by Jamie Pope
“And yet?”
“And yet they couldn’t pick up a goddamn phone and tell me. I had to hear it from my grandfather.”
“You should call them. Confront them. Tell how pissed off you are about it. Throw a few cuss words in there.”
“Is that how you would handle it?”
“I might. The best part about having a family is being able to tell them how you feel about them. I tell Wylie all the time.”
“You tell him that he’s an annoying pain in the ass.”
“He is. But I love him though. He has made me want to be a better person.”
“Does he know that?”
“Of course not. And you better not tell him, or I’ll knock you out.”
He chuckled. “Do you think you need to become a better person?”
“Oh, hell, yes. Don’t you?”
“I like you the way you are.”
She looked away from him and down at the field. “You only say that because you don’t know me,” she said in a soft voice.
“I do know you. Better than you want me to, and that’s why you hate me.” He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear so that he could kiss the side of her face. She looked up at him, eyes wide, mouth slightly opened.
He wanted to kiss her again, pull her into his lap and kiss those sweet pouty lips until his mind went completely blank.
“Mr. Tanner!” He tore his eyes off Nova when he heard Teo’s voice. The boy was running toward them as fast as his little legs could carry him. Tanner felt a smile spread across his face. No one had ever been this happy to see him. It made him feel . . . good.
“Hey, little man!” He stood up, caught Teo before he barreled into the bleachers, and swung him into the air. “How are you?”
“I’m fine. My class took a trip off island this week. It was just to a museum. It was kind of boring, but the boat ride was fun. My friend Bluebell says her daddy has a boat and it has a living room and a kitchen and they can sleep in it. I don’t know why they got one of those when they have a house. They should just sleep in their house.”
Tanner laughed again. “Your friend’s name is Bluebell?”
“A bluebell is a flower, Mr. Tanner. Did you know that? It’s like being named Rose or Lilly. At least that’s what my teacher says. I said it was weird, but Valerie said the name Teo is weird, too.”
“Teo is a nickname. Your full name is Theodore,” Nova explained. “Theodore is a very good and normal name. You didn’t tell me any of the stuff you just told Tanner.”
“I didn’t know you wanted to know.” Teo’s tone had changed. That excitement that he first exhibited became subdued now.
“I always want to know, Teo.”
“Mansi says I talk too much.”
“You do,” Nova said with a small smile. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear it.”
“Danny is having a birthday party at the bouncy house place. His mommy said that you should come talk to her about it.”
Nova nodded and touched Teo’s cheek. “I’ll go talk to her now.” She looked into Tanner’s eyes. “He’ll be okay here with you?”
“Go. We’ll be right here until you get back.”
She nodded and walked away. He still held Teo and looked at the boy whom he genuinely liked. He wasn’t a kid person, but this one had something special about him. “You know your mother loves you a lot, don’t you?”
“Yeah.” He sighed. “She’s trying.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “I hear Aunt Cass say that to Uncle Wylie a lot.”
“Well, what do you think she means when she says that?”
“She sees me more. She used to leave me at Mansi’s house when she worked late, but now she comes over at night and sleeps there. And she makes me breakfast now.”
“She wasn’t feeding you before?”
“She would give me cereal, but now I get pancakes, or waffles, or eggs with cheese on them.”
“Sounds good.”
“Mommy likes to cook. She says we have to eat together every day no matter what. She said the best time she had with her mommy was when they were eating.”
“Have you ever met her?”
“No.” He shook his head. “She died a long time ago.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“You should tell Mommy that. She still gets real sad about her mommy sometimes. Mansi said she had a hard life.”
Tanner knew that. Nova had never complained about how tough she’d had it, but he knew how bad her past had been. He had heard little bits from Wylie, who had escaped life with his mother. But Nova hadn’t. She had lived with someone who had the stability of a tornado and there was some strong need in Tanner to make her life easier.
What right did he have to want that? His own life was still a mess, but there was something inside him that wanted to fix things for her, to take care of her.
He knew if he tried, she would probably crack his skull open, and that made him want to be there even more.
“I didn’t know you was coming to see me practice.”
“I want to take you and your mother out for dinner.”
“I think Mommy would like that. She don’t want to cook every day.”
Chapter 4
Nova had been a little annoyed when she had returned from speaking to Danny’s mother only to learn that Tanner had promised her son that he was going to take them out for dinner. The man was trying to torture her with his presence. How dare he show up at her son’s practice? How dare he kiss her cheek like that in public where anyone could see?
How dare he be sweet to her?
She didn’t like it, didn’t know how to handle it, or him for that matter. She had wanted to tell Tanner no, but she couldn’t do so without coming off like a world-class bitch to her kid. How could she tell Teo that they couldn’t eat at a restaurant with the best lobster fritters on the island because they were going home to eat box mac and cheese and chicken nuggets because she hadn’t been able to get to the grocery store that day?
How could she tell him that he couldn’t spend more time with Tanner, who was kind to him and attentive and genuinely seemed to want to hang out with him?
She couldn’t.
