What Hurts the Most 4

by Tynessa

  “Man, she ain’t want nobody to know. Plus, I didn’t want you and that nigga, Breezy, beefing again. Y’all fools tend to go crazy when she’s around.”

  I waved my hand in the air, brushing his response off. Tang ain’t my girl and I ain’t got time to be beefing about nobody that don’t want shit to do with me. I missed her but I’m not about to chase behind her.

  “Man, ain’t nobody ‘bout to be beefing over that damn girl. That’s fucked up you didn’t tell me. So Kace don’t know either?” If that dude knew and I didn’t, somebody’s ass was getting checked.

  “Didn’t I just say she ain’t want nobody to know? You know I would’ve told you but Asia’s ass made me promise not to.”

  “Man, whatever!” With that, I walked out and back into the living room. I’m going to catch the last of this game and leave. If Tang wanted to be a bitch and act funny towards me, when I didn’t do shit to her, I wasn’t going to be around when she got here. I was sick of trying to reach out to her when she wasn’t budging. Fuck her ass!

  Chapter 5

  Tangela

  Reunited!

  I looked over at Asia and rolled my eyes at the sneaky smile that was plastered on her face. I don’t know why she was sitting over there smiling, but I think it had something to do with that black-on-black decked out Monte Carlo that was parked on side of the road. I knew it was Tez because he’d had that car since I met him at Mrs. Jackie’s house.

  “It ain’t funny, Asia. Yo’ ass probably set this shit up,” I fussed. Asia’s my best friend and I love that girl wholeheartedly, but I didn’t put shit past her. I knew she wanted Tez and me to be together, so him being here had her name written all over it.

  Holding her hands in the air defensively, she shook her head left to right; all the while she continued to laugh. “Man, Jay told me he was here or whatever…” She then sucked her teeth and I detected attitude. “Okay, fine! Yes, I should’ve told you but you been here for what, three days!? You can’t keep hiding out, praying that you don’t see Tez or Kacey. It’s ridiculous, Tangela. You need to grow up and face your problems. Let you tell it, you don’t wanna be with neither one of them, so why are you avoiding them?”

  Yes, my girl had a point, but I wasn’t ready to see Quintez. I wasn’t ready for my body to yearn for that man all over again.

  With a roll of my eyes upwards, I opened the door. “Whatever,” I said and got out. I knew I couldn’t avoid seeing or speaking to Quintez forever, so I might as well went on and got the shit over with. I didn’t say anything else as I closed the door and waited for Asia and Keonna to get out.

  I had all types of mixed emotions flowing through my body. I was nervous, yet excited. Yeah, I knew he’d been asking about me, but what if he wasn’t going to be as happy once he saw me in full flesh? What if he sees me as a psycho that tried to commit suicide? Thinking of that had me ready to turn and run the opposite way of the front door.

  “Girl, why you looking like you about to cry?” Asia looked back at me and asked. I just shook my head as she opened her front door. All that was heard was the loud TV and loud trash talking. Walking inside the living room, the first person that my eyes landed on was Kacey. I could tell he was surprised to see me from the way his body froze and he was staring at me with widened eyes. I smiled shyly and waved.

  Yes, Kacey and me spoke on the phone occasionally and I’d even seen him a time or two since I been away, but he had no idea I was visiting.

  “Damn, you came,” Kacey said as he walked over to me. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he hugged me and lifted me in the air. I giggled as he squeezed me tight. I don’t know if it’s because I’d already saw Kacey since I did my disappearing act or what, but I wasn’t nervous one bit about seeing him. Even when he came down to Savannah to see me, I wasn’t as nervous as I would’ve been had it been Quintez. I don’t know what that man had on me, but Quintez always have had that effect on me.

  “Yeah, I been down for three days now.”

  Placing me back on the floor, he looked at me through narrowed eyes. “And didn’t call and tell me? That’s fucked up, Tan. I thought we were better than that.” I just laughed. “It’s all good. I’m glad you here now. I missed you.” I just smiled and went to hug B.

