by Tynessa
She was right. I had the mind frame of tearing her shit up but during her little performance inside my ride, I realized I couldn’t do this with her once again. I loved her more than I’d ever loved any other female I had dated, but I couldn’t be doing this back and forth bullshit. I was getting older and if she wanted to continue with these games, then her and Kacey could play them with another muthafucka, because I wasn’t.
“I know you ain’t still tripping over me and B dancing.” Leaning over, she kissed my lips. “It was just a dance, baby. I promise, that’s it.”
“Oh, I ain’t tripping over that. I didn’t like that shit, but I knew you wouldn’t fuck with him like that.” Yeah, I might’ve said some fucked up shit last night but I didn’t mean it one bit. I knew Tang wasn’t fucking with that nigga. As bad as I hate to say it, that lil’ pussy wasn’t going to any other nigga in the squad, other than Kace and me, but I’ll be damned if I played the side nigga again.
“Well what’s up? Why you weren’t trying to give me this?” As she asked that question, she took her hand, slid it under the covers and placed it on my semi hardened dick. She gave my little man a squeeze and it jumped in her small hand.
“What’s the deal with you and Kace?” I wasn’t beating around the bush and I wanted an honest answer from her. I stared into her face as her eyes roamed the room. I felt her hand ease from my dick as she let out a light chuckle.
“I mean, where did that question come from, Quintez?” she asked nervously.
“From my muthafuckin’ mouth! Fuck you mean?” How the fuck was she going to answer a question with a damn question. I knew then that she still had love for the nigga, or she was about to muster up a lie. “And don’t fucking lie to me either!”
Turning onto her back, Tang stared up at the ceiling. She was unable to look at me.
With a heavy sigh, she said, “I mean, I do love Kacey, Quintez, I always will, and I will always be there for him when he calls because I know he would drop everything for me. It seems no one understands me and Kacey’s relationship. What we have is much deeper than love.”
Wow… I didn’t know what to say to that. After hearing that shit, I knew it was time to let this woman be with that man. What they have is much deeper than love, I said in my head. The fuck! That was some bullshit I wasn’t expecting to hear, at all. She’d just pretty much proven to me that she was still in love with him, and I wasn’t even going to interfere with that. Maybe her heart wasn’t with me after all.
“That’s what’s up right there. I wish y’all nothing but the best.” With that being said, I slung the covers back and got out of bed. She didn’t even try to stop me as I headed to the bathroom. I hopped in the shower to let the hot water run over my head. I didn’t get out until I felt the water turning cold. Going back into the room wrapped in a towel, Tang was sitting on the bed with the dress she’d wore the night before.
Being that I knew she didn’t have on any panties, nor did she have on a bra, I threw her a pair of sweatpants, a t-shirt and a pair of socks—just in case she didn’t want to wear those heels, she could walk in the socks. Even with the bullshit she had just spit out her mouth, I couldn’t find it in my heart to be an ass and let her walk out this house half naked.
“I’ll drop you off at Asia’s when I get dressed,” I said to her before disappearing inside my closet. She didn’t respond. I could see her shadow moving around and as I assumed, she was getting dressed.
Usually she would shower first, but I guess she knew she had pissed me off with her response. Even with me being pissed, I respected her honesty. It might not have been the answer I was looking for, but she kept it real. No, she didn’t flat out say she was in love with the nigga but to me, that’s what it was.
The ride to Asia and my brother’s house was pretty much quiet, until we got there and Tan began to talk.
“Quintez, I didn’t mean to upset you with what I said, but I was being honest. No, I don’t want Kacey but I do love him, and if I would’ve told you I didn’t then I would’ve been lying,” Tang explained as she fidgeted with her nails. Once again, she was unable to look at me as she stared down.
“And I appreciate your honesty. I can’t do shit but respect that.” Leaning against my door, I asked, “But can you sit here and say that you’ll never fuck with him again?” That was the million-dollar question. After a long pause, I chuckled. “It’s no hard feelings, Tang. Like I said this morning, I wish y’all nothing but the best. I could’ve fucked you last night but I didn’t for the simple fact, I wasn’t about to start this circle back up with me, you and Kace. I’m too grown to be running around sniffing behind my homeboy’s girl. And I damn sure ain’t about to get my feelings back involved and you run off with him. Nah lil’ mama, I’m not even setting myself up for the okie doke.”
