Meet Me at Willow Hall

by Carla Burgess

  Cath was asking Elena about her wedding dress and seemed unconcerned about Liz’s worry. I watched her rubbing her swollen stomach in a soothing motion and got up from my chair. ‘Would you like me to go and look for them?’ I asked her. ‘They can’t have gone far.’

  ‘Oh, would you mind? I think they’ll just be looking at the sheep along the driveway, like Julian said.’

  ‘Okay, fine.’

  I went outside and took the path round the side of the house to the front lawn. I wasn’t sure why I’d volunteered to find Anthony when I’d made up my mind to avoid him. Besides, I hardly knew the estate at all. They’d probably end up having to send someone out to find me if I got lost.

  Luckily, Anthony, Grace and Charlie were clearly visible when I got to the top of the drive. They were standing by the fence, watching a particularly bouncy pair of lambs playing around their mother.

  ‘Hello!’ I called as I got nearer.

  Anthony turned to look at me and smiled, his eyes half-closed against the sun. ‘Oh, hi. Is Mummy getting worried?’

  ‘A little.’ I smiled and stopped a few feet away, torn between joining them and hurrying them back up to the house. Everything seemed so fresh and bright out here, like a Technicolor film. The bright-blue sky, the emerald-green grass, the fluffy white lambs and the jaunty yellow daffodils waving by the gatepost – it was all so pretty. ‘Julian said you’d be watching the lambs. They’re cute. Do they belong to you?’

  ‘No, we rent the fields to a farmer. Grace and Charlie enjoy watching them, though.’ He squatted down next to Charlie and peered through the fence with him, pointing out another sheep a bit further on. I watched, fascinated by the sight of him taking such an interest in the children. ‘We watched a lamb being born last week, didn’t we, Grace?’

  ‘Yes. It was all wet and slimy and then it fell to the floor with a splat!’ Grace informed me.

  ‘Oh! Nice.’

  ‘And then the mummy sheep licked it all over and it stood up.’

  ‘Wow! Amazing!’ I walked a bit closer and leaned on the fence next to her. She was standing with her feet on the bottom rung, her chin on the top, burgundy dress billowing in the breeze. ‘Do you like animals?’

  ‘Yes. I’m going to be a vet when I grow up.’

  ‘Excellent.’

  ‘And I’m getting a pony soon.’

  ‘Yes, you said! That’ll be nice.’

  She nodded, her brown ponytail bobbing behind her. ‘Uncle Anthony’s going to teach me to ride.’

  ‘Is he? I didn’t even know Uncle Anthony could ride.’

  ‘Uncle Anthony can’t ride.’ Anthony straightened up and laughed. ‘I told you, Grace, you’ll have to go to a proper riding stables and learn to ride there.’

  ‘But that will be boring.’

  ‘No, it won’t!’ I told her. ‘I used to have horse riding lessons when I was little and it was my favourite thing.’

  ‘I didn’t know you could ride a horse?’ Anthony looked at me with interest. ‘You never told me that.’

  ‘I probably couldn’t ride a horse now. I was about ten the last time I rode one. And I’m sure you must have seen photos of me on a pony. Mum made you look through all our photo albums.’

  Anthony laughed. ‘Oh, well, I must have forgotten.’

  The wind blew a strand of hair across my face and I pushed it away. ‘I don’t blame you. You had to plough through loads of them. It must have been so boring.’

  ‘Not at all!’ Anthony looked at me in surprise. ‘I loved your parents, you know that.’

  Ha! Loved? Loved my parents, maybe, but certainly not me. I swallowed hard and kept my eyes on the lambs jumping around in the grass while their mother grazed placidly nearby.

  ‘I’m cold,’ Charlie complained. ‘Can we go back now?’

  ‘Okay.’ Anthony took his hand and held his other one out to Grace.

  ‘I don’t want to go back now!’ she complained. ‘Can’t Auntie Rachel stay with me?’

  ‘No, I think we must go back now, Grace. We can come and say hello to the lambs later on if you like?’

  ‘Okay.’ Relenting, she jumped down from the fence and took Anthony’s hand before reaching for mine with her other hand. My heart swelled as I felt her little fingers wrap around my own. ‘We haven’t seen you for ages. Where have you been? Have you been to hospital like Uncle Anthony?’