And she certainly couldn’t tell her son that it royally ticked her off that he was so much easier around Tanner than he was with her.
Teo told Tanner stuff about his life that he never once mentioned to her. It was hard not to feel a little hurt by it. He was her kid and yet he felt more comfortable with everyone else.
But that wasn’t his fault. It was hers. She hadn’t always been the best mother she could be. She was trying to make up for it now, but she was afraid the damage had already been done.
“Mommy? Can Mr. Tanner come in to see what you gave me?” Teo asked her as they were heading back to their apartment in Tanner’s car. They lived just a few blocks away from the fields and Nova had taken to walking Teo to practice, just to get a few more quiet moments with him.
The walk was her favorite part of the week. He would slip his little fingers through hers and they would talk. She would tell him things about her mother, about her childhood that were safe for him to hear. Good memories that she had. She told him about Wylie and their visits when they were kids.
He wasn’t going to be five forever. His birthday was at the end of summer. She wasn’t going to have this kind of time much longer. A big part of her didn’t want to share any more of her son than she already had.
She looked over at Tanner whose expression was neutral. He wasn’t going try to influence her decision either way, which she appreciated and which annoyed her at the same moment. He made it so hard for her to dislike him.
“Baby, I think Mr. Tanner might want to go home now.”
He gave a subtle shake of his head. He didn’t want to go home yet. He would stay as long as she would have him. She was surprised that he had shown up today. They always avoided each other
after she gave him a haircut. The energy between them was too charged, too much for her to handle in large doses. She needed space from him after those encounters. She needed time away from him to dull the memory of his kiss. To forget about his touches. But lately those feelings were refusing to go away.
Her heart kind of tumbled in her chest when she saw his long body making his way toward her. She was happy to see him, she realized. It was lonely being a single mother in a town where all the mothers avoided you. But there was no place for him in her life. No place for any man. And yet she wanted him to come inside tonight as much as Teo did.
He gave her knee a slight squeeze. He didn’t have to say the words, but he was telling her that he wouldn’t make her look bad in front of her kid.
If she sent him away, he would go without an argument.
“Okay. You can show him, but then you have to get ready for bed right after.”
“Thank you, Mommy,” he said softly. She looked back at him. He was smiling. Happy that he got the extra treat of spending time with Tanner.
She knew he wanted a father. She just hoped that he wasn’t starting to think that Tanner could be his. She’d promised herself that she wouldn’t let men into her son’s life, that she would protect him completely—and that included his fragile little heart.
Tanner pulled up in front of her apartment. They lived in a tiny two-bedroom above a now-abandoned record store. Tanner had never been inside before and she felt herself grow a little nervous as he followed her up the stairs. She didn’t do this. She didn’t take men to her apartment, to the home she shared with her son. In fact, so few people came here. Wylie. Cassandra on occasion, but that was it, really.
Her walls were painted a neutral taupe, but that was the only thing that was understated about her apartment. She had been so poor growing up. They had moved around from place to place. From motel to motel. Sometimes leaving in the middle of the night with nothing more than the clothes on their backs. She always dreamed of having her own home, but marriage didn’t make that dream come true. And it was more of the same. Living like a nomad.
But this was her first place and she wanted everything in it to be comfortable. She had a huge overstuffed couch, piled high with pillows and throw blankets. She had a chaise lounge in the corner draped with a quilt that Mansi had made for her after Teo was born. There was a lot of artwork on the walls. Unique, sometimes bold paintings, stuff she had picked up at flea markets and yard sales over the years.
“You got to take your shoes off in the house, Mr. Tanner. Mommy don’t like it when you mess up the floors,” Teo said when she let them in.
“Oh, that’s okay, Tanner. You don’t have to take them off.”
“If that’s the rule, Mommy, then that’s the rule.” He grinned at her and then removed his huge heavy work boots.
“I hope your big feet don’t stink up the place.”
“My feet smell like spring flowers.” He lifted one up. “Want to smell them?”
She bit back a smile. “I’d rather eat a live snake.” “Come on, Mr. Tanner. I want to show you what Mommy got for me.” Teo grabbed him by his hand and pulled Tanner into his room. Nova followed him, trying to ignore the cute image of her tiny son, leading the enormous grown man.
“What did you get?” Tanner asked. “A remote-controlled truck? A new video game?”
She bought Teo a lot of stuff. He had more clothes than three little boys combined, and shoes to match every color and shade invented. It was too much, she knew, but she’d had two pairs of jeans and three shirts when she was a kid. She only had one jacket for years and she wore until it literally fell apart. Teo would never know what it was like to go without warm clothes, and good shoes. He would never spend his childhood in a sparse motel room.
“No.” Teo pointed to the corner in his room. She had bought him a large bookshelf and filled it with books, and she found a little desk and chair for him. And in the corner she placed the biggest bean bag chair she could find to complete her vision. “Mommy made me my own library. She got me a hundred new books and said we could read a new one every night.”
“Wow, Teo,” Tanner said quietly. “You have the best room I have ever seen.”