  I’m not going to even lie; I was a little taken aback with Quintez’s nonchalant ass attitude. Like, he didn’t even get up to acknowledge me. He stared at the TV the whole time—didn’t say hey or anything. I would be lying if I said my feelings weren’t crushed. I didn’t know if I should speak to him or what. I knew how stubborn he could be. But my thing is, how could he constantly send messages to me through Asia and now that I’m here, he has no words for me. I didn’t get this dude.

  I’m sensing Asia felt the same as me because she looked at Jay with a frown. “What’s up with you, Tez?” she then asked. Finally, he looked over at her and gave one of the fakest smiles he could muster up. Those dimples of his were still in full effect though.

  “Oh, what’s up, sis?” The chuckle escaped my mouth before I knew it. I watched as this nigga hugged Asia then hit me with a fucking head nod. “What’s up, Tang?” he said before sitting right back down.

  What is his fucking problem? I thought to myself. I didn’t even question him about his rude behavior. I just shook my head and headed to the kitchen. Quintez’s rudeness put me in a funk and I was more than ready to go home.

  “You okay, pooh?” Asia asked, startling me. I was sitting at the island browsing through my Instagram page.

  “Oh yeah, I’m good girl. So, you think you gonna be ready to take me back home tomorrow? I think I’m going back to work early. My funds are getting low,” I half-lied. She’d just given me two stacks for taking off work and I happily accepted it.

  “Really, Tan? I know your ass ain’t broke, so go kick that lie to somebody else. And no, I’m not taking you back home yet, so you might as well give Tez your ass to kiss and suck that shit up.” Going over to the cabinet, she grabbed two shot glasses and the bottle of peach Cîroc for us.

  “Oh hell no. That’s how I ended up sleeping with Quintez in the beginning. I don’t want a repeat of that shit.”

  “Oh well. And from the looks of things, he ain’t fucking with you anyways.” Asia laughed at her own joke. I swear, sometimes I couldn’t stand this heifer. That shit wasn’t even funny. “And let me find out you been talking to Kacey this whole time. Bitch, I can read between lines.” I didn’t even respond to her. But the smile told it all. It wasn’t a, my heart skipped a beat blush or anything like that, it was a, I’m busted type smile. “Oh my God, Tangela, you have. Why? After all the shit he’s done to you, why are you still talking to him?”

  My eyes went so far up in my head that I could’ve sworn I saw my own brain.

  “We’re not even talking like that, Asia. It’s only a phone call every now and then and he’s only been down to see me like twice,” I confessed. That had Asia’s mouth dropping with a disappointed look on her face. She took two shots of Cîroc before she spoke.

  “What the fuck did he come down there for, Tan? Damn, it’s like you letting the nigga off the hook with the shit he’s done behind your back. I hope you didn’t fuck him neither time you saw him. That nigga is foul as fuck and I bet he didn’t…” Her words were cut short when Quintez walked in and spoke up.

  “Oh, I couldn’t even get a hey, but this muthafucka could not only get a full conversation but he could see yo’ ass too? That’s what’s up right there, shawty.” Quintez didn’t even stop his stroll to the refrigerator.

  I didn’t even know what to say at this point. Like, what reason did I have to not see Quintez when he hasn’t done anything to me. Kacey on the other hand, had hurt me to the core, yet and still, I let him come see me, not once but twice. Asia hit me and brought me out my thoughts. She motioned her hand for me to say something, but I didn’t know what to say.

  “Quintez, it wasn’t like that,” was the only thing I could muster up. I don’t eve
n know why I felt I owed him a damn explanation, but deep down, I didn’t want him mad because of my actions.

  “Oh yeah? Well what was it like?” Before I could reply, Quintez threw his hand up, preventing me from answering his question. “You ain’t even gotta answer that, lil’ mama. It is what it is.” With that being said, he walked out the kitchen. This is exactly why I should’ve never came back here. I knew this mess was going to happen. When I heard Jay asked Quintez where he was going, I poured me a shot, followed by another one.

  At this moment, I regretted keeping in contact with Kacey and hoped I didn’t just cause conflict between him and Quintez, once again. It’s like I couldn’t catch a damn break.