  ‘Me? No. Oh, no, I’m not allowed in the hospital, am I, Uncle Anthony?’ I said sweetly.

  ‘Why not?’ Grace demanded. ‘Everyone’s allowed in hospital, aren’t they?’

  ‘Of course she is, Grace. Auntie Rachel’s only joking. And she hasn’t been in the hospital, she’s been busy running her flower shop in Chester and getting on with her lovely, happy life. Right, who wants a race? Last one back at the house is a rotten egg.’ Scooping Charlie up, Anthony ran off up ahead while Grace sprinted after them, complaining loudly that it wasn’t fair on her if Charlie got carried everywhere like a big baby. I lagged behind, not sure I should be racing back to the house with my ex-boyfriend. When they got closer, Anthony slowed down, letting Grace catch up and then win.

  ‘Ha ha! You two are the rotten eggs!’ Grace screamed triumphantly.

  ‘No, we’re not.’ Anthony stopped and looked back at me. ‘Old Auntie Rachel’s the rotten egg. Look how far behind she is! Come on, slow coach!’

  ‘Well, that’s a charming way to treat a guest,’ I said, mock serious, as I caught up with them. ‘Surely I should be exempt from being a rotten egg.’

  ‘No. You don’t get special treatment. And you’re an even smellier rotten egg because you didn’t even try.’

  ‘Oh, right. Thanks.’

  ‘You’re welcome.’

  Grace smiled up at me and took my hand. ‘Next time you can hold my hand and we’ll run together.’

  ‘Okay, Grace. Thank you.’

  We rounded the corner of the house and Anthony opened the back door to let the children inside. I went to step inside too, but he put a hand out to stop me and closed the door on us, keeping me outside. I looked up at him, surprised by the serious look on his face.

  ‘Why did you do that?’

  ‘What?’ I blinked, confused.

  ‘Have a dig at me in front of the kids about the hospital. Don’t bring them into it.’

  ‘Oh.’ I felt winded all of a sudden, a hollow feeling in my gut. He was right, of course. It was hardly the time to bring that up. ‘I’m sorry. It was just a throwaway comment and I really didn’t think.’

  He blinked, obviously still annoyed. ‘It’s obviously on your mind if it just came out like that.’

  I felt my cheeks flush. ‘Well…’

  ‘Do you want to talk about it?’

  Laughter floated out of the kitchen window and I heard Charlie’s voice asking for some cake. ‘I guess it just still hurts that you shut me out like that.’

  He sighed. ‘I know I hurt you and I’m sorry. It’s not my proudest moment, but it was a dark time for me. I didn’t know if I’d ever walk again and I thought my life was over. You can’t imagine how low I felt. I hated life and I hated everyone around me. I didn’t want to inflict that on you.’

  I dropped my gaze to the floor and nodded. I wanted to tell him that the heartbreak and suffering he’d inflicted had been much worse than that. ‘I never thought it would be easy, but I would have stuck by you and supported you because that’s what you do when you lo—’ I stopped abruptly. ‘I just wanted to be there for you. It was horrible getting the news about your accident and I was so relieved when they said you were going to pull through and survive. But when you stopped me from coming, it was almost like you’d died. I don’t know. It’s hard to explain, but it was like one day we were happy and together, and the next you were hurt and I wasn’t allowed to see you.’ Tears burned behind my eyes at the memory and I dropped my gaze to the flagstone step. I rubbed my tingling nose hard and sucked in a deep breath. ‘Still, that’s in the past now,’ I said, mak
ing my voice sound stronger and more cheerful. ‘You’re fully recovered and that’s all that matters. It’s lovely to see you looking so well.’

  He scratched his head. ‘You have every right to be angry with me about what happened, Rachel. I’m so sorry. If I could change things, I would. But like I said, I was in a bad place and I didn’t want to inflict that on you.’ He smiled sadly and I tried to smile back, but it wobbled and twisted on my face. A cool breeze stirred my hair, bringing with it the scent of hyacinths from a nearby tub. More laughter from inside drowned out the birdsong from a nearby tree.

  ‘Well, it’s done now. Shall we go in then?’

  He nodded and went to open the door, but before he could do so the handle turned and Elena and Daniel appeared.

