you have me waiting six months. Do you know how many girls I could have gotten with? I come home to you every night. I proposed to you. You think I’ve ever done that before? I’m going to be your husband and it’s your duty as a wife to have sex with me. If you don’t want to be with me tonight, then I don’t want to marry you. You can go back to living alone in that shitty motel rather being with a man who protects you. A man who loves you.”
Elijah hadn’t been perfect. There were things about him she didn’t like, but he had been there. Every single day. He made sure she was fed and clothed and had a home. With him she finally had a place to live for more than a few months, and she couldn’t risk losing that so soon.
“Okay, Elijah. I’ll do it. Be gentle.”
He pushed her down on the bed and tore at her jeans. “I don’t think I can be. I’ve waited too damn long for this.”
* * *
Nova had to give it to Tanner. He was a hell of a good faker. She could tell he was on edge the moment he had walked in that night. His long body was tight. He smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He joked and laughed with Wylie and Cassandra and ate heartily. He even played endless hands of Go Fish with Teo, but something was up with him. She could feel it and every time she looked at him she wanted to go over to him and make him tell her what it was that was bothering him.
But she stayed where she was. She hadn’t seen him since he stomped out of her apartment. At first she thought he might have been on edge because of her, but she knew that couldn’t be it. He wasn’t the type to hold a grudge over something like that. It was one of the reasons she liked him so damn much.
“He’s asleep.” Cass came over to her and rested her head on Nova’s shoulder.
“Before the bonfire? He was so excited about it. It was all he could talk about when I picked him up from school.”
“I was excited for it, too.” She rubbed her lower back. “But I’m kind of glad he’s asleep. I don’t think I could waddle all the way out to the beach.”
“You’re in pain, aren’t you?” Nova has noticed Cass wincing when she moved, and how hard it was for her sister-in-law to move.
“Please don’t tell Wylie.”
“Is it your hips?”
“Yes. How did you know?”
“I’ve been pregnant before. Are you sleeping with a pillow between your legs?”
“No.”
“Try that and take warm baths and tell your husband to book you an appointment for a prenatal massage. In fact I’ll book you an appointment. There’s a place in Edgartown with a great therapist.”
“You don’t have to do that, Nova.”
“I want to. Wylie,” she called to her brother who was speaking with Tanner near the kitchen door. “I’m stealing your wife tomorrow afternoon.”
“Oh, no, you’re not. She’s eight months pregnant and you’ll have her going off island or flying out of the country.”
“She’s a grown woman with her own free will, Wylie James. If she wants to fly out of the country, she’ll fly out of the country.”
“Oh, you two, don’t start,” Cass chided. “Nova is taking me to get a prenatal massage. She noticed that I was in pain and offered to book me an appointment and take me.”
“You’re in pain?” Wylie looked horrified and rushed over to his wife. “Why didn’t you tell me? Do we need to go to the hospital?”
“No, dummy.” Nova rolled her eyes. “Cass’s body is preparing her for labor. Hip and back pain are common. She needs to take warm baths and sleep with a pillow between her legs. Not rush to the doctor. You are making her anxious with all your anxiety, so quit it. You’ve been to war, you’d think a little childbirth wouldn’t scare the crap out of you.” She looked back at Cass. “There are some stretches you can do, too. I’ll show you tomorrow.”
“How do you know so much about this?” Wylie asked her suspiciously.
“Hello! My kid is in the next room. How do you think he got here? I assure you it wasn’t magic. The twelve hours of labor I experienced wasn’t a dream.”
“Sometimes I forget you actually had a baby. I didn’t even know you had been pregnant until Teo was almost three,” Wylie said to her, guilt in his eyes. “I would have tried harder to find you.”
“You came when I needed you,” she said, suddenly uncomfortable with her brother’s softness to her.
“I didn’t. If I had known what he was doing to you—”
“Quit being such a girl! I’m fine.” She squeezed his arm before she walked away from him and toward Tanner. She had never told Wylie about her life before she came to the island. He’d learned bits and pieces over the years. But she could never tell him everything. It wasn’t good for him to know. He would feel guilty for not being there and she would resent him more for escaping that life.
Tanner gave her a long look as she approached him. The edge was still there. “My kid is sleeping,” she told him. “I don’t think we are going to have a fire tonight.”
“He was so excited about it.” Tanner looked a little disappointed himself.
“There will be other nights.”
“I made all this damn hot chocolate.”
“We can still drink it inside.” Cass came over to them, Wylie behind
her, his hand on the small of her back. “I can open all the windows so it gets cold in here.”
“You don’t have to do that.” Tanner grinned at her.
Nova studied the mugs. They really were quite beautiful with toasted marshmallows, whipped cream, and a chocolate drizzle on top. She hadn’t expected such a presentation from him.
“You know, Tanner, I really can’t believe you made these. I didn’t think soldiers had any imagination. I thought you all were trained to point, shoot, and blow things up. But these mugs are damn near beautiful. Where did you learn how to do this? Home ec?”
“My grandmother used to make these for Christmas.”
It was sentimental and sweet and maybe a normal person would have left it at that, but she wasn’t a normal person. There was something up with him. “What else did you learn from your grandmother? Can you knit? Maybe do some watercolors. Mansi loves to play mahjong. Maybe you two can get together and have a tournament. You seem to be up on what all the little old ladies are doing.”
More than annoyance flashed through his eyes. “I’m not in the mood, Nova,” he warned.
“Really? That’s not something I hear men say to me a lot. What’s the matter? You have an accident at work today? Did your nail gun go off in a sensitive place? That’s enough to make any man grouchy. Maybe you need to call your grandmother so she can kiss it and make it better.”
“Damn it, Nova. Enough!” he barked at her in a way that caused her to jump. But she got what she wanted. The act was dropped and she saw the man who had really been here all night, the pissed-off guy who would rather be anywhere other than here pretending he was having a good time. She also saw a little glimpse of the commanding officer he had been in his previously life. A giant. Imposing. Not a man to be messed with.
Maybe that was the reason he got under her skin so much now. He was always quick to smile, to joke, to tease. She knew his life had been tough. She knew there was darkness there. It didn’t seem right that he could go around so seemingly happy, so unaffected by it all.
So she pushed his buttons, because getting a rise out of him somehow made her feel better about herself.
