One Perfect Night

by Rachael Johns

  “Calm down, Penelope.” He leaned across the table and tried to grab her hand. She pulled it back like he was a leper. This cafe might be off the beaten track and it might be unlikely that a client would be here but he didn’t want to risk a scene. “I respect your decision. If you want to have this baby, I’ll set up a bank account for you and deposit enough money for you to raise it but that’s all I can offer.”

  She sighed. The look she gave him one of pity and disgust. “That’s not enough.” This time her voice was barely a whisper. She held her shoulders and her chin high. “I don’t want your guilt money, Cameron. My baby and I deserve more than that. So do you, but you’re too damn scared to acknowledge it.”

  That was her parting line. Snatching a breath between sniffs, she scooped up her handbag and practically ran from the cafe.

  Scared?

  He’d been called many things in his roller coaster of a life but he’d never been accused of being a coward.

  She’d done it again. Fallen for a man who couldn’t love her back. Cameron didn’t need to spell it out for her… Peppa knew the guarding of his heart was simply because he was still hung up on his wife. Another tear trickled down her cheek as she stood numb outside the front of the restaurant. She couldn’t tell if she was crying for herself, her baby or for Cameron and his wasted life.

  After a few moments, she started walking, fast. She didn’t go back to work. She just couldn’t. All her life she’d dreamed of being a mum, of having a baby with the man of her dreams. She’d even pondered different ways to tell said Prince Charming. But never once had she imagined that the joy of a positive pregnancy test could also bring the desolation and despair that had come with her two experiences.

  As she’d looked at Cameron, as she’d opened her heart to him, everything she felt had been confirmed. She loved him. She loved him more than she’d ever loved anyone. Of course that meant his rejection had more power to hurt her than anything ever had before. At the time of her break-up with Tim, she’d thought nothing could ever make her heart, her whole body, roar with pain as much as the loss of him and their hope for a baby. But now she knew differently.

  That was like a pinprick in comparison.

  Now it felt as if someone had hacked out her heart with a screwdriver and was slowly stripping it bare with a cheese grater. Realizing she was close to hyperventilating she flopped down on a public bench and let her head fall into her hands.

  You can’t compete with a dead woman, Peppa.

  As depressing as that thought was she knew it to be true. And she also knew she didn’t want to. She wanted her and her baby to be the center of Cameron’s world. The first thing he thought about when he woke up, the photo on his desk he snuck frequent glances at throughout the day, the person he kissed every single night.

  With the shadow of Kristen in his past that would never be possible.

  The way she was feeling she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to face Cameron again but the more distance she put between herself and that awful conversation, the more reasonable she became. She sat staring at the passersby, people walking along the harbor taking in the afternoon sun. It was amazing what fresh air could do to clear the head.

  She’d done nothing wrong. As the cliché went it took two to tango and Cameron had been more than happy to do the horizontal mambo with her. Everyone knew the only surefire contraception was abstinence.

  No, his treatment of her was unwarranted and unforgivable. Her father was an exemplary parent but she’d had a few friends with absent fathers and they all did just fine because their mothers were amazing.

  She would be one of those amazing mothers.

  Nothing would be more important than her baby. Certainly not the breaking of her traitorous heart. That heart felt a zillion times more cheated, more wretched than it had the last time she’d chosen the wrong man, but this time, she still had that tiny glimmer of hope in the form of her miracle baby. And for this baby she would put her all into burying the anguish and becoming the strong, independent single mother she wanted to be.

  Starting with a meal and a good night’s sleep.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Following an extravagant breakfast meeting with a client at Darling Harbor, Cameron sped into the underground car park at Lyrique and cursed as something small, orange and furry ran in front of his car. Every small thing he saw these days reminded him of Peppa’s baby. Dammit. He slammed his foot on the brakes and swerved, only narrowly missing the animal and another parked car.

  He glared out the window—no sign of the mystery beast—only to discover the vehicle he’d almost sideswiped was none other than Sadie, Penelope’s weather-beaten, candy-colored Volkswagen Beetle. He couldn’t help a chuckle at the aptly named car. He’d never seen the point in christening vehicles but the notion fit Penelope down to a tee. Although however perfect the car was for Penelope, she’d have to rethink her transport when the baby came. He doubted there was room for an infant car seat in there. There was a strange blip in his breathing at the thought of her organizing these things without him. It didn’t help that she was somewhere in this building, still going about her work despite all that had happened between them and the less than ideal way it had ended.

  He hadn’t seen her in two weeks. Had gone out of his way to make sure he didn’t venture anywhere near the studios and steered clear of the staff tea-rooms as well for both their benefits. But it hadn’t worked—little things kept reminding him of her.

  One of his nieces had had a birthday party at the Aquarium and he’d felt obliged to put in a brief appearance. There’d been a hugely pregnant woman there and he’d barely been able to take his eyes off her tummy, thinking about how Penelope’s would soon be full and round, as well.

  The billboard he passed every day on his way to work was currently advertising a new romantic comedy film, which he knew would be right up Penelope’s alley.

  And now the car.