“But it’s not like that, Tez. Kacey has someone and I’m not going there with him again.”
“But yet and still, you can’t even look me in the eyes and say that shit. Believe me baby, it’s all good. I promise, I ain’t fucked up over here,” I let her know. I mean, yeah I was a little crushed but she’ll never know that. Women come a dime of dozen and it wasn’t shit for me to find another one. Sitting up straight, I said, “But check this, go on in there and I’ll see you around,” I dismissed her ass.
She stared at me with nothing but sadness on her face before gathering her things to get out. Fuck she sad for, she was the one that said the shit. Not me!
Chapter 16
Kacey
Something New!
The whole time we were moving Tan, I didn’t say shit to her. I found it funny how she had gone home with the nigga Tez, but that muthafucka was nowhere in sight helping her. To be honest, I felt like a gotdamn fool. After the shit she pulled last night, I didn’t even want her moving back up this way. But then again, seeing her leave with Tez last night was an eye opener. Tan would never stop fucking with him, so it was best I move to the side and let the two of those muthafuckas do what they do.
Don’t get me wrong, I love Tan and without a doubt I always would; but this cycle wasn’t going to ever end unless one of us walked away—Tez or me. Since it was obvious he wasn’t going anywhere, then I would just step aside. That didn’t mean I would be with Rachel either. Whether I’m with Tan or not, I’m not being with her. Last night, I’d met this chick in the parking lot of the club when I had followed Tan and Tez outside. It wasn’t until they had pulled off that she approached me. She was a white broad but had the body of a petite black woman. You know, she was one of those that thought she was a sister. I chilled with her last night instead of going home, up until Jay called to help move Tan, and she was actually cool as fuck.
“I still have that whole outfit,” I heard Tan say from behind. I was standing in her bedroom holding the picture of our daughter. She was dressed in a white dress with a white headband—looking just like me. Damn, I hate she didn’t make it. In a way, I blamed myself. Had I not been the cause of Tan’s stressing then our daughter would still be here. “I bet she would’ve been spoiled rotten.”
Sitting the picture down, my only reply was, “Yeah, I know, right.” I got ready to walk off but Tan’s question caused me to pause in my tracks.
“So, what are y’all having this time?” I don’t know why, but it pissed me off that she asked that. I didn’t say anything nor did I turn around. “A boy? A girl? What is it?”
“Why does it matter?” I then asked. I mean, it wasn’t like she would get the baby something. It felt awkward, her asking me that. I didn’t want her to go back to being depressed once she found out I was having another little girl. “I’m about to go out there and see what else we need to get.”
“No, Kacey! I asked you a question. What are you having?” Tan grabbed me by my arm and spun me around. I really didn’t see why it was so important for her to know what me and Rachel were having. I was already seeing the hurt in her eyes. Me telling her that we were about to have another little girl,
would only hurt her worse. She wasn’t going to do anything but start thinking about the baby we lost—Angel. “You don’t have to tell me. Best to believe your girl told me when I ran into them at Red Lobster. You know she had to throw the shit in my face.” Tan managed to smile. I knew it was fake though.
“Man, fuck her! That bitch ain’t my girl.”
“Of course she is, Kacey. No need to flex, boo. You could’ve told me that she was pregnant again. But congrats on y’all bundle of joy.” Tan started to walk off but stopped and turned back to face me. “Oh, and please tell that bitch to keep Angel out her raggedy ass mouth. She got one more time to say something about my ‘dead daughter’ as she called her, and I’m beating her ass. Only reason I spared her this time is because she’s pregnant. Next time her ass won’t be so lucky.” This time, she walked off before I could reply.