  “Hey. Are you okay?” I didn’t even have to turn around to know that it was Kacey. I just nodded my head up and down while pouring me another shot to keep from crying. Why did I have to be madly in love with Quintez? I hate feeling vulnerable over that man. That’s why I haven’t been trying to see nor talk to him, because I didn’t want to go back down that road again.

  “Sure am,” was my reply, as I downed my drink, and then poured me another one.

  “You need to slow down, don’t you?”

  “Nope! I’m good.” The effect from the alcohol was starting to kick in but I didn’t care. I was trying to numb the pain at any cost. From my past, I knew I wasn’t going about it the right way, but once again, I didn’t care.

  “Well, let me have a drink with you.” Sitting down, Kacey grabbed the shot I’d just poured me and downed it. I didn’t want to be drinking after him, but I was too tipsy to protest. Instead, I grabbed my glass and we continued to take turns taking shot after shot, while talking and laughing about any and everything.

  “I really miss you Tan,” Kacey said out the blue. I had the giggles from the liquor so I laughed. “Man, I’m dead ass. You know I love yo’ ass.”

  Smacking my lips, I said, “Man, we talk every other day, so what do you miss, Kacey?”

  Taking his hand, he brushed it over my face as he stared into my eyes. This is the same shit he did when he came to Savannah to visit those two times that would land us in bed together. Like always, I stared back into his eyes. I did love Kacey; there was no doubting that.

  I inhaled deeply, and then released it slowly as I closed my eyes to prepare myself for the kiss that I knew was coming.

  “Daddy, it’s night outside. Can we go?” Opening my eyes, slowly, my heart dropped to the floor and reality sunk in. Seeing Kacey’s son brought back all the pain and memories of why we would never get back together.

  Closing his eyes, he licked his lips and nodded his head. “Yea, Lil’ Kace. Go back in there and wait for me.”

  I chuckled a few times before laughing hard. Like, I was really laughing hard; tears had begun to roll down my cheeks. I don’t know if I was crying from hurt or what. Suddenly, I stopped and closed my eyes as I took a deep breath and released it. “I gots to get out of here,” I whispered.

  “I’m sorry. You know I never meant for any of this to happen,” Kacey apologized. I was sick of his apologies. To be honest, the shit was a waste of breath because it was now going in one ear and out the other. There was no amount of apologies he could make to mend my broken heart.

  Shaking my head, I placed my index finger over his lips to hush him. I was preventing him from making promises to never hurt me again before he even got started. “It’s okay, Kacey. I forgive you.”

  With a chuckle and a nod of his head, he said, “You just ain’t gon’ forget.” I’ve told him that so many times before and it seems he’d finally let it register in his head. Standing from his chair, Kacey kissed my forehead and smiled. “I understand, but just know that I still have faith in you, in us.” With that, he turned and headed out the kitchen.

  I couldn’t do anything but lay my head on the countertop and pray. Lord, be with me these few days I have left here. I swear Quintez and Kacey were going to run me crazy, once again.

  Chapter 6

  Kacey

  Broken Home!

  As I drove home, a lot of shit was running through my head. I couldn’t believe Tan was actually back in the city. A part of me couldn’t believe she didn’t call me and the other part could believe it. I mean, it wasn’t like we were together, and I knew our past was hard for her to ignore as if it never occurred. Lord knows if I could turn back the hands of time, I would without hesitation.

  Stopping at the stoplight, I looked in the rearview mirror at Lil’ Kace and shook my head. Don’t get me wrong, I love my baby boy with everything that’s in me, but every single time I looked into his face, it was a constant reminder of me hurting the one woman I’d ever and always will love. I didn’t at all regret my son, but if I had to do it all over again, he wouldn’t be here. I really wanted a chance to start all over with Tan again, but I knew I couldn’t without letting her know I had another little one on the way. I don’t even know how I’m gonna tell her that shit. Here I am having another baby when she’s still coping over the loss of ours.

  “Come on, lil’ man. We’re at the house,” I said to a sleeping Lil’ Kace. When I got out, I opened the back door and grabbed him. When this boy was sleep, he was dead to the world. There was no getting him up. I saw the living room light on and knew Rachel had to be up. She didn’t play about her light bill and when she was in the bed, the only light that was left on was the hall light and a night light in Lil’ Kace’s room.