  On closer inspection he saw she hadn’t gotten around to or couldn’t afford to have Sadie fixed yet. Hadn’t he told her the dangers of driving around with a car like that? Even if she didn’t care about her own safety, he thought she’d be more sensible because of the baby. Still, the broken sidelight and scratches on her car’s bumper were like a monumental reminder of the night they’d met. And all the ecstasy that had followed.

  He might not be able to avoid places they’d been together and he couldn’t guarantee never seeing an advertisement for a film she’d like, but he could fix this. And who knew? Maybe having her car repaired and resprayed would serve to allay some of the guilt he felt toward her.

  Moving on, he parked his car and, before he could forget or change his mind, he put a call in to the best garage in Sydney.

  “Cut.”

  At Izzy’s words, Peppa stopped reading and glanced up to see Molly’s new, very young assistant had entered the room and handed Izzy an envelope.

  “What’s that?” asked Peppa, once the girl had left.

  Izzy shrugged. “Something for you, from Molly, I assume. Do you want to take a look now?”

  In reply, Peppa took off her headphones and left the recording box. Izzy raised her eyebrows as she snatched the note off the desk.

  Peppa registered the handwriting wasn’t Molly’s and her fingers began to quake. Why would Cameron be sending her a letter? Had he changed his mind? Decided he wanted their baby? Wanted to see her?

  Unexpected hope speared her heart.

  Nervous, almost to the point that she couldn’t control her hands, she sliced open the envelope with a nearby pen.

  I’ve had your car taken to be repaired and will arrange a driver to take you home and pick you up for work tomorrow morning. Regards, Cameron.

  “Regards?” Peppa spat the words and her rage into the air. What rights did he have to remove her car without her consent?

  “Excuse me?” asked Izzy.

  Peppa promised, “Back soon,” before thundering out of the studio. Spurred on by fu
ry, she charged past Molly, who was on the phone at her desk, and stormed into Cameron’s office.

  When they’d been in the middle of their fling, she’d thought nothing of launching herself into his office uninvited but she’d always made certain there was no one around to notice. This time, she was so overcome by his nerve that she didn’t give a flying giraffe who noticed.

  “Ah, Miss Grant.”

  Peppa heard Molly’s phone receiver slam into its cradle and the telltale squeak of her swivel chair as she leaped into action.

  “You can’t go in there.”

  But it was too late. She was already standing in front of his desk, arms perched on her hips ready to bombard him with her opinion of his chivalrous act.

  Unfortunately her tongue got tied seconds after her eyes caught their first glimpse of Cameron in over a week. The images that had been on constant replay in her dreams were no match for the man in the flesh. No wonder she’d fallen for him big time. His tall strength, chiseled looks, dark blond and slightly unruly hair, and the wicked, kinda-confident, kinda-dangerous look in his eyes had appealed to her innately female desire to procreate.

  She’d been unaware but her body had been plotting against her from day one.

  Grrr… She tried to vanquish the thought—irritated no end that she couldn’t get past his looks.

  “It’s alright, Molly. I told Penelope to come see me when she got the chance.” Cameron gave one nod toward his door and his PA retreated.

  Collecting her wits together, Peppa narrowed her eyes at the easy white lie that slipped from his lips. She wanted to call Molly back and explain the error in his words. Just because he was her boss, didn’t mean she came running like a lovesick groupie whenever he said the word.

  The door clicked shut and Peppa laid a hand on her stomach to try and calm the storm.

  Cameron sat back in his chair. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

  She wanted to swipe that artificial smile off his face with an arsenic-infused wipe.

  “You had no right to have my car removed from the car park.” The coolness in her voice impressed her.

  He lean forward, rested his elbows on his desk and steepled his fingers together. “I think you’ll find Lyrique owns the car park and therefore I have every right to remove a car I believe a danger to my employees.”

  “That’s bull,” she spat.

  “And that’s your opinion,” he replied calmly. “But unless you plan to do something about it, then it appears this conversation is over.”

  Over? Her blood boiled beneath her skin. Oh how she’d like to do something about his cocky, self-righteous attitude. But what? Now that she was standing less than four feet from his magnificent presence, she’d lost most of her bravado and wondered what the point had been in coming.

  Women like her couldn’t take on men like Cameron McCormac and expect to win. How many times of feeling the fool would it take for her to learn this simple lesson?

  You’ll never learn as long as you jump at every pathetic excuse to see him, chimed a voice from within.

  And she realized it was right. She’d leaped to fairytale conclusions when she’d seen his handwriting on the envelope and even when the truth jumped out at her, she’d hoped that he’d secretly used her car as a means to get to her.

  She’d stormed up here convincing herself she’d been spurred on by anger, but all along it was something else. All along it was the desire to see him again. The desire to feel needed, wanted. And loved.

  A desire she had to acknowledge he could never fulfill.

  She stepped back, doing everything within her power to stop the tears that were trying to burst from her broken heart. “No, you’re right. I shouldn’t have come.”