Hearing Tan say Rachel referred to our baby as ‘dead daughter’ had me clenching my teeth. Oh, I was going to put my foot all in her ass for that shit. I swear that bitch had no sympathy at all. I wanted to apologize to Tan for what Rachel said, but I wanted to give her time to cool off. Hell, I needed time to cool off because I was thirty-eight hot right now.
Leaving out her bedroom, I walked out to find everyone sitting around the living room talking. I didn’t even feel like talking right now, so I went straight outside. I wasn’t out there long before Jay, Asia and B came out so that we could leave. I couldn’t even look at Tan when she walked them to the door. We all headed back to Jay and Asia’s crib where my car was parked.
I wasn’t in the mood to go home and deal with Rachel, so I texted the white chick—Melody—and told her that I was about to fall through. I was liable to fuck Rachel up so to avoid going back to prison, I chose not to go home at all.
“Hey you.” Melody met me at the front door. From the look of Melody’s house and the whip she was driving, I could tell she had a little bit of money. Like, who the fuck drives a 2015 Rolls Royce for their everyday car. The shit was nice as hell too. Candy apple red with twenty-two inch rims and black tinted windows. “I thought after last night, I wouldn’t hear from you again.”
I smiled when she said that. I guess she thought I was one of those brothers that have one-night stands or some shit. I wasn’t that type—which Tan and Rachel are the only chicks I’ve ever dated. We didn’t even have sex until this morning. Last night, we mainly talked about the things we’ve been through and what we wanted out of life. She knew all about Tan and the love I have for her, and she knew about Rachel as well. Melody let me know how her husband was locked up for three years for a robbery gone wrong. He murdered an older white man and because of that, a year ago he was executed. She cried a bit but I was right there to console her. Though I had just met her last night, the chemistry between us was undeniable.
“Why would you think that? Oh, you didn’t want to see me again after I left this morning?” I questioned jokingly, as I pulled her in for a hug. She hugged me back and squeezed her arms around my neck tightly.
When she pulled back, she gave me a peck on the lips then pulled me over to the couch. “Baby, if I didn’t want to see you then I would’ve told you this morning to lose my number,” she laughed before turning serious. “But you know how most guys are. Get the good stuff and never call you again. Or if they do call me then they would only be after my body and money.”
“I ain’t most guys baby and I got my own money. I don’t need yours.” My money wasn’t nearly as long as hers, but I wasn’t trying to use her for what she had. Only female that could ever say I used them is Rachel. And I only used her to get out of prison early; too bad that shit backfired on my ass though. “Plus, this good stuff is too good for me to only get it once. I need that shit in my life every day!”
She giggled as I leaned over to her side and began rubbing between her legs.
“You so crazy, boy. How is your baby mama going to feel about that?”
“Ain’t shit she can do about it. I already told you; I’m only there for my kids. I have never loved her. I only loved one woman and one woman only.” I was being honest. I didn’t have any feelings for Rachel at all. I tried to have love for her being that she was the mother of my son, but I couldn’t make myself feel anything for her.
Now, it puts me in an awkward position because we’re about to have our second child, and things are so bad at home that I hate even going there. Rachel has always told me that her biggest fear was to be a single parent. Whether we were together or not, I would forever be a part of my kids’ lives. I would just feel bad for leaving her knowing she feared that. But this whole relationship is becoming a little too much for me. I would never be completely happy with Rachel because every time I look at her it’s a constant reminder of how I lost the love of my life due to my own selfishness.
“Yeah, and I’ve heard that before. But you know what, I don’t even want to get into all that right now. We just met, so we can see how this thing plays out. Right now, let’s just live in the moment.” Leaning over, Melody kissed my lips then smiled. “Let’s just live in the moment right now.”
I smiled back at her because I couldn’t have agreed more. I had no problem with that because I wasn’t trying to rush into anything. I still had to figure out what I was going to do about Rachel. I try so hard to not stress her because I didn’t want to lose another daughter, but I swear she made it so hard to get along with her. Rachel was the type to provoke you until you snap, then her ass be sitting there looking stupid. But once my daughter is born, I would no longer continue to live an unhappy life just to make someone else happy.
Chapter 17
Tangela
Can’t Win for Losing!