  ‘We’d better be going, Rachel,’ Elena said, her eyes flicking curiously between me and Anthony. ‘Mum’s making us a Sunday roast and I told her we’d be back by four.’

  ‘Okay, then.’ A mixture of relief and regret flowed through me and I braced myself to leave Anthony once more. Cath came out and hugged me.

  ‘Bye, Rachel. Hope to see you soon.’

  ‘Yes, lovely to see you again, Cath. Bye, Liz. Bye, Julian.’

  To a chorus of goodbyes and lots of cheerful waving, we walked back around the side of the house to Daniel’s truck.

  ‘Wow! Aren’t they lovely!’ Daniel said, as soon as we were out of earshot. ‘It was like leaving family or something. I expected them to be all snobby and snooty, but they’re seriously lovely people.’

  ‘They are,’ Elena agreed happily. ‘And the house is just perfect.’ She turned back to look at it and sighed happily. ‘I feel like this is all a dream and I’ll wake up and it won’t be real at all.’

  There was a general air of happy excitement in the truck on the way back to Chester. Elena phoned her mum to tell her what had been decided, while Daniel sang along with the radio, one elbow sticking out of his window. I sat in the back thinking about Anthony. I hated that he’d felt so low while he was in hospital. It was horrible to imagine him lying there in a black pit of despair.

  ‘Are you okay?’ Elena asked, turning to look at me as she ended the phone call to her mother. ‘What were you and Anthony talking about?’

  ‘He was just explaining about the hospital thing.’

  ‘What did he say?’

  ‘Just that he felt so depressed and low he didn’t want to see anyone really.’

  ‘And what about your feelings? Didn’t they matter?’

  I sighed unhappily. ‘I don’t think he was capable of thinking about anything but what he was going through.’

  ‘Well, you deserved more than to be cast aside like that.’

  ‘I suppose at least I got an explanation. It doesn’t matter any more. What’s done is done. So, tell me about the vicar. Was he nice?’

  And that was all I needed to say to turn the conversation back to the wedding. By the time they dropped me off at my little house in Chester, even I was feeling excited about their wedding plans.

  Chapter Six

  My house felt cold and empty after sitting in the warm, happy kitchen at Willow Hall. It was still bright outside, but the sun had moved around the side of the house so that my kitchen and living room were full of shadows. With shaking hands, I filled the kettle at the sink and leaned against the counter to wait for it to boil.

  I’d been eager to get home before so I could have good cry, but now I was here I just felt kind of hollow. My bones itched with discontent and the thought of sitting inside for the rest of the afternoon when it was so lovely and sunny outside made me want to scream. But where would I go? The riverside was full of couples and families walking hand in hand. I didn’t want to go down there on my own.

  The kettle boiled and I made the tea, then went outside to sit in the small patch of sun that still reached the end of my scrubby back garden. I was a little embarrassed by the state of it really. It wasn’t the kind of garden you’d expect a florist to have. Just a small patch of scrubby grass and a ramshackle shed filled with long since abandoned terracotta pots, unplanted bulbs and my grandfather’s ancient gardening tools. There was a hoe in there that was older than me. There was also a large quota of spiders, both dead and alive, that filled me with fear. When I’d first inherited the house from my grandmother, I’d had big plans for this garden. In the first year, I’d planted up pots and pots of flowers and had them lined up all around the garden. That was five years ago now, and though I kept a pot of flowers by the front door, the only flowers in the back garden were a cluster of brave primroses that came up year after year.

  Even the bench I was sitting on was half-rotten.

  A robin landed on the fence and looked at me with beady eyes, as though wondering what I was doing in his territory. I couldn’t blame him. It was rare for me to sit in the garden. Maybe it was time to spend more time out here and try harder to improve things. Trim the grass and plant some flowers. Lay some roots.

  Tipping my head back, I lifted my face to the sun and closed my eyes. Images of Anthony crowded my mind. I could still see him with Charlie on his shoulders, could still hear his voice in my head. There was no getting away from him now Elena’s wedding was moving to Willow Hall.

  The doorbell rang and the robin flew off. Who could that be? Could it be Anthony? No, of course it wouldn’t be Anthony! I was annoyed with myself for even thinking it. But my hands still trembled as I reached for the door catch.