  Looking at him, she’d suddenly realized that although he did a good job of appearing to be living a full life, he was so closed off from the world, from his emotions, that he wouldn’t realize if something special ever leaped up and looked him in the eye. She wasn’t naive enough to assume she could be that something special, that he would ever need her and their baby, but she couldn’t leave without at least trying to make him see sense.

  He was a remarkable and incomparable man. He’d given her a few glimpses into this extraordinary essence when they’d been out on his boat, when he’d comforted her about her ectopic pregnancy and every evening when he had paid her complete attention and made her feel like she could live again.

  He couldn’t give her forever, but he had given her back her belief in herself.

  For that she owed him the truth. Squaring her shoulders and lifting her chin to look him straight in the eye, she asked, “Is this what Kristen would really have wanted? You dead as well?”

  Red flared in his cheeks and he thrust his finger at the door, but she hadn’t finished.

  “Because let’s face it. What you’re living isn’t even a half life.” And with that off her conscience she turned, forced her head high and tried to walk decorously from the room.

  In reality she wanted to run.

  Cameron stared at his office door still swinging on its hinges. His jaw clenched and blood rushed to his fists which he had a sudden urge to pound against the desk.

  Despite the fact he’d taken action to completely eradicate Penelope from his life, the breath whooshed from his lungs and all the blood in his body had dropped south the moment she’d barged into the room. Was it legal for one woman to look so damn delicious after a long day at the office? Was it even possible?

  Damn his traitorous hormones to hell and back.

  It’s not just hormones.

  He shook his head, refusing to listen to the insane voices inside. Just because he’d enjoyed more than a tumble between the sheets with her, just because they’d also had fun and stimulating conversation, didn’t mean squat.

  He stood and paced the length of his floor-to-ceiling windows. How dare she speak about Kristen in that way? As if she’d been some close girlfriend of his wife’s who could second-guess her thoughts.

  Yet, as much as he wanted to hate Peppa, as much as he wanted never to see her again…his heart wasn’t wholly in it.

  He’d arranged to have her car fixed to alleviate the guilt he’d been feeling that he was unable to give her what she really needed and because he hoped in doing so, he’d be able to stop thinking about her and her unborn child. Close the door on that chapter, so to speak. But he suddenly realized it was futile. While he’d struggle to remember the names of some of the women he’d been with since Kristen, they’d served their purpose. Almost anonymous no-string liaisons that distracted him from the guilt and grief rotting his core.

  Peppa was a different story altogether.

  She’d imprinted his life and no matter how much he tried to forget, like a tattoo, her mark would always be there. And lately, his night terrors had been replaced by rather pleasant dreams of a baby. He’d seen himself pushing prams, snuggling, building block towers and changing nappies. Strangely, the dreams had left him feeling warm and peaceful, happy. Even the changing nappy ones. Fact was, he’d never be able to erase Peppa and their baby.

  And what was worse, he didn’t want to. The thought of even trying made his whole body ache.

  Turning back to his desk, he yanked open the top drawer and pulled out a photo of Kristen from one of their many days on the beach. He didn’t keep it on his desk because people had a habit of asking too many questions. And although he wanted Kristen’s memory to stay strong in the hearts of those who’d loved her, it hurt too damn much speaking about her with people who didn’t understand.

  “I’m so sorry, Kris.” He stared at the blue eyes looking back at him, trying to remember how they’d twinkled when Kristen laughed. His chest tightened and he closed his eyes, shame swamping him when he couldn’t completely summon that image.

  Instead it was Peppa’s jade eyes he saw. The way they almost sparked with anger whenever she confronted him about something she didn’t think was right. He smiled without consciously
doing so, yet when he realized, the pain came back with vengeance. His heart, mind and soul throbbed at the thought of never being near Peppa again. Of never touching her. Of never sharing a special moment. Of not seeing his baby come into the world.

  Oh God! He’d cut her out of his life because he couldn’t deal with the guilt that came when he realized just how strong his feelings for Peppa were. Yet the wretchedness inside him now was almost as agonizing as that unrelenting guilt.

  The only time he’d ever felt this utter desolation before was during those dark days immediately following Kristen’s death. Days when he’d barely functioned as a human being. He’d eaten and drank on auto-pilot not caring what he put into his body. He’d spent days in the same clothes, not knowing if he’d ever be able to face the sunshine or the outside world again. Eventually Auntie Rose had threatened to move in with him if he didn’t pull himself together. As much as he adored Auntie Rose, the prospect of having a live-in babysitter didn’t sit well. He’d taken things one day at a time, then one week, then a month. The first year dragged but after that time had seemed to speed up again.

  But there was one difference here. Kristen was dead and he’d had to come to terms with the fact that their relationship would never be the same again. It couldn’t be. Peppa, however, was very much alive. She’d just proved this point by barging into his office and yelling at him in a way no employee had ever dared yell at him before.

  He chuckled at the thought.

  Suddenly everything became crystal clear.

  He’d tried to change his dreams and values when he’d lost Kristen, tried to block himself off from anything that could cause him further pain. But no matter he’d made millions and chased business success, he was still powerless in all the ways that mattered.

  He still couldn’t guard his heart from guilt and grief, from possible hurt and the absolute wretchedness of falling in love.