Two months later…
“You know your dude’s lil’ girlfriend had her baby last night?” Asia said to me out the blue. Being that it turned out Grisela wasn’t pregnant by Quintez after all, I’m guessing she was referring to Kacey. I rolled my eyes upwards at the same time I smacked my lips. I could really give two fucks. Shit, I lost my baby so why would I give a damn about them having theirs. I guess Asia heard me smack because she said, “Right… I did the same thing when Jay’vion showed me the picture. She’s a cute little thing too. Looks just like his high yellow ass.”
“That’s nice. So when you and Jay going to make me a godmother?” I asked as I was walking out the dressing room, changing the subject. I didn’t want to talk about Kacey and his ho. We were out shopping for my Maid of Honor dress for the wedding. “How do you like this one?” I asked. I was wearing a strapless one piece that hugged my body like a glove. It was sky blue and long with a split that stopped mid-thigh. I liked it but this time, I wasn’t going to say anything. So far, I’ve tried on nine dresses and the ones I liked, Asia didn’t and the ones she liked, I didn’t.
“Once he put a ring on it, he can have however many kids he wants. Turn around.” I did as she said and held my breath, praying that she would love it as much as I did. “It’s cute. I think we’re going to go with this one. I think it needs to be a little tighter though.” As she said that, the heifer started tugging at the sides before I slapped her hand away.
“Bitch, I’m already one chicken wing away from busting out this shit. You better gone somewhere.” She burst out laughing. I was just happy we settled on this one. I was tired of trying on dresses.
As I was inside the dressing room putting back on my clothes, my mind drifted to Quintez. Since that one day that I kept it real about Kacey, I haven’t seen him. I felt bad and now that I think about it, I feel I should’ve lied to him that day. No I didn’t want to be with Kacey, but I did love him. I’m in love with Quintez though and there was no denying that, but I’m not going to sit up here and say that I would be able to turn Kacey down if he tried to come on to me. Yes, I would try like always, but I would soon give in if he continued asking. I felt where Quintez was coming from and honestly, I was tired of this cycle my damn self. I wish I could just get him and Kacey both out my system and be
done with it. It wasn’t that simple though.
“You ready, boo?” I asked Asia as I walked out. She didn’t say anything and seemed to have been in a daze, so I walked over and stood in front of her. “Asia! You okay?”
Batting her eyes a few times, she managed to smile. With a heavy sigh, she said, “Girl, I’m just thinking about this wedding. It seems like I have so much to do in a short period of time.”
“Well boo, I’m here to help. But your picky ass don’t like shit.” Asia was so picky it was ridiculous. “At least you have your wedding dress and Keonna’s dress out the way. When do Jay and Quintez go get measured for their tuxes?”
“They go tomorrow. After that, I can rest.” I just nodded my head as I paid for my dress.
Asia and Jay were having a small wedding with only Quintez and me in it. I already knew it was going to be awkward as hell to walk with him down that aisle. Hell, if it were up to him, he would probably get Kacey or B to take his place in it. I had to laugh to myself because I wouldn’t be surprised if he did that shit.
After dropping Asia off at home, I headed to the house. After cooking me something to eat, I couldn’t even eat the food. My mind was all over the place. From Quintez to Kacey, then back to Quintez. The shit was driving me crazy and I was so close to calling my therapist. At times like this, I wished I smoked cigarettes or weed; anything would do right about now.
Placing my elbows on the table, I laid my head in my trembling hands. Why was it so hard for me to let go of Kacey? What does that man have on me? Here Quintez is willing to be with me, with my flaws and all, and I couldn’t even admit that I was fully over Kacey. I didn’t want to accept that this man had stomped all over my heart and got this woman pregnant for a second time. It’s like he has a spell on me that’s preventing me to move on. Lord knows I wanna move on with my life, it’s just deep down inside, I didn’t want to let go of what Kacey and me used to have. It’s crazy but I was still living in the past. I keep telling myself that we both fucked up and to give him another chance, but once I see him, I can’t even make those words come out of my mouth. And now that he just had another baby, makes me love Quintez so much more.