  I was right. When I walked in, she was sitting in the living room yapping on the phone. I already knew she was talking to Grisela. All those messy hoes did was yap on the phone about their pregnancy. When they became besties was still in questions; Tez and me was wondering the same thing.

  As I was walking past the living room with my son in my arms, I heard her say, “Humph, girl, Kace just got here so I’ll call you in the morning.” I kept right on walking and didn’t even bother looking her way.

  “Where you been, Kacey? You could’ve check to see if I wanted to go.” Did she not forget I was pissed when I left earlier? Why would I ask her to go if I was mad at her? I swear this chick is delusional.

  “I went over to Jay’s house and you know I wasn’t about to take you over there.”

  “I don’t know what his chick has against me. I don’t want her damn man and the only reason I even talked to him back then—which I didn’t fuck him—was to get your attention. If it wasn’t for that, he wouldn’t have even gotten a damn hey from me, with his disrespectful ass.”

  I just shook my head as I continued to undress our son. She stood there with her arms folded while staring at me. I don’t know if she was waiting for me to reply or what, but once I was done and made sure Lil’ Kace was all tucked in, I left out.

  “I know why she don’t like me, Kacey. It’s because of that girl—” I cut her sentence off when I turned around to face her. I asked her what girl was she referring to and her reply was, “You know what damn girl. The bitch that you had my son around when I told you not to. You know, the ho that had you and your homeboy fighting over her ass.”

  When she referred to Tan as a ho, I had to rub my hand down my face to keep from slapping fire out her ass.

  “If you don’t know the situation, don’t speak on it.”

  She gave me a frown and rolled her eyes upwards. “Nigga, everybody knows she fucked Tez when you were locked up. Then you get out and still wanna be with her. You dumber than you look. Then you and Tez were still kicking it like she ain’t just fuck you both. Y’all should’ve just gotten together and had a threesome.”

  “Well everybody has a past. Just like she was doing her dirt, I was doing mine,” I reminded her. Only reason Rachel didn’t speak of mine is because I was doing the dirt with her funky ass. “I forgave her and she forgave me, and who are you do judge?”

  “I’m not judging her; I’m just stating facts!” she said in defense.

  “Oh yeah, and what facts are that?”

  “That Asia don’t like me beca
use Tan is her best friend. Ain’t nobody stupid Kacey, and that’s the same reason she don’t like Grisela either.” Rachel was probably right, but she couldn’t get mad because Asia’s loyalty was with Tan. Plus, Asia wasn’t the type that’ll just open up to females and I’m not going to say if she like Rachel or not, but she never said anything to me about her.

  “Well, I don’t know if she likes you or not and you shouldn’t even be worried about it. What, you and Grisela sit on the phone discussing if folks like y’all or not when y’all ain’t talking about how you trapped me?” I wasn’t letting go of the fact that she trapped me. Yeah, I looked forward to meeting my baby girl, but the shit was still fucked up, especially when I let it be known on a regular that I didn’t want another baby—not with her anyways.

  “There you go with that trapping shit. But, anyways, I’m not worried about it. I just think it’s messed up that I can’t even go around your friends, or with you when y’all meet up over there because she feels some type of way about me.”

  I just shook my head because this girl was crazy. Stripping out my clothes, I laid down in just my basketball shorts and a wife beater. Even with my back to Rachel, she continued to talk.

  “I think it’s crazy how you exclude me from everything that involves your friends. I’m your family and it shouldn’t be like that. By me being your woman, you need to check her. Let her know that I’m the mother of your kids and the woman that you’re with so whatever hate she feels against me, she needs to let it go. It ain’t like I knew you was with her friend when we got together. All you had to do is be honest, and whatever she has against me, she should feel the same way about you. I wasn’t in this alone.” Rachel was still sitting on the bed running her mouth to my back. I was sick of hearing the same shit.

  “Asia isn’t checking for you like that. I’m pretty sure she’ll speak on however she feels about you.”