Teo beamed. “Thank you.”
“Go get ready for bed and if your mom says it’s okay, I would like to stay here for one of your stories.”
“Is it okay, Mommy?”
“Yes.” She walked to his drawer and took out his pajamas. “Go put these on and brush your teeth. Make sure you get all of them, even the back ones.”
He nodded and was off, leaving Tanner and her alone again. He said nothing to her at all, just walked around Teo’s room, looking at all of his things. She had hung up his team photos, mounted his old soccer jersey, displayed every ribbon, trophy, and certificate in there. She hoped he was happy there, that when he looked back on his childhood that he would remember how hard she had tried.
“I’m finished.” He came back in the room with toothpaste dribbled down his pajama top. “Pick a book, Mr. Tanner.” He got in his bed, beneath his covers, and waited.
“Oh, that’s a big decision. Are you sure you want me to make it? What if you don’t like the book I choose?”
“Mommy says that there are some things in life that you aren’t going to like and you just have to deal with them. I’ll deal with it.”
Tanner laughed, his entire face transforming from merely handsome to absolutely gorgeous. It was probably one of the reasons she was so drawn to him. He smiled easily. She knew his life hadn’t been easy, but he still found happiness in small things and she admired that about him. “Okay. Sit down, Mommy. Let me read to you both.”
Nova found herself being pulled into the story as soon as Tanner started reading. He made funny voices. He read with such expression and she wondered where he got it from, where he pulled this talent from. He was a single man. An Army Ranger, a decorated hero, and veteran of two wars. How the hell did he have time to become an expert kid’s book reader?
When he finished the story Teo let out a groan. “One more story?” he asked.
“Go to sleep, little man.” He bent to kiss his forehead, as though it was the most natural thing in the world, like Teo was his son and not the nephew of his best friend. Nova felt funny about it and she couldn’t exactly pinpoint what it was that made her so damn uneasy.
“Your turn, Mommy.” Teo held out his arms, which was not the norm for him. But there was something about Tanner that was infectious.
She hugged her son, wrapping her arms tightly around him and kissing his face as many times as she could before he squealed.
She plugged in his night-light and with Tanner walked out of the room. As soon as they stepped into the living room, he grabbed her by the waist and planted his lips on hers. It was a hot kiss, one that caused warm tingles to snake through her body. Her nipples grew tight, her skin felt too restricted covered in all of her clothing, and Nova had the urge to break free. Not from his kiss, not from his powerful hands curled around her waist, but break free from all the crap that bogged her down, and made her scared to take a leap.
Her feet left the ground and Tanner carried her to the couch where he lay her down and covered her body with his own. The last man to lay on top of her had been her husband. She had been disgusted with him by then; there was no love left. Not even any like left, but she had pledged herself to him. She had made a family with him, but he left her cold. It was very unlike the way she was now. Tanner’s body was heavy and warm. He had her pinned down to the couch, but instead of feeling trapped, she felt protected, safe in his hold. He looked right into her eyes, regarded her tenderly, like she was fragile, as he stroked his thumb along her cheek. Then he kissed her again. It was a slower kiss this time. A deep slow kiss, which made her breathless and languid and never want to get up from that spot.
“My kid is in the other room,” she whispered, not wanting things to get out of hand. They could,;with Tanner, they easily could.<
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“I know. I just want to kiss you, Nova. I need to kiss you.”
“Why?”
“You got him a library and I’m not sure who is sweeter—you for thinking of it, or him for loving it so much.”
“He really does like it, doesn’t he?”
“Yes, Nova. Did you think he was being polite?”
“Yeah, he’s very polite with me.”
“You’re a good mother. You’ve given him a good life.”
She slid her hands up the back of his shirt, feeling his hard muscled back. “This has to stop. I need this to stop.”
“Do you want me to get off of you?” he asked her.
“Yes,” she said, and as soon as she said the words, he went to lift his body from hers, but she tightened her arms around him.
“You’re not letting me go.” He gave her a confused frown. “You’re the queen of mixed signals.”
“Mentally, I want you to go, but my body wants you to stay right where you are. Besides, I really didn’t think you were going to go. I’m not used to men listening when I tell them I don’t want to be touched.”
His nostrils flared, and she felt his anger immediately. “What the hell happened to you, Nova? Real men listen. Real men understand the word no.”
“It’s none of your damn business what happened to me.”
“I’m making it my damn business.”
“You’re my brother’s best friend. It’s barely his business so how could it be yours?”
“I’m not just your brother’s best friend, damn it. You know that.”
“What are you? My friend? You just want to get in my pants.”
He sat up, completely disconnecting his body from hers. The loss was quick and brutal, but it was what she wanted to happen, what needed to happen. She wouldn’t have been able to send him away. She loved the way his body felt. She would have become addicted to his closeness. She couldn’t risk that. She had goals and plans and he wasn’t a part of them.
“You know that’s not true. I want you. God only knows why, but I want more than what’s between your legs. You know that.”
“What could you possibly want with me if not my body?”