  ‘Hello, Rachel.’

  It was only my parents. ‘Hello! What are you doing here? Are you out for a walk?’

  ‘No, we’ve come to talk to you about the shop.’ Dad stepped into my hallway, wiping his feet on the mat.

  ‘That sounds ominous,’ I said as he kissed me on the cheek. Mum stepped in behind him and I kissed her too before shutting the front door. ‘Have you been going through the accounts?’ My legs had gone rubbery with fear.

  ‘Yes.’ Dad sat down heavily on the settee and set down a blue foolscap file on my coffee table. ‘It’s not good news, I’m afraid.’

  ‘Oh, no, really?’ I said, dismayed. I sat down on the armchair and stared at my parents. Mum looked sad and anxious, dark circles beneath her pale-blue eyes.

  Dad peered at me from over his glasses. ‘Well, we’re doing okay, but we’re not doing great. You remember we talked about this before?’

  ‘Yes, of course. I know the number of people that actually come in and buy flowers has fallen off dramatically. But won’t the wedding and Internet orders cover the shortfall?’

  ‘Not really, love. They’re still not enough to cover the running of the shop. With the business rates, and energy bills, and your and Bobbi’s wages we’re only just breaking even. We can’t afford to keep the shop open for sentimental reasons. I really feel like it’s time to call it a day.’

  I stared at him sadly, hardly daring to believe my own ears. It wasn’t a complete surprise, of course. We’d talked about it and I wasn’t a fool. Customer footfall had fallen sharply in the past year, and had got even worse since Christmas, so I knew it wasn’t good. Dad was right: we couldn’t afford to keep the shop open for sentimental reasons. The overheads were too great.

  It still hurt, though.

  ‘I know it’s sad, love. Your mum’s upset too. We have a lot of memories wrapped up in that shop. But at the end of the day, it’s just a building, and if it’s not working for us any more we have to let it go. I really feel like it’s at the wrong end of the city centre, away from all the main shops and the places most people go.’

  ‘So are you saying move closer to the city centre?’

  ‘No, it’s not worth the risk. I’m saying, find somewhere cheaper and build up the Internet business. Keep doing the weddings. Run flower-arranging workshops. You love doing them, don’t you?’

  I nodded, my hand over my mouth, trying to control my emotions. Mum looked distraught. How was I going to tell Bobbi?

  ‘When do we close?’

  Dad
sighed. ‘Well, I say we start looking for cheaper premises now.’

  I nodded. He was right, but it still seemed inconceivable that we were going to lose the shop. It was part of our family history. Our little empire. Some of my earliest memories were in that shop, playing with my dolls in the back while my mum served customers in the front, or making up my own little bouquets from offcuts of flowers. And now it had been passed to me and I’d lost it.

  ‘Don’t feel bad,’ my mum said, reaching for my hand as though she knew what I was thinking. ‘It’s not your fault, it’s just the way things are now. The shop’s getting more and more expensive to run. We’d need to increase our prices drastically to survive, but then we’d price ourselves out of the market.’

  I nodded. I understood perfectly but it was still devastating.

  Mum made us all a cup of tea and we went through the accounts together. I looked and listened and nodded but said very little. There wasn’t anything to say. We were losing the shop.

  Mum patted my hand. ‘Don’t worry, love. We’ll find somewhere else and you can make it just as nice.’

  ‘But we have so many memories wrapped up in that place.’

  ‘Nothing can take those away, can it? They’re our memories and we can make more new ones somewhere else. Look at this as an opportunity, not a disaster. A fresh start. You could rebrand and put more of your own stamp on it. Change the name. Call it Rachel’s or whatever you like. You needn’t stick with The Birdcage.’

  ‘I like The Birdcage. We’ll need to keep our brand for continuity.’

  ‘Well, that’s your choice. There’s plenty of time to think it over.’

  Was there time? It didn’t seem like it to me. It felt like time, along with everything else in my life, was trickling through my fingers.

  ‘Anyway, let’s not dwell on this. Let’s go and get a carvery from somewhere,’ Dad said, placing the accounts back into the folder.

  ‘Oh, I don’t know, Dad. I think I’ll just go to bed